


We Were Angels Once

by knifelesbian



Series: There Will Be Sun [1]
Category: Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: (One Sided) Enemies To Friends To Lovers, F/F, F/M, Halloween ;), Normal AU (sort of), Sharing a Bed, Theatre AU, additionally: No Straights Allowed, alllll the fic tropes. all of em, also while we're at it, and by sort of I mean Amy still kicked it :(, aright lads buckle up and get comfortable because this. is. long., because Victor Stein is a piece of shit, but she's there in presence so it's okay, coming out arc, now to the good stuff:, speaking of, the slowest of slow burns, tw: child abuse, tw: minor character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-14 18:57:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 140,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16046567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knifelesbian/pseuds/knifelesbian
Summary: When Chase is unexpectedly thrown back in with his old crowd, he finds himself wishing he'd never left them in the first place. At least then most of them wouldn't hate his guts. But because of a well deserved broken nose, some accidental property damage, and a school board mandated contract, sealing his fate with the drama club until the end of the year, they're stuck with him. No one hates this fact more than Gert, who still despises Chase for abandoning them after the death of their friend, right when they needed him most. Or, at least, that's what she tells herself.





	1. Act One: Autumn

**Author's Note:**

> reacqaintance: to meet again, at times in strange, unwanted circumstances.

 

Gert Yorkes is having a bad day.

She woke up late, and then her car broke down halfway to school, so she had to call her mechanic, Sam, to tow it, and then she had to call a Lyft to pick her up, and that took about twenty minutes to get there, so she arrived to school having missed first period. And during this whole ordeal, it was pouring rain. So yeah, her day hasn't been the greatest.

She changes into the change of clothes she has in her shoebox she calls an office in the auditorium, a cleared out supply closet Ms. Hinchey, the drama teacher, told her she could use last year when she noticed how many notes Gert always had for their shows, and just managing everything in general. Stage managing is hard work, she doesn't know how Amy did it without wanting to tear her hair out. Amy was always like that, though, before she passed. Nothing rattled her.

Her office isn't that small, not really, it fits a desk and a good few square feet of standing space, and there's room for her guitar for when she has to teach a lesson right after school and can't make it back home. But most of the shelves are full, mostly of old notes from the shows they've done, and she should really clean them out soon if she wants to have enough room for their show this year. They're only a few weeks into the school year, so they haven't decided what they're doing yet, jut narrowed it down to about five different shows, which doesn't help much.

She rolls up to science class a few minutes late in an old sweater with what is probably a coffee stain on the wrist and that one pair of jeans Nico doodles on whenever she wears them, still in the midst of finishing the final braid out of two- Gert rarely wears her hair down anymore. She plops down in the back next to Karolina, who asks where the hell she's been before she even sits down.

"Roberta broke down again and I had to call my mechanic, and then the taxi I called took forever and I got soaked, so I had to go change in my office."

"Oh, you mean your little mouse hole?" Karolina teases.

"Hey, just because you're a giant and can't stand in there, doesn't mean it's not big enough for me."

"Yeah, but you're, like, minuscule."

"Ladies, pay attention, please." Mr. Woodland says, and they both squeak out their apologies.

Karolina, though they had never been close when they were kids, is pretty much her best friend. After Amy died in that car crash, it was really hard for the six of them to talk to each other. Surprisingly, Karolina and Gert became friends again first. Gert was picking up where Amy left off in the stage manager position, and Karolina had decided she wanted to follow in her father's footsteps and become an actor. And soon, Karolina was dragging Nico out of her hidey hole and making her paint sets, and Nico could never say no to Karolina. Then Gert talked Alex into joining tech crew, and he wanted his friends back anyway, so it was pretty easy.

But He Who Gert Won't Speak Of just wouldn't come back to them. He'd fallen too deep into his dumb jock persona, and no matter how many times Gert handed him flyers or asked if he wanted to hang out or invited him to their get-togethers, he never showed. And so she lost her best friend. Whatever. He's dead to her now.

At lunch, she heads immediately to the auditorium to see if her and Alex can fix the one speaker that's been cutting out lately.

"Hey, did you hear that the guys who got into that fight are coming back today?" Alex asks as he unscrews the cover to the mess of wires that make this work.

"Oh, great, the return of the LAX bros. I'm sooo excited." She says sarcastically, and Alex barks out a laugh.

"That sounds like a shitty horror movie title, Evil Jock 2: Return of the LAX bros." He says, and his shoulder brushes against hers as he pulls out a shoddy wire and showing it to her like  _ ha, found the problem.  _ The proud look on his face is kind of cute, Gert won't lie.

"I'd legit go see that movie. Can't take you, though, you'd just have your eyes squeezed shut and ears plugged the whole time like on Saturday." Molly dragged them all to see  _ It _ last week, and Alex was scared out of his mind from the title card to the end credits.

"Hey, that's not fair, clowns are freaky as fuck, not all of us can look at Bill Monstrosity Skarsgard in the full clown fit and laugh. You're literally the 'look into the void and laugh' meme, you have no fear." Alex doesn't know what a meme is, but that's okay, it's endearing.

"I have some fears, they just spring from my own head instead of like, clowns or dogs or some shit. Oh, is it working now?" She asks as Alex plugs in a new red cord.

"Let's see," He stands, stepping over one of the freshman as he grabs a microphone, "Test, one, two, three."

The speaker works, and at least six people spread across the theatre sing,  _ "Anything but that,"  _ in their best impression of Mark Cohen.

"Okay, it seems like it's working." He says to her. They both pull out their lunches and sit down on the edge of the stage, chatting as they wait for Karolina and Nico. Molly might stop by, but she's kind of already found a crew of freshmen in the drama club to hang around with, so it's hit or miss.

"So, has Mrs. Hinchey picked this year's show yet?"

"Ugh, don't even get me started, you know how indecisive she is. I'm pushing for Once Upon A Mattress, but she keeps saying," she affects her honestly spot on impression of her and says, "oh, I just think we should let it sit before we decide," she changes her voice back to say, "which is just so annoying, so I think I'm going to do a club wide vote today."

"Oh, because that will go over so well. You know how bad Victor wants to do Heathers."

"Victor's out to fucking lunch if he thinks the school board would let us do Heathers." She takes a sip of her water, then realizes Alex isn't paying attention to her anymore. He's staring at Nico, who's just walked into the auditorium, with that dumb lovesick look in his eyes. She sighs involuntarily as she watches him greet her with a big wave and a warm smile, half because she knows Nico doesn't like him back, and half because Gert has an elephant sized crush on him, and it's like he doesn't even see her. If she were a superhero she'd be the Invisible Girl.

"Hey, guys, is Karolina here yet?" Nico says as she jumps up on the edge of the stage and pulls out her lunch, which looks gourmet, as always. The perks of being super rich and having an at home chef. Gert looks down at her peanut butter and jelly sandwich in defeat.

"Nah, she had to talk to Mrs. Eller about her History grade. I like your earrings, by the way, are they new?" She really does like her earrings, but she also said it to spite Alex, who clearly had been about to compliment her on them.

Nico rubs one of them, the black feather bending with her touch. "No, I made them. Hey, do you think Karolina would want a pair?" Gert thinks that Nico might have a crush on Karolina, just from how much she talks about her, but Gert won't say anything. She wants to let this develop.

"No, she has that allergy, remember?"

Karolina jumps up on the stage next to her and asks, "Who does?" Frightening the life out of Gert.

"Thanks for the heart attack, Glinda. And we're talking about your feather allergy."

"Okay, Elphaba." They've been calling each other that since Eiffel pointed out the similarity last year. She was doing it to be mean, but they just thought it was cute. Eiffel, unfortunately, is actually a decent actress, so she usually gets pretty big parts in shows, even if Gert personally finds her voice kind of grating.

"Hey, boss, any news on what show we're doing this year?" Nico asks, and Gert blows out a breath.

"I'm doing a vote at the meeting today. And don't call me that, I'm not the boss."

"Except that you are."

Okay, she's kind of the boss. She organizes practically the entire show every year, everything always goes through her first, people ask for her permission to do things instead of Mrs. Hinchey, and usually she can grant it. She memorizes the whole show so she can help everyone through it, she does her own choreography (although usually Molly helps with that) and helps with almost everything, from sets to vocal training. It's tiring, but it's also very fulfilling. She doesn't know what she's going to do in two years when she goes off to university.

"Yeah, okay, fine. Hey, do you know where my megaphone is? It disappeared a few days ago, and I just know I'm gonna need it to get everyone in line today."

"I think I saw one of Molly's friends fucking with it earlier."

She hops off the stage and goes to find Molly in the loft above the storage room where all the ninth graders hang out. She climbs the shaky ladder, mentally making a note to buy a new one from the hardware store so nobody gets a leg broken, and pops her head into the loft.

"Yo, Molls, do you have my megaphone?" She asks loudly, ignoring the kids who greet her as soon as they see her signature purple hair. One thing she can't decide her opinion on about going to a rich kid L.A. school is that she's the only one with her hair colour, so she's pretty recognizable.

Molly sees her and her hand- that is definitely holding her fucking megaphone- shoots behind her back. She squeaks out a, "Nope!" that definitely doesn't sound guilty  _ at all. _

"Come on, kid, I need it for the meeting today, give it back." She stretches an arm towards her, but Molly scoots back out of her reach. The loft is about the size of a kindergarten classroom, she doesn't understand why anyone would eat here, but it's sort of a secret tradition. She used to do it when she was Molly's age.

"Don't call me kid and we can negotiate." Molly says huffily, crossing her arms, the megaphone stuck between her back and the wall.

She sighs and turns to Mateo, one of Molly's friends and a very impressionable young man who is _ terrified _ of Gert.

"Hey, get me that megaphone." She says to him, and Molly scrambles to keep it out of his reach, but he grabs it from her and tosses it to Gert.

"Thanks, man. And I will stop calling you kid when you stop stealing my stuff, which will never happen, so I guess you're stuck with it. Laters!" She makes her way down the ladder before Molly can yell at her, but Gert catches her sticking out her tongue at her.

She twirls the megaphone then clips it back on her belt like a gunslinger as she walks back to the group, which is probably ridiculously lame, but it makes her friends laugh, so that's what's important.

~~~~~

Chase would like to say that he is sorry for breaking Lucas's arm, but he can't say he is. Lucas deserved it, for what he tried to do to that girl, and honestly, he should've known better than try to weasel an apology out of Chase at school. And so what if he broke an attempted rapist's arm, so what if he majorly dented some lockers in the process?

But that's not what the school thinks. The school thinks he was 'unnecessarily violent' and that 'there were better ways to deal with the problem', which Chase thinks is so fucked up, but it doesn't matter what he thinks. What matters is now he's off the team (which he honestly would have quit anyways), suspended for three days, and has to do a year of school-connected community service. It was either janitorial services, filing, or aiding the theatre program. Can you guess which one he chose?

The theatre program won't be so bad. He has to drop his Nutrition class, which was a total blow-off, anyways, and start taking Drama, and getting caught up might be a pain, but he's sure it will be fine. And he has to help with the musical this year, though the principal said that's up to the drama teacher, Ms. Hinchey, and the stage manager to decide what that means. Now he just has to, you know, find one of them. That's going to be kind of hard considering Ms. Hinchey is notoriously flighty, and he doesn't even know who the stage manager  _ is. _

The entire day until he's supposed to go to the drama club meeting consists of shrinking into his chair and glaring at anyone who glares at him first. He kind of wishes his suspension was pushed for a few more days, but of course he's not that lucky.

Once the bell rings, he makes his way to the auditorium, the paper the stage manager needs to sign clutched in his hand. He found Ms. Hinchey earlier, explaining the situation as vaguely as possible and getting her to sign it, not that she really had a choice, it's already been decided by the school and his hotshot big name father. Victor Stein may be a piece of shit, but his influence did make Lucas not press charges.

He stands in front of the door to the auditorium, gathering the courage to walk in there. It's stupid that he's nervous, but he does have to spend the whole year with these people.

He pushes the door open, and is almost bowled over from a barrage of  _ noise.  _ There's at least a dozen people singing, each a different song, and the layering of it just gives off a general feeling of chaos. On top of that, there's a group of kids playing what looks like a very dangerous game of tag that involves charging at each other and knocking people to the floor, there's a dramatic lightsaber fight onstage, using brooms in place of lightsabers.

He climbs the stairs to the stage and approaches the first person who looks safe, a blonde girl with her back to him looking over notes at a dusty piano. He taps her shoulder and oh, shit, it's Karolina. Fuck. If he knew any one of his old friends would be here, he would have picked helping the janitor, but there's no getting out of it now. And now that he's looking around, he spots the rest of the group, Nico painting her nails on the edge of the stage, Alex knelt in front of a speaker and cursing at it, and Molly a part of the game of tag he noticed earlier. He just thanks every god out there that Gert isn't here. She absolutely despises him, and while it's warranted, and everything, seeing Gert and the wave of guilt that comes with her would just make today extra awful.

"Chase? Hi? Uh, what are you doing here?" He's glad that, at the very least, it's Karolina he came across first.

"I'm joining drama club." Best not to go into the whole 'I broke an attempted rapist's arm and I'm being punished for it because the school board is stupid' thing right now.

"Oh, are you?" Her eye twitches. Uh-oh, that's not good. An eye twitch with Karolina usually means she is Not Happy and hiding it. Or, that's what it used to mean.

"Yeah, I need to see the stage manager, actually, whoever they are needs to sign my papers."

Her eyebrows crease in confusion, but she says, "She's in her office, it's backstage and has a plaque on it that says 'The Boss', you can't miss it." He thanks her and heads in the direction she's pointing, but he can't help but think he hears her mumble, "This will go over well."

~~~~~

Gert is getting a head start on her English homework in her office when there's a knock on the door.

"Door's open!" She says, head still down as she writes her essay.

~~~~~

Chase pushes the door open, praying that voice doesn't belong to who he think it does. He will literally, actually push himself off a cliff if it's who he thinks it is.

Oh, time to jump off Mount Diablo, because yep, there's Gert, purple head bowed as she works on something at her desk.

He really should have expected something this unlucky to happen to him, but he just can't catch a break, huh?

He knows why Gert hates him, and he also knows it's totally warranted and he has no room to be mad at her back. After what happened to Amy, he just wanted to not feel anything. It was easier, and the guys on the lacrosse team and the people who came with them gave him that out. And all his friends thought his old group was weird, so why shouldn't he? And being around them was easy, all he had to do was score and be attractive, there was no emotional requirement. Even if he wanted there to be one, even if he just wanted a real friend to talk to, sometimes.

"Hey, what do you need..................." Her voice trails off as she realizes who she's speaking to, speechless. Then she seems to remember herself, her eyes going hard and her shoulders tensing. "If you're looking for Eiffel, she's not here."

~~~~~

What the fuck is motherfucking Chase Stein doing in her auditorium?

"No, I'm not, uh, I'm not looking for Eiffel." He looks just as shook up as she feels. "I'm here to join the drama club, and, I, uh, I need your signature. Or, at least, I need the stage manager's signature. That's you, isn't it?" He looks scared, and as he fucking should. He should have been smart enough to not even step foot here, but, to be honest, he probably didn't even know she would be here. Somehow, that pisses her off more.

She stands and snatches the paper out of his hands, reading it over. She skims, but the gist is, 'Chase Stein will be part of the drama club and transfer to Drama class for the year, no take-backsies', which is just so fucking awesome, just fantastic.

"Right, because my day couldn't get any worse." She presses the sheet against the wall and signs the dotted line harshly, folding it sharply and handing it back without looking at him.

"That's a little mean, don't you think?" He says as he follows her out the door to the stage.

"Go fuck yourself. Also, don't follow me, you're not a dog." She walks over to Alex and crouches next to him, leaving Chase standing there looking lost.

"So, guess who's here."

"No one good, based on your voice- oh, shit, hey, Chase." Alex scrambles to stand, and Chase waves, but Gert elbows him before he can wave back. He turns to her and gives her a look that's clearly asking her what her deal is, but she raises her eyebrows pointedly and purses her lips, asking if he's kidding, because seriously? He sighs and flays his hands out trying to placate her, but she shakes her head and crosses her arms. He tilts his to the side and raises his eyebrows, but she just rolls her eyes at him.

~~~~~

Oh, so Gert and Alex still do that thing where they have a full conversation without saying one word? Okay, cool. Great.

~~~~~

She decides she's done with this and turns away from him, saying, "I'm doing roll call, give me a second."

"This isn't over."

"Shut! Okay, let's see how long this takes this time." she jumps up on a chair and unclips  her megaphone, yelling into it, "ROUGHNECKS!"

Everyone in the theatre does the weird grunt response that roughnecks entails, then shuts the fuck up.

"Okay, point of order! Roll call, new shit, then voting on what show we're doing this year." A few kids cheer at the last thing, and she hears someone groan out a  _ finally. _

She goes through attendance as fast as possible, then says, "Okay, first of all, we've got a new member, That's Chase Stein, step back you don't get to introduce yourself," she says as he'd stepped forward, inevitably to say something annoyingly charming and make at least half the troupe fall in love with him (actors are notoriously weak for jocks), "and second of all the next person who takes my guitar out of my office without asking is getting their ass beat, _ David _ ." Yesterday she'd left her office for two fucking minutes and came back and her custom painted decade old guitar was just _ missing _ . She found it not ten minutes later around David’s neck, him strumming at it like a fool, and he's lucky she didn't wring his neck right there.

"Sorry, boss!" He says, ruffling his curly hair and giving her a sheepish grin.

"Now, voting on our show this year. We've got it down to three musicals, so what we're gonna do is everyone is gonna close their eyes but me and I'll list off the names of the musicals, that good?" Everyone mumbles their agreement, and she says, "Okay, what we've got it down to is Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella, Shrek the Musical, and Once Upon A Mattress."

Everyone starts talking at once, debating this and that about each show, some complaining that the show they wanted isn't a choice. She clears her throat, trying to get everyone to shut up. No one does. She clears her throat again, louder and more pointed this time. No one notices.

She turns on the megaphone, yelling,  _ "SHUT UP!" _

The group stills, knowing that if even a word comes out of anyone's mouths right now she'll kick them out.

"Okay! Everybody shut your eyes." Once they've complied, she says, "First, Shrek. Who's up for it?" Three people raise their hands, and she tallies it in her notebook. "Next, Cinderella!" This one gets a larger turn out, but still not a huge amount, which leaves her hopeful that they'll do the one she wants. "And lastly, Once Upon A Mattress!" Half the troupe raise their hands, and she cheers internally. "Okay, you can open you eyes now. We're doing Once Upon A Mattress!"

~~~~~

Chase has missed being around Gert when she's happy. She gets a twinkle in her eye, and her hands clasp together, and her smile, damn. Bright enough to rival the fucking sun, if you ask him.

She turns to him and must see him smiling at her, because her happy demeanor dies painfully, and she flips him off.

She turns back to the group, pulling at the hem of her jean jacket, and says, "I need to go find Ms. Hinchey, Alex," she turns to Alex, who jumps a bit, "start up a game of zip zap zop while I'm gone, okay?" her voice goes kind of soft, and miles sweeter than it was before. Huh.

She disappears into the wings in a blur of purple curls, and Chase finds himself watching her go.

The group makes a big circle, and starts a game that Chase only kind of understands where they shoot finger guns in different directions. There's a lot of shouting, and weird dance moves, but it's kind of fun.

Gert comes back after a while, almost dragging Ms. Hinchey, who’s curly white-blonde hair is pulled into a messy ponytail. She informs them all that auditions will be held next Saturday, pulling him aside after to tell him that he has to at least try out, in accordance with his ‘contract’. That one slip of paper is causing a lot of problems for him today.

Later, after the meeting is over, he's waiting at the curb for his Lyft (he's been wrongfully banned from using any of the cars for the next month) when Gert comes to stand about ten feet away from him, clearly also waiting for a ride, and, based on her relaxed posture, she probably doesn't see him.

"Hey," he says, probably too loudly, because he's one awkward son of a gun who doesn't know when to quit.

".........Hi." she rocks on her heels, and her mouth purses.

"Waiting for a ride?" Oh, God, what the fuck is he doing. Why can't he stop talking?

"No, I'm just going to stand here until school starts tomorrow."

"Right. Um-"

"Chase." She interrupts, her hands tightening on the strap of her bag. "Full offense, I don't want to talk to you, and I don't want to be friends. You made your bed, now lie in it."

She doesn't look at him, which is fair, really. Everything she's saying is fair. Chase ignored her, let his friends say mean shit to her, probably put her through a fucking ordeal after Amy, all of which he feels tremendously guilty about, but that doesn't make it better. She's right. He brought this on, and now he has to live with it, no matter how much he wants to just be friends again.

"You're right, you're right. I just want you to know, though..................................I'm really sorry, for the shit I've put you though. I know it wasn't fair. I'm not, like, asking for forgiveness, or whatever, because I know that's bullshit, but...........I really am sorry."

"I don't care how fucking sorry you are. If you were really sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place."

~~~~~

Gert turns and starts walking, doesn't stop until she's around the corner and out of his sight line, then sits on the curb and lets the tears fall.

She hates that he still has any effect on her, hates that he can still fucking do this to her, honestly, it shouldn't be allowed. Someone in the universe should put some fucking blockers on her Chase related emotions, seriously.

She covers her face with her hands, rubbing at her eyes, when she hears footsteps. If it's Chase she is literally going to butcher him.

"Gert? Are you okay?" Oh. It's Alex. Well, that's unexpected.

"No, yeah, I'm," she swallows a sob, then continues, "I'm fine."

"Really?" He asks, sitting next to her on the curb. "Because you don't look fine."

"I hate him so fucking much." She says, wiping at her eyes again to get rid of these stupid fucking tears.

Alex puts his arm around her shoulders to comfort her, and, trying not to read into it, she leans into him. "Who?"

_ "Chase _ . He doesn't get to come back here after two fucking years all apologetic, I won't let him. It's not  _ fair. _ I was doing absolutely fine, and then he shows up again like it's nothing, and fuck, I'm just so pissed. Who gave him the right?"

"The school board, I think." He jokes, trying to comfort her, and he's got on one of those warm smiles of his that always make her feel melty.

"Yeah, I guess. I just...................I don't get it. Why me, why today, why, why, why, why, why, why, why-"

"Let me guess. Why?"

She laughs wetly, then says, "Yeah, that."

It occurs to her how close they are right now, and if she really wanted to, she could just kiss him. But it would probably be a bit too much of an emotional overload, at least today, anyways.

"Do you want a hug?" Alex asks, and she nods, wrapping her arms around his middle. He smells like laundry detergent and Old Spice, and as he rubs his hand up and down her back, she feels herself calming down.

“Listen, you are totally right to be mad. Chase was an asshole. But…..I do think there should be a bit of lenience there. Just…..see what happens, okay?"

She pulls back and gives him a look, and he sighs. "Look, I know you're set on being pissed, and you're totally right to be. But come on, wouldn't it be great to have the whole gang back together?"

"Can I get a lecture on the importance of friendship literally any other day, please?" Her voice comes out more tired than she means for it to. "I have had the most sucky day possible, give me a break."

His eyes soften. "Yeah, Gert, you're right, another time." Shit, did she just prematurely set herself up for a lecture? "Now, come on, I told you I'd give you a ride, didn't I?"

He stands, and holds out a hand to help her up. She hesitates to take it, then wraps her hand around his and stands. He squeezes once, then lets go, and Gert's heart flutters.

"So, how long until Roberta's out of the shop?" Alex asks as they start walking in the direction of his car. When she'd told him earlier that day what happened to her car that morning, he'd immediately offered to give her a ride, which Gert is going to take as a good sign, even if she's probably reading into it too much.

"Ugh, Sam said it's going to be at least three weeks, which is shit because it means I have to use my next few paychecks to pay for rides to and from school, I wish the bus came even close to my neighbourhood, Jesus."

"I can..........I can drive you. If you want." He fidgets with his phone like he always does when he's nervous, though she doesn't know why he would be.

She lights up, grabbing his arm in excitement. "Really? That would be so great!" Well, that's a huge weight off her shoulders. And now she can put a bit more cash into her college fund, so that's great.

"Yeah, I can- I can totally do that."

"Great, awesome. Hey, have you seen Molly? She had to ask Ms. Hinchey something and said she'd meet us at the car, but.........."

"Yeah, she's at the car right now. Actually, we'd been waiting for you, and I came to come find you."

"Oh, shit, really, I thought you were pulling up to the curb. I'm so fucking stupid sometimes, sorry."

"No, it's okay. Bet you were kind of frazzled today, huh, with He Who Must Not Be Named showing up." Okay, that's fair.

"Yeah, I guess. It was kind of like seeing a ghost, you know? He never talks to me anymore, I feel really................" Weird. Shook up. Heartbroken, all over again. Christ, she just wants this day to be over.

They reach the car and pile in, Molly begrudgingly going to sit in the back. Alex turns on the speaker, and-

_ "Bop, bop, bop, bop to the top! Slip and slide and ride that-" _

"Okay," Alex says, startled, as he turns it off, "That's enough of that!"

Gert and Molly burst into giggles, and Alex looks embarrassed as hell. He looks at her, wide eyed and blushing, and Gert starts to feel a little better.

~~~~~

Chase is nervous. It's his first day in Drama class, and before, it hadn't seemed like a big deal. But now, with all his ex-friends that he practically abandoned in the same class, it's a bit more of a stressor.

He's early, so when he walks into the classroom he grabs a seat at the edge of the circle of chairs, trying his best to make himself smaller as kids slowly file in. It doesn't work, of course, because he's a goddamn giant and too noticeable for his own good.

As his old friends walk into the room, he gets a variety of reactions. Alex gives him a quick smile, Karolina nods at him uncomfortably, and Nico rolls her eyes. Gert isn't with them, and he doesn't know whether to feel sad or relieved.

"Hi, you're Chase, right?" A lanky guy with tan skin and dark hair asks as he sits down next to Chase. "I'm Victor." he sticks out his hand, and Chase shakes it hesitantly.

"I'm Chase."

"Yes, I know." he doesn't know why that makes his palms sweaty. Well, he does. But he's never ever going to acknowledge it, so.

Victor smiles lopsidedly, and he hates himself for the way his heartbeat speeds up.

"So, what are your thoughts on the choice for the school musical? I was really hoping for Heathers this year, but it is what it is."

"Um, I'd never actually heard of Once Upon A Mattress before the meeting. I'm not really..........in the know, so to speak." He'd looked it up, but all he'd found was something about Sarah Jessica Parker? He thinks she was in Sex and The City, but he's not sure. His mother hasn't watched that show in years.

"Oh, well, I can be your guide." He wiggles his shoulders and sings,  _ "I can show you the world-"  _ He stops singing and flinches as a paper ball gets thrown his way, but Chase grabs it out of the air before it can hit him.

He presents it to him with a smile, and Victor laughs. "Man, gotta love jocks."

"Thanks?"

"You're welcome. Oh, so you are showing up today!" He's addressing someone entering the room five minutes after the bell has gone, and, oh, it's Gert.

"Fuck off, Vicky, I was talking to a teacher." she looks around for a spot to sit, but the only empty seat is.........right next to Chase. She looks at the chair in contempt, then sits down, scooting it as far away as possible. Throughout this whole ordeal, she doesn't even glance at him, and Chase tries his best to ignore her presence because he doesn't want to upset her again by opening his stupid mouth, which he will do if he so much as acknowledges her (beautiful, intoxicating) existence. Because he's an idiot.

She sits with her arms crossed, and he very carefully avoids looking at her, because if he doesn't he's pretty sure the minute she looked back he'd be on his knees begging for forgiveness. He won't, though, because he knows it wouldn't work, if he wants her to be at least neutral to him again he has to show her that he's Changed His Ways. And besides, Gert would probably just kick him in the balls while he was down there.

His arm brushes against hers, and she flinches. "Sorry," he says reflexively, and her mouth purses.

"It's fine."

~~~~~

It is Not Fine.

If this were a musical, which it is not, the rest of the cast would freeze, and the stage would go dark except for a spotlight on Gert as she sang about just how much she hates Chase. It would be an angry song, heart-wrenching, and probably make a few of the audience members with a lot of blind hate in their souls relate a little too much.

But, again, life isn't a musical starring her. So she just sits there and stews, crossing her arms and looking resolutely away from Chase.

"Helloooo, lovelies," Mrs. Hinchey says as she glides into the room with a stack of papers in her arms. "Sorry I'm late, had to pick up a cup of my morning joe!" It is to be noted that Mrs. Hinchey is not holding coffee.

She drops the stack of papers in Gert's lap and starts gesticulating as she speaks. "Now, as some of you may know, we have a brand new student joining us today-"

"He's been in this school system since kindergarten, Ms. Hinchey," Gert interrupts as she starts sorting through the papers and separating them into two piles in her lap.

"Well, dear, I meant new to our class. Anywhoozles, Mr. Stein, please stand and introduce yourself."

~~~~~

Chase stands awkwardly, tapping his thighs nervously as he says, "Um, hi. I'm Chase."

"No, dear, tell us about yourself!" Mrs. Hinchey is a very dramatic person, and it shows in the way she gestures wildly as she talks.

"Uhh...."

Victor flicks the back of his knee and whispers, "All she wants is your favourite hobby and which musicals you like."

"Oh, okay. Um, I like........." _ Engineering. Robots. Science _ . "Sports. Lacrosse, I guess. And, uh, I liked Newsies. And Wicked was cool." He hears Gert puff out a  _ "Basic," _ and sees a few people around the room roll their eyes. Wait, what's wrong with Wicked and Newsies?

While Mrs. Hinchey rambles on about her weekend plans, Chase sits down again and asks Victor that very same question.

"They're just kind of overplayed, dude. Like, they're really good, and everything, I mean, the boss even got nicknamed Elphaba, but you know. It's kind of like, um, what's a straight boy reference you'll understand? Oh, it's like getting asked what your favourite type of car is and saying the Ferrari."

"Ferrari's are cool."

"Yeah, but if you go into a room full of dudes with a boner for luxury cars and say, 'I like red Ferrari's', you're bound to get a few weird looks. Here, give me your number, I'll send you a few recommendations." He stretches out a hand, and Chase wills his heartbeat to slow as he clumsily yanks his phone out of his pocket and gives it to him. He plugs in his number, then takes a selfie for his profile photo. He hands it back, and of course Victor's the type of person who can take a one off selfie and still look good as hell. He hands Chase back his phone, and he pockets it.

"Now, enough about me, let's get onto talking about auditions. Remember to be original with your song choices, and to have the monologue memorized. If you don't have a copy already it's on the website- where's Eiffel?"

"She's late because she wanted iced coffee before school again. Don't worry, she'll be here in three, two, one-"

Gert is interrupted by Eiffel walking through the door, iced coffee in hand, and saying, "Sorry I'm late!"

Victor reaches across Chase to ask, "Did she text you or something?"

"When has Heather ever willingly talked to me? I just knew, dude. It's the only reason she's ever late." She's still organizing the papers, though Chase doesn't know what her method is because it looks like she's just reshuffling them over and over.

"Heather?" Chase asks Victor.

"You know, like Heather Chandler from Heathers? Eiffel is kind of a queen bee, if you hadn't noticed. Wait, weren't you friends with her?" And that's when Eiffel notices him. She'd been talking to Mrs. Hinchey, but when she catches his eye her eyebrows arch and she smirks. Oh, no.

See, throughout his entire time with The Jock Crowd, Eiffel had been harder to get rid of than a longstanding mysterious food stain that happens to smell like Prada: Candy. He'd thought after getting basically kicked out of the friend group he'd escaped her stiletto-nailed grasp, but apparently not from the way she's looking at him like a piece of meat.

"Um, sort of."

"If by sort of you mean she's been all over you since ninth, then sure." Gert says, still sorting through papers, and he turns to her, wide-eyed. "I said that out loud, didn't I?"

He nods, and she nods back, then turns back to her papers. Wait, was that a non-hostile interaction? It was! Chase feels like jumping for joy, holy shit.

After class, he sees Eiffel making her way towards him and books it out of there as quickly as possible. She didn't take the hint before, so there's no way she will now.

He eats alone at lunch. And it's fine, really. But it's weird, to be eating all by himself for the first time in what, two years? But it's okay. If anything, it gives him time to go over the monologue- Hamlet's 'to be or not to be' soliloquy, which Victor has told him was chosen because it's been picked every year for the past two years. There was a somber tone to his voice when he said it, and it's just now dawning on him that this tradition must've been put in place because Amy chose it, her last time running a show. That realization makes him feel like there's a hole in his heart that will never be filled. It's been there since she died, and there's no getting rid of it.

He's been doing his best to memorize it, and, when no one's home, he practices in the mirror. He's already got his song picked, and he's pretty sure it sounds good? Maybe? He hopes so, anyways. He doesn't know why he's so hopeful about this. He's probably not going to get a role. But he does like theatre, even if apparently he doesn't know more than the basics. Victor made him a playlist, which was super nice of him, but Chase still feels like he’s missing something.

~~~~~

It's the weekend, which means that Gert's Saturday is blocked from 10:00 to 5:00 with guitar lessons. Once rehearsals start up she'll have to remake her schedule, but for now she's making bank showing people the right way to strum a guitar. She kind of loves this job, actually. The kids are cute, and she likes sharing music with people. She likes music in general, actually. There's so much emotion and beauty in every song that someone cared about when writing it.

Once her last lesson is done and she's walked Kacey, a little eight year old with big big dreams back to her father, she packs up her guitar and goes to wait for the bus. She's meeting up with everyone at Alex's in about two hours, and she wants to get home quick so she can look good when she shows up. She's not going to put in a ton of effort, because putting in more than an hour of prep to look good for a man is not something she will ever do, but she does want to look a little better than she does at school, maybe let Alex get a glimpse of what he could have if he just asks her the fuck out.

If this were anyone else, she probably just have gotten it over with and asked him out, but it's  _ Alex _ . Who she's known since they were _ three _ . And Gert knows he's got a thing for Nico, no matter how doomed it is, so she's trying to Jedi mind trick him into liking Gert instead so he'll ask her out.

She shows up to Alex's in the jeans that make her ass look fantastic, a slightly tighter than usual shirt, and lip gloss. It's not A Lot, but it's a lot for her, okay? And Alex seems to like it, from the way he's been stealing glances at her since she got here, thinking she doesn't notice.

"Hey, so, what are our Halloween costumes this year?" Nico asks, wrist deep in a bag of Swedish berries.

"I'm going as Supergirl," Molly says as she tries her level best to beat Alex at Rainbow Road.

 

"Oohh, nice. Do you need a ride to- wait. Right. Roberta's in the shop." Gert screws her face up from where she's sitting on the arm of the couch next to Alex, which, yes, was strategically planned.

"I can drive her," Alex says, eyes still on the screen.

Before either Molly or Gert can thank him, Nico and Karolina give each other a look and start giggling.

Alex pauses the game, and Molly makes an affronted noise. "What's so funny?"

Nico and Karolina stop laughing abruptly. "You're just-" Nico starts, but Karolina elbows her. "Nothing, dude. Go back to the game."

Nico and Alex have a staring contest for a few seconds, but Nico wins out. Alex looks over to Gert, confused, but she shrugs. She doesn't know what they're talking about, either.

"Well, me and Karo are going as Morticia and Gomez, you know, from the Addams Family?" Oh, so, a couple's costume? Because that's a couple's costume. They know that, right?

"Oh? Who's going as who?" Alex asks, voice a little tight. Gert wonders if he knows Nico likes Karolina or not. Sometimes it feels like he does, but other times he's just so oblivious it hurts.

"I'm going as Gomez and she's going as Morticia. I'm gonna look so butch, I'm excited." Karolina smiles bright, and Nico looks at her so adoringly that it even makes _ Gert _ blush.

"I'm going as Batman."

"Ugh, Alex, again?"

He pauses the game again, Molly yelling, "HEY!" as he turns to Gert and gives her a look. "Batman is cool."

She leans in a little and says, "Not when you've gone as the bat for the past two years, but sure."

"But I can," he puts on subpar Batman impression, "do the voice really well."

She laughs a little, and Alex looks all proud of himself. She puts her hand on his arm. "Seriously, though, go as something else. I throw that party for a reason, you know, and it isn't for you to wear the same damn thing every year." It's tradition, actually, since she took over from Amy, to throw a big party every Halloween. It often gets a little........out of hand, but everyone shows up in costume, and there's a competition Nico does every year because she's Extra. It's one of Gert's favourite nights out of the year, and Alex is not going to put a damper on it from showing up in the same costume Again.

They have a mini staring contest until Alex conceded with a sigh. “Fine, fine. Damn, now I need to come up with a new costume.” He turns the game back on, and he and Molly get back to it. Phew. Everyone forgot to ask Gert what she’s going as.

See, this is probably the first time in years that she doesn’t already have a costume picked out. But she just doesn’t know what to go as! There are so many choices, too many, probably. But she needs to get started soon if she wants it to look good.

A few minutes later, the doorbell rings. That’s weird. Everyone’s here already, aren’t they? 

“I’ll go-“ she starts, but Alex interrupts her in a panic.

“I’ll go get it!” He says, pausing the game and standing, seemingly not hearing Molly yell at him as he rushes to the door. Gert follows him, of course, so she sees who it is the moment the door opens.

It’s Chase. Chase, with a hopeful look on his face and a bag of- are those Maltesers?- in his hands. Jesus Christ, she can’t just have one night, can she?

~~~~~

When Alex had texted him that morning to invite him over, Chase had been cautiously excited. He’d seen it as a chance to start showing the group that he’s trying to not be an asshole anymore.

But now, as he looks at the sour expression on Gert’s face, like she just swallowed a lemon, he can’t help but regret even answering Alex’s text at all.

“Uh, should I leave?” His shoulders tense, and his grip tightens on the bag of candy.

“Yes-“

“No, dude, you’re good. Come on in.” Gert gives Alex a death glare and stalks off.

Alex sighs and ushers him inside. “Hey, man, how you doing?”

“Uh, pretty good, I guess. You know, there’s that whole thing where I broke a guys arm and got kicked off the team-“

“Woah, that was you?” Alex looks surprised, which is odd. Like, not a lot of people knew the details, but Gert definitely did, she had to sign the papers. So why didn’t she tell anyone?

“Yeah, it was me. Gert didn’t tell you? She had to sign the papers and shit,” they walk into the room as he says this, and Gert’s head turns in his direction.

“What papers?”

“My ‘I’m getting punished for beating up a rapist’ papers.”

She nods a little and says, “Right, those,” then picks up a controller and starts playing Mario Kart with Molly.

“Hey, I was playing that-“ Alex starts, but Gert cuts him off.

“Fuck off.” 

“Okay, fair.” He gives Chase a look like,  _ what can you do, right? _ then vaults the couch to sit between the two girls. Molly squeals in surprise, but Gert doesn’t react.

Chase cautiously sits down next to Nico and passes her the bag of Maltesers. She puts them off to the side and grabs his hand without a word, opening a bottle of nail polish and starting to paint his nails.

“What are you doing?” He asks, amused.

“Do you want to start paving that long, long road to forgiveness, or not?” The polish is purple and sparkly. It’s kind of pretty, actually.

“Yes, definitely yes.”

“Then you let me paint your nails.”

~~~~~

Gert is resolutely ignoring Alex. He doesn’t get to invite someone she despises to what is basically their version of Family Game Night and then expect immediate forgiveness. Nope, no way.

He drapes himself over her back, which does  _ not _ make her blush, it doesn’t, and says, “Aw, come on, you’re not that mad.”

“Yes, I am.” She rounds a perfect curve in the game, and makes a triumphant noise.

“Nah, you’re not. Would’ve hit me by now if you were really mad.” Oh, she’s definitely considered it. 

Alex rests his chin on her shoulder and snakes his arm between her and the couch to wrap an arm around her waist and apparently just decides to stay there, which she is absolutely fine with. Definitely. She’s not freaking out internally, nuh-uh.

After a while, Alex quietly asks, “Are you really all that mad at me?” His voice is tender, and it’s making her melt.

She sighs. “I guess not. I wish you would’ve asked me first, though.”

“Noted.”

~~~~~

Are Gert and Alex dating? Chase quite honestly cannot tell. 

He looks to Nico, who’s painting the nails on his other hand neon green, and asks quietly, “Hey, are Alex and Gert, like, together?”

“No. Or if they are, they haven’t told us. Why?”

“I don’t know, I just got a vibe.”

“Well, they aren’t.”

“Who?” Karolina asks, and  he sees Nico practically melt at the sound of her voice. Now, that’s different from before, but Chase isn’t really surprised. When they were kids, it had often split up like this: Amy and Alex, Nico and Karolina, and…..Gert and Chase. Molly had tagged along with whichever pair she decided she liked the most that day.

When they were young, himself and Gert had been the ultimate pair. They did everything together, from schoolwork to adventures in the woods behind her house. They even used to have a fort back there- the House Of Awesome, because they were eleven years old and thought nothing would ever change. He wonders if it still stands, or if weather or Gert has since destroyed it. When they were best friends, they’d spend  _ every _ afternoon after school there, and would hang out there every weekend, too, talking and playing cards and board games and reading Gert’s comic books. 

And then he went and fucked everything up.

He looks over at Gert again, watching her tuck a piece of hair behind her ear as she talks with Alex, and fuck, he's missed her. He knows she's still mad at him, he knows it's warranted, but just having her in his life again feels like the gaping hole in his chest that's been there the last two years is finally, finally starting to close up.

She catches his eye, and he looks away super quickly. When he cautiously looks back, she'd not paying attention to him anymore, but her expression is a little confused.

“Gert and Alex, he was asking if they’re, you know, together, but I don’t think so, right? Or am I just blind?” Nico grabs a bottle of bright blue nail polish and starts painting little dots over the green.

“Nah, they’re not. They’d be pretty cute together, though.”

“Yeah, they’ve both got that adorkable nerd thing going for them- Karo, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

"I know what _ you're _ thinking, and I know that it involves meddling, so I'm just gonna shut that down right now with an 'absolutely not'. Gert would kick your ass, and I'd be disappointed in you. Don't." Karolina pokes her in the chest, trying to be intimidating, and Nico smiles softly.

"The second one scares me more."

"I know it does."

Chase has the urge to look away from this soft moment between them, focusing his eyes on the game of Mario Kart Gert and Molly are playing.

~~~~~

What the hell is Chase doing?

He's watching the screen as they play, and he keeps moving his head weirdly, like- ohhh. He's moving with the turns of the cars.

Gert snorts, and he catches her eye, his eyebrows going up. She glares at him, and he looks away. Who does he think he is, anyways, coming here all friendly, being nice to her again,  ~~looking all handsome~~ , trying to spark up that close familiarity that they used to have. She hates that it's working, just a little.

Because the thing is, deep down..................she misses him. He was her best friend, how could she not? But he basically ripped her fucking heart out, so he's going to have to work a lot harder than just a few moments of eye contact and a joke here and there to get her to even think about truly letting him into her life again. The bar is extremely high this time, not like when they first became friends when they were three goddamn years old and he threw a mud ball in her face and she decided that yes, actually, this was a person she wanted for a friend.

"You okay?" Alex asks quietly. He's still got his arms around her.

"No, yeah, I'm-" her voice cracks, and she takes a moment to steady herself, closing her eyes and breathing in the smell of him, Old Spice and Aloe Vera lotion, feeling it calm her. "I'm fine."

"If you say so. Heyo, jockstrap!" Alex says, separating from her, and Chase turns toward them.

"Yeah?" It's a mean nickname, but Chase just looks happy to be spoken to, which is annoyingly heartbreaking. She doesn't let it get to her, though. Chase didn't care about her feelings, so now she doesn't care about his. She  _ doesn't _ .

"What are you going as for Halloween? We were talking about it earlier-"

"Before your sorry ass showed up." Gert says it coldly, and Alex gives her a look, but she is not having it, so she just rolls her eyes at him. He looks away from her, disappointed, and who the fuck does he think he is, anyways? He does not know what Chase put her through, and acting so fucking high and mighty about this is so unfair.

There's an awkward pause, before Chase clears his throat and says, "Um, I don't have a costume yet." Typical. Wait, she also doesn't have a costume yet, either, what the fuck is she talking about?

"What? Dude, you used to live for this stuff!" Nico says, and Gert remember that yeah, he did. Why doesn't he anymore? That's weird. Not that she cares.

~~~~~

Oh. No, he didn't. He did not give one flying fuck about Halloween, ever- but Gert did. It was her favourite holiday, and because it was her favourite holiday, he always, always made sure she enjoyed it, even if that meant dressing up in an itchy costume and running around the neighborhood for hours on end. He didn't care, as long as she was happy.

"I mean, I guess," because there's no way he's going to say, _ I only did that to make her happy, I only did that because I loved  _ ~~_ her _ ~~ _ her smile, _ "but, you know. Beta frat parties don't really constitute going all out."

"Pfft, boo hoo, you were forced to dance around with hot girls, I'm throwing you a damn pity party as we speak." Molly says, eyes on the game, and Gert snorts, pausing it for a fist bump.

His eyebrows scrunch together a little. Is Molly.....?

She turns to him and sees his mild confusion. "I'm a lesbian."

"Oh, cool. Good for you," he's trying to say 'it's great that you know this about yourself at your age and accept it so easily',  ~~because god knows he wishes he could do the same~~ , but it comes out differently, more awkward, and Molly gives him a long, cool look. How is a fourteen year old this intimidating?

"It is." She tugs on one of the tassels of her hat, then goes back to the game, and Chase feels like he just nearly avoided murder.

"All done!" Nico says, and he looks down at his painted nails. They're...........pretty.

His father is out of town, so he can keep it on until he returns tomorrow night, but he'll have to take it off before he sees it. Victor Stein is many things, but progressive is not one of them. The things he's said in passing alone are enough to...............

"You okay?" Nico asks, and she looks concerned. No one has looked concerned for him in a long, long while.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Great, actually. Oh, hey, what is everyone doing for auditions?" Wow, what a smooth subject change. He is so great at this, yep, just spectacular.

"Well, I’m making an attempt at I Hate Men from Kiss Me, Kate, and Molly’s doing-“

Molly interrupts Karolina with, “Hey, no, it’s a secret, remember?”

“Sorry, sorry.” She turns back to Nico and Chase and whispers, “She’s a little nervous. First auditions are a bitch.”

“I can hear you! Shut up!”

The rest of the night actually goes decently. Gert doesn’t yell at him, if anything.

He counts it as progress.

~~~~~

Gert, as she often is on Monday mornings, is very tired. She’s just about ready to drop, actually, and she hasn’t even had her coffee yet. 

She’s slumped in her chair in Drama class, waiting for the rest of the kids to file in for first period, when somebody taps on her shoulder from behind. 

She turns her head, and oh, Chase. “What?” Gert asks, because she’s much too tired for snark this morning. 

“Um, I was at Timely, right,” he’s kind of blushing, and his shoulders are almost up this ears. “And I know you like it there, or at least, you used to, and-“

“Get to the point.”

“Right. Um, I brought you coffee.” He shoves the to-go cup into her hand, and her eyebrows go up as she looks down at it. This is unexpectedly thoughtful of Chase, and she doesn’t know how to feel about it. “Four sugar, two cream, dark roast, right?”

How the fuck does he remember her order? “…….Yeah. You know that if I wasn’t so tired I would dump this on your two hundred dollar shoes, correct?”

“They were 170$, actually, and yes, I’m aware.” He’s got this dorky little half smile on his face, and it is not cute. It’s not.  ~~ It is. ~~

“Right, because that makes such a difference. How did you even remember my order, anyways?” Gert takes a long sip, and her eyes fall closed momentarily. Fuck, is that good.

~~~~~

“I have a good memory,” Chase says.  _ Especially with things involving you. _

He can’t believe  _ she’s _ the one prolonging this conversation. Has he won the lottery?

~~~~~

“Bullshit, you have the memory span of a goldfish. But thank you, for the coffee.” Okay, that was half-polite, and also her telling him to go away, so can he leave her alone now, please?

He seems to take the dismissal for what it is and goes to sit on the other side of the room with an awkward nod.

Alex sits down next to her, asking, “What was that about?”

Gert wonders why she didn’t notice him walking in.

“Chase brought me a coffee.”

Alex brightens immediately. “And you accepted it?” She nods, taking another sip, and his face breaks into a smile. “Awesome, awesome, that’s good.”

She gives him a look. “This doesn’t mean he’s my friend now, you know that, right? He offered me a coffee, I was tired so I took it. It’s not going to be that easy, Alex.”

“But it  _ could be-“ _

“Choose your next words very, very carefully.” He puts his hands up in surrender, and she sighs. Gert puts the coffee down and wraps her fingers around his wrists, lowering his hands for him. “I want you to stop trying to get me to immediately forgive him. He hurt me, Alex. Please understand that.”

There’s a moment of silence, the two of them just looking at each other, and Gert swears that there is no one else in the room. Her hands are still on his wrists.

“Yeah, Gert, okay. I’m sorry, I should’ve, um, accounted for your and Chase’s whole thing from back then.” What thing? There was no thing.

Okay, there might’ve been a little bit of a thing. Or, Gert had thought so, at least. But she pushed too hard. Chase realized she liked him. He never said anything, but that must’ve been it, right?

She swallows down on her defensive  _ what are you talking about? _ and says, “Yeah, that.”

Gert looks down, realizes that her hands are still on him, and promptly flutters them away nervously, picking up her coffee again. Is she imagining things, or does Alex look disappointed?

She clears her throat. “But that’s irrelevant now. Um, thanks for accommodating Molly’s work out crap this morning.” Molly wanted to get to school early this morning to squeeze in a work out, and when she told Alex he’d said yes to picking them up early immediately.

“Oh, no problem. Besides, it….it gave me more time to hang out with you, so that’s always a plus.” He sounds unnervingly calm as he says it, like he’s repeating _ stay cool stay cool stay cool _ to himself inside his head.

“It is?” Okay, she’s definitely blushing right now. Dammit.

He looks at her, and the deep warm brown of his eyes is almost overwhelming. “Yeah, Gert, it is.”

~~~~~

Chase is halfway to the cafeteria, on his way to eat lunch alone again, when he bumps into Victor, sending the papers in his arms flying.

"Shit, I am so sorry," he says, kneeling down to help Victor.

"No, dude, it's fine, not like I just put these in order, or anything, but whatever." Chase hands him the last paper, and they both stand. "Hey, you're eating lunch with me to atone for this. Come on," he says, gesturing for Chase to follow him, and he shakes his head a little, trying to account for _ that _ turn around, then follows him.

They end up in what is apparently the break room in the auditorium. There’s weird art all over the walls, a bunch of kids are having a sing off, a few others are duelling with bright red broomsticks, and a smaller group stands in a haphazard circle as they toss around a hackey sack. It is absolute chaos.

Chase loves it.

Victor drags him over to a table and makes him sit down with him, asking, “So did you get a chance to listen to that playlist, after?”

“Yeah, totally, it was really great- but, um, how am I supposed to find the musicals they come from?” He’d looked, he promises, but he couldn’t find anything.

Victor snorts. “You just put the name of the musical into the search bar, dude.”

“No, yeah, I tried that, but-“

“ATTENTION!”

Gert has entered the room, lunch box in hand as she steps onto the table and yells, "WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO STUFF MY LOCKER FULL OF CONFETTI? I KNOW IT WAS ONE OF YOU FUCKERS-"

She's interrupted by Victor absolutely losing his mind as he laughs, and Chase very discreetly scoots his chair back a few feet.

Gert notices, obviously, jumping off the table to stalk over, giving Victor a glare that rivals even the ones she gives  _ Chase _ .

"Vic, I swear to god, I will lock you out of the auditorium on Saturday and you will not even get to audition." Victor sobers up, eyes going wide, "But, if you clean up the big fuck-off mess you made and apologize, very, very, convincingly, I could be persuaded- I'M STILL MAD AT YOU, THOUGH!" She's waving her finger in his face in mock anger, because of course she isn't actually mad, just frustrated, and Chase has to look away for a second. It viscerally reminds him of all the times she used to do that to  _ him, _ over ice cream or historical stuff or whether the book was better than the movie. God, he has fucked up  _ so bad. _

~~~~~

Audition day. The day that Gert both loves and despises, the day that requires so much work and so, so, so much coffee. With extra Espresso shots.

She's been here about a half hour, zooming through the ninth graders, who knew they were going first and therefore showed up on time. The older kids staved off until later, other than Alex (Craig Middlebrooks starts shouting inside her shit brain;  _ this is my friend, Alex. He's amazing and he DROVE ME HERE _ ) and, unexpectedly, Chase. He even brought her a coffee, too, which, as she has stated before, she would have dumped on his shoes had it not been Audition Day.

The ninth graders are....decent. The only one who's really stood out so far is Molly's friend Mateo, he was so good he might actually land a main role- how awesome would that be? She loves casting the younger kids, it's double great because it shows them that They Can Do This, plus the added bonus of having all the older kids yell at her.

"Molly Hernandez," she calls out, if only for the formality, and she sees Molly shake out her shoulders as she steps up to the stage.

"Um, it's the monologue first, right?"

Gert smiles kindly. "Yes, that first. You ready?"

Molly nods, then starts dramatically quoting Hamlet, even holding up a pink, glittery skull that she'd hidden behind her back as she monologues. She's good, really good- she must've been practicing. Gert and Ms. Hinchey share a _ look. _

When she's finished, Molly takes a breath, then says, "The song I've chosen starts off with a bit of speech, is that okay?"

Gert, a little surprised, says, "Uh, yeah, Molls. Totally."

Molly nods, clearly nervous, and hands her sheet music to her friend, Millie, who's classically trained in piano and agreed to do accompaniment today for everyone other than herself.

"You didn't notice her at first, but I saw her the moment she walked in," Millie starts playing, and before Molly even starts to sing she recognizes the song. Oh, this is going to make her tear up, isn't it? "She was a delivery woman, she came in with a handcart full of packages. She was an old school butch."

Molly takes a deep breath, then starts to sing into the microphone.  _ "Someone just came through the door, like no one I ever saw before, I feel...................I feel. I don't know where you came from, I wish I did, I feel so dumb, I feel.........." _  She grabs the microphone off the stand, and suddenly she is no longer a scared fourteen year old- she's a classically trained Broadway actress. Damn, how has her sister been this good this whole time and Gert never knew?  _ "Your swagger and your bearing and the just right clothes you’re wearing, your short hair and your dungarees and your lace-up boots, and your keys, oh-oohh, and your ring of keys!" _

The auditioners are only supposed to do a one minute selection, so she stops there, and Gert wipes at her eyes while she and many others sitting behind her in the rows start to clap.

Molly blushes, and does a little mock bow before going to the edge of the stage and jumping off. As she walks past Gert to sit with Mateo, she pauses to ask, "I did good, right?"

Gert gives her a smile. "You did great."

~~~~~

Chase is so fucking nervous right now it feels as though he's going to explode.

He's just finished the monologue, and it went well, maybe, but now comes....the singing.

"Um, I'll be singing Bitch Of Living from Spring Awakening?" His voice cracks at the end, and he hears someone way up in the back laugh sharply. He can't see anything past the flip-flops resting on top of the chair in front of them, but he's pretty sure it's Nico.

"Oohh," Ms. Hinchey says, clapping her hands together excitedly like a bleach blonde seal. Wait, that was mean. Whoops. She turns to Gert, and says, "Ms. Yorkes, why don't you go get Sylvie and accompany him? Millie, take your break."

Gert's shoulders slump as she screws up her face. "But, Ms. Hinchey-"

"Nope, no buts in my theatre. Do it."

Gert sighs heavily, then gets out of her chair to stomp up the steps and disappear behind the curtain, reappearing a few minutes later holding the most beautiful guitar Chase has ever seen in his life. It's bright, electric blue, and it has a sparkly sheen that makes Chase's little  _ I love everything aesthetically pleasing  _ heart thump.

Gert avoids his eyes as she sits on the edge of the stage, fingers poised on the strings. "Ready?"

He nods, swallowing, and she starts up the first few chords. He clutches the microphone like a lifeline, then starts to sing.  _ "God, I dreamed there was an angel, who could hear me through the wall, as I cried out like in Latin, this is so not life at all. Help me out, out of this nightmare, and I heard her silver call. She said, just give it time, kid, I come to one and all _ ." He's not paying attention to anything else in the room but Gert's careful fingers strumming on the guitar, too nervous to look at anything else. It calms him, sort of.  _ "She said, give me that hand please, and the itch you can't control. Let me teach you how to handle all the sadness in your soul. Oh, we'll work that silver magic, then we'll aim it at the wall. She said, love may make you blind, kid, but I wouldn't mind at all." _ He squeezes his eyes shut in concentration as he sings the chorus.  _ "It's the bitch of living, nothing but your hand. It's the bitch of living as someone you can't stand."  _

He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, and catches Gert looking at him, eyebrows all the way up. She’s got this soft little grin on her face, but the moment they make eye contact she looks away, smile gone. Huh.

"Well, that was wonderful!" Ms. Hinchey says, clapping. "Oh, that was just fantastic!"

Chase blushes, and he sees Gert roll her eyes as she stands and passes him to jump off the stage and sit back next to Ms. Hinchey.

~~~~~

Oh, god. This is totally going to end in Chase getting a main role, isn't it? GROOOOSS.

The rest of the auditions are fine. Victor over-acts as always, though he'll probably get cast anyways because everybody loves him- he's a very likable person, mostly because there's isn't much not to like. He's funny and personable, but he's also very sincere , kind, and loyal. She's never met someone who didn't like him. Eiffel stuns everyone but Gert with her grandiose but predictable performance of Popular, and Karolina warbles her way through I Hate Men, and while her singing is sub-par, her stage presence is fantastic as always. Gert has already written her down as a main prospect for King Sextimus, the silent, skirt chasing ruler of the kingdom.

Everyone is packing up, the last person having gone (and sucked. Sorry, Ludmilla), when the door to the auditorium swings open.

A girl bursts through, covered in, inexplicably, what looks to be feathers and confetti, with more than a few leaves in her hair.

“Sorry I’m late!” She says, running up the aisle to stand in front of their table and saying, “I’m really, really, really sorry, as you can see I kind of went through an ordeal to get here but I want to audition and other than my tardiness I’m prepared, I swear-“ 

“Okay, okay,” Gert says, holding up a hand to stop her. “You can audition. Just tell me your name, and we’ll get started.”

She tucks a piece of her short dark hair behind her ear and says, “Oh, it’s Klara. Klara Prast.”

__________

“So, that Klara girl sure was pretty, huh?”

Alex is driving them home from auditions, and Gert has taken it as the  _ perfect _ opportunity to tease Molly about the new girl. As soon as she walked through the door, Molly looked smitten. It was kind of cute, actually.

“What?” Molly is blushing so hard right now. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Hmmm,” Alex says, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he makes a turn, “but I’m pretty sure you do. So, Gert, what are your thoughts on our crowd this year? Come on, spill.”

She rolls her eyes goodnaturedly and tells Molly to put her earbuds in, then starts. “Okay, so the main things I’ve gathered fall into three veins. The freshman, Chase, and regular best guesses that I’ll talk to Ms. about. Which one first?”

He screws up his mouth in thought, which is annoyingly adorable, then says, “‘Chase’ sounds interesting.”

Gert nods, then says, “Okay, so, unfortunately, Chase was good. Not earthshatteringly good, but good enough that I am ninety percent sure he’s gonna get cast as Sir Harry. I can already hear her now-  _ he’ll bring more students to the show, look at that face, he could be our new poster child! _ I’m good without one, thank you very much. But I guess it doesn’t matter what I think- what she says goes.”

Alex snorts. “You want me to blare  _ I Fought The Law _ at class on Monday?”

Absently, she pats his arm, and keeps her hand there. “God, that would be great, wouldn’t it? Too bad you’d get detention again.”

He groans. “Jesus, you get detention  _ one time _ , and nobody ever lets it go, huh?”

“Nope.”

Last year, Alex hacked the P.A. to play the Disney Happy Birthday song on Gert’s birthday- over and over and over again. She loved it. The administration? Not so much. It was kind of what cemented Gert’s crush on him, actually. No two bit traitor jock could beat out getting a months worth of detention in her honour.

“So, the freshman?”

“Yeah, the freshman. I’m going to try really hard to get Mateo as Prince Dauntless, I really want to show the younger kids that this is something they can do, you know? And Mateo’s been at this since he was a kid, he’s really talented. He played Gavroche in last years production of Les Mis, did you know? And I’m not talking school production, like, a legit show one of the local theatres put off. And…..I kind of want to billet for Molly as Fred. You saw how good she was! I just don’t know how that’d go over.” She bites at a hangnail as Alex pulls into their driveway.

“No, I think it’d work out if you really tried for it. And besides, if the older kids get pissed then that’s on them.”

Gert sighs, then pats Alex’s arm again as she says, “You know what? You’re right. I really think she could do well this year, but only if we give her the opportunity.”

And for a moment, they just look at each other. Alex gives her a fond grin, and Gert smiles back.

~~~~~

It’s casting day. Chase isn’t really expecting to get cast, but he’s still going to check. Why not, right?

He waits for the rest of the class to clear away from the sheet pinned onto the bulletin board, and steps up, still not expecting much. Understudy at  _ most.  _

But, incredibly, he’s wrong.

**MAIN CAST**

_ Molly Hernandez……….Princess Winnifred _

_ Mateo Gonzalez………..Prince Dauntless _

_ Chase Stein……….Sir Harry _

_ Eiffel Hynes……….Lady Larkin _

_ Xavin Jones……….Wizard _

_ Anjelika Washington……….Queen Aggravain _

_ Karolina Dean……….King Sextimus _

_ Victor Mancha……….Minstrel _

_ Julie Power……….Jester _

**UNDERSTUDIES**

_ Kimmy Shields……….Princess Winnifred _

_ Klara Prast……….Prince Dauntless _

He reads it again, just to make sure it actually says what he thinks it says.

_ Chase Stein……….Sir Harry _

That’s a  _ main role _ . Chase got a  _ main role,  _ this is SO INSANE.

Oh. It also means he’s playing a romance with  _ Eiffel. _ Eugh. But you know what, whatever, Eiffel isn’t that bad, and he can deal, because he got a  _ main role.  _ And he’ll make sure not to make it as cheesy as the movie version he and his mom watched over the weekend. He gets that it’s supposed to be campy, but he can put some good acting in there, can’t he? And he’s a decent enough actor to do so, right? Right. Maybe.

Because he’s forever a mama’s boy, he tucks himself into a dark corner of the stage and calls his mother to tell her. 

But his father picks up instead.

“Chase? What do you need, I’m busy.”  _ Aren’t you always? _

“Oh, well,  I was actually trying to get a hold of Mom, actually.” Shit. That’s two ‘actually’s, now he’s going to know something’s up.

“Well, son, you could tell me.” 

He laughs nervously. "No, I'd rather just-"

"Son. Tell me what's going on."

He's using his I'm Your Father And If You Don't Tell Me Right Now Bad Shit Is Going To Go Down voice, and Chase flinches.

"Well..."

~~~~~

Gert is talking to Karolina- well, more listening to her friend rant excitedly about how she got the role she wanted, when, out of the corner of her eye, she sees Chase flinch.

Unfortunately, her heart twinges, because she knows he's probably talking to his dad right now and how shitty that's going based on Everything about Victor Stein.

Gert tries to keep listening, she really, really does. But once she notices him, it's like she can't stop. First the flinch, then Chase's patented 'I'm being yelled at for no reason' look, and then....pain. God, he looks like he just got punched. He wipes at his eyes, hunches his shoulders, then looks around the way he does when he's trying to find the best escape route. She hates that she recognizes all this, and hates even more how much she wants to go comfort him. Some things you just can't get rid of, apparently.

"Gert?"

She turns her attention back to Karolina, who gives her a look. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I, um......" her eyes follow Chase as he disappears into a supply closet. His shoulders are shaking a bit, and suddenly she has this urge to follow him. Unfortunately, just this once  ~~because she's weak, has always been weak, for him~~. ..she gives into it. "Hey, I'll be right back, okay?"

Karolina looks a bit confused, but nods, and Gert squeezes her arms as she makes her way to the supply closet to carry out this bad decision.

When she reaches the door, Gert takes in a breath, letting it out slowly as her hand stalls on the doorknob.

She steels herself, then turns the knob, pushing open the door slowly.

Chase is crying.

He's folded in on himself, leaning against the wall as he hugs his knees, and Gert is suddenly reminded that no matter how much they've all pretended to grow up, they are still fundamentally  _ children. _ She could talk about the expectation for kids to grow up faster and faster (especially for girls) for days, probably, but this isn't the time.

"Hey," she says, closing the door behind her, and Chase looks up, surprised.

He wipes at his eyes, sniffling. "Sorry, I can- I can leave, if you need to be in here, um-"

"No, it's....it's okay. I came in here to.......to check on you, actually." Gert is standing awkwardly, hands shoved in her pockets and shoulders hunched.

"You.....you did?"

She sighs, then nods. "….Yeah."

Gert sits down next to him, a few feet between them because she's not that stupid. For a few minutes they just sit, awkward teenagers with too little or too much space between them- the literal and metaphysical kind.

"So," she starts. "How you doing?"

He snorts. "In general, or just now?"

Gert shrugs. "Both?"

He hums, then says, "Well, in general, I'm doing pretty decent, but right now I'm in a very 'I hate my father he's the worst man in the world I wish I could file for emancipation' kind of mood." He sighs heavily, like he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders. "I called my mom to tell her I got the part, and I was so fucking excited, but then  _ he _ picked up and ruined  _ everything _ , and-" he cuts himself off to groan heavily and drag his hands down his face. "Adults are evil."

"Well, they did fuck the whole world over. I could probably list off a dozen different ways, but that is clearly not what you want to hear right now."

A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. "And what is it that I want to hear, Gert?"

She pushes up her glasses and darts her eyes away from his. Eye contact is weird, okay? "Well, obviously, that your dad sucks and you're right to hate him. Which you are."

"Obviously, huh?"

And for a moment they just look at each other. Chase has got something on his face- emotion? Nostalgia, maybe? Gert doesn't know.

She looks away again. "Yeah, obviously."

"Well, thank you. And, um, thanks for......thanks for checking up on me. You didn't have to do that, especially since-"

"I know." Gert fiddles with her fingers a little uncomfortably. "But-" she can't look at him. She can't. His eyes are just too.........anyways. "But I don't like seeing people upset. So. Here I am."

Chase pauses, then says, "Well, like I said, thanks." He clears his throat. "So, uh, what's up with you? Got any shitty stuff going on you want to dump on me? I'm all ears."

She rolls her eyes, but she's smiling. "No, not really. Good of you to ask, though."

It's not meant to be malicious, but Chase clearly takes it as a dig, because he sighs wearily and says, "Listen, Gert, I'm probably going to be apologizing for the way I treated you until my dying days, but I really do feel like the stupidest person in the world for giving up our friendship. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, okay? You don't have to forgive me, of course, but.......I just wanted you to know."

She snorts. "Stupidest. You really haven't changed, Stein."

Gert stands, dusts herself off and turns to leave. She pauses, and then, with a hand on the doorknob, she looks back at him and says, "But thank you, for the apology."

~~~~~

Chase feels lighter than air.

It's been a few days since he got cast, which is still so unbelievable to him, and his dad is on a work trip, which is great for him. Plus, what happened with Gert last week....that was just so great. Like, he might actually have a chance of being friends with her again all because he had a meltdown in a supply closet. Thank you, uncontrollable teenage emotions.

"Hey, Chase!"

Suddenly he feels like he weighs about a thousand tonnes. Thanks, Eiffel.

Okay, that was mean. Eiffel isn't that bad. When you peel away the layers of fake cool girl personality and self-hate manifesting in being mean to everyone she's kind of cool, honest.

He just wishes she'd stop forcing herself on him.

She catches up to him in the quad, latching onto his arm as she says, "So, I heard you and I are playing Larkin and Harry, and-"

His eyebrows furrow. "You're  _ just _ hearing about this?"

She pouts at him. "Chase, you know I've been in Paris since yesterday!" Did he know that? He doesn't remember her telling him.

"Seeing your namesake, huh?"

She looks confused until it dawns on her, at which point she groans and rolls her eyes. Come on, that was a good joke, wasn't it?

"Not funny. Anyways, I was thinking we should meet up sometime to practice lines. Wouldn't that be fun?" She gives him a look that, if she were to let herself look a little silly for once, would probably have been accompanied by  wink.

"Eiffel, we haven't even done a table read yet."

Ms. Hinchey has been out since Wednesday, when the list was posted. She'll be back for Monday, when they do their first table read.

"And besides, I have stuff this weekend. I'm helping Gert, Alex, and Nico find costumes."

That should be fun. Alex invited him along, of course, but Gert didn't actually seem like she wanted to throttle the two of them for it, so he's cautiously hopeful. She did have this look on her face like she'd swallowed a bug, but it's not half as bad as it was a few weeks ago, so Chase is counting it as progress.

"Well, I could come!"

He raises an eyebrow at her. "Eiffel, the day I see you walk your weekend Prada heels into a thrift store is the day hell freezes over." That's right, he said 'weekend'. Eiffel literally delegates certain shoes to certain events. To be honest, he admires her dedication.

"Excuse you, they are Versace! And with the thrift store, we could totally go down to the one on Rodeo-"

Both eyebrows are up, now. "The same store where you bought a pair of four hundred dollar boots and called it a 'sweet deal'? That one?"

She sighs, exasperated. "Listen, the original price was two thousand, so  _ I _ think that was a sale. But whatever, you're right. I'd rather suck ogre dick than go to one of those places."

She screws her face up, and Jesus, she really is so lacking of empathy. It's kind of why Chase has staved off from ever dating her, like, he'll be friends with her because it's unavoidable, and she's fun to be around, but he could never date someone like that.

He prefers people that are more warm, and more, let's say knowledgeable? He may not be the most educated person about the workings of the world, but he knows that you should care about other people, especially when they're less fortunate than you. He doesn't know where he learned that- certainly not from his parents. He loves his mother, but she is ridiculously, ridiculously classist.

~~~~~

"Stein, I am not taking your compensation car to the thrift store on Third Street, they will laugh in our faces."

Gert is on a group call with Nico, Alex, and, unfortunately, Chase, right now, discussing their plans for tomorrow, and Chase is being _ especially _ stupid.

_ "Compensation car?" _

Nico starts cackling into the phone as it processes, and she hears Alex snort.

"Aren't I right, though?"

_ "I- what- I don't-" _

_ "Sounds like a yes to me,"  _ Nico says, and Gert snorts.

_ "It's not, okay! It's not!" _

"Someone's defensive. But anyways, we'll take the NerdMobile, Roberta's still in the shop and Nico's too gay to drive."

_ "Offensive! I just don't feel comfortable behind the wheel, okay! And I'm bi, get it right." _

_ "Oh, right, you're the one who should be offended here, as if Gert didn't just insult the car I've been driving her around in for the past two weeks." _

"And I am very grateful for that! But, Al, come  _ on _ . You drive a silver Prius with a _ Doctor Who _ vanity plate. It's a NerdMobile."

_ "Sigh. But okay. Is eleven-ish good for everyone? We could get brunch on the go, I saw a new place nearby where you can get it as takeout."  _ Oh, goodie, a new gentrification station, just what this city needs.

"Did you just say both the word 'sigh' out loud and talk about a new 'takeout brunch place' all in the same sentence?"

_ "........................Shut up." _

Gert wakes up the next morning well rested and ready to face the day. She pulls on her beat up pair of overalls and a pair of chucks, tying up her hair loosely as she sits on the front step waiting for Alex.

She's just about to text him to ask how far away he is when he pulls up on the curb, honking the horn like a teenage asshole.

She tosses her bag over her shoulder and jaunts across the lawn, climbing into the shotgun seat and slamming the door shut.

"Who's next?" She asks, but....Alex isn't paying attention. Instead, he's staring at her.

His eyes rake over her body, and even though she's fully dressed Gert feels kind of exposed. She crosses her arms over her chest a little uncomfortably to shield herself from his gaze- there's nothing soft about it, just curiousness and something like wanting. That should feel good, shouldn't? The boy she likes looking at her like this? But.....it just doesn't.

"Alex?"

He shakes his head a little, then turns his eyes to the road as he pulls off the curb and starts driving. "Nico first, then Chase, then we'll go to that place I was talking about after we finish up at Tony's."

Ah, yes, Tony's. When she was  ~~ alive ~~ stage manager, Amy struck up a deal with the owner- discounted clothes from the costume section of his thrift store in exchange for them doing an annual clothing and toy drive around the holidays. It worked out really well, and a lot of kids sign up every year to get their career hours.

"Cool. Can I put on my music?" He's got his weird Disney mix on right now, and Gert really can't stand it. The only acceptable animated Disney movies are as follows: Lilo & Stitch, Mulan, The Lion King, Hunchback of Notre Dame, and Hercules. That's it, that's the list.

"I still don't get why you don't like Disney, but yeah, sure."

She starts hooking up her phone to the car as she says, "Listen, my parents didn't let me watch them when I was a kid, and then I aged out of the target audience. It's simple."

Frank Ocean starts playing as Alex groans. "You don't  _ age out _ of Disney, Gert. Also, choose something else, I hate Frank Ocean."

 

She sticks her tongue out at him, then puts on some Carly Rae Jepsen to appease him.

They drive to Carly Rae singing about her shopping habits until they reach Nico's place. She's waiting for them while she sits on her (perfectly manicured, lush green even in what is still kind of the Californian summer because she's Rich) lawn, checking her nails. Gert wonders just how much Nico spends on manicures. Well, at least she keeps her nails short- Gert would feel bad for Karolina if she didn't.

Was that inappropriate? Maybe. Especially since, technically, they're not dating yet, but it'll happen. Eventually. Sooner than that if Gert has anything to do with it.

~~~~~

Woah. Chase has never seen a thrift store this big. This is like, the New York Macy's of thrift stores.

Wait, that was funny, he should say that out loud.

"Wow, this place is like the New York Macy's of thrift stores."

Nico gives him a weird look, and Alex tilts his head at him curiously, but he hears Gert snort, so he calls it a win.

"Yeah, it's pretty big. Good selection, too. Follow me," Gert leads the way to the back of the store, where the whole back wall is just fantasy costumes. One shelf is completely dedicated to big hats and magic wands, and there is more colour here than Chase has ever seen in his life.

Gert starts rifling through the clothes, plucking the ones she likes off the wall and either draping it over her shoulder or passing it to Alex, who's following her down the aisle like he knew she would expect it of him.

He looks to Nico. "You sure they're not dating?"

She sighs. "Unfortunately. Although......is it just me that thinks they're too similar to be in a relationship?" Her tone is contemplative and almost far away, like she doesn't realize who she's talking to. "Like, they'd be cute, or whatever, but they fight too much as is, don't you think................?"

He shrugs, a little surprised. Chase thought they might be good together, but what the fuck does he know?

"Eh, you're no use. Help me get things off tall shelves?"

They spend the next half hour gathering what they need, and then, because he's the only one of them in the cast, the other three set about finding him a specific outfit. Chase is no help at all- the clothes are too out there for him to have any positive opinion on them. Like, he'll wear them. For the role. But that's the only reason.

"Okay, how about this?" Gert holds up a sky blue quilted vest, and Chase shrugs, to which she rolls her eyes. "Come on, Stein, how do you have no opinion  _ at all?" _

"I mean....not really?"

She rolls her eyes again, then holds the vest up to his chest so he can see it in the mirror he's facing. She's close enough that he can smell her shampoo- orange blossoms. Huh.

"So? What do you think?"

He looks himself over in the mirror, and, okay, this isn't that bad. It looks kind of nice, actually. What is it Gert used to say about blue being his colour?

"It's nice. I like the colour, and the fabric is soft."

"You wanna try it on?" She hands it to him and steps back without waiting for an answer, and he pulls it on, and yeah, this is nice. Not even tight around the shoulders like he'd expected.

He moves around a bit, testing it out, and he must look silly because he sees the ghost of a smile on Gert's face- the kind of smiles that are only there if you look for them. And trust him, Chase has been looking for them all his life.

Gert had not been an emotional child. Whenever she was asked how she was doing that day, from ages seven to nine, she would say,  _ "Why does it matter?"  _ After breaking her hand in fourth grade, she asked very calmly for someone to take her to the hospital while Chase sniffled worriedly at her side. That might've been more shock than anything, but still. His point is, Gert has a lot of emotions, she's just not great at showing them all the time. Or, at least, that's the way it used to be.

~~~~~

"Nope. I am not walking in there and paying fifteen dollars for a coffee, Al. I'm not doing it, and you can't make me. Turn around, we'll go to Annie's." The brunch place he'd been talking about has a line all the way out the door and around the corner, and has the ugliest designs spray painted on the walls that Gert has ever seen.

"Gert, come on, the line isn't that bad!" His face is all pouty, and usually Gert would be swayed by the cuteness, but not today. Not when her dumb crush on a friend could mean she'll be wasting thirty bucks on food she won't even like.

"Not to butt in, but I've been here before. The food isn't that good and the staff was kind of snotty. One of them got mad at me for asking if they had anything with meat in it- I was on the way back from practice and I was like, starving, but-"

"Thank you, Stein, for supporting not going here." She knows this story will be a rambly one, and decides to cut him off before he ends up talking for way longer than he should. A second later, she tacks on a, "Sorry," because as much as she doesn't like him, that  _ was _ really rude.

Alex groans dramatically, then concedes. "Fine, but I'm dragging you here sometime soon. I'll even pay for yours."

Her nails dig into the seat, deciding whether she should get pissed at him for automatically assuming she'd need him to pay for her or just let it go. They all do that sometimes, but Alex does it the most, and it pisses her off. Like, yay, free meal, but the assumption shouldn't be 'Gert can't or won't pay for herself!' It's annoying.

"No thanks. I'd rather eat real food." Wait, did she just turn down a sort of date by accident? _ Shit shit shit shit. _ "But, hey, would you want to go see The Florida Project with me next weekend?"

His eyes light up. "I'd love to. I've heard that's gonna be so good."

"That's the one with the little girl in it, right?" Oh god, she is literally begging Nico not to invite herself along. She does that sometimes, and usually Gert's cool with it, but she would literally throttle her if she does that right now.

Nico must see her panic, because all she says is, "That kid is so cute."

Gert smiles at her appreciatively, then says, “So, Annie’s?”

Alex sighs, but he’s got a little smile going on so she knows he’s not too mad. “Yeah, Annie’s.”

~~~~~

Annie’s turns out to be a mom and pops type of place, with a design that makes him think little has changed 1968. Annie, the owner and namesake, is an older black woman with a cloud of curly grey hair that the rest of them clearly know. She greets them warmly, asks Gert how Molly is doing- the rest of them must come here often. It feels weird, if only because their old hangout spot used to be Timely- lots has changed, he supposes.

They still get brunch, though it's way into the afternoon, now. Chase gets eggs benedict, Alex steak and eggs, Nico crepes, and Gert pancakes covered in blueberry syrup like always. Well, at least that hasn't changed. Gert's sweet tooth is unalterable, apparently.

Gert keeps stealing bites of scrambled egg off Alex's plate, and Alex doesn't react as this is apparently a normal occurrence for them. He just keeps talking about the new Marvel movie coming out next month, the third movie in the Thor franchise. Apparently the same guy who was in some vampire movie is directing? Chase doesn't really pay attention to Marvel movies. He's more into DC, anyways,  ~~ because the guys are hotter other than the Chrises minus Pratt because he's ugly ~~ because he likes the storylines better, and the colouring of Marvel movies are too grimdark for their themes, at least in his opinion.

"Anyways, I'm really excited. Betting it's gonna be the best superhero movie of 2017."

Chase's eyebrows go up. "Excuse me, have you  _ seen _ Wonder Woman? What about Spiderman: Homecoming?"

"For once I agree with you- I mean, have you seen Laura Harrier? Zendaya? Tom Holland? Chris Pine? Our screens were so blessed this summer!" Oh, shit, that's right, he totally forgot that Gert is bi. Well, he didn't forget. But it kind of left his mind for a minute there. God, is she right though- especially about Tom Holland. That boy's smile could light up a galaxy.

Wait, did he just have a non-self deprecating thought about his sexuality? Wow, that felt good. Wouldn't it be great if he could that more than once in a blue moon?

~~~~~

Gert keeps telling herself that this isn’t a date. They are to see this movie as  _ friends _ , and  _ just friends.  _ Even if it’s just the two of them, sitting close together in a dark theatre for a few hours.

Her dad drops her off at the theatre, but before she gets out of the car he asks, “Gert?”

She raises an eyebrow at him, halfway out the door already. “Yeah, dad?”

He smiles, a proud look in his eyes. “I’m glad he’s the one you chose. He’s a nice boy.”

“Oh- we’re not- not yet, I mean- um-“

He rolls his eyes fondly. “Okay, Gertrude. I believe you.”

But then he winks, and Gert knows he doesn’t, so she just rolls her eyes and gets out of the car.

Alex is standing just outside of the theatre, looking at the poster for  _ Happy Death Day. _ Her and the girls are going to see that soon, she’s excited.

She sneaks up behind him, quiet as a mouse, and when she’s close enough, she sticks her fingers in his sides and shouts, “Boo!”

Alex jumps about five feet into the air, then turns around with a spooked look on his face. “What the  _ fuck-  _ oh, hey, Gert. Don’t do that!”

She tilts up her chin at him and squints in mock defiance. "I do what I want."

"Hm, yeah, okay, Ron Swanson. You ready to go in?"

Gert wiggles her shoulders a little in excitement. "Hell yes."

"You're really excited to see this movie, huh?"

Well, I've seen a lot of stuff about it, and......." she rambles on about this movie for the next few minutes, all the way up to when they're next in line. Alex's eyes are glazing over by the time she's done. Whoops.

"That's really cool, Gert," he says, but it's kind of monotone because she's almost completely sure he zoned out thirty seconds into her talking.

"Right. It is. Um, do you want to get one popcorn, two drinks, and a candy? I don't really want-"

"To pay more? I can just pay for it, you know."

Gert rolls her eyes so hard she gets a headache. "I was  _ going _ to say that I ate before we came and don't need my own popcorn, you _ asshole. _ How many times do I have to tell you guys that I can pay for myself, anyways?"

"Look, I'm just trying to be-"

"If you say 'sensitive to my situation' right now I swear, Al, it will not be pretty." Whyyyyyy is he like this. Why why why why why why.

"Listen, I'm just trying to acknowledge the fact that you, as I have noticed, are a bit more careful with your money,"  _ you're cheap _ , is what he means to say. How does she have a crush on him, again? "Now, you said we were going to get the one popcorn, you still good with that? And here, I'll pay."

How does he not get the point why is he LIKE this- okay, Gert has to calm down right now or she will not enjoy today at all.

She takes a deep breath and lets him pay, then once they have their food (peanut butter M&M's with Dr. Pepper for her and Coke for him) Gert goes to the butter station and grabs a straw to get the butter to spread all throughout the popcorn. Alex always says it's weird, but it works, so.

They sit down in one of the two row seats in the upper corner of the theatre, because they both prefer sitting there. It's a bit more private, and Gert finds that there's more room.

The movie is amazing, but what's more amazing is how many times they bump hands when they both reach for popcorn at the same time. Every time it happens they look at each other and giggle a little, and when they walk out of the theatre holding hands. They don't discuss exactly why they're doing so, but it feels like a turning point, at least to Gert.

She can't guess at all what he's feeling.

~~~~~

"Chase, be a dear and stay with Gertrude to clean up. You have to say yes."

Ms. Hinchey is probably just referring to his contract, but the way she says it is so funny that he has to try very, very hard to swallow his laughter. "Yes, Ms. Hinchey."

"I can do this myself, Ms." Gert says, even though she clearly can't. That's not doubting her abilities, it's just a  _ huge mess _ . Victor, for some godforsaken reason, decided to start a food fight, and, while it was fun, now everyone's snacks they brought to the meeting in the break room after school are all over the floor, and Chase has pie in his hair. He's pretty sure Gert threw it at him.

Ms. Hinchey stares her down until Gert concedes, mumbling a, "Fine," and getting back to picking up food. Seriously, why did everyone just leave? Even Alex, Molly, Nico, and Karolina, damn.

Chase grabs a broom and starts sweeping up fruit snacks as Ms. Hinchey nods and leaves, apparently deciding they can do this on their own.

After a few minutes, he clears his throat awkwardly and asks, "So, how are you getting home?"

Gert pauses spritzing the table with cleaner. "What?"

"I said, how are you getting home? Alex has already left, right?" From what he knows, her car is still in the shop, even though it's passed the three weeks, now.

"No, I heard you, I just didn't process the question. Sorry." she leans against the table, facing him. "I have lessons after this, so I'm taking the city bus downtown. Mindy will kill me if I'm late again, actually, we should hurry up."

"You take lessons? For what, guitar?"

She rolls her eyes at him. "No, dummy, I  _ teach _ lessons. Get your facts straight."

 

"What? That is so cool! Is there a certification process, or did you just-"

"There is. No, I didn't just  _ ask _ ."

He shakes his head at her. "No, I was going to ask if they requested you specifically. I've heard you play, you're really talented."

She smiles that ghostly barely there smile of hers. "Thanks, Stein."

He smiles back. "Anytime. Hey, do you-"

"Can I ask you something?" Gert's voice is cautious and quiet, and he wonders what caused the switch.

"....Of course, Gert."

"Why did you-" she pauses, closing her eyes as if she's rethinking the sentence. He hears her mutter, "God, this is so stupid," before saying, "Why.......why did you never........Why did you stop being friends with me- us?"

"Oh." He's so shocked by the question that for a moment, he doesn't say anything. It's not an unwarranted question, he just wasn't expecting it. Although, perhaps he should have been.

"That's all you're going to say?  _ Oh?"  _  Gert shakes her head and starts to storm past him, but he grabs her arm, stopping her. He lets go immediately, but she's not leaving anymore, just standing there a few feet from him, close enough for conversation but far enough that there's no chance for any type of physical contact, which is for the best, probably.

"That's not all I was going to say. You caught me off guard, Gert. And to answer your question.......I guess I got scared."

"Of what?"

Intimacy. Being true to himself. His father, and the idea of becoming just like him, the idea of hurting his friends. Actually dealing with his emotions instead of shoving them into a dark corner of his mind. His feelings for Gert at the time was a big one, too.

He closes his eyes. "God, can I say everything? I know that's not a good answer, but I was such a coward back then- I still am. I like to think I'm better about it, now, but the truth is I am and always will be a coward, at least a little. I was so scared of everything, you know? Most of all standing out. I could never have done what you did- and that's just  _ being yourself _ . I was so scared of that. I thought........I thought if I acted like the person I really was, everyone would have hated him. Even you guys."

He opens his eyes again, and Gert has this look on her face that he can't possibly decipher. "All this time I thought it was because you found out I liked you....boy, do I feel self-centered. And we would have never hated you, you know that, right? Jesus, I don't even hate you  _ now _ , no matter how hard I try."

They're both kind of teary, now. Chase hasn't actually talked about his emotions in so long, other than that day the cast list got posted, and hey, that was with Gert, too. "You don't?"

She sighs tiredly, more exasperated at herself then him, it seems. "Unfortunately."

And then something she said rolls through his mind again. "Wait, did you say you liked me?"

Gert closes her eyes and winces. ".....At the time, yes. And I thought you'd, like, figured it out, and that's why you didn't want to hang out anymore."

Oh, this is fucking crazy. He feels so stupid right now.

"Gert, I was literally obsessed with you, did you really think I didn't feel anything at all for you back then? I was like, half in love with you, why would that have ever been a reason?"

Gert just looks at him, shocked. Oh, should he not have said that? Fuck, he shouldn't have. Shit. Shit shit shit, he's fucked up everything-

Gert hugs him. She wraps her arms around his middle and squeezes bonecrushingly tight. He pauses, surprised, then cautiously hugs her back, one hand resting at the edge of her hair and the other going to the small of her back.

She's pulling back before he can even really enjoy it, sniffling a little and saying, "Sorry, um, I- I'm gonna go. Don't want to be late, and we're mostly cleaned up anyways. Um, bye."

He catches her wiping at her eyes as she grabs her guitar and leaves. Chase stands in the middle of the room, still kind of in shock, only coming out of it when a chunk of pie from earlier dislodges from his hair and starts sliding down his forehead.

Huh.

~~~~~

“Stare any longer and your eyes will pop out.” Karolina says, elbowing her to direct her attention away from Alex. He looks really good today, and Gert just cannot stop staring. “Seriously, what is with you? You didn’t used to be like this with him.”

Gert blushes a little. “Did I tell you we held hands on Saturday?”

Karolina rolls her eyes. “Yes. Three times, actually.”

“Oh. Sorry. Oh hey, guess what?”

“What?”

“I’m getting Roberta back this afternoon.”

“WHAT?” The teacher shoots her a look, and she repeats it, quieter this time. “What? I thought it was gonna be out until the 20th?”

“I  _ know _ , Sam is an angel. Said she felt bad it was taking so long so she sped up the process.”

Sam is her parents favourite mechanic, who became Gert’s favourite mechanic once she bought her car. She’s talented as fuck, and nice to boot, so she doubts she’ll ever stop going to her unless she moves out of state.

“I swear, one of these days that woman is going to get her wings and fly away. Did you know she fixed Betty’s broken mirror last month?” Ah, yes, Betty, Karolina’s seriously mistreated Mini Cooper. That poor car has been through more than goddamn Batman.

“No, but I’m not surprised- both by her insurmountable skills and you fucking up your car again. I still don’t understand how you got your license.”

Karolina shrugs. “I guess I just got lucky?”

Gert snorts, then turns her attention back to the board covered in notes. Mr. Downey doesn’t actually teach them anything, just puts the notes up to copy, which would suck if this wasn’t such an easy class.

After school, her and Molly take the city bus down to Sam’s. Alex looks almost disappointed that he’s not driving them home anymore, and Gert kind of feels the same way. She’d be more cut up over it if it didn’t mean she was getting her car back today. She’s missed Roberta so much.

Gert pushes open the door, Molly right behind her, and as always, the assortment of bells above the door start to go off.

Sam is sitting on top of the counter, apparently taking her break as she eats a container of yogurt, but when the bells go off she tosses the container in the trash and hops off the counter to greet them.

“Gert! Good to see you, doll,” she says in her husky voice, leading them into the garage. “Your girl’s all prepped and pretty for you, if you wanna take a look.”

Sam is from Chicago, and it shows through everything, from her accent to the way Gert has literally seen her tear up at the sight of deep dish pizza.

When Gert sees her car, she gasps. She can't help it, she's just missed Roberta  _ so much _ . Gert circles around it slowly, Molly leaning against the wall disinterested in her sister's weird obsession with her car. But you know what? Gert is paying for this thing with her own money, she learned to drive in this damn car. So she's allowed to be as attached to it as she likes, thank you very much.

She opens the door, weirdly enjoying the customary rusty squeak- there's only so much Sam can do- and sits down in the worn leather seat, running an affectionate hand over the assortment of stickers on the dashboard. Half of them are dumb Lisa Frank stickers, but she still loves them. She flicks her purple fuzzy dice hanging a few times, watching them swing from where they hang on the rear-view mirror. Alex bought them for her when she first got the car, and they are absolutely her good luck charm. She's never had any serious trouble with this car, and it's because of those dice.

She jams the key in the ignition, her key ring jingle-jangling as she turns it. Roberta roars to a start, and Gert laughs joyously. She gets out and pays Sam, giving her a big hug because she fixed her car, hell fucking yeah, and then her and Molly get in, Gert tearing out of the garage and onto the road.

Her and Molly roll down the windows, wind in their hair as they jam out to the radio, and Gert resolves never to be unhappy ever again.

__________

Of course, that didn't stick. In fact, it unstuck worse than a six year old piece of tape the moment she woke up this morning. Her bed has a  _ huge _ blood stain on it, and unless she got blackout drunk and murdered someone last night, it probably means she’s on her period.

Which is just great, honestly, because now she can focus on this shittiness instead of the shitiness that is how she  _ hugged _ Chase a few days ago. Seriously, what the fuck was she thinking? Like. It was nice. And she finally knows what really happened. But still, she shouldn’t have hugged him. Now she can’t stop thinking about it, at all, which is why the insurmountable pain she’s feeling right now is a blessing in disguise, really. It’s so bad, in fact, that she could probably get out of school today, couldn’t she?

So she changes her sheets and showers, then acts even worse than she is to convince her mother and effectively gets out of school for the day.

Gert gets bored of lying around about an hour in, and decides to watch Once Upon A Mattress for the thousandth time to make even  _ more  _ notes on it. She found a high school production on YouTube that’s professionally shot, and she’s got half a notebook full of plans and changes she’ll make already.

They’ve done a few run-throughs with the script, and they’re starting  _ Opening For A Princess _ before they do anything else, because it’s their biggest group number and they need to get it down pat. Next she’s gonna split them all up to do their separate parts, which is going to go so well! Definitely! She has faith in them to take this seriously!

_ Not. _

She gets a quarter of the way through her pause-take notes-pause routine when she stops for lunch, then gets right back at it. Gert, as per usual, kind of forgets that time is a thing after that. In fact, when someone knocks on her door and she looks at the clock, three hours have passed, and she didn't even notice.

She hates when this happens. A whole chunk of the day is gone now, and Gert barely remembers it happening. She knows what she did, thought, and experienced during that time, but to her it felt like one hour, not three.

She shouts, "Come in!" not even looking up, because she expects it to be Molly- although, wait, didn't she have a field trip or something today? That was supposed to go until four?

"Uh, hey, Gert. Alex told me to bring over the stuff you missed in class today." Why can't anything ever go right for her? Chase is the last person she wanted to see today, can Alex and his schemes please fuck right off?

Honestly, though? It's not even Chase being here that she's mad about. It's the fact that, no matter how many times she tells him that inviting Chase along to their hangouts or sending him in her direction makes her uncomfortable, he just won't stop.

She stands and takes the notes he's holding out out of his hands, and sighs. "Did he say why he specifically sent you?"

"I mean....not really. He just said, 'here, take this to Gert, I have something to do this afternoon', and shoved those at me. And I thought he'd be mad if I said no." He's standing there all awkwardly, rubbing his thumb back and forth across the side of his pointer finger.

She rolls her eyes down at the paper, wishing Alex was here so she could cuss him out. "Sounds like him. He's got this bee in his bonnet about us being real friends again, you know? But he doesn't understand how long rebuilding a friendship takes- and he thinks that throwing you at me 24/7 will speed up the process."

~~~~~

Gert wants to rebuild a friendship with him? Chase is never going to have a bad day ever again. Ever.

Gert is twacking around her room, putting away the notes and shutting her laptop, and wow, her room has changed a _ lot. _ Although, to be fair, the last time he saw it Gert was just getting rid of the last dregs of her emo phase.

"Jesus, that sucks. Next time he asks me to tag along to shit I’ll ask you first, okay? It was never my intention to make you uncomfortable.”

She rolls her eyes, but is that a bit of fondness he sees in there somewhere? “‘Never my intention’, Okay, Frazier.”

“Hey, Frazier is a perfectly good show,” she gives him a look like,  _ sure, Jan, _ and Chase snorts. “Alright, I should probably head out, now. See ya.”

“Uh, yeah, I’ll walk you out.” Oh, she will? That’s a good sign if Chase ever saw one. "Mom and Dad are going to pester you otherwise." Ah, that makes more sense.

They stomp down the stairs, and they just make it to the door before Dale comes out of the kitchen to ask, "Wait, aren't you staying?"

They talked for about three minutes when Chase showed up at the door, nervously shuffling through Gert's notes to make sure he had everything. Dale had opened the door with that sunny smile on his face, surprised to see him but happy nonetheless. They'd chatted for a moment about why he was here, what classes Gert had missed, nothing but the usual, but to Chase it still felt so fulfilling to have a normal conversation like that with an adult. His mother is shy and serious, and his father............well, his father is his father. Small talk isn't very concurrent in their household.

"Um, I wasn't planning on it," he says, sharing a confused look with Gert.

"But I've already started on your pizza! Extra sauce with mushrooms and everything!" Dale is making personal pizzas? Those things are the best! His mouth is literally watering just thinking about how good those things were whenever Chase used to stay for supper, which was often.

"You're making personal pizzas? I love...those...." Gert is giving him her personalized _ I will murder you _ glare right now, complete with the slitting across the throat motion, and oh, shit, he shouldn't have said that. "But, um, I should go. I have- um, my mom is-" See, the thing is, he doesn't actually have an excuse. Both his parents are going out tonight (separately. Because they hate each other) and his plans for the evening were reheating the leftover pizza from the last time he was alone for the night and re-watching old game tapes, wallowing in self pity. Used to be, if he was feeling lonely, he could just call up one of the guys, but now that they've all proven themselves shitheads he can't even do that anymore.

"No, come on, kid, stay for dinner. It'll be ready in an hour or two!" He pats Chase on the arm and smiles, and Jesus, Chase really, really, really wants to stay. But Gert doesn't want him here, and the last thing he wants to do is piss her off.

"No, I really shouldn't, I don't want to impose-"

"You wouldn't be! Alright, that's it, you're staying. Any further rebuking will be taken as a personal insult to my character."

"But-"

"Nope!" He pats Chase on the arm again, then swings around and traipses his way back to the kitchen, humming that one song from _ Snow White _ \- you know, the one that goes,  _ heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to work we go _ ? Wait, now that he thinks about it, that song might just be called  _ Heigh-Ho _ . Hm.

Once Dale is out of sight, he says to Gert, "I really can go if you want me to. I would understand."

She sighs, then says, ""How sad were your plans for tonight? You lit up like an overpowered pair of light up Sketchers just then."

"...........pretty sad. Mom and dad are out tonight, so I was kind of just going to eat leftover pizza and watch game tapes."

"What, for a sport you don't even play anymore?"

Wow, thanks, Gert, for reminding him of how much he misses what was literally the only good aspect of his life these past two years. Really awesome of her, truly.

"....Yeah."

Gert sighs again. "Alright, fine. Here, I'll get yelled at if I fuck off to my room until supper, we'll set up in the living room."

She stomps up the stairs and returns a minute later with a blanket, her laptop, and a notepad, and they head to the living room. Chase sits on one side of the couch on his phone, and Gert sits on the other watching her laptop with her earbuds in, periodically pausing and scribbling down notes.

After a while, he gets bored. Like, major league bored. So he scoots closer to her. And then a little closer. And then a bit closer after that, until he can see the screen. She's watching what seems to be a high school production of a musical, and he'd probably guess that it's Once Upon A Mattress, all things considered.

He keeps his eyes glued to the screen, trying to guess what's going on even though there's no sound and he doesn't know how far she is into it.

He watches one of the bigger numbers playing on the screen, watching the girl who is obviously playing Princess Fred frolics around the stage. She’s mid jump when Gert pauses it to scribble something down.

“……..Can I ask what you’re doing?”

Gert flinches as if spooked, then pulls out her earbuds to say, “I’m making notes on this version of the show so I can catalogue what I like and don’t, or certain things I think we should change. Like, your character’s romance with Larkin. In this production they have literally no chemistry, at all. They’re both good singers, and decent actors, but they look as if they can’t stand each other!” Gert is talking with her hands the way she does when working through ideas. “And I think part of that is the blocking of their scenes, they barely move! But I just can’t figure out what should be changed. Here, watch this with me? And tell me your thoughts.”

She pulls the earbud cord out of the laptop and skips forward, turning the screen so he can see better from his spot on the couch a good two feet away. The song is one of two he sings with Eiffel, the one near the end of the show where they reconcile. And she’s right, they have no chemistry, and the blocking is weird- about a third of the song Harry is kneeling in front of Larkin while they stare awkwardly at each other. It doesn’t make for a good scene, and does not at all convince him that these people even like each other, much less that they’re supposedly in love.

When she pauses it again, Chase taps his thumb on his bottom lip a few times in thought, then says, “Okay, I totally see what you mean about the lack of chemistry. I think the best way to resolve that is to distract from it- so even when me and Eiffel do it-“

“Eiffel and  _ I.” _

“Sorry, Eiffel and  _ I, _ when Eiffel and I do it and don’t have a lick of chemistry the audience won’t be able to tell. Maybe a waltz? But we’d have to make it less stiff. That’d work, too, Eiffel used to do ballroom dancing.” She’s described the oddly competitive world of ballroom dancing to him many a time, and how she’s so glad she got out of it when she did, which Chase both does and does not understand. On the one hand, it’s an interesting sport and she loved it, but on the other she didn’t enjoy the people or atmosphere, and feels relieved she’s left it. Wait, he isn’t talking about Eiffel right now, is he?

“Oh, she did? What a weird thing not to tell me, the person who helps decide what role she’s cast in. You’re right, though, a waltz would be good for this- but maybe with some aspects of a tango?” 

“A tangaltz?”

Gert laughs, head thrown back, then says, “You are such a dork, but yeah- what?”

Oh, Chase must be smiling really hard right now. It’s just, he hasn’t made her laugh in like, two years, and it’s literally the best feeling in the world. 

He shakes his head a little, still grinning. “Oh, nothing.”

~~~~~

Somehow, Gert is actually enjoying herself tonight. Her and Chase are going through  _ Once Upon A Mattress _ together, and it feels really nice to have someone to bounce off of like this. It’s different, with Alex- they often have similar ideas, so there’s no back and forth. Even if it’s with Chase, who this morning she was dreading even seeing.

They sit a few feet apart, still, because Gert really isn’t comfortable being close to him that way yet- despite what her weird  _ I need hugs when I’m emotionally vulnerable  _ reflex may tell you. And they just…..talk. About the show, about how glad Chase is to be playing Sir Harry, and surprisingly, a lot about Molly. He wants to know what she’s into now, how she feels about being cast as Princess Fred-  _ ecstatic, _ she tells him.  _ When she got the news she absolutely freaked out, and she’s so, so happy, if somewhat nervous, which is understandable. Wouldn’t you be?-  _ and what she’s like now. He’s avoiding questions about Gert herself, which is smart, honestly. She doesn’t want to go down the  _ you would’ve known if you had just  _ **_been_ ** _ here _ road tonight. It’s just…..tiresome. Like, she’s right. She knows she’s right. But she is just so bone tired of being angry at him.

“Kids?” Her father says from the doorway. She looks at the clock, and wow, has it really been an hour and a half? “Supper’s ready.”

They leave the living room for the kitchen, Molly greeting Chase as she passes them quickly to get the Prime Seat at the table, the one that faces the window that looks onto the busy street. They’re not allowed to watch television while eating dinner unless Mom and Dad aren’t home, so kids on bikes and minivans rolling down the road are the best they get.

Before Gert can even offer, Chase is getting the plates and cups from the cupboard and setting the table. He asks first before he does anything, and her mother looks so ecstatic that Gert has to hide her laugh. Weirdly enough, even though it’s been two years, Chase still remembers where everything is.

~~~~~

This is probably the most fun Chase has had sitting at a dinner table in about two years.

The food is delicious, as expected, and once Dale and Stacey ask their daughters about their days, they start grilling Chase about ‘what he’s up to now’.

“So, you quit the lacrosse team, son?” Dale asks, and Chase smiles, though the question doesn’t warrant it.

“Yeah, well, more like I got kicked off. There was a guy on the team who was up to some hand to god  _ evil _ stuff, and when I found out I beat him up. Rightfully.”

“And then you got kicked off the team,” Gert says. “ _ Un _ rightfully.”

She takes a sip of her drink as she avoids his eyes, probably to distract from the fact that she just  _ backed him up. Without prompting. _

“Yeah. Unrightfully.”

“So,” Stacey asks, “how are you finding drama club? Happy you got cast?”

“Mom, stop grilling him!”

“No, I’m cool with being grilled. At heart I’m a steak sandwich.” What the fuck? What the fuck. Why did he just say that. What the fuck.

But then Gert cracks up, and Dale and Stacey follow her lead. Molly just gives him a weird look.

“ _ Steak sandwich? _ Oh my god, I am telling everyone you said that. Starting with Eiffel- that girl is a gossip  _ machine.” _

“Nooo,” he says halfheartedly. “Nooo, don’t.”

But Gert has her phone out under the table, and after tapping at it for a second, says, “Too late!”

He pouts in her direction, and Gert sticks her tongue out at him.

“Gertrude, be nice,” Dale says, and she screws her face up at him.

“Don’t call me Gertrude and we’ve got a deal.”

Once they’ve eaten, Chase says his goodbyes, saying, “It was really nice of you to let me stay. You didn’t have to.”

He keeps eye contact with Gert as he says it, and she gives him a little nod in return. She opens her mouth to say something, but before she can get it out Dale says, “Oh, it was no trouble, really. Come back anytime!”

When he gets home, it’s apparent that the rest of his night is going to be a lot less enjoyable.

“Where have you been?” His mom asks when he walks in the door, panicked. “I was worried sick!”

Wait, what? Couldn’t she have just called? And why is she here, anyways? And does that mean his dad is home, too?

“The Yorkes invited me to stay for dinner. I was bringing Gert her homework. Why didn’t you just call?”

“Because  _ I  _ told her not to.” Oh, goodie, so his dad  _ is  _ here. “I figured that, once you had the presence of mind to come to that conclusion _ , you  _ would call  _ us. _ So we waited. And waited. No call.” Fuck, he’s advancing, getting closer and closer, but Chase feels frozen. “How am I supposed to teach you to be a man when all you are is a disrespectful little  _ boy!” _

And that’s when he grabs the lamp off the side table and throws it at Chase.

~~~~~

Gert can’t sleep.

Seeing Chase today….she’s surprised by how much she enjoyed it. Maybe she’s missed him more than she thought. 

What’s keeping her up the most, though, is how much disregard Alex has for how she feels about Chase. She’s allowed to be on the fence! She’s allowed to not want to be around him all the time! Why would Alex send him here when he knows that?

But maybe he’s so stuck in his own head that he just chooses to ignore it.

~~~~~

Chase shows up to school the next day with a broken nose that he didn’t go to the ER for and a scratch on his cheekbone from the broken glass.

He takes the bus, to back up his already prepared excuse of a car accident. He’s surprised to see Victor sitting in the very back- Chase didn’t know they were on the same route.

When Victor sees Chase, he waves him back to sit with him, and Chase goes to join him.

“Jesus, what happened to you?”

Chase screws his mouth up, then winces when it hurts. “I got into a car accident on the way home yesterday. Minor, but my car’s a little fucked up and I broke my nose. I’ll be fine in a week or two.” Wrong. He’ll take off the bandages in a week or two. His nose is probably going to be a little crooked for like, ever. There goes the modelling contract.

“That fucking sucks, dude. Wait, on the way home from Gert’s?”

“How did you know I was at Gert’s?” Oh, god, did Gert really spread ‘steak sandwich’ all over school?

Victor gives him a look, raising one eyebrow. “Steak sandwich?”

“Fuck.”

~~~~~

Gert’s Halloween party is in one week, and she still doesn’t have a costume.

She’s at Tony’s again, looking for some possibilities, because even with the few she’s picked out at home she still can’t pick. Like, at all. So she’s using the extra cash she got for doing two extra lessons with Alessia this week to buy one here. Alessia is playing guitar for the school band now, and they had a show of some sort on Friday. It might’ve been for Halloween? Gert doesn’t know- middle schools are weird these days.

She comes across a Wonder Woman costume, and now  _ that’s  _ a concept. Alex sure would be wowed by that, wouldn’t he- and he apologized, sort of, for what happened a few days ago, so she can want that, right?  ~~No matter how half-assed the apology was~~.

Gert whips out her phone to call Karolina, wanting a second opinion. As soon as she picks up on the other line, Gert says, “Hey, Karo, what do you think of me going as Wonder Woman for Halloween?”

_ “Uh, not Karolina, but I think it’s a great idea?” _

Oh. Chase. Huh, she must’ve pressed the wrong name- she gave him her number yesterday, thinking it would be a good idea so next time he gets into a goddamn  _ car accident _ on the way home from her house, she would know, and be able to help. What she actually said was something about scheduling for rehearsals, but Chase was still grinning like a fool as she plugged her number into his phone. Currently, his name in her phone is just ‘Stein’, so she doesn’t know how she pressed on his contact instead of Karolina’s.

“Oh. Sorry, Stein. I meant to call Karo.”

_ “Yeah, I got that. But Wonder Woman would be a cool costume.” _

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking,” Gert says, moving on down the aisle, “but I just don’t think it’s original, you know? Like, there’s probably going to be three other people going as her.”

_ “Wait, who’s party are you going to?” _

Oh, Alex didn’t tell Chase about her party? This is a golden opportunity to not have Chase at her party. But wait. Does she even want that? He’s just one guy- he won’t ruin the whole night, will he? 

Gert from a month ago would be screaming at her right now, but….things have changed. She doesn’t know how, but they just have. Chase is different, now, and so are her feelings towards him.

“Uh, actually….. _ my _ party. I throw one every year, kind of picked up the mantle from- well, you know. Would you……would you want to come?”

_ “I would love to! Wow, thank you for inviting me!” _

“Okay, you can cut the Chip and Dale act, it's just a party," she says, rifling through another rack of costumes.

_ "Alright, alright, I was a little anxious!" _ He's doing his best impression of Princess Winnifred, and Gert laughs a little.

"Yeah, yeah, Fred. And make sure to show up in a costume, or I  _ will _ make you leave."

_ "And how are you gonna manage that? I'm a big guy, you know," _ uh-huh, and Gert is the Senator of Kentucky State.

"Okaayy, Mr. Five Foot Nine. And anyways, Molly's a fucking tank, she could throw you across a football field without breaking a sweat," Gert has seen her lifting weights. It's a little terrifying, actually.

_ "Really?" _

"Fucking. Tank."

She hangs up after another minute or two, continuing to look around until-  _ there _ .  _ That's _ the costume she's wearing.

Fuck, this is gonna be good.

~~~~~

Gert is doing announcements at the start of today's meeting, and Chase isn't really paying attention. He should be, but he's busy thinking up a costume to wear to the party this weekend. It'll have to be something that he can wear with the bandages- maybe [insert famous person here] after a bar fight? That'd would work, wouldn't it?

He's shaken out of his thoughts when Gert says, "And don't forget that we have early morning rehearsals tomorrow! Be here at seven A.M., alright?"

There's various groans around the room, and the words, "Oh, fuck me, are you kidding?" are coming out of his mouth before he can stop them.

Gert levels him with a cool look. "It goes against my moral code to fuck jocks. And no, I'm not kidding."

~~~~~

Chase brought her a coffee again, and honestly, Gert is done threatening to dump it on his shoes, because this is the closest to a personal assistant she is ever going to get, and she's _ loving it _ .

It is way too early to be doing this, but they need an early start, okay? Gert is being ambitious as hell this year, and that means that they are going to have the best high school production in the whole state, dumb L.A. theatre schools be damned.

And, listen, it's not like she thinks that other schools suck and they're never going to be as good at theatre as Atlas. But that's exactly what she thinks. Amy's the one who drilled it into her, probably.

“Hello, Ms. Moral Code-“ Wow, original. Apparently, what Gert said to Chase yesterday was, to everyone else in the room, the funniest thing she’s ever said.

“Hello, Mr. Twenty Minutes Late. Go join everyone else, Victor.”

Victor sticks his tongue out at her, then goes to join the game of zip zap zop she asked Alex to start up. No wanting to reclaim his oft permanent seeming spot on her bad side, he’d done so immediately.

“You got it, boss,” and with a skip, hop, and a jump (literally. She’s not just exaggerating for à laugh, here), he joins the group. 

Afterwards, on the way to class, she asks Alex, “So, what did you pick after?”

“Hm?” He’s rubbing at his eyes, and Gert suddenly realizes that he probably got little to no sleep last night.

“For the party. What did you pick for your costume?”

“Oh, uh, it’s a secret.”

She rolls her eyes at him. “Alex, I swear-“

“I have a costume! I promise that I have one, okay? I’d swear it on my mother’s grave.”

Gert gives him a weird look. “Alex, your mom isn’t dead.”

“But still, you get my point. I have a costume.”

“Alright,” she says, one eyebrow raised, “but if you show up in something from Dollar Tree I am going to throttle you.”

~~~~~

Countdown to Gert’s party: three hours. Chase’s costume: ready! His nerves: the opposite of that.

He doesn’t know what this party is going to be like, and it’s stressing him out.  He’s only ever been to LAX parties, okay? There’s always too much alcohol and PDA and capital-D Drama at those, but at least they're familiar. Is this party going to be different from that? Gert doesn’t seem the type to host one of those parties, but who knows, right? Maybe it’ll be exactly the same! 

__________

It's not. It's not the same.

This is his third roundabout of Gert's neighborhood, because every time so far that he's passed her house there's been some new, weird thing attached precariously to the house, coming out of the house, or strewn across the yard. First it was the neon light show and booming music he could hear even with the windows up. Then the fog machine. Then the banners splattered with fake blood sticking out of the windows. It's just a lot, and Chase is humble enough to admit that he's scared. People haven't even really shown up yet, but already it's halfway to chaos, so what is the rest of the night going to be like?

~~~~~

"This is his  _ third _ trip around the neighborhood," Gert says, peering out the window to watch Chase's car make  _ another _ turn away from her house, "What is he doing?"

“Maybe he’s just nervous?”

“About what, Alex, we’re literally a bunch of theatre kids. Jesus, the first thing I actually invite him to in two years and he won’t even come through the door. I’m getting the water gun and spraying his car the next time he comes around, I’m sick of this.” She  grabs the Bazooka, which was, at one point, just a regular old Super Soaker, but then she let Alex get his hands on it and now she’s pretty sure the water pressure is measured in horsepower. In other words, it’s basically a neon water cannon.

“Don’t dent his car!” Alex yells as she stomps out the door and down the steps, getting the water gun ready so the moment Chase comes round the corner, his car gets a pressure wash. 

She waits impatiently for a few minutes, and then Chase’s fancy, ridiculously expensive car rounds the corner. The second he gets in range (which is still pretty far away, thank you, Bazooka) she cocks it and squeezes the trigger, spraying the oncoming car with an absolute barrage of water.

She can't see his face, but she hopes he's terrified.

A muscled arm is stuck out the window of his car, frantically waving what looks to be a white plastic grocery bag as a truce flag, and she puts the gun down.

“This is your third turn around the neighbourhood- we are not that fucking scary, asshole. Are you coming in or not?” She’s yelling, because unfortunately without her megaphone her voice does not have the same range as the water gun.

He makes a flapping motion out the window, then pulls into the driveway, parking and getting out the car with his hands up, as if she’s going to arrest him or some shit. He's wearing a very ugly tropical shirt. “Alright, alright, I’m sorry. Can I come in, now?”

“What did I  _ just _ say, Stein? Yes, come in, Jesus.” Without waiting for an answer, Gert turns around and stomps back up the steps, not really caring whether he follows or not. 

~~~~~

"Wait, Gert, before we go in, um," he says once they've reached the doorstep, rifling in his bag for the 'housewarming gift' his mother insisted he bring.

"If this is some groveling bullshit, I really don't want to do that today, so can we please just-"

"No, um," he pulls the pack of pumpkin spice Oreos out of his bag and presents them to her. "It's a housewarming gift. My mom said I should bring something, and I know you used to like these, so."

"Oh." Gert's face is soft, surprised, as she takes the pack of cookies from him gingerly. She stares down at it for a moment, then says, "Um, thanks. Let's.....let's go inside now."

"Yep!" They walk inside, and halfway down the hallway he almost asks if she's dressed as what he thinks she is (she's wearing a big checked coat over a silky white dress with inky red flowers on it, and she looks eerily like this one photo he saw of Cindy Lauper) when Alex turns the corner into the hallway.

"Oh, hey, man, you made it! Glad to have you!" He's dressed in a shitty Darth Vader costume, his helmet under his arm.

"You say, as if this is your house and you're hosting."

"Listen, I've been here since ten AM helping you set up, I can say what I want."

"Okay, Ron Swanson."

~~~~~

The party is in full swing, and Gert is having a grand old time. The big tub full of ice in the middle of the room is stocked with drinks- some alcoholic, some not, because her parents are 'we'd rather you do it in the house than somewhere else' kinds of people, even if they're hiding away in the basement with the door locked watching Jane Austen adaptations right now. She's got a Mike's Hard Lemonade in her hand (watermelon because it's Her Favourite) and she's kind of just people watching as she bops along to the music. It's a nice, happy kind of calm.

And then Victor arrives.

“HELLOOOO,” he says into the megaphone that he definitely stole from her- she’d been wondering where that went. “I HAVE ARRIVED.”

“Yes, Babadook, we noticed.” You heard that right, Victor is dressed as the Babadook. With a pride flag as a cape. 

“FUCK YOU, YOU’RE DRESSED AS A RAGDOLL.” Uh, no, she is dressed as  _ Cindy fucking Lauper _ , but of course no one has guessed that yet. Not even Alex.

Speaking of, he’s being an asshole right now. Well, not really. But he  _ has  _ been talking to Angie for the past half hour, and it’s annoying. Really annoying. 

“Hey, man, good to see you,” Chase says, walking up behind her and standing next to her at a safe distance. He and Victor do a weird handshake that involves a lot of unnecessary steps and ends in a big fuck off high five that she can tell hurt both their hands. 

“Well, that was complicated,” she says drily as her eyes flick over to Alex and Angie again. Her hand is on his arm.  _ Fuck. _

She zones out of Victor and Chase’s conversation, making agreeable noises now and then as she watches Alex and Angie flirt. Alex looks back at her, and she averts her eyes, but it’s too late. He saw. 

Okay, distraction/make Alex jealous time. “Hey, Chase?”

“Hm?”

“Would you help me set up karaoke? The machine is kind of heavy, and I left it up in my room.” She makes a face at how stupid she supposedly is, but really she had it up there to get  _ Alex’s _ help, which she had specifically said to him, so this will probably inspire the right amount of jealousy. Probably. If Alex even feels that way about her, which he might not, but Gert is trying to be hopeful. 

“Yeah, sure!” 

“Nico and Karolina are hanging out in the den, Vic, so if you wanna go see what they’re up to they’re in there. Dressed up as one half of the Addams Family, you can’t miss them.” He nods and goes to be the third part of the Weird Goth Gang, and Gert looks to Chase and nods in the direction of the staircase.

~~~~~

“Is this your other guitar?” Chase asks, lightly running his fingers over the surface. It’s painted with fluid koi fish over a streaky blue background, and it’s probably one of the most beautiful instruments he’s ever seen.

“Yeah. Nico painted it for me as a gift last year. You wouldn’t have seen it at school, all my students play electric, so when I’m bringing one in to bring to lessons after school, it’s Sylvie.” She’s got her hands buried in her pockets, looking around the room a little awkwardly.

“Does this one have a name, too?”

Gert smiles that ghost of a smile of hers. “Um, it’s Cynthia.”

That’s very coincidental. “That’s my grandma’s name.”

“I thought her name was Geraldine?”

“No, that was my Nana. On my mom’s side?”

“Oh, right. The one with the flower shop.”

He smiles at just the mention of it. Chase used to love that place. “Yep, that’s the one. Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Go for it."

"When did you really start getting into this music stuff? I know you've always played guitar and piano, but......."

"Never to this extent?" She smiles ruefully, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "After........After Amy, actually. I was having a really hard time, and my parents were really worried, you know? So they decided that I needed something to do. They signed me up for lessons with Dad's old guitar, and I started teaching myself piano on the keyboard we have in the rec room part of the basement. It helped, sort of." She looks off to the side, wiping at her eyes, then says quietly, "I miss her."

 

Chase blinks hard so he doesn't tear up. "Me too, Gert." He lets out a breath. "Sometimes I wonder what she'd think of us now, you know? God, she'd be so disappointed in me." He thinks about it way too much to be healthy, honestly.

"Oh?" Gert looks surprised, as if she doesn't quite know what to say to that.

"I.........Amy was the most honest person I ever knew." And all Chase has ever done since her death is lie. Mostly to himself, and never actually admitting to it, but a lie by any other name might smell as sweet, right?

Gert nods in understanding. "And all you've done these past two years is lie."

His eyebrows go up. She knows him well. ".....Yeah, Gert." He swallows. Chase wants to stop talking about this now. "So where’s this karaoke machine?”

She drags it out from behind the door, then says, huffing and puffing, “What side do you want?”

“Uh, both, because I can do this myself.” He’s taken on a kind of dickish tone of voice, but he worked hard for this body-ody-ody of his, okay? Alright, so that made him seem even more dickish. Whatever.

“Pfft, okay, He-Man.”

“No, seriously,” she rolls her eyes, and he sighs. 

Chase pads over to the karaoke machine and positions himself, then picks it up easily. Jeez, this isn’t even that heavy. He gives her a gloating smile, and unexpectedly, Gert blushes. Huh. 

She clears her throat. “Alright. So you can lift it by yourself. Cool. Cool cool cool cool,” She says it super fast, and her voice is kind of high pitched. Is Gert…..attracted to this? That seems to be the only logical explanation. Is it just a strength thing, or a him thing, or something else?

_ More importantly, you reciprocate that attraction, don’t you, Chase? You reciprocate it  _ **_hard._ **

How does he tell his own brain to shut up? 

~~~~~

Karolina and Nico are singing a duet right now, and Gert isn’t really one to speculate, but  _ holy shit.  _ That’s some true romance right there. They’re singing  _ Ten Minutes Ago  _ from Cinderella, both kind of giggling and messing it up, and it’s super, super cute. That’s the kind of stuff she wants with someone- loving them so much that when you’re with them everything else kind of fades away. 

“So, what are our guesses for how long it’s going to take with the two of them?” Alex, Chase, and herself are standing together watching the girls, each with a drink in hand. 

“I would say that they’re going to get together within the week,” Alex says. He doesn’t even pause, either. It seems he is finally over Nico.

“Nah, you’re not factoring in their particular brand of gay stupidity. I’d give it a month,” Gert has been watching them flit around each other for years, okay? They’re super slow at literally everything.

“I think it’s gonna happen tonight.” Woah, what? Chase has it all wrong. No way. But, maybe she can get some cash off him for this.

“I’ll take that bet. Twenty dollars on within the month.”

“Twenty on within the week.”

Chase shrugs. “I’m good on money. If I win……Gert has to dance with me at Winter Formal.”

Gert makes an offended noise. “Uh,  _ why _ would you even want that? You don’t-“ she doesn’t know what she’s implying.  _ You don’t like me that way? You don’t have any dancing skills? You don’t even know if I’d say yes to that? _

“No, but you’d hate it, wouldn’t you?” He smirks at her, and Gert is ashamed to admit that he’s a little hot right now. Okay, a lot hot. This alcohol is messing with her fucking brain.

Later, after Chase has left to talk to Victor, and Alex asks tightly, “So, what’s going on there?”

“What?”

“Oh, come on, I saw you making googly eyes at him.”

What the fuck does he think he’s talking about? “Ew, no, I don’t like Chase, what are you even talking about?”

“No, it’s okay. Good, actually- seeing as I’m the one who got you guys to be friends again-“

“Oh my god, would you  _ fuck off  _ with that? Me being friends with him is  _ not  _ your doing, and honestly your endless pestering and inviting him to shit just to make me uncomfortable deterred it even more.” She doesn’t know how she got so angry so quickly, but she’s speaking in a bitter, pissed off tone, whole body tensed up.

“What do you mean ‘just to make you uncomfortable’? I was just trying to get us all to be friends again!”

“ _ Knowing _ that I was uncomfortable having him around all the time. You’re the most observant fucker I know, you  _ knew _ having him around upset me!” 

“Oh, please, if I knew anything it’s that you just wanted your friend back-“

“That’s not for you to decide!” People are looking at them, now. “Stop trying to keep me under your thumb, Alex!”

“Only when you stop acting so fucking childish!”

Her eyes go wide in disbelief. “I’m sorry, say that again?”

“I said that you’re being _ childish, _ alright? There is no reason for you to still dislike Chase even a little that isn’t extraordinarily petty, and you know that.”

Her mouth screws up as she tries to keep herself from crying. “I want you to leave.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” Her shoulders drop. “Just….just go home, Alex. Cool off. I’m done talking about this tonight.” 

Alex screws up his mouth, then turns around sharply and stomps out of the room. She only lets out the breath she was holding when she hears the door slam. 

A hand touches her shoulder. “Hey, babe, you alright?” Karolina’s face is sympathetic and comforting and all Gert wants right now is a hug.

She wraps her arms around Karolina's waist and presses her face into her shoulder, mumbling, "Would you tell everyone to stop looking at me, please?"

"Everyone fuck off and go back to what you were doing, assholes!" Wow, Karolina never curses. Gert must look really upset. "Come on, Gertie, let's go sit."

Karolina guides her to the kitchen, and they both sit up on the counter, Gert quietly sniffling while Karolina rubs a hand up and down her back.

"Boys suck," Gert says. Right now, she doesn't want to see Alex's stupid face ever again.

"You got that right!" Karolina says, and they both laugh a little. Gert is kind of tipsy, but Karolina is halfway to tanked, and it's making it kind of hard to talk to her right now. She suspects the only reason Karolina had the presence of mind to drag her to the empty kitchen was the mom friend gene kicking in.

Karolina rests her head on Gert's shoulder, and they stay like that for a while until Gert says, "Hey, why don't you go find Nico, hm?"

Karolina sits up as if shocked. "Shit, I kissed her earlier and we didn't even talk about it, shit, shit, shit, I have to go make her my girlfriend  _ right now _ . Bye, Gert!"

Huh. So Chase wins the bet.  _ That's _ unexpected.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear, apparently,  because it's at that exact moment that Chase walks into the room.

"Hey, sorry, I know you want to be left alone right now, but-"

"I don't. I don't want to be left alone." That's the last thing she wants right now, actually. She swings her feet back and forth absently, and she sees Chase nod to himself.

"Alright. I was just gonna get a drink, but if you wanna talk......." He grabs a bottle of water off the counter, and leans against the counter next to her. She can smell his cologne, and she's going to blame the alcohol for how much she's attracted to it.

"I don't want to talk about Alex, not really. It's just.....it's like he goes out of his way to try and control me, you know? And I like him, I do, but Jesus, I just want him to let me be sometimes, you know?" Music floats in from the other room, something by Ariana Grande.  _ Moonlight _ , maybe? She knows the song, but she's feeling just a tad lightheaded.

"Yes, I know, and yes, I know." He smiles at her, a little teasing, and Gert's heart does _ not _ flutter, it just doesn't. Nope. "You're not meant to be controlled, right?" He takes a sip of his water, tilting his head back to do so, and Gert watches his Adam's apple bob with torturous curiosity.

She swallows. "Right."

"So, I won the bet, huh?"

"Hm?"

"Just saw Morticia and Gomez making out in the hallway. I won," he's got this smug look on his face, and Gert is going to die. Why is she all of sudden so attracted to him?

_ Maybe you never stopped being attracted to him and it's resurfacing now that you're friends again. _

Can someone tell her brain to shut up?

"Yeah- yeah, you did. Guess you get that dance now, huh?"

He nods slowly. "By the way, you don't have to if you don't want to. I wouldn't like, force you, or something. I'm......I'm not like that."

She snorts. "You damn near killed a guy for trying something on a girl you didn't even know, Chase, I'm pretty sure I knew that about you."

And then, unexpectedly, he smiles. It's the toothy kind of grin you only get when you're kind of drunk, and she asks, "What?"

"You called me Chase. You never do that anymore."

"Don't I?"

He shakes his head a little, and for a few moments they just look at each other.  

Chase looks away first, clearing his throat. “So, Cindy Lauper, right?”

She’s confused for a moment, then realizes he’s talking about her costume. “Yeah! I’m surprised, actually, no one else has guessed it right.”

He smiles at her, and it’s getting harder and harder to blame this on the alcohol. “Bet you can’t guess what I’m dressed as. Not one person has gotten close.”

“Hmmm,” she says, thinking. “Elvis after a bar fight?” 

His eyebrows go up in surprise, and it’s so annoyingly cute that she might be about to make a very, very bad decision. “Yeah, actually, how’d you know?”

They’ve gotten very close, now, so close their arms brush, and her hand is only inches from his. And she just can’t stop staring. “Gert?”

In a brash moment of spontaneity, she leans in and presses her mouth to his. It’s stupid, this is worse decision  _ ever _ , but she just can’t stop herself. And, luckily or unluckily, Chase kisses her back.

It is, without a doubt, the best kiss she’s ever had. It’s like the whole world just falls away until all that’s left is the two of them. Nothing is ever going to feel as good as this does- okay, maybe that’s the alcohol talking. Maybe.

And then she realizes how fucked up this is and pulls back. “Sorry, fuck, sorry, I shouldn’t have- I…..”

Gert doesn’t know what to say. Her fingers are still twisted into his shirt, and she can’t bring herself to let go. “…….I wanted……I wanted to have done that, just once. Sorry.” 

Chase’s hand is still resting on the side of her neck, and the way he’s looking at her right now is hard to decipher. There’s something so achingly soft about it that she can’t bring herself to analyze it fully. 

~~~~~ 

"You don't have to be sorry," he says, murmuring all but into her mouth as he leans in to kiss her again. He just can't get enough of her, and it's clear that Gert feels the same from the high pitched moan that comes out of her as he pulls her closer.

Chase feels overwhelmed. He thought there was no chance of this happening, ever, in the world, and now here they are. Gert is kissing him like her life depends on it, working open the buttons of his shirt, and alright, he’s cool with the way this is going. 

Gert pulls back after a while ~~ of making out you’re literally making out with the hottest girl you know right now ~~ to ask, breathless, “Do you want to go upstairs?”

He’s nodding before she can even finish the sentence. “Yes.”

~~~~~

Gert tugs him by the hand up to her room, both of them giggling and pausing every few steps to press their mouths together, like they can’t get enough of each other. Clothes are flung across the room, and Gert pulls him over to the bed and climbs into his lap, cupping his face in her hands as they make out. His touch is fire, ghosting up her thigh and over her breast, and it develops from there until even their underwear is gone and he's inside of her and everything about this is overwhelming but perfect, and something she'll probably label as a mistake in the morning, but she doesn't care. In this moment, she just doesn’t. She’ll leave the stressing for future Gert and enjoy this while she can. 

And boy, is she enjoying it. You know, she’d never really understood why people sometimes call sex making love until now. But that is definitely what it is. Sex with Chase is gentle, and tender, and probably the best she’s ever had, even beating out her first time with Abby back in the spring. Which is good, because she was kind of tired of having someone she barely talks to anymore at the top of her list. 

Chase whispers sweet nothings in her ear as they have sex- no, make love, and in the end, it’s him thrusting inside of her and his soft voice in her ear that makes her come, Chase not far behind.

After, she pulls on the shirt he was wearing because she can’t be bothered to find one of her own as he pulls his boxers back on, and Gert rests her head on his bare chest. It's the most at peace she's felt in a long time.

~~~~~

He and Gert are lying in bed, and he's wondering what time it is. He's kind of felt like they were in their own little world since the moment Gert kissed him, but he doesn't hear music from downstairs anymore, so mostly everyone must've left by now right?

"Do you think everyone's gone by now?" He says quietly, then realizes how that might come off. "Not that I want to leave, or whatever, I'm just.......wondering."

She snorts. "You can leave if want, you know. I won't be too bothered."

"What happened to, 'I don't want to be alone?'" That shuts her up. Gotcha.

After a second, she says, "Um, mostly everyone by now. Usually a few people stay over though because they can't be assed to get off my couch." She yawns, and snuggles closer. "You smell good."

 

"Oh, do I?" Chase asks, amused. Sleepy Gert is a cute Gert, it seems.

"Yeah, you smell all expensive. Like Armani, or somethin'."

"Actually, it's Givenchy," he says, to which she groans.

"Okay, rich boy, we get it," Gert sits up, yawning as she asks, "So, are you staying?"

Because he's clingy, as he always is after sex, he drops his chin to her shoulder and wraps an arm around her waist before saying, "If you'll have me."

She turns her head to look at him, eyes crinkling up with a fond smile. "You're cute."

"Oh, am I?" he presses a kiss to her shoulder, then her jawline. "Am I cute?"

She giggles, then presses her lips to his to shut him up. "Yes, dummy. Now, go to sleep, I have to get up early to make breakfast."

~~~~~

Gert wakes up the next morning with the sense that she has made a terrible, terrible mistake. She's wearing someone else's button up, and  _ only _ a button up, wrapped up in bed with someone that she is ninety percent sure is Chase Stein. He's got his arm around her, hand over her breast as he snores lightly.

And, like, objectively, having a not-so-drunken one night stand with a hot guy isn't that bad, but when the hot guy is someone you're still not used to being friends with again and you're into someone else, it gets more complicated. Plus, he's got his hand on her breast, and if he doesn't move it she's going to stab him.

"Chase," she says, and she hears him make a sound in sleepy acknowledgement, "if you don't get your hand off my breast right now I am going to kick you to Timbuktu."

He presses a kiss to her neck, which, okay, and moves his hand, saying, "Sorry, happened in sleep, or whatever." He yawns. "What time is it?"

"Uh, eight thirty. Hey, can you, like, not be," she bats at his arm, and he pulls away, and when she sits up, pulling up the blanket to cover her chest, he looks confused. "Yeah, thanks.................what?"

"Nothing, just.........last night didn't mean anything to you, did it?" Gert can't figure out what the tone of his voice means.

"I mean............not really? We were tipsy, I was sad, in the moment we were attracted to each other. Right?" What else could it have meant?

~~_ Well, it could have something to do with him being the first person she ever fell for. _ ~~

_ Nothing _ . It could have also meant  _ nothing. _

Weirdly he looks sad, but she's not going to read into it. "Right."

~~~~~

Everything about this sucks. He really, really thought that last night was going to be their Couple Origin Story, but apparently not, huh? Fuck, he just wants to go home and sulk.

And, of course, Gert looks absolutely beautiful right now. Her hair is a mess, and her lips are still a little red from last night, and all he wants to do is just kiss her again.  _ Fuck _ .

~~~~~

She gets up, grabbing a blanket to wrap around herself, and haphazardly picks out an outfit, sitting on the side of the bed to pull it on. Chase, for his part, seems to be acting normal again, grabbing his undershirt and the rest of his clothes from where he'd tossed them last night and pulling them on.

Once he's mostly dressed, save for a shirt, he asks, "Hey, so what happened to not fucking jocks?"

Her jaw drops as she turns to him, and all plans of putting on the rest of her clothes past the tank top and undies she's wearing go out the window as she grabs a pillow and hits him over the head with it. "Rot in hell, you are not allowed to say that!"

He cracks up, head thrown back, then asks, "Why aren't I allowed to say it?"

"Because, uh, because!" She's scrambling.

"Oh, because, huh? That's some good reasoning right there." He smiles lopsidedly, and it's annoyingly hot.

She gets in his face, poking his bare chest repeatedly. "Because I said so, that's why!"

They're only inches from each other, so close she can feel his breath on her mouth, so it's no surprise when Chase leans in to kiss her.

His hands go to her waist, and she wraps her arms around his neck to get him closer, because she's so full of great ideas. His tongue slips into her mouth, and she moans into the kiss, but then a few things occur to her. One, they're both half naked, this could escalate way too fast.

And two, they definitely, definitely, shouldn't be doing this.

She pulls away with a wet  _ pop!  _ and says, "Uh, okay, that can't happen again. I really just don't do casual, okay? I know it's what you're used to, or whatever, but it's just...................not my thing. Sorry."

Again, he looks way too sad for a proper reaction to what she's just said. "No, I.......I get it. You don't have to be sorry."

She nods awkwardly, ignoring how the repetition of those words make her feel, then starts finishing getting dressed. "Hey, do you want to stay and help with breakfast, and stuff? There's always a few stragglers after the Halloween party, and it's kind of tradition to have a big breakfast."

"Yeah, sure."

She pulls on an old sweatshirt and stands, but Chase's eyes go wide. "Is that my hoodie?"

She looks down, and it is indeed his old lacrosse hoodie from freshman year. He 'gave' it to her (she stole it) and Gert never returned it. It's her favourite thing to wear when she's lazing around the house because it is so. Fucking. Comfortable. "Yes, but you're not getting it back."

"Oh, you can keep it. It looks better on you, anyways."

Gert laughs a little, then says, "Thanks, but I wouldn't have given this thing back if you threatened to sue me for it- too many important things happened in this sweatshirt." She means the time she got picked to go to a three week long summer conference in this sweatshirt, or how she met Abby wearing it, but she forgot that Chase is a teenage boy. To his raised eyebrows, she says, "And, no, don't be gross."

~~~~~

Things Chase wants to be doing right now:

    1. Eating Ben & Jerry's by the tub
    2. Watching shitty romantic comedies with his mom
    3. Thinking about last night
    4. Sulking. All day until he falls asleep



What Chase is actually doing right now:

    1. Helping Gert make breakfast for her family, Nico, and Karolina, and Victor because she asked and Chase is probably never going to be able to say no to her ever again.



He's watching the turkey bacon with a careful eye, ignoring the look that Victor is giving him from the counter.

His phone buzzes on the table. Victor is giving him the evil eye right now, so he ignores it. It buzzes again. And again.

"Chase, look at your damn phone before I do it for you," Gert says in a whiny tone, rubbing at her temples, and he immediately picks up the phone.

**HEY**

**HEY CHASE**

**HEY CHAAASE**

**_What._ **

**How are you here if you didn't sleep in the living room with the rest of us.................where did you sleep last night pretty boy**

**Could it have been (perhaps, correct me if I'm wrong, even though I'm not) in Gert's bedroom?**

**Because you guys fucked last night?**

**_Shut up I am begging you_ **

**Oh would you prefer 'porked'? 'banged'? 'boned'? 'Getting busy'?**

**_Dude stop seriously._ **

**: / did something happen Chasey-Wasey???**

"Guys, you are literally five feet away from each other, have a vocal conversation maybe?" Nico is leaning heavily on Karolina, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have the energy to make yet another scathing comment.

Victor gives her a look. "So, is that happening?"

He gestures to Nico and Karolina's entwined hands resting on the table. Karolina giggles, then says proudly, "Yeah, Vic, it is."

They sit down to eat once everything is ready, and Chase can't make himself stop staring at Gert. Can't stop staring at how good she looks in his hoodie, or the hickey beneath her ear that he can only kind of see behind the wisps of purple hair falling out of her ponytail, just cannot stop staring in general. It's a problem. She's going to catch him soon.

~~~~~

Nico is giving her the eye right now, one eyebrow raised and mouth pursed, and Gert is getting tired of the judging. Who does she think she is, Ruth Bader Ginsberg?

_ What, _ she mouths, getting sick of this. The eyebrow gets higher.  _ Seriously, what? _ Okay, her eyebrow is so high it needs a pilots license.

Gert keeps eye contact while jutting her chin in the direction of the door, then says to the table, "Hey, I think I left the turkey bacon cooling in the oven. Nico, would you help me?"

“Yeah, sure.”

She gives the table a smile before all but dragging Nico out of the room, and, once out of earshot, she asks harshly, “Okay, what?”

Instead of a real reply, Nico just smirks. “Nice hickey. Didn’t know Chase was territorial.”

Oh, shit. 

Gert’s eyes go wide. “Nico, you cannot tell anyone.”

She raises an eyebrow, and Gert starts to freak out a little. _ No one _ can know. Especially not Alex. “Why not?”

“Because it was a one time thing, and I don’t like him like that, and I don’t want anyone to think I do, least of all Alex.”

The eyebrow goes higher. “But aren’t you fighting with him?”

“Yes,” Gert is still so, so, pissed. He can’t just say that kind of shit to her. And telling her she’s _ childish? _ Who the fuck does he think he is, anyways? But that doesn’t mean she wants him to know she slept with Chase. He’ll tell somebody, who will tell someone else, who will tell someone else, and it will escalate from there until she turns into ‘the girl who slept with Chase Stein on Halloween’ instead of keeping her status as the semi-respectable stage manager. High school gossip can absolutely ruin your reputation. “But that doesn’t mean I want him to know intimate details about my sex life.”

Nico must see how serious she is, because she says, “Fine, fine……..so? How was it?”

“What?”

“Chase. How was he? Come on Gert, gimme the deets!”

Her face heats up to about ten degrees above boiling as she says, “Oh my god, shut up!”

She stomps off to get the turkey bacon, but Nico follows her. “Come oooon, Geeeert, how waaaas heeee,” she says, draping herself over Gert’s back to heighten her inability to escape.

“If I tell you, will you leave me alone about it after?”

There’s the eyebrow again. “Maybe.”

She sighs, then looks around to make sure no one is listening. “Okay, so it was kind of the best sex I’ve ever had. Don’t tell him that, though.”

“Even better than-“

“Yes. Whoever you’re going to say, the answer is yes.”

“Damn.”

~~~~~

As stated before, the minute he gets home Chase plunks down on the couch face first and doesn’t move for about an hour, dwelling on how stupid he is. Why would Gert ever want him, anyways? What a perfectly idiotic idea.

"Hey, sweetheart, what's wrong?" His mom asks as she enters the room, wrapped up in a fluffy bathrobe that he bought her for Christmas last year. She must've just gotten out of the bath- the tips of her hair are wet, and she's not wearing any makeup, which is a rare occurrence. This version of his mother is rare, but it's the one he likes best.

"I made a bad decision last night," he says, muffled because his face is still pressed into the pillow. "And now the other person is pretending it didn't happen, but I can't stop thinking about her- it. I can't stop thinking about  _ it." _

His mom crouches down and starts petting his hair to comfort him. "Oh, honey, it'll be alright."

It won't be, or at least it won't be until he bucks up and gets over the fact that, by all accounts, he literally should not be allowed to have feelings for Gert. He fucked that up so badly last time. But he'll let his mother believe she's comforting him, so she doesn't worry.

~~~~~

It's been almost a week, and her and Alex are still avoiding each other.

Their daily interactions range from 'hand me that screwdriver', to 'please stand out of the way', with little else in between. They haven't talked. At all. It's annoying, to say the least.

That is, until Karolina locks them both in a broom closet.

She pushed them in here, closing the door with an audible  _ click _ , and every time Gert has asked to be let out Karolina just laughs back at her. Asshole.

She leans against the door with a sigh, looking anywhere but at Alex.

"So-"

"Nuh-uh."

"Gert-"

"Nope!"

He sighs. "And you wonder why I called you childish."

She rolls her eyes. "Listen, I'm not saying it wasn't a little warranted- everyone can be childish, even you. But saying that in front of everybody was not okay-"

"You're the one who started it!"

"BECAUSE I WAS FED UP. You treat me like I'm something you need to keep an eye on, instead of  _ your friend _ . Which is what we're  _ supposed to be _ ."

His shoulders drop. "I know, I know. I shouldn't have kept pushing. I just.....I want what's best for you."

"And you think what's best for me is pushing me into a friendship with someone who I have a complicated relationship with before I'm ready?"

He winces. "No- I mean- God, I just wanted us all to be friends again. I wanted simple, for once. And I.....I'm sorry, for saying that in front of everybody."

Gert sighs. "Me, too."

 

"I think it was just- for me, at least- I think I got a little jealous. I mean, with Chase, and everything- I just. Um." Wow, it's rare to see Alex at a loss for words.

Gert steps into his space, smirking a little. "Oh? Jealousy, was it?"

He smiles, and then, with absolutely no lead up, he leans in and kisses her. Alex is very, very lucky she's into him, or she would have freaked the fuck out just now. She’s freaking out a little anyways, mostly about the fact that this could be just a rebound for him- he’s barely over Nico, and they both know it.

It's a soft, innocent sort of kiss, and when she pulls back, she almost doesn't know what to say.

"Would you wanna go out sometime? Maybe this Saturday? We could, um, do dinner? Would that be good?"

She smiles. "Yeah, I'd like that."

~~~~~

Chase is bored. Boooooored. BOOOORED.

He's sitting in what he's learned is called is the orchestra level of the theatre, which isn't, in fact, where the people playing instruments go. That's the pit, apparently. This is where all the cushy red chairs are, and he's sprawled across three of them, watching Gert direct Angie and Xavin as they stumble their way through  _ Sensitivity. _

He and Gert are going to get Pad Thai after this, because apparently something Happened at lunch today and she wants to dish. 'Everyone else will be annoying about it' is what she said, which was confusing and everything, but there is no way in hell Chase is turning down an invitation to hang out with her. Especially since he's decided he definitely doesn't have feelings for her. Definitely. It was just the heat of the moment, right? Right???

And, besides, even if he did, which he doesn't, definitely doesn't, it would never ever ever end well and he'd be stuck torturing himself for the rest of eternity, so. He definitely doesn't have feelings for her.

"No, no, no, no, Ange, you're doing it all wrong. You're a queen, remember?" He hears Gert say, "Like, think of someone to try and emulate."

"Who?"

She twists her mouth up, thinking, and Chase tells himself that it isn't absolutely adorable. "Hmm, okay, uhh...oh, I know. Try Anne Hathaway. Specifically Mia Thermopolis in the second Princess Diaries movie Anne Hathaway."

"Hm?"

She sighs, exasperated. "Here, I'll show you."

And then her whole demeanor changes.

He doesn't know how to explain it, she just looks....different. Maybe her posture is a bit better. Or maybe she's changed the way she's walking. But all Chase knows is that suddenly, she's a movie star in chucks and ripped jeans, and he just doesn't know what to do with himself.  _ Wow _ .

But he definitely doesn't have a crush on her.

A half hour later, they pack up and head out to get dinner.

By complete coincidence, his mother drove him to school today, so Gert is driving, and it occurs to him that this is the first time he's ever been in her car. It's old, with about a bajillion stickers on the dashboard, a pair of purple fuzzy dice hanging from the mirror, and soft alternative music plays out of the speakers as he watches the world fly by from the passenger seat. It's....peaceful. Something he could get used to.

"Hey, we're here," Gert says, shoving him lightly with one hand as she pulls in. She's got a teasing smile on her face, and it occurs to him that he's barely said anything this whole time. Whoops.

He shakes his head a little. "Sorry for zoning out."

"Nah, it's fine. Long day?"

"You could say that."

They get out of the car, and Gert pats the top of the car before they walk in. "Wanna talk about it? Come on, tell Mama what's wrong."

His face screws up in disgust, and she makes the same face back. "Yeah, it was gross for me, too. Weird thing to say to someone you've slept with, huh?"

Chase barks a laugh. "Yes, it was."

They reach the door to the tiny little Thai place, and he holds it open for her to walk through.

They order, then a few minutes later sit down at a table by the window with that Gert claims is 'the best pad Thai in the state'. (She's right.)

"So," he says as he digs in, "What's up? Why-"

"Alex asked me out."

"O-oh." He's not jealous. He's not. He has no right to be. Nope.

"Yeah, and I kind of didn't want to talk to anyone else about it, I don't know why, I guess I just think that Karolina and Molly are going to try and talk me out of it for the sake of the group, and I heard Nico say something about how she thinks we wouldn't be a good match, which was shitty of her, but whatever, and I just wanted someone to be excited with, you know?"

Chase smiles. It's nice to see her happy like this. He takes a sip of his drink, then says, "You really like him, don't you?"

"I do! I do." For some reason, maybe it's her expression, it looks like she's convincing herself. "We're getting dinner on Saturday- yes, I know that's two days from now- and I'm......nercited."

He raises an eyebrows. "I know you're trying to combine nervous and excited, but that is so not a word."

Gert laughs, and he swears that it's the most beautiful sound in the world.

~~~~~

Gert is nervous.

She's not dressed up, not really, except that she totally is. She's wearing a spaghetti strap dress over a soft white t-shirt, which wouldn't be so out of the ordinary if the dress didn't have sunflowers on it and if she wasn't wearing lip gloss. Lip gloss and clothes with flowers on them are what you wear when you want to impress someone, don'tcha know. Or maybe that's just a her thing.

The doorbell rings. Alex is here.

She gets to the door and slips outside before her dad can even think about getting out of his armchair, and almost bumps right into Alex.

"Woah, I'm sorry," she says as she nearly falls into him, but Alex gets her upright with a tight grip on her arms.

"No, no, it's fine," he says with a nervous smile.

"Alright, good. You gonna let me go?"

His hands fly behind his back as he laughs awkwardly. "Yeah, yeah, sorry. Um, you ready? Or am I getting the shovel talk first?"

She laughs. "From  _ Dale Yorkes? _ Maybe when Hell freezes over. Molly totally would, though, if she even knew this was a date and not a 'hangout'."

They'd been walking in the direction of his car, but Alex stops. "They don't know?"

She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, a little embarrassed. "Mom and Dad do- you know how nosey they are. Molly doesn't- but only because I was kind of afraid she'd be against it. She's always been weird about change." She's totally going to get the girls together and dish tomorrow, though. Once the actual date has happened and went well, they won't be all up in arms about it. Probably.

He nods, and they start walking again. They pile in the car, and he starts the car and turns on the music. It's something jazzy and romantic, so as he pulls out of the driveway she says, "I like this song."

"Yeah, me too. Angie showed it to me- she's cool, right?"

_ Oh, good idea, please keep talking about a girl who's shown clear interest in you on our first date _ . "Yeah, she is, although she needs to work on her-"

"Posture? Singing? Footwork?"

He knows her well. "All three."

They both laugh a little, but it doesn't cut through the weird tension. It's only until they're sitting in the (nicer than she expected and dressed for- she really thought he was just taking her to Annie's, or something) restaurant and he spills pasta on himself that it breaks.

Dinner is nice. Alex is nice. Everything about this is just so...nice. She's having a good time.

On the drive home, they don't talk much, just steal glances at each other every now and then, and neither of them can stop smiling.

Alex walks her to the door, and when they reach the porch she says, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, "I had a really nice time tonight."

He smiles, then says, "Yeah, me too."

And then, once again without warning, he leans in to kiss her. It's a good kiss, but there's something.......missing.

She doesn't know what she's comparing it to.

~~~~~

The days leading up to November 21st go by in a blur.

It's always like this, the days leading up to the anniversary. But Chase is just now noticing the others are like this, too. Nico most affected, which is to be expected. He was talking to her last night though, on FaceTime, and she said it was a little easier this year, because of Karolina. She immediately changed the subject after.

It's Friday, which means, counting today, it's four days until the anniversary of Amy's death, and Chase is barely making it through class. He feels sick. He did last year, too.

He wonders if it's ever going to get better, or if he's always going to be heartbroken this time of year.

~~~~~

Gert is sluggish, leaning on Alex for support as she passively watches him type the remainder of his assignment as they eat lunch. And don't get her wrong, he's just as miserable as she is. He's just a lot better at hiding it.

"Hey, you almost done?"

Alex doesn't really respond, just hums a little in acknowledgement, so she presses a kiss to his cheek and says, "I'll be back in a minute, okay?"

She gets the same reaction, so she pats his hand and stands, heading in the direction of her office. And then she runs into- literally- Chase.

He looks awful.

The circles under his eyes are dark, and the hoodie he's wearing is worn and about two sizes two large. Chase is usually so.....she doesn't know how to describe it.  _ Big _ isn't the right word, but it's close enough. He's all-encompassing. When he's around, you notice. But right now he looks small. Like a child who needs to be told where to go. It's almost frightening.

"Hey, man, you okay?" She says, putting a hand on his arm, and he jerks his head a little, seeming to shake himself out of a trance.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm.....I'm good, Gert."

"Okay, but you don't  _ look _ good, bud. Wanna go hang out in my office, or something? I need a break from," she waves her hand vaguely at the rest of the theatre and the chaos of the kids messing around. Her other hand is still on his arm.

Wait, why does that matter?

He nods slowly, and she leads him to her office, where, once the door is closed, they both slide down the wall until they reach the floor, staring up at the ceiling together.

After a while, she speaks quietly into the silence. "You know, last year, we all went down to the beach. Had a bonfire. It was nice. We might do it again."

"Is that an invitation?"

She shrugs. "If you want it to be."

"Can I ask why I didn't get one last year?"

"You did- not by me, just so you know. Alex texted you. No response. It was for the best, maybe. I would've freaked." Or maybe she would've been fine with it. Maybe, if he had come, they'd have started being friends again from then on, pushed on by the melancholic camaraderie that surrounds a group of people who have all lost their very best friend in the world. Maybe.

"I didn't see the message. I broke my phone around then." She snorts. Yeah, right. "No, seriously." He looks into her eyes, earnest as he says, "I was having a shit time, I got angry and I threw my phone into a lake. Hand to god."

She laughs a little drily, and his mouth curves into a sad smile.

They're closer now, practically leaning on each other as they keep eye contact.

The smile falls from Chase's lips, and he says, quiet, "I miss her a lot."

"Me, too."

~~~~~

Two years ago today, Amy Minoru was driving on the highway, talking to a friend with her new car's fancy call system. Two years ago today, a drunk old man decided the middle of the day was the best time to go for a drive. Two years ago today, Amy Minoru's flashy new car got gruesomely T-boned, crushing her.

Two years ago today, Amy Minoru stopped breathing.

No matter how much he wishes he didn't, how much he desperately wishes he could just forget, Chase remembers November 21st, 2015, in sickening detail. It's the days after that are a blur.

The worst part was the not knowing. They were stuck in the ER for hours, scared out of their minds of the worst option. When it came, or, more accurately, when the doctor came out of the procedure with a sad shake of his head, nothing felt real. Nothing  _ could be _ , not with Amy gone.

The funeral was awful. Worse, because Alex didn't even  _ show up _ . He kept saying that it was his fault, that he didn't deserve to be there- he'd been the one Amy was talking to, you see.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear, it seems, because as he's walking into drama class Alex pats the seat next to him in invitation.

"Hey, man."

He smiles sadly, sitting down. "Hey. How you doing?"

Alex shrugs. "Better than last year."

Gert comes into his line of sight as comes up behind Alex to wrap her arms around his chest and drops her chin to his shoulder. "Hey, babe."

Alex pats her hand absently. "Hey, princess."

Wow, Gert is letting him get away with that? Chase is a little shocked, to be honest, but from the blush on Gert's face it's clear that she likes it. He is not jealous. Nope. No time for jealousy today, there just isn't.

~~~~~

The drive feels longer this time.

Alex is playing his Sad Playlist, the one with all the whiny melancholic white boys on it, and she's staring out the window, watching cars pass. Molly and Chase are doing much the same in the back seat. They're on their way to pick up Nico and Karolina, which is only really going to work out because they're in Gert's parents old Volkswagen Fridge. Alex is driving because he saw how shaky Gert's hands were and wouldn't let her do it. It's nice, to be taken care of like that. Having a boyfriend is unexpectedly great.

Not that she thought it would be bad! She just hadn't dated a guy before- just girls, like Abby last year, or Callie the year before. She was a little nervous. Ugh, this is coming out wrong.

Everything's been coming out wrong, lately.  _ Speaking _ just isn't her forte right now.

Like, Thursday. Her and Chase went to get Thai food again, as it’s become somewhat of a ritual these past few weeks, and neither of them said anything the entire time. But it was nice, sort of. A comfortable kind of silence, if you will.

They reach Nico's house, and Karolina and Nico pile into the car. Nico has about five packets of that stuff you put in fires to make them colourful in her hand.

"Alex, put on something less miserable. I'm sad enough, man." That's an unexpected thing to hear, especially from Nico. Last year she was a mess. They all were.

Gert takes his phone and does it for him before he can even ask her to, Whitney Houston pouring out of the speakers, and Alex gives her a warm smile as he pulls out of the driveway.

They reach the beach at around dusk, and build a bonfire together as the sun sets.

With Alex on one side of her, and Molly on the other, she watches the fire, a multicolour, beautiful thing.

"Hey, remember that time she broke her arm trying to get my kite back?" No one needs to ask which 'she' Molly is referring to. They know.

"Yeah. I remember the drive to the......to the hospital." Gert wonders if Nico is thinking about a very different drive to the hospital that also involved Amy. She hopes not. "She was bawling her eyes out. And then Dad got her a lollipop while we were waiting in the ER, and everything was fine again. Oh, hey do you guys remember the prank war?"

"You mean when she dyed my hair green and I couldn't get it out for a week?" Karolina says. "Yes, I remember."

They all laugh, a little sad, but comforted, too. They spend the rest of the night trading stories, and all of them but Gert and Alex fall asleep, eventually. They stay up together, both because they need to keep an eye on their friends and because neither of them wants to go to sleep yet.

Gert watches the sun rise with her head on Alex's shoulder, wrapped up in an old quilt, and it feels like a new beginning.

 


	2. Act 2: Winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unarticulated: the inability to fully understand or express something.

"You're doing it wrong."

"Gert, we have gone over this one tiny conversation six times now."

"And yet, you're still doing it wrong."

Chase and Eiffel are being difficult on purpose, Gert is sure of it. Eiffel is being overly serious when she’s supposed to be funny, and  mild when she should be exuberant, and don’t even get her started on Chase. He looks like he’s trying to choke down a slimy bug.

She sighs, and joins them on the stage, murmuring to Chase, “I’ll do Eiffel first, one sec.”

“Okay, you have  _ got _ to help me with this. Like, I get that I’m supposed to be enunciating better, or whatever, but-“

“It’s not about  _ enunciating _ , it’s about  _ encapsulating _ your character. You have to get into Larken’s head.” Eiffel still looks a little confused, so she continues. “Like, think about it. You’ve been dating this douchebag,” she gestures to Chase, who waves awkwardly,  “for like, forever, and you really like him, right? But then you guys make a bad decision and don’t use protection because this is the fantasy Middle Ages and you’re teenagers. So you get pregnant. And your boyfriend is super popular, and you think he’s probably going to break up with you if you tell him, but you also don’t want to lie. So you’re dragging it out. Like, a lot. And then he’s all ‘well, actually, that’s fine, we’ll figure it out’, which isn’t what you were expecting, so you’re ecstatic. You love him, he loves you, everything is going to be okay. Does that make sense?”

Eiffel nods, finally understanding. “Yes, I think I get it. Wow, Larken is complicated.”

Gert smiles. “I know, right?”

She makes her way over to Chase, and, seeing the look he’s giving her, asks, “What?”

He’s got a fond smile on his face, and his eyes are crinkling up the way they do when he’s happy. He’s totally going to get crows feet when he’s older. “Nothing, nothing, uh, so what was it I need to do better?”

“Oh, yeah, so you need to work on your surprised face. It is genuinely frightening.” He pouts, and she rolls her eyes at him. “Don’t be cute. You literally look like someone puked on you every time you get cued. Work on it.” 

“You think I’m cute?”

Gert raises an eyebrow. “I think you’re a lot of things,” she starts ticking them off on her fingers. “Annoying, loud, bad at Spanish-“

“Okay, okay, okay,” he says to stop her, smiling that toothy smile that  _ does not _ give her butterflies. “I get it. I am a plague on your existence.”

“Not so much a plague,” Gert says, scrunching her nose up. “More of a mild stomach flu, if anything.”

“A stomach flu? Wow, Gert, didn’t know you thought so highly of me.”

She throws her head back with a laugh, and Chase looks all proud of himself.

And, alright, she does think he’s kind of cute.

~~~~~

Chase is spending his afternoon painting sets with Gert (and a bunch of other people too. But Gert is the important variable here as always) and he’s having the time of his life. Even if there’s paint in his hair.

“Oh, fuck yes, I love this song,” he hears Gert say as the opening bars to Goodbye Earl by the Dixie Chicks start playing out of the speakers.  

“You don’t strike me as a country fan,” he says, and Gert laughs.

“I’m not, I’m a Dixie Chicks fan. There’s a difference.”

“Is there though?” Gert shoves him playfully, but he accidentally trips on an unopened paint can behind him, falling to the ground with a thud.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry! Are you okay?”

Thinking quickly, Chase comes up with a plan. “Yeah, I’m good. Would you help me up?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” she sticks out a hand, and Chase grabs it, ignoring the butterflies as he pulls her down to the ground to join him.

“Hey!” Gert punches him on the arm, but Chase just keeps laughing.

She punches him a few more times, but it kind of just feels like getting poked by a teddy bear. “That doesn’t actually hurt, you know.”

She sticks her tongue out at him, then gets up, saying, “I’m not helping you up this time.”

Chase rolls his eyes fondly and stands, but reaches out an arm to help her when he sees Gert stumble. "Woah, are you okay?"

She shakes her head a little, pressing her fingers to her temples and groaning out a, “Headache.”

Chase rubs his hand up and down her arm to comfort her. “Do you want an Advil? I have some in my bag.” They’re usually for Victor Stein based injuries, but Gert doesn’t have to know that.

“Yeah, please.” 

He pats her arm and heads to his bag at the edge of the stage, but when he looks back as he roots around for it, he finds Gert talking to Alex, looking totally fine. It seems he’s leaving for the day, and Chase watches as she kisses him goodbye, pretending that he isn’t jealous. 

After Alex has left, he walks back over, pill bottle in one hand and a juice box from the bottom of his bag in the other.

“You still need these?” He shakes the pill bottle, and she winces at the sound. That’s a yes, then.

“Yeah, thanks.” She takes the pill bottle and unscrews it, shaking out an Advil, then takes the juice box from him and swallows the pill with a big swig of Apple-Strawberry Fruitopia.

“Why didn’t you tell Alex about the headache?” That was probably a bit blunter than necessary, but whatever.

Gert sighs. “I’m going to his mom’s birthday thing tomorrow, and I’m stressed the fuck out about it, but I can't tell him for fear he'll uninvite me because he thinks I can't 'handle it'." She rolls her eyes.  "They know we’re dating, and everything, like, we’ll have been dating for a month on Friday, but it’s my first real Meet The Parents type deal, you know? And I’m just….nervous. Plus,  _ Angie _ is going to be there, and I’m not jealous, I’m not, she’s great, but Alex thinks she’s just  _ so _ cool-“

“But he thinks you’re even better. Come on, Gert, you’re _ you. _ You’re the coolest girl I know.” 

Gert smiles, and is he imagining things or is she blushing? “Thanks, that’s, um, that’s sweet of you. Hey, are we still on for Thursday?”

Chase smiles back toothily. “Definitely, Gert.”

~~~~~

Gert smoothes her sweaty hands down her jeans for about the thousandth time today as she rings the doorbell to Alex's house. Mansion is a better word, but 'house' makes her feel a little more comfortable.

The door opens, and Alex is either overdressed or she is severely, severely underdressed. He’s wearing a suit, and Gert is terrified it’s the second one. “Hey, you made it!”

“Yep! I did!” They just look at each other for a minute, and Alex has this weird look in his eyes that she can’t interpret. “Um, you gonna invite me in?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just…..you wouldn’t happen to have a change of clothes?”

Her mouth purses. “No, I don’t. Nobody told me I had to dress up, so I didn’t.” It’s a dig, and from the way he winces, Alex knows it.

It’s not like she’s dressed like a street rat, anyways. She thinks this purple sweater-best pair of jeans-cute flats combo is quite nice, actually.

Alex nods. “Yeah, alright, that’s on me. Come on in.”

He leads her to dining room, and, of course, the minute they walk in every single fancily dressed person in the room turns to look at her. Great.

She spots his parents first, and, wanting to avoid the looks she’s being given, she drags Alex over with her to them.

“Hey, Catherine! Happy Birthday, doll.” She’s used to treating adults as friends over authority figures, it’s just how she was raised. Molly got the babying and the help with homework and everything else. Gert got a Rory and Lorelei dynamic she never even wanted. 

And then, Gert does what is apparently unthinkable.

She hugs her boyfriend’s mother. 

Catherine freezes, then awkwardly pats her back until Gert lets go, and it occurs to her that maybe she shouldn’t have just done that.

“Um, sorry. Uh, here,” she says, going to hand her the little jewelry box, containing a cute bracelet she found at the flea market last week.

“Oh, there’s a table, dear.” Right. Of course there is. 

Alex gives his father a nod, then puts a hand to the small of Gert’s back and starts all but pushing her away from them.

“Well, that was a disaster,” she says, hoping for a rebuttal, but Alex doesn’t say anything. “Alex. Dude, tell me it wasn’t a disaster.”

“It wasn’t a disaster. Ish.”

“Dude!”

“I don’t like lying- oh, hey, Ange.”

“Alex! Hi! How you been?”   _ You saw him three hours ago, why didn’t you ask then? _

“I’m good, Ange. Uh, you’ve met Gert.”

Both of them give him a weird look. “Babe, we share three classes. You knew this.”

“Right, right.”

Angie is dressed perfectly,  of course, in a navy blue dress that makes her look all sophisticated, even though Gert saw her dump a bucket of glitter on Victor’s head not four hours ago. Gert wishes she wasn’t a family friend of the Wilders. Then, at least, Gert would be a bit less embarrassed. 

Angie must spot someone,  because she says, “Oh, I should go. Nice to see you guys.”

Once she’s walked away, Alex says, “Well, that was-“ 

“Awkward.”

“Oh. No. I was going to say it was nice. It’s always good to see Ange.” She has to force herself not to roll her eyes. Of course he thinks that.

“Yeah, alright.”

His eyebrows go up. “Do you not like Angie?”

“No, it’s not that I don’t like her.”  _ It’s that you do _ . “I dunno, she’s just a little too high horse for my taste.” 

Alex gives her a surprised look. “Really? She always seems so down to Earth to me.”

Gert shrugs. “You don’t have to work with her the way I do. She’s shit at accepting when she’s doing something wrong.”

He raises an eyebrow. “That’s a little hypocritical, don’t you think?”

Gert sighs. “I don’t want to fight tonight, Alex, I really don’t.”

“I wasn’t trying to start a fight! I just think that maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to judge, I mean-”

“Alex-“

“Son, have you seen your mother? She was with me just a minute ago.” Oh, thank you Geoffrey Wilder. Never before has she been this happy to see her boyfriend’s dad.

“I think I saw her head to the kitchen, would you like me to go check?” That was  _ very _ customer service-y of her, glad to know her stint at Burger King still has it’s hold on her. 

“Yes, that would be great of you. Thank you, Gert.” Geoffrey is smiling a little weirdly at her, like, approvingly? She sees Alex give him a look.

She nods, and heads to the kitchen, finding Catherine flitting around, looking a little crazed.

“Catherine? You alright?”

She sees Gert and nods quickly. Too quickly. “Yes, yes, I’m fine.”

“Do you want help with that?” She’s plating some sort of dish, but her hands are kind of shaking.

Catherine sighs. “Yes. Yes, please.”

Gert smiles and joins her, steady hands carefully preparing the dish. Once it’s done, she asks. “Alright then. Now, tell me, what’s got you all ruffled?”

Due to being raised to act like an adult before she becomes one, adults often feel like they can confide in her. They see her like a friend. So it’s no surprise when Catherine starts to spill the tea, as it were.

“You know Angelika, don’t you? Well, her mother is the most annoying snot I’ve ever met. Does not shut up about how  _ accomplished _ Angelika and her brother are, going on and on about how she’s an honour roll student and he’s going to medical school, well, my kid is going to be a lawyer so suck it, Marjorie. But I can’t tell her to suck it, or it’d be the talk of the town. And she always says I bring storebought treats to the PTA meetings, which I do, but that’s none of her business! I’m a lawyer, I don’t have time to stay home all day ‘working from home’ the way she does.”

“Did it ever occur to you that you could just stop inviting her to things?” Gert is leaning against the counter, in Advice Mode, now.

Catherine makes a face. “No, no, I couldn’t do that. Alex needs to have Angie around or he’ll go nuts surrounded by all the adults. And besides, Geoffrey and Marjorie’s husband, Richard, are good friends. I couldn’t just stop inviting them to things.”

Gert raises an eyebrow. “Alright. And, by the way, Angie’s brother Micheal dropped out of med school to be an actor. He’s going to a liberal arts college now, not John Hopkins. If that helps.”

“Noooo, really?”

Gert nods. “Yep. Angie told me about it a few months ago.” Actually, she told Alex, who told her, but same difference, right?

Catherine gets a gleeful little smile on her face. “Oh, that’s good. That’s really good. Thank you, Gertrude.”

The rest of the party consists of Gert following Alex around, quiet and only joining conversation when prompted. She feels…….out of place. Like she doesn’t belong. 

~~~~~

“Hey, would you wanna go to the Polish place on seventh instead of getting Thai? I drove past it yesterday and it smelled soooo gooooood.” He and Gert are sitting in his car, about to leave for dinner like they do every Thursday. They’ve gotten Thai food for literally the last month, and Chase wants to mix it up a bit. 

“Oh, fuck yes. Perogies, latkes….my mouth is already watering.” She rubs her hands together and hums in excitement, and Chase laughs a little.

“God, I haven’t had latkes in literal years.” He pulls out of his parking spot, and Gert immediately takes the AUX cord and plugs in her phone. “Wow, not even going to ask first? Gertrude, where are your manners?” 

He’s expecting a ‘don’t call me Gertrude again or I’ll castrate you’, but instead, she just smiles. “Maybe I just don’t care whether you say yes or not.”

“Ooh, ballsy, considering we’re in my car.”

She scoffs. “Like you’d kick me out.”

“I could make you walk.”

Another scoff, this time accompanied by an eye roll. She presses play, and Frank Ocean starts playing out of the speakers of his car. "Hey, I love Frank.”

“Me, too.”

The second best part to having a nice car (the first, of course, being the cushy leather seats) is how great the sound quality is from his speakers, so Frank Ocean’s  _ Pink + White _ is playing in perfect clarity right now.

“Is it just me who always refers to him as ‘Frank Ocean’? Like, with both names? He always seemed like a two name kind of person to me.” She’s bopping her head to the music, and it’s cute. It’s really cute.

Chase has decided to admit to himself that he finds Gert attractive. Very attractive. But he doesn’t have feelings for her, which is a different thing. He just thinks she’s the most beautiful woman in the world and he would do anything to kiss her again. See, different.

“Like how Zendaya is a one name kind of person?”

“Yeah! Like, nobody’s king around calling her Zendaya Coleman, just like nobody calls Beyoncé Beyoncé Knowles unless you know her personally.”

Chase gives her a confused look. “Don’t you mean Beyoncé Knowles-Carter?”

Gert scoffs. “Did you  _ listen _ to Lemonade? Any man that cheats on Beyoncé does not deserve to have his last name tacked on to hers.”

“Oh, so true.”

Once they reach the diner, they nab the window seat as per usual.

“So, anything new going on?” He says, then takes a latke off the plate they’re sharing and takes a bite. Fuck, that is good. He leans back in the chair closing his eyes with a moan. Fuck.

“E-enjoying yourself?” Gert says, and her face is really red. Is it warm in here?

“Yes. I missed these things so much.” He goes to take another latke off the plate, but Gert flicks his hand away.

“One at a time! I want some too, you know.“

He concedes, then says, “So? Anything going on? Oh, how was the party last night?”

Gert sighs heavily. “Don’t even make me think about it.”

“That bad, huh?”

She closes her eyes and runs her hands down her face. “Worse. So, so, so much worse. First, I was totally underdressed because Alex didn’t tell me it was a fancy party, so I was there in my jeans and sweater and everyone else was in, like, dresses and suits. It was so embarrassing. And then I hugged Catherine, which was apparently this huge offence, and then we ran into Angie-“

“Who you’re not jealous of, you just wish Alex would shut up about her.” They’ve been over this before, if you can’t tell.

“Yes! Yes, exactly. Ugh, and I just felt so out of place, you know? Like……so uncomfortable, and everyone could tell.”

“I’m sure it was not as noticeable as you think it was.” He pats her hand on top of the table, then realizes what he’s doing and pulls it back immediately. “Come on, you’re great with adults.”

“Most adults. His dad seemed to like me, though. Said something near the end of the night about him ‘always thinking we would be a good pair?’”

They both laugh at that, then go back to the meal, and by the time he drives her home and he gets back to his own house, he feels like he could fight a war all by himself and win.

But maybe that’s just Gert’s effect on him.

~~~~~

"Hey, are you ready for tonight?" Alex asks with a big excited grin on his face. They're eating lunch together while Alex fucks around with the ever malfunctioning speaker, and Gert wishes that she knew what the hell he's talking about.

"What do you mean?"

His face falls. "For....for our anniversary?"

_ Our  _ **_one month_ ** _ anniversary? Really?  _ Gert plasters on a smile and pretends that she doesn't think celebrating one month anniversaries is  _ super dumb _ as she says, "Oh, yeah, totally! Sorry, I-"  _ didn't know we were doing anything because you always forget to tell me the important parts. _ "I blanked. I'm pumped!"

Alex gets a suspicious look in his eye, which is fair, honestly. "Right. Uh, we're gonna go down to the lake, have a picnic. I'll pick you up around five, alright?"

A picnic? That's so nice! It sounds like there's a very chill evening in her immediate future, which is totally what she needs right now. Just a box of hot pizza and a nice view of the water are totally gonna help her calm down after how hellish her week has been.

__________

Huh. This is....not what she was expecting. Like,  _ really  _ not what she was expecting. To put it short, Alex  _ hired a violin player. _ And she's pretty sure he rented out this area? Also, they are  _ not  _ having pizza. The contents of that basket he's holding almost definitely cost more than every item of clothing Gert is wearing  _ put together. _

Sigh. She really did just want to chill out tonight. She's dressed for it, too- her most comfortable pair of jeans, her Dad's old college sweatshirt, and her beat up Chucks don't really evoke  _ romantic night on the lakeside. _

But the music is pretty, and privacy is nice, she supposes. And Alex is clearly excited about this.

They sit down, and Alex opens the basket, solidly proving her right about the cost of all this as he pulls out each dish. "This is...a lot."

"What, you don't like it? I can order something else if you-"

Gert sighs, putting a hand on his chest to stop him. "No, don't. I just, um-" in dire straits, the best choice is always the truth. "I was expecting something a bit more lowkey. Pizza and people watching, you know? But it's fine. This- this is nice. Just wasn't what I was expecting, is all."

Alex nods slowly. "So you would prefer cheap food and making fun of strangers to... _ all this?" _

_ Yes.  _ "I just think you don't need to spend a hundred bucks to have a good time."

"It was two hundred. Amelia charges a lot for her services." The violin player, Amelia, gives a small wave, then continues to play. Alex looks extremely disappointed, now. Shit. Did she just ruin this for him?

All discontentment goes out the window, even if she can't believe he spent  _ two hundred dollars. _ Like, really, who has that kind of spending money? Gert grabs his arm, a comforting smile on her face. "Al, I told you it was fine. Let's eat, okay?"

Alex, cheered up by the thought that he hasn't just ruined everything, agrees. He grabs two cans of artisanal soda-  _ seriously?-  _ and hands one to her, holding his out for a toast. "To a long and happy relationship, hm?"

He's so sweet. Gert taps her can against his and says, "Looking forward to it."

But as she takes a sip, Gert wonders why it feels like such a lie.

~~~~~

It's an overcast Saturday morning, and Chase is, as he does most Saturday mornings, torturing himself by sitting high in the bleachers to watch the Lacrosse team practice on the field.

He's high enough that none of the players can see him, which is lucky, because  if they could see him they would completely forget about practice in favour of stomping up here to beat the shit out of him. They all kind of hate him, now, which is just fine by him because he hates them right back. Fuck each and every one of them, honestly. Chase is glad he's off the team.

But.....he does miss some things. The rush of adrenaline, the pride in an absolutely perfect pass, the joy of scoring the winning goal. And being on a team was nice, too. Even if it fed his habit of fading into the background, it felt good to be a part of something.

And he supposes he's a part of something now, with the play-  _ musical. _ Everyone always gets mad when he calls it a play, he doesn't know why. Victor tried to explain it to him, once. Chase didn't understand one word of it. And that feels good, too, but in a different way. Theatre isn't competitive the way Lacrosse was. Everyone in the club is there because they want to be, not because their parents are trying to live vicariously through them, or because they need a scholarship. They're just there to have fun, to have the experience, to meet people who love theatre as much as they do. It's so  _ genuine. _ And that's never who Chase has been. Chase has a different facet of his personality for every situation, and he rarely feels completely himself. But in drama club, he finds it easier to just be  _ him. _ No precursors, no parts of himself locked away.

Everyone there is so much more accepting there, too. There are parts of himself that Chase has always hated. Parts of him that he's always deemed strange, or disgusting, or just plain wrong. Or maybe his father just told him so, and Chase was never able to let it go. Maybe. But the drama club is so open about everything, and he just feels....safe, there. Not to mention the fact that, like, half the kids in drama club are gay. And they don't hate themselves for the way they feel, they don't pretend to be something they aren't, they don't hide. They just  _ are. _ It's admirable.

Chase wishes that he could be like them. He wishes that, one day, he won't care what his father has to say about the LGBT community. One day, he won't care about what his father has to say about  _ anything. _

~~~~~

Gert hates shopping. She really, truly does.

But shopping with friends isn’t half as bad- especially with a group as big as theirs.

It’s her, Karolina, Nico, Molly, and Molly’s date to the formal (!!!!), Klara. Apparently, they’ve ‘grown close’ from ‘running lines together’ (which is such bullshit since Klara is literally an understudy, she  _ should  _ be running lines with Mateo, but whatever), so Molly asked her out. Well, not asked her out. More ambiguously asked her to the dance, because she’s Molly and being bad with girls is her super power.

Klara is actually really cool. She's been over to the house a good few times, and she's thoroughly modern for someone from what is apparently 'the closest to nowhere you can get in Eastern Europe'. Like today, for example. She's got on this cool as shit metallic red eyeshadow, with literally no other makeup, and that paired with a big handmade sweater and skinny jeans makes for an iconic look that Gert is Jealous Of. It's also very, very gay in energy alone, which is unsurprising because one of the first things she learned about Klara is that she's a lesbian.

So, yeah, if Molly ever bucks up and asks her out, Gert wholly approves.

"So, where to first?" Nico asks, her eyes focused on the passing people instead of them.

"Uh, I was thinking Forever 21? I know it's, like, super basic, and everything, but you can find good pieces there, and-"

Nico interrupts Karolina with a smile and a hand on her arm. "No, babe, that's a great idea."

They head there, and look around for a while. Karolina easily finds a dusty rose coloured dress that makes her look all angelic as per usual, and Nico already has an outfit, she just wanted to tag along. They go off somewhere to help Klara for a few minutes and Gert and Molly end up going in a different direction, promising to meet up later.

"Ooh, what about this?" Gert says to Molly, holding up a gauzy red dress with gold details. "For you, not me."

Molly screws her face up. "I don't know, I just don't think red is my colour."

Gert gives her a weird look. Molly looks great in red. "Alright." She looks around some more, and finds another dress- green this time, with little frills on the hem that would look so cute on her sister. "How about this one?"

Molly shakes her head to that dress, and the next three Gert shows her. "Aren't you supposed to be picking out your own dress?"

Gert makes a face. "I've been looking around, but I think I'm gonna wait until we go to the next store? Maybe I'll check out the H&M clearance rack. Hey, Molls?"

"Yeah?"

Gert steps forward, and asks, "Are you sure you even want to wear a dress?"

Molly breathes a big sigh of relief, like she was just waiting for Gert to ask that. "No, no, I don't want to wear a dress. Like, at all."

Gert nods in understanding. "Alright then. You know, telling me that would make finding clothes for you a lot easier."

Molly laughs, finally looking comfortable, and eventually they find a red tux with a blazer that's a little too big so Molly can push up the sleeves.

"See, I knew you looked good in red," Gert says, and Molly smiles, bright and happy.

"Oh, hey, guys," Karolina rounds the corner (which is STILL IN the changing room section, because this place is huge) as she greets them, saying, "Where'd you guys go?"

"Suits section. Doesn't Molly look great?" Gert discretely gives Karolina a look that says, 'if you say no I'm never speaking to you again', and Karolina gives Molly a big smile.

"You look great! Plus, you and Klara are matching," she says, and just at that moment Klara rounds the corner as well, wearing a black tulle skirt and a red crop top, a la Bianca Stratford.

"Oh my god, you guys look so good together." Gert says, not thinking, and Molly, face aflame, glares at her.

But Klara doesn't notice. Instead, she walks over to Molly and loops their arms together, saying, "Don't we?"

Gert has never seen her sister smile so wide.

On the way out of the store, they pass the new winter collection, and, interested, Gert goes to look through the racks.

And then she sees it. ('It' being the most beautiful dress she's ever seen.)

"Oh my god, Gert, you have to try it on!" Nico says, running her fingers over the soft blue fabric, and Gert nods, dragging them all back to the dressing room.

It fits perfectly, and Gert just has to buy it. She has to. Like, look at this thing! The base fabric is a gauzy Cinderella blue, with marbled bits of silky fabric layered over it in the same colour, if a bit more metallic. And while the v-neck is deep, the sheer fabric that comes up to her collarbones makes it a little more modest.

When she comes out of the dressing room and looks in the mirror, Gert has probably never felt more beautiful.

Apparently everyone else feels the same, too, and Karolina even starts to make plans on what she should wear with it, saying, "Okay, so you're totally wearing this with those white shoes you got for your birthday last year, you know, the velvet ones? And you have  _ got _ to wear your hair down."

"Okay, yes to the first one," Gert says, self-consciously touching her left pigtail. "But no to the second."

"Come on, Gertie, just think about it?"

Karolina is pouting, and that plus those big blue eyes of hers practically force Gert to sigh and say, "Alright, alright. It's a  _ possibility." _

After they've bought their things and left, Nico declares that she's starving and that they have to get lunch or she will die right there in the middle of the mall.

They stop at Shake Shack and somehow manage to procure a table, sitting down with their burgers and shakes and digging in.

"Oh, hey, I've been meaning to ask you," Karolina starts, swallowing and putting down her burger for a moment. "how did you and Chase get to being friends again? It feels like one day you hated him and the next you didn't, what's up with that?"

She's about to say something about how things change and over time she started to enjoy being around him again, and that Chase is a good friend of hers, now, and while it will never be like it was she likes to think that what they have now is better, when Nico beats her to the punch and says, "They slept together on Halloween."

There is.....a variety of different reactions. Moll makes a gagging noise, Klara kind of shrugs, like, 'yeah, makes sense', and Karolina just about does a spit-take.

And Gert, well, Gert heart drops to the pit of her stomach. "Nico, I told you not to tell anyone."

"Oh, come on, it's not that big of a deal-"

"Yeah, but I _ told you not to. _ I don't care if you think it's not that big of a deal, it was to me, and you knew that when I told you about it."

"Gert, we don't care-" Karolina says, trying to placate her, but that's not what it's about. It's about Nico's inability to keep a secret.

"No, I know that, it's not about that- it's about me wanting to keep something private and Nico not respecting that. Seriously, what the fuck?"

"It's not like I revealed your deepest darkest secret or whatever, chill, Gert." Nico rolls her eyes, and clearly she doesn't see anything wrong with what she just did. Gert is  _ so _ out of here.

Gert shakes her head in disgust. "I'm leaving. Molly, Klara, come on, you can take your food with you." She stands, grabbing her milkshake and leaving the last of her burger behind.

"Oh, come on, Gert, we were having such a nice time-"

"And then you blabbed about something I clearly wanted kept secret! Jesus, Nico, what was even the point of that?" She waits for an answer, and doesn't get one. "Alright. Cool. See you guys on Monday."

She turns around, Molly and Klara following her out.

When they reach the car, she jumps in and slams the door behind her, reclining the seat as far back as it can go and staring at the ceiling as she waits to calm down.

"So," Molly starts, and Gert sighs.

"Yeah?"

"You slept with Chase on Halloween?"

"I did."

"Did you regret it?"

"Nope."

"Did you use protection?"

"Duh."

".......Why didn't you tell me about it?"

That one stumps her. She doesn't know why she didn't tell Molly- although, it was probably for the same reason why she didn't tell anyone of her other friends, the ones who wouldn't spread it everywhere. What happened between her and Chase was....special. Private. It was theirs, and Gert didn't want to share it with anyone else. She just didn't.

"I.....I don't know, Molls. But do me a favour?"

"Sure."

"Don't tell Alex."

"May I ask why?" Klara asks from the backseat behind Molly, and oh, right, Gert nearly forgot she was there.

"He'll.....he'll blow it out of proportion. And he'll be pissed because we haven't, you know, done it yet even though he's asked and I had a one night stand with someone at a drop of a hat." He's only mentioned it once or twice, but Gert just.....isn't ready yet.

It definitely, definitely doesn't have anything to do with the worry that it won't be as good as it was with Chase. Right?

~~~~~

"Helloooooo," Eiffel says as she loops her arm through his. He was walking across the quad, alone, he might add, when Eiffel decided to join him, and he can't decide if he's annoyed or just confused. From the way Eiffel is snuggling up to him right now, he's going to go with the former.

"Uh, hi."

"Aren't you excited for the formal? I already bought my dress, it's  _ Versace _ , we're going to look so good together, you're going to wear that blue suit you have, right? Oh-"

"Eiffel." He stops, and she looks up at him, fingers still digging into his arm. "What gave you the impression we were going together?"

Remarkably, she looks confused. "Aren't we?"

He shakes his head a little, eyebrows up, and she says huffily, "Well, why not?"

Chase shrugs. "Because..."  _ I don't want to go with you because you'll treat it as a date.  _ "I just want to go stag this year."

She gives him a weird look. "And what's _ that _ supposed to mean? Come on, this was going to be our third year going together, eleventh was going to be our  _ year! _ I was finally going to beat out Jessica and Andy for Best Couple!" Oh, and this, too. Eiffel always makes everything about her.

"Then find someone else to go with? Eiffel, come on, we both know we only went together these past two years out of convenience. Be realistic." Oh, that was the wrong thing to say, apparently. Her eyes well up, and her bottom lip starts to quiver, intentionally making a scene to make him look like the jerk in this situation.

"I thought I _ was _ being realistic! Since when do you not give a shit about me, huh? We were like, practically dating-"

"Eiffel. Making out at parties once or twice does not qualify as 'practically dating'. Get a grip, and find someone else to go with."

"Fine, maybe I'll just go with Lucas-"

"No. Not him."

Eiffel crosses her arms, defiant. "You can't tell me what to do!"

"No, Eiffel, you don't get it." He steps closer, speaking quietly. "Lucas is bad news, okay? Not wanting to go to the dance with you doesn't mean I want you to get hurt."

"Get hurt? Like...........oh." Suddenly serious, she says, "Is that why you beat him up earlier in the year?"

"Yeah, it is. So stay away from him, okay? And Brandon, too. I don't want to see you hurt."

Eiffel nods, then returns to her dramatic cool girl persona in seconds. "Fine, fine. You're helping me find a date, though."

"Alright, but think back to how bad I am at matchmaking. Remember-"

"Alice and Wally?" She throws her head back with a laugh. "God, that was so bad. Okay, maybe not my date. How about my accessories? Is Thursday good? We can order in, maybe?"

"No, I have dinner with Gert on Thursday. If I miss it she'll get pissed. How about tomorrow?"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What's this about you and Gert?"

"Uh, we get dinner every Thursday?"

Eiffel gets a gleeful little smile on her face. "Wow, didn't know you were a homewrecker."

"Whoa, what? No, it's not like that. We're just friends, anyways."

"Hmm, somebody sounds defensive. Oh, I think I see Jess, laters!" She sprints in the direction of one of her other friends, leaving Chase a little flabbergasted.

"I don't like her like that!" He calls after her, too late, and a few people on the quad give him weird looks. Whoops.

~~~~~

“So, what’s up with you and Nico?”

Her and Chase are at the Polish place again, because it’s literally so good and she needs comfort food today, especially if she’s going to be dealing with these types of questions.

Gert sighs, shoulders dropping, and Chase says, “Should I have not asked?”

“No, it’s fine.” She sighs again, heavy. “It’s just- okay, so, we went shopping on Saturday, right? And everything was great. It was _ fine _ . And then when we got lunch, Karolina was like, ‘oh, hey, I was wondering- how did you get back to being friends with Chase again?’”

“And what did you say?” Now that it directly involves him, Chase looks about five thousand times more interested- not that he isn’t usually interested. 

“I didn’t get a chance to  _ say _ anything, because Nico beats me to the punch and says, ‘Oh, they slept together on Halloween.’”

Chase’s eyebrows go up, and he’s probably thinking the same thing she is- that they never, ever talk about that. Like, ever. 

“And like, I specifically asked her not to tell anyone. It was…..it was  _ our _ thing, you know? I didn’t want it…..spread everywhere.”

Chase’s face goes soft. “ _ That’s _ why? I thought….I thought you were like, ashamed of it, or whatever.” His face is bright, tomato red.

“No, no, I’m not. It,” she swallows, nervous, “It was fun. I just didn’t want- I just wanted it to be a me-and-you thing. Not an ‘all my friends plus my already jealous boyfriend’ thing. God, I am literally going to jump off a cliff if Alex finds out.”

Chase takes a sip of his drink, seeming to be thinking on what to say next. “Understandable.” Seeing that she kind of wants to change the subject, now, he says, “Hey, did you hear about what happened with Eiffel on Tuesday?”

“Ooh, no, fill me innnnnnn.”

“Well, she was apparently under the impression that we were going to the dance together next week, which we aren’t! I said nothing to make her think that! And she was like, totally freaked about it, but I hate going to stuff like that with her- she always, always treats it as a date. And I don’t like her like that! Like, sure, she’s fun to have a friend. She’s…” he screws up his face a little, looking for the right word.

“Entertaining?”

“Yes, entertaining. She’s cool, and I like her- as a  _ friend _ . But  _ only _ as a friend. And she always blows things out of proportion, like, I said I wanted to go stag, and she starts  _ crying _ .”

Gert laughs sharply. “No way!”

“Yes, way! She tears up and starts pouting and what am I supposed to do, right? Like, why would she put me in that situation?” 

“Can I say something kind of mean?” 

“Go for it.”

“I think,” she picks at the edge of a latke, maybe a little nervous. “That Eiffel is self-centered.  And elitist. And classist. So it’s probably okay if you’re not into her like that.” There’s another reason, too, another reason why she’s happy Chase doesn’t feel that way about Eiffel. But it’s one that she can’t name, and if she could, she wouldn’t.

~~~~~

Chase can’t do this. He can’t. It is absolutely impossible for him to do this right.

‘This’ being memorizing and correctly executing all the steps to the dance accompanying In A Little While, especially with Eiffel refusing to show up. Again.

“No, no, no. You can’t do this on your own! Miss Yorkes, help him please,” Miss Hinchey says to Gert, who is clearly in the middle of working on something with Molly. She holds up a hand in a placating manner, but Miss Hinchey says harshly, “Miss Yorkes,  _ now _ , please.”

Gert sighs and pats Molly on the shoulder, probably promising an imminent return, and trots over to him.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Eiffel isn’t here, but Grinch says I have to get the dance sequence down pat before the end of the day,” he’s talking with his hands, because he’s frustrated and Chase is nothing if not a ritualistic creature. 

The corners of her mouth quirk up into a small smile. “Did you just call her Grinch?”

“Oh. Yes. I mean, she’s,” he lowers his voice, “she’s kind of a grump, and ‘tis the season, right?”

Gert laughs, and Chase kind of feels proud of himself. “Yes, ‘tis the season. So, what are you having trouble with?”

“Um, that one part during the chorus? It's a little complicated- I'm not the best dancer.”

Her face clears with understanding. “Yeah, okay,” she screws her mouth up her mouth in thought, then says, "Alright, here."

She takes one of his hands and guides it to the small of her back, twining their hands together and resting her other hand on his shoulder. Chase is having a mini heart attack right now.  _ Stay calm stay calm stay calm pretend you can't smell orange blossoms don't you dare think about what happened between the two of you STAY CALM. _

"We start off with a simple box step," she says, starting off with the basic movements. "Yeah, like that- oh, dear."

He's tripped over his own feet, but he didn't fall, so it's fine. He's fine. "S-sorry."

She smoothes her hand over his shoulder, and the press of her palm against him- even through his sweater- is enough to make him even more nervous. "It's okay, Chase. We're good. I've got you."

He makes a weird, heartsick giggling sound, and swallows down on it,  _ hard _ .

"Now, next is that spin- it's easy once you get used to it. You ready?" He nods, and she separates from him for a moment, spinning out, then comes back to him, circled by his arms as she grabs his other hand.

"Alright, and now, we do the back and forth step? That's probably not actually what it's called, but......" Gert trails off as she looks up at him, and he's struck by how right this feels, having her in his arms like this. He smiles at her, as soft as he can manage, and Gert smiles back.

"Hey, guys, uh, what's going on?" Oh. Alex. He looks more than a little pissed, and he's zeroed in on their entwined hands.

Gert separates from him immediately, and Chase feels the loss like a death in the family. She trots over to Alex, pulling him in and kissing his cheek, and he relaxes visibly. They chat quietly, and Chase shouldn't still be watching them, he really shouldn't.

Soon, she's dragging Alex into her office with that sexy smile of hers that he recognizes from their one (1) night together, and Chase shouldn't be freaking out the way he is right now. He shouldn't be.

Except that he totally is.

"Hey, man, you okay?" Victor says as he approaches, watching Chase watch the door to Gert's office. He's begging for them to come out right now. Begging for them to just be having a private conversation about, like, tax benefits.

But Alex is Gert's boyfriend, _ not _ Chase, which means that they're probably making out right now, and there's nothing he can do about it.

This insane amount of jealousy he's feeling definitely means what you think it means, by the way.

Against all the precautions he carefully put in place, all the shitty compromises he made with himself- Chase has feelings for Gert. So, there. He's screwed.

"Yeah, man," Chase says, wiping at his eyes. "Just allergies. What's up?"

~~~~~

Alex has her pressed up against a wall right now, fingers digging into her waist as his mouth moves against hers- and it’s not _ actually _ magic, but it’s something pretty damn near close to it.

Her hands are curled into his t-shirt, pulling him ever closer, and she feels his finger contract at her waist, itching to move. “You can do something with your hands, you know that, right?”

“I can?” His voice cracks, and Gert has to swallow down the laugh that threatens to bubble up. She hums a yes and leans in to kiss him again as his hands slide down, down,  _ down _ , and squeezing a little.

They make out for a while longer, and it's just getting to the good part when Alex pulls back, saying, "Wait, wait, wait. I have a question."

Sigh. "What is it?"

"What is  _ up _ with you and Chase? Like, seriously, why did _ you  _ have to be the one that showed him the dance?" Oh. This again.

She’d never expected Alex to be the jump-when-her-phone-dings, so-who-were-you-with-last-night boyfriend, but apparently even she can be wrong sometimes. It’s both nice and annoying, to be honest. Nice, because, well, no one she’s dated has ever cared this much. Annoying for every other reason in the book.

Gert rolls her eyes, playfully so he doesn’t think she’s just blowing him off. “Because Ms. Hinchey asked me to? It’s fine, babe, don’t worry.”

It’s the wrong thing to say. “Oh, right, so I’m just supposed to ignore this, huh?”

Gert is so confused right now. “Ignore what?”

“You! And Chase! Like, going out for dinner every week with a guy you’re not dating isn’t  _ normal _ , you know that, right?” Wow, way to go, Alex really deserves a boyfriend of the year award for that one.

But she doesn’t want to fight. So she pulls him a bit closer, and says, kind of jokingly, “When have I ever been normal?”

It works. He laughs a little, effectively distracted, and pulls her in again. The kiss is softer this time. Gentler. Like an apology.

Or at least that’s what she’ll tell herself.

~~~~~

Chase wakes up knowing this is going to be a bad day.

It’s not anything external, really. He’s doing okay in school. His personal life is, well, fine- realizing he has a crush on his friend kind of hinders him from saying  _ great _ \- but it’s just. Internal stuff.

Like that trapped feeling he gets sometimes, the one that makes him want to scream from the rooftops, ‘ _ I LIKE BOYS, TOO’  _ the one that makes him want to kiss a boy just for the hell of it, the one that makes him want to move to Gayside, USA, and never, ever leave. (That’s not a real place, by the way. There used to be a town called that in Canada, though. They changed the name- can’t imagine why.)

So he’s wearing a black hoodie that’s two sizes too big and he didn’t do his hair. He feels like possessing Ariana Grande just to rhetorically ask: and what about it?

He looks like shit, he feels like shit, and now he’s  _ at school _ . And he doesn’t even have drama or homeroom today, so he won’t see Gert  _ or  _ Victor to help cheer him up. Maybe he’ll just eat lunch alone, so he doesn’t have to interact with people today. Because it’s for the best, really, if he doesn’t see them. Can’t share a secret if you don’t have a friend around to tell it to.

He makes it all the way to the end of third period.

He’s sludging his way through the hallway out to the lunchroom, head down, when Gert spots him. She starts waving him over, but, literally terrified even though Gert is one of his  _ closest friends _ , what is he  _ doing _ , Chase pretends not to see her and keeps walking.

He eats lunch by himself in the darkest corner of the lunchroom. He’s lonely, and it sucks. It does. But it’s better than outing himself and freaking the fuck out.

At the end of the day, as he’s driving home (because, just this once, he’s skipping rehearsal) he gets a text from Gert, which he reads at a stop light because he’s a Safe Driver.

**Hey, you okay? I missed you at rehearsal today**

**…We still on for dinner tonight?**

**_Idk I just feel really shitty I don’t want to go out_ **

**Want me to come over? We could order pizza and watch a movie**

**_Yes that’s a 1000x better is 6 good_ **

**Yep!**

Well, then. Guess he just can’t say no to her at all, huh?

But maybe tonight will be good. Gert calms him down, usually, so even if he’s worried about….. _ that _ ….he’ll be chill. Probably.

Chase tries to take a nap until six, just to escape from him own brain, but it doesn’t work. All he can think about is how he’s lying to everyone, and how his father would literally, not joking here,  _ kill him  _ if he ever found out, and how he’s probably faking this, isn’t he, like, there’s no way he’s actually bisexual, right? Right?

He’s halfway to a breakdown when he hears the doorbell ring.

His hands shake as he opens the door, but seeing Gert smile at him like this is worth it. Ish. Also, she’s holding pizza, so already his day is a little better.

“Hey, buddy. How you doing?” Oh, ‘buddy’, that’s cute. Well, he thinks everything about Gert is cute. And beautiful. And interesting- this is not the train of thought he wants to be on right now.

He sighs. “Uh, not great, to be honest. You coming in?”

She walks through the door and closes it behind her, stepping out of her shoes. Her socks have little watermelon slices on them.

Gert is observant as she walks down the hallway, seeming to be absorbing everything that she’s forgotten or has changed. He follows her, shoulders slumped.

“So, are we just gonna sit on the couch, or….”

“Well, Mom isn’t home, and neither is Dad, so yeah, I guess.” Gert raises her eyebrows at him. “What?”

“Nothing,” she says, sitting down and laying the pizza box on the coffee table. “It’s just…weird that you’re home alone, I guess.”

Chase sits down next to her, at a safe distance so he doesn’t do something weird and like, smell her hair or some shit. “Why is that weird?”

She screws her mouth up in thought. “I’m just….never alone. Ever. With Karo being over half the time, and Alex the other half, plus  _ Molly _ , I never get time to myself. It’s kind of………” she trails off, fidgeting a little.

“Suffocating?” God, does he know how that feels. Especially today.

“Yeah. That.” For a moment, they just look at each other, until Gert takes a breath and averts her eyes. “So, enough about me. Do you want to talk about how you’re feeling? Or do you want to just, like, watch a movie, or something. Because I’m good with either, truly.” Oh, that sounds nice. Usually when they hang out, they’re getting something to eat, because it’s an easy activity that they can do literally anywhere because there’s a restaurant on every block in L.A..

“I’d prefer the latter, to be honest. I just…..I’m so…..” he doesn’t know what he’s trying to say. But Gert seems to get it, from the way she nods and snatches the remote off the coffee table.

She presses a bunch of buttons, but the tv doesn’t turn on, and Chase asks, “Do you even know how to work that?”

She pouts at him. “Well, to be fair- alright fine, I don’t know how to do it.”

Chase laughs a little, and she gets a proud look on her face, like making him laugh was the highlight of her night. He takes the remote from her and turns on the tv, flicking to Netflix and asking, “What do you want to watch?”

“Do you like murder mystery type shows?” He shrugs, and Gert gets the delighted look on her face that makes his heart thump. “Oh, we are totally watching Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. You’ll love it, I promise.”

She explains the premise to him, and a bit about the characters, then takes the remote back from him and chooses an episode- ‘The Green Mill Murder’.

At first, it’s good. The leads are attractive, and the storyline is super interesting.

But then they get to the part where the two gay guys get outed, and possibly face prison for sodomy. And that’s where his emotional state starts to go downhill.

First it’s his shoulders coming up to his ears. Then it’s his face screwing up to keep himself from crying.

It’s only when he starts hyperventilating that Gert notices what’s going on.

Gert pauses the episode, rightly a little freaked out as she asks, “Woah, what’s going on?”

“Nothing-“ he can’t make himself properly, he’s feeling a little lightheaded, actually, “Nothing, nothing, I am fine, I’m good-“

“Chase.” Her hand is on his back, rubbing up and down soothingly. “Are you okay?”

The words are weighted, asking more than she says. It’s not just asking how he is on the surface. It’s asking if he needs help. And he so, so does.

He shakes his head a little, and he realizes he’s been rocking himself, trying to calm down. It’s working, a tiny bit, so he keeps doing it. “No, no, I’m not.”

“What do you need, Chase? What do you want me to do?” The way she’s talking reminds him of the therapist he went to when his Nana died. Like she’s dealt with this before, like she knows what she’s doing. It’s helping a little, having someone capable around.

“I just- I can’t. You can’t know.  _ Nobody  _ can know.”

“Okay, Chase, okay. You don’t have to tell me. No one is going to make you. I just need you to take a deep breath, okay? In and out, yeah, just like that. Good. Now, again. And again. You’re doing so good, Chase. Just keep breathing.” As Chase learns how to breathe again, Gert keeps  _ looking _ at him, and yes, that deserves italics, because it’s a  _ look.  _ With  _ deeper meaning _ . Of course, Chase can’t parse out what that deeper meaning is right now, but, like, he knows it’s there.

Once he’s calmed down, sort of, he asks, “C-can I have a hug? Sorry, I know that’s stupid, I just-“

She interrupts him by wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling him in. He freezes for a second, then hugs her back, squeezing tight.

“I think…..I think I want to tell you.” He’s speaking into her shoulder, breathing in orange blossoms and a hint of cinnamon that he never noticed before. It’s soothing. “I……I should tell somebody. Probably. It would be better, if it wasn’t just me.”  _ This is a bad idea this is a bad idea this is a bad idea. _

“You sure?”

He doesn’t say anything, and Gert pauses, then says, “How about we work our way up? I’ll tell you a secret, you tell me one, and back and forth, until you’re ready. Would that be good?”

Chase nods into her shoulder, then pulls away and says, “Yeah, that’d be…better.”

“Okay. We can do that. Do you want me to go first?”

He nods, and god, he loves her so much. Not, like,  _ loves  _ her loves her, just…..as a friend. She’s such a good friend. He likes her a lot, but he only realized that YESTERDAY. He’s not  _ in _ love with her.  ~~ Yet ~~ .

Gert screws her mouth up, thinking. “Hmm…alright, got one. I speak French.”

“No way, what? Since when?” Oh, wait, did she learn it to read some big fuckoff French book? That sounds like her.

“Uh, last year, when I wanted to read  _ Les Miserables.”  _ Chase is right all the time and has never been wrong, ever, in his life. “And no one knows that but you. Not even Alex or Molly.” He never has and never will say anything about this to Gert, but the way she says Alex’s name has always seemed so odd to him. It’s just….indifference. There’s no change in the way she says his name- her tone is the same when talking about  _ math class _ . It’s probably weird that he’s noticed that, but maybe he’s just making stuff up to make himself feel better about the liking Gert thing.

“Oh, wow, confidential, huh?”

She shrugs. “No, I just haven’t had a reason for anyone to know. But now you do,” she affects a fantasy narrator type voice for what she says next. “Guard it wisely, Padawan.”

“With my heart and soul.”

There’s a pause, and he says, “Should I go next? Not the….not The secret, but, you know. An easier one.”

“Sure.”

He looks around awkwardly, thinking. “Sometimes I listen to Beyoncé while working out.”

She snorts. It’s clearly not what she was expecting, and it’s making this a little easier. “Or Lady Gaga.”

“That’s got nothing on me. I listen to Kenny Chesney when going over stage directions.”

“ _ She thinks my tractor’s sexy  _ Kenny Chesney?”

“It helps me focus, okay?”

They look at each other, and then they both burst into giggles.

“Alright, alright,” Gert says, patting him on the arm, “uhh, I’ll go next. I’m worried about the toy drive this year. It’s only been going on for a week, now, but every year I get scared that nobody’s going to donate anything? Which is stupid.” She seems to think she’s said too much, because she switched to, “So?”

Chase wants to tell her, now. He does, really. But the words are getting stuck in his throat.

He opens and closes his mouth a few times, like a fish out of water, and Gert puts her hand on his arm. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Chase. Really, if you just want to-“

“I’m bi. Bisexual. Um. Yeah, that’s- that’s the big dumb secret. Please don’t tell anyone.”

Her face goes soft in surprise. “Oh. Me too.”

“Yeah,  _ I know, _ that’s kinda why I’m telling  _ you _ this- sorry. I’m being mean. I shouldn’t be mean to you. You don’t deserve that.” Gert smiles at him all soft, and he wonders desperately what she’s thinking.

“No, no, it’s okay. Coming out is hard to deal with.” Her hands lands on his arm, and she’s still smiling at him. Chase gets the sense that everything is going to be okay.

They spend the next few hours watching tv (NOT the same episode) and sporadically pausing to chat when Chase decides he needs to talk about himself some more. He feels selfish, talking so much, but when he tells Gert that she says that he’s being the perfect amount of selfish for his situation.

When she leaves at the end of the night, she waves a hand back as she gets into her car, and Chase has never been so sad to see her go.

~~~~~

Gert loves getting ready for parties. Dances, weddings, get-togethers, you name it, she’s excited.

It’s a bit different, this time, because usually she has all the girls over- but now it’s all the girls minus one. She couldn’t bring herself to invite Nico.

She knows, now, that maybe she overreacted a little. But she still hasn’t gotten her damn apology, and she’s not going to stop being mad until she gets one.

So Karolina is here sans Nico. It’s more than a little awkward.

“So, pink eyeshadow or gold? I really can’t choose, guys.” Karolina holds up both pots of eyeshadow, and Gert thinks on it before pointing to the gold one. She sees Molly nod her head in agreement. And then it goes back to the uncomfortable silence.

Five minutes pass. Ten minutes pass. No one says anything.

Molly slams her tube of mascara onto the counter. “Oh, can’t we just invite her? It’s weird without her here, and you know it, Gert.”

Her mouth screws up in determination. “Not until I get an apology.”

Karolina tries next. “Come on, Gert-“

“No. She needs to understand that she can’t just go blabbing about private shit, okay? She needs to say sorry.”

Karolina sighs. She looks understandably torn up. “Alright, Gertie.”

“I mean, if she would just  _ apologize- _ but no, no, no, Nico Minoru can do no wrong, right?” She’s applying lipstick as she talks, which is a bad plan, but looking in the mirror makes her realize that she forgot to tie up her hair. “Now, what do we think about my hair? Braid, ponytail-”

“One of those cute ponytails where you wrap a piece of hair around to hide the hair tie. Classy, but fun.” Molly says, and Gert swears her little sister could go into fashion if she wanted to.

She smiles at Molly genially. “You’re a lifesaver.”

~~~~~

Wow.

Wow wow wow wow wow wow wow. Gert looks amazing. Her dress is shimmery blue, and her hair is tied up in a neat ponytail that swings as she walks. He’s kind of obsessed with it. He hasn’t even talked to her yet tonight, but he just can’t stop looking at her. Everything about her is so…..captivating. She’s talking to Victor right now, laughing at something he’s saying as she touches the choker around her neck. It’s white silk and matches her shoes, and it occurs to Chase that she kind of looks like Cinderella. Well, if Cinderella were about ten times more beautiful and smart and funny and determined and- okay, he’s getting a bit off track here.

Victor spots him and waves him over, and, of course, Chase makes his way to them, joining the conversation with a careful brush of his hand against Gert’s elbow. He doesn’t know exactly why he did that, but from the blush on her face she clearly wasn’t against it.

“Hey, guys. Nice venue, huh?”

Gert scoffs. “ _ Venue. _ What is this, a wedding?”

Her tone is kind of joking but not really, she’s like that sometimes. Chase laughs anyways. “Yes, sorry, I forgot about your aversion to the upper class.”

She rolls her eyes at him. “I don’t have an  _ aversion  _ to the upper class, I just think-“

“Guys. Please don’t argue, not tonight.” Wait, Victor actually thought they were fighting just then?

They both give him a weird look. “No, dude, we do this all the time. We’ve had this same conversation a thousand times over, neither of us are actually upset.”

Chase nods sharply to back her up, and Victor gives them an old look before moving on. “So, uh, Gert, you were saying about Alex…”

Gert makes a disgusted noise. “Don’t even get me started on that boy. Do you know how much effort this took? I even ironed the dress! I didn’t have to do that! And the moment he sees me, he gives me a once over, gets all nervous, and calls me  _ cute! _ Cute, can you believe it?”

Chase is confused. Gert  _ is  _ cute. “Wait, what’s the issue here?”

She scoffs. “ _ Boys. _ The  _ issue _ is that I wanted a ‘wow’ and I got an ‘eh’. I’m  _ annoyed. _ ”

“Well, if it helps,” he says, swallowing, “I think you look very nice tonight, Gert.”

She smiles at him brightly, and his heart flutters. “Thanks!”

Victor catches his eye, and raises one very shady eyebrow. Chase gives a tiny shake of his head.

~~~~~

Alex finds her, then, wrapping his arms loosely around her and dropping his chin to her shoulder. He presses a kiss to her jaw with a low, “Hey, princess.”

She smiles involuntarily, reaching to fiddle with his long fingers. “Hey, babe.”

She sees Victor and Chase share a look, then step away from them. Not too far, just enough to give them privacy.

“I like this song,” he says, which is typical, honestly, since it’s some sugary pop song with no soul. But it’s fine, his lack of taste in music is kind of sweet.

She hums noncommittally, and he asks, “You wanna dance?”

“Sure.”

He pulls her onto the dance floor, and god, is he bad at dancing. Awful, actually. But watching him struggle through doing the robot is fun, and they stay on the floor for a good twenty minutes, at which point Alex gets tired and goes to get drinks. She sends him off with a kiss to his cheek, and when he squeezes her hand she realizes that she can’t even remember what she was mad at him for.

“How was dancing?” Chase asks as he comes to her side, giving her one of those smiles that make her feel all gooey on the inside for reasons she doesn’t want to examine.

“Fun. Alex is tired now, though, so he went to get drinks.” She fiddles with the bracelet around her wrist, nervous. She doesn’t know why Chase makes her feel that way, so nervous yet so calm all at once.

“Are you? Tired? Because, if you aren’t…” he trails off, giving her a look that seems to be gauging if she’ll go along with it.

“I still owe you that dance, don’t I?”

“You still owe him  _ what,  _ exactly?” Oh. Alex.

He’s holding their drinks, shoulders dropped and face worried.

For some reason, Gert feels caught in the act. “A-a dance. Remember the, uh, bet from….never mind.” She swallows, then says to Chase, “Hey, I think I saw Victor asking for you.”

“What- oh, yeah. He did say….I’ll go now. Bye.” He leaves quickly, mouth a tight line and eyebrows furrowed, and Alex shoots her a sharp look.

“What the  _ fuck _ was that?”

Okay, time to play it cool. It was nothing, wasn’t it? That’s how she should act, like it was nothing, because that’s what it was.  “N-nothing. I told you, he was just asking me to dance. Platonically. As friends.”

Alex’s body language practically screams that he doesn’t believe her, but he says, “Right. Um-“

“I have to go to bathroom. I’ll be right back, okay?” She leaves and all but runs to the bathroom before he can reply, locking herself in a stall and sinking down to the floor. She knows public bathrooms are gross and she shouldn’t be doing this, but she just needs somewhere to sit down in private for a minute to catch her bearings. 

There’s a knock on the stall door. “Gert?”

It’s Nico. She’d recognize her voice anywhere.

“God, just leave me alone,” she says, sniffling, and she hears Nico sigh.

“Open the door, Gert, you’re going to ruin your dress.”

“No,” she says, snotty, and Nico sighs again.

Gert hears some banging and clanging, and then Nico is dropping from the top of the other stall onto the toilet tank. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Joining you.” She hops off and plops down next to her, asking, “So, what’s up?”

Gert sighs. Might as well. “Chase asked me to dance.”

“Oh? Why is that a big deal?”

“It’s not! It’s not. But Alex of course heard him ask, and gets so pissy about it, like one dance really equates to cheating. He gets soooo jealous, especially with Chase, and I just don’t understand….Well. That might not be….I mean….”

Something in Nico’s face changes. “Gert, do you…”

She looks away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Nico nods, then seems to make a decision. “I’m sorry I told them about you and Chase, Gert. That wasn’t fair. You trusted me with that, and I blabbed. I have a problem with that, I think. At least, that’s what Karolina says.”

“Did  _ Karolina _ tell you to apologize?”

“Yes. About a thousand times over, actually.” Gert scoffs. Of course. “ _ But _ , I didn’t really get why it was a big deal until now. I think I get why you care this much, now.”

“Because Alex would throw a fit if he knew?”

Nico pauses. She looks like she doesn’t know what to say. “….Sure.”

~~~~~

He’s dancing with Victor right now, and Chase doesn’t really know what to do with himself. It’s not slow dancing, thank god, he’s pretty sure he would die if it was, but he is having a really great time. Victor is a very exuberant dancer.

“You really can’t dance, can you?” Victor says, and Chase pouts.

“Don’t be rude! I’m just better at actual dancing, not this stuff. Like, put me in a ballroom and I’m fine,  but…” Victor is rolling his eyes at him playfully. “What?”

“ _ Ballroom _ . Jesus. Alright, come on, I’ll teach you.”

Victor spends the next half hour crash course-ing him on how to do different dance moves, and by the end he’s sort of decent? Maybe? Victor says he’s doing well, anyways.

It’s fun. And, for once, Chase doesn’t feel terrified to say that. He catches Gert’s eye from across the room, and she gives him a big smile and a thumbs up.

And that’s when Chase trips over his own feet.

Victor is laughing as he helps him up, though, so it’s cool,  it’s fine. He’s chill.

“You alright, man?”

“No, yeah, I’m fine. Sorry for being a klutz.” Victor has a grip on his hand right now, and he’s not freaking out about it all. Nope, not one bit.

“You’d think from years of school sports you’d be all agile and shit, but apparently not, huh?”

“Well, seeing as I got kicked off the team….” they both laugh a little at that.

The rest of the night is nice. It’s hard not to keep looking at Gert, beautiful and-  _ taken, in a relationship, not available, stop thinking like this.  _ But he manages.

And he staves off the jealousy when he sees them leave together.

~~~~~

“I had such a good time tonight,” Gert says, curled up in the passenger seat of Alex’s car.

“Yeah? What was your  _ favourite _ part?”

She rolls her eyes playfully at him. “No, come on, Gert, if you had to pick  _ one moment-“ _

_ “ _ Fine, fine. Umm, probably hashing it out with Nico finally. I know that’s weird, but it just felt like a huge weight off my chest, you know?”

“What were you fighting over, anyways?”

Her eyes go wide. What the fuck is she going to say? “Uhhh, you know, just girl stuff.”

Alex looks at her weird. “What kind of girl stuff?”

“Oh, you know. She, uh, she spilled a secret of mine. One that she knew I didn’t want shared with, like, anybody.” Except Chase, because he was directly involved. Very, very directly involved.

“Even me?”

“Definitely.”

“Hmm,” he says, the hand not on the wheel creeping up her thigh. “You sure?”

She shivers, leaning back and closing her eyes. “Aren’t you supposed to be driving?”

He makes a turn and stops the car, and when she opens her eyes they’re in an empty, barren parking lot. “Nope!”

She laughs and pulls him to her, pressing their mouths together. Soon, she’s climbing into his lap to get a better angle, and Alex is trying in vain to unbutton her dress.

“Why the fuck did this dress have to have buttons?” He says, apparently ignoring Gert mouthing at his neck right now.

“Why the fuck do you have to be so un-dexterous?” She reaches back and undoes the dress easily, letting it slip down her shoulders and pulling her arms out.

Alex lets out a shaky breath. “Damn.”

She laughs a little, cupping his face to kiss him again, and his hands cautiously start to creep up, up, and up over her lacy bra. It’s green, and she definitely didn’t pick it to wear tonight because it’s his favourite colour. Definitely not.

After a time, Gert gets to a point where she has to decide whether or not tonight will be the first time her and Alex have sex. She has a condom- well, technically, Alex has a condom that she stuck in the glove compartment of his car a week ago. But that’s besides the point.

Alex starts kissing his way down her neck, slow and methodical, and oh, yeah. She’s made her choice- they are definitely having sex tonight.

—————

Huh. So that was…..neat.

She’s at home, now, standing in the shower and  _ contemplating _ . Contemplating how mediocre that sex was, contemplating how she didn’t even finish, contemplating just how much better sex with Chase was and how she’s not supposed to be thinking that.

But it  _ was _ better. With Chase, she probably could have never left that bed and been fine with it, so long as he was there with her. Kissing her like that, making love to her all loving and careful……yeah, she would’ve been fine as wine.

She still thinks about it, how it felt to just  _ be  _ with him, the passion and  _ rightfulness _ of their night together coming to the front of her mind when she needs to remind herself just how good great sex with someone you trust can be. And also when she’s horny in the middle of the night and can’t get the nerve to call Alex.

And it’s not as if she has feelings for Chase. Because she doesn’t. But it’s hard not to compare having really really  _ really _ good sex with Chase to the absolutely fucking mediocre sex she just had with Alex.

First of all, she kept telling him to  _ slow the fuck down _ because they had time, there was no countdown, it wasn’t a fucking competition to see who could finish first. Second of all, he called her cute???? Like, she was completely stark naked in front of him and he said, and she’s quoting here, ‘ _ God, you look so…cute right now.’ _ What the fuck, right? She gets that to his weird, ‘gotta be respectful and feminist at all times’ brain, that was a legit compliment. But like she said earlier tonight, she doesn’t want ‘eh’. She wants ‘wow’.

Gert has never been the one everyone was fawning over. She was an ugly duckling that turned into an average swan. So, she’s been called ‘cute’ a lot. Usually, though, when someone compliments her, she gets ‘funny’ or ‘smart’ before anyone even thinks to comment on how she looks. And, as a feminist, she’s proud of that. But as a teenage girl with insecurities about her appearance….not so much. And she doesn’t like to be called cute. It makes her feel like it’s the only thing the person can think to say about her appearance- oh, look, it’s Gert. Average,  _ cute _ , Gert Yorkes.

So, yeah, she’s kind of  _ really fucking sick of it. _

Once she gets out of the shower, she puts on her fluffiest pair of pyjamas, tucks herself in, and resolves not to think about Alex, Chase, or the word ‘cute’ at all for the rest of the night.

~~~~~

Christmas, as usual, is unsatisfactory for Chase.

Oh, sure, he gets a bunch of new shit, lots of new clothes, and a few parts he asked for for his tech projects.

But Christmas has never felt…his. Never felt like a holiday he should be celebrating. Sure, the music is nice and the lights are pretty, but Christmas has never incited that feeling of  _ home  _ to him. Honestly, he felt more at ease the few times he was at Gert’s house for Chanukah, when his parents were away on business or on vacation or just didn’t want him around for the night. The lighting of the menorah was always his favourite part.

He can’t wait to ask Gert how her Chanukah went at the New Years Eve party at the end of the week. Their families have done it every year, but Chase hasn’t been going the past two years because he thought no one would want him there. He was probably right. He’s been saving asking her about it, because even though Chanukah’s passed by now, he wants a full length face to face conversation with her about how it went. Gert gets so happy when she’s talking about her family, and their traditions, and it’s just so nice to see. Plus, it’s an opportunity to just talk to her for a while, and Chase loves nothing more than talking to Gert.

They didn’t get to go to dinner last week, because the dance was on a Thursday and they were off the next day for winter break, so family kind of came first with that, and they couldn’t reschedule. And Gert told him that this Thursday she’s going to see The Greatest Showman with Alex, so it’s very, very unlikely they’ll be getting dinner.

And that’s fine, really. He doesn’t feel brushed to the side or ignored  _ at all.  _ Except that he totally does. But Alex is Gert’s boyfriend, so  _ he’s  _ the priority.  _ Not _ Chase.

It’s getting harder and harder to make himself remember that.

~~~~~

“So,  _ why _ is it that you just  _ have  _ to help organize the Valentines Day dance?”

It’s three hours to midnight, she’s on Chase’s roof with all the other families from their weird circle, and Alex is  _ not _ understanding the importance of this.

Sheila 'Shei' Collins, student body president and former ensemble member three years running until she had to quit the club due to time constraints, called her last night freaking the  _ fuck _ out. Apparently, absolutely no one on student council wants to help with the Valentines Day dance this year, and Shei, overworked, overachieving Shei, just can’t do it all on her own- so she came up with a deal that she knew Gert would never be able to pass up.

“Babe, I told you, if I help Shei with the dance, drama club gets the prime bake sale spots until the  _ end of the year. _ Do you  _ know  _ how much money that would make us?” Alex still doesn’t look convinced, for some reason, so she says, “Come on, don’t you want to not have to wrestle with the speakers every second week? We could get them fixed by a professional!”

“Gert, as great as that sounds, I don’t know if it’s a good idea.” She gives him a questioning look, and Alex sighs. “Listen, babe, you basically have two jobs already, what with guitar lessons and how seriously you take stage managing. And don’t get me wrong, that’s not a bad thing, and you’re good at what you do, I just don’t want you to stretch yourself farther than you're able.”

Gert nods slowly. “I get that. But I think I can handle it? Probably?”

He shrugs. “Alright. But just know that if you start feeling overwhelmed by it, I’m here for you, okay?”

She grabs his hand, entangling their fingers. “I know you are.”

“Ew, romance, gross,” Molly says as she approaches them, an overfilled plate of hors d’oeuvres in her hand. She’s wearing a silky white top and a pair of shiny gold bell bottoms, to match the unspoken theme that’s the same as it is every year. Gert doesn’t really know what to call it, but she’s wearing a navy babydoll dress spattered with stars, and Alex is wearing ‘manly’ gold jewelry with his dark blue turtleneck, so if that tells you anything. Molly actually looks fucking awesome, if you ask Gert- like some kind of starry goddess that recently escaped from the 1970s.

“You’re just bitter because Mom wouldn’t let you invite Klara.”

“True, but mean. Ugh, she would’ve crushed this, too.” She wrinkles her nose, annoyed.

“What, the 'meet the parents' deal? Because she’s your girlfriend? Is that what you’re saying, Molly? Alex, doesn’t that sound like what she’s saying?” Alex nods in agreement, trying not to laugh, and Molly stomps one platform boot clad foot in dismay. They’re really cute boots- velvet navy platforms that make her taller than Alex- and she wonders where her sister bought them.

“Why must you be so cruel to me?”

“Guys, stop bullying Molly.” Karolina joins them, looking angelic in her cream minidress and white feathered jacket. Nico isn’t far behind, for once wearing a colour that isn’t black- her top is a sparkly silver, and her long, tulle skirt is  _ aggressively _ navy. Her hair is pulled back in a braid, a stark difference from Karolina’s loose curls. Gert’s hair is tied up in a neat bun, and she’s just waiting for Karolina to annoy her about it.

“Wait, why are we bullying Molly?” Chase joins them, apparently finally escaping the adults. His suit is really cool, actually. She was expecting another boring navy suit, or worse, but it seems his fashion sense regarding this night has changed since he was fourteen. You wouldn’t believe it now, but Janet used to have to struggle to get him into anything that wasn’t ill-fitting and made by American Eagle. But tonight, his blazer is dark blue, speckled with tiny white stars. There’s cerulean swirls all over it, and while the pants are a boring black, they fit him annoyingly well. His white dress shirt is tie-less, as it always is. Gert suspects he never learned how to tie a tie, at this point.

“We’re not, we’re just teasing her about her girlfriend.”

“Klara is  _ not _ my girlfriend.”

Gert smirks. “But you want her to be.”

Molly opens and closes her mouth a few times, gaping like a fish. She finally decides on grumbling, “Shut up.”

“So, Chase, how was your birthday?” Alex asks, and she’s a bit surprised that it’s him asking.

For all the shit he gave her at the start of the year for not wanting him around,  _ Alex  _ is the one who likes Chase the least, now. It’s weird. She tried to bring it up with Nico, wondering why he doesn’t like him, but Nico just raised a judgemental eyebrow at her and moved on.

“Oh, it was fine. Went to dinner with Mom- Dad was out doing something. We went to that place down on Jones Street? It was pretty nice. Mom got me a- uh- she got me a new watch? So that was cool.” Chase looks a little down and out, so she touches his arm, squeezing lightly, then letting go. Chase gives her a warm smile in return.

It seems Alex doesn’t notice any of this, for which she’s grateful. He has a nasty habit of overreacting to her and Chase’s friendship, and she doesn’t want to do that tonight.

“I can’t believe it’s only a few hours until 2018, you guys!” Karolina claps her hands together, excited, and Nico gives Gert an all knowing look that says _ , I saw that. _

“I think you mean, twenty- _ gay _ teen, eh? Eh?” Molly wiggles her shoulders, clearly proud of herself, and okay, Gert can admit that that’s hilarious.

“Well, Hayley Kiyoko  _ is  _ releasing an album this year, so-“

“Uh, since the fuck when, Nico?”

“Since this morning! I have her on notifications on twitter.” Ah, Twitter. A chaotic hellhole that’s 30% percent sexist Nazis, 40% stans, usually for Marvel because with movies with Spider-Man Homecoming and Thor: Ragnarok (plus Black Panther when it comes out in February), why wouldn’t they be, 10% celebrities and ugly politicians, and 10% normal people. Gert technically runs a multi-fandom stan account, but she will never, ever admit that that’s what it is.

“Oh, fucking aces. If she tours here, we should totally go see her.” Gert turns to Chase and Alex. “Without you two, though. Sorry not sorry.”

Chase shrugs, and Alex rolls his eyes, like _ , I wouldn’t have wanted to go anyways _ , which is fair.

_ “ _ I’m excited to get back to working on the musical.” Aw, that’s sweet of Chase to say. “I know midterms are gonna be a bitch at the end of the month, but I’ve only got four exams this year, so it’ll be fine. Last year I had  _ six _ , it was absolutely disgusting.”

“ _ Six  _ exams? What the  _ fuck?” _

“Right? It was absolutely insane. I had the usual ones, math, science, English, Spanish, and history, but then I was also taking a coding class, which, when I signed up, I was not aware required an exam. Miraculously, though, the only exam I got less than a seventy on was Spanish.”

“I could’ve helped you with that,” Gert says, not really thinking about what she’s saying.

“No, you wouldn’t’ve. You hated my guts, remember?”

She didn’t, though. She was angry at him, sure, but the only time she was fooling herself into thinking she truly hated him was at the start of this year. It just felt so jarring to have him in her life again, and it was like she physically couldn’t deal with it.

But she’s not getting into that tonight. “Ha! You’re probably right.”

~~~~~

It’s later in the evening, and therefore colder, so most of their crowd has retreated downstairs. Alex was the first to leave the roof, claiming he was tired, and most of them followed him soon after. Only he and Gert are left, now, chatting quietly.

“Hey, so how was Chanukah this year?”

He’s expecting a monologue, but Gert just shrugs. “Oh, you know. It was fine.”

“No, come on, I’ve been waiting all night for the recap.”

Her face lights up, and Chase’s heart pounds. “Really? Jeesh, Alex wouldn’t even let me get a word in when I tried to tell him about it. Too pumped about Christmas- you know how his family is. If I didn’t know already that his dad works in real estate, I would have thought he was Santa Claus.” Chase snorts. She is absolutely on the nose with that one. “Chanukah was really great. Molly finally let me teach her how to make Sufganiyot, and even though we made a mess of the kitchen they turned out delicious, so it was fine. And my grandparents flew in for a few days from Florida- they were so tan their skin kind of looked like leather, and Bubby would not get off my case about meeting Alex, which I  _ definitely  _ wasn’t agreeing to. I do  _ not  _ need my Jewish grandmother poking and prodding at my already stressed out boyfriend- did you know he’s  _ already  _ started studying for exams? Insane, right, they’re a  _ month _ away! I got a few nice things this year- I finally have a record of  _ Blonde _ by Frank Ocean for my record player, and I got some money from Bubby as always. I say it was just from Bubby because my grandfather is kind of clueless, if it’s not about golf or food, he doesn’t care- oh my god, I just realized how long I’ve been talking. Jesus, you must have an earache by now, I’m  _ so sorry. _ ”

“You don’t have to be sorry, Gert. It’s okay, I like listening to you talk.”

And for some reason, she shivers. Not in a big way, but just enough that Chase notices. Her cheeks are red, too. She must be cold.

“Do you want my jacket?”

“What?”

“You look cold. Do you want my jacket?” She starts to protest, but Chase is already pulling it off, draping it across her shoulders.

Hesitantly, she slips her arms through the sleeves. “Thanks, Chase.”

~~~~~

Gert feels kind of untethered right now. Being alone with Chase has always felt that way, a little, but now, wearing his jacket and with the words, ‘ _ you don’t have to be sorry _ ’ ringing through her mind, it’s getting to her more than ever.

After that night, every time he says it in  _ every kind of context _ , it sends shivers down her spine, sending her back, back, back all the way to that kiss and his touch and how  _ right  _ being with Chase felt. It’s demented, honestly. She shouldn’t still be reacting to it this way- but she just can’t seem to stop herself.

For a moment, it’s quiet. Neither of them says anything, both looking up at the stars and trying to figure out what to do next.

Chase takes the first step. “You know,” he says softly, nervous. “I never did get that dance, after.”

She pauses. “We don’t have music, though.” It’s a feeble excuse, and if Chase comes up with a solution, she’ll go along with it.

Chase takes out his phone and presses a few buttons, setting it down as the opening bars to Frank Ocean’s  _ Self Control _ starts to play from a speaker on a table near them that, to be honest, Gert hadn’t noticed until now.

“Well? Would you like to dance, Gert?” He extends a hand, and, hesitantly, she takes it. He pulls her closer, gentle as his other hand goes to her waist, and she rests the hand not entwined with his on his shoulder.

_ I’ll be the boyfriend, in your wet dreams tonight. _

_ Noses on a rail, little virgin wears the white. _

_ You cut your hair, but you used to live a blonded life. _

They stay like that for a while, a ‘leave room for  ~~ Alex ~~ Jesus’ distance between them, until Gert works up the courage to move closer, resting her head on his shoulder.

_ Keep a place for me, for me _

_ I’ll sleep between y’all, it’s nothing _

_ Keep a place for me _

_ It’s nothing _

_ It’s nothing _

Gert feels safe, here in his arms. Calm, too. Calmer than she’s ever felt. She can hear his heartbeat, close as they are, and the uniform pounding of it steadies her.

_ I, I, I, _

_ Know you gotta leave, leave, leave _

_ Take down some summer time _

_ Give up, just tonight, night, night _

_ I, I, I, _

_ Know you got someone comin’ _

_ You’re spitting game, oh you got it. _

The song ends, fading into nothing, and they separate slowly. Slower than they should.

Gert’s phone beeps, the alarm she’d set earlier for midnight going off. She flicks it off, then says quietly, “Happy New Year, Chase.”

“Yeah, happy- happy New Year.” And at that moment, Gert knows they’re both thinking the same thing. Knows how aware they both are of a very particular New Year’s tradition, and knows that they’re both thinking,  _ what if we kiss right now? _

But she can’t. She could never do that to Alex. “I- we should probably get down there. Alex is probably looking for me.”

Chase pauses, then looks away. “Yeah, let’s go.”

As they head for the door, Gert swears she sees a shadow move out of the doorway, a wisp of fabric grazing the side and disappearing out of view. But when they reach it, there’s nothing.

Must’ve just been a trick of the light.

~~~~~

By all accounts, this is the worst idea Chase has ever had.

They’ve only been back to school a few days, now, but being around Gert all the time is already starting to make him sick. Not  _ bad _ sick, though. Sick like sweaty palms and a pounding heart and a bright red face whenever she’s around. It’s getting to be a problem.

So, he came up with this as an outlet.

_ This  _ being becoming Gert’s secret admirer. Not in a creepy way (he hopes), just nice little notes and doodles, like the one he slipped through the slats of her locker this morning while Gert was in the auditorium. It says,  _ your hair looks nice today! :) -T.B. _ with a little doodle of a hairdryer and a hairbrush.

T.B. stands for Talkback, a dumb nickname she gave him when they were kids. He’s not expecting her to get that, which he’s grateful for.

He just hopes she likes it.

~~~~~

Huh.

Gert has been staring at this note since she found it in her locker this morning, unable to pay attention in class because of it. It’s nothing more than a compliment and a cute doodle, but it’s like she’s entranced by it, wondering who could have possibly put it in her locker. She knows it wasn’t Alex- his handwriting is small and spiky, while this is written in a steady hand, the rounded letters big and easy to read.

“Ooh, what’s this?” Nico says as she joins her at the edge of the stage, gourmet sandwich in hand. Quick as a wit, she grabs the note out of Gert’s hand, inspecting it.

Gert, used to this, accepts it. “Somebody left it in my locker this morning. Any idea who it is?”

Nico traces her fingers over the letters, pausing before she responds. “Nope, no clue. It’s cute, though- looks like you’ve got yourself a secret admirer.”

She hands it back, and Gert holds it gingerly. A secret admirer.

That’s….interesting.

~~~~~

“You okay, Gert?”

Gert looks like she hasn’t slept in days, the bags under her eyes huge and dark. She’s practically slumped over in her chair as she goes over what notes, for what, he can’t tell.

She looks up. “No, yeah, I’m-“ she cuts herself off to yawn. “I’m fine. Just tired. I’ve got a lot going on.”

Chase sits down next to her, glancing at the clock. Ten minutes until drama class starts, aka ten minutes until Miss Hinchey comes blustering into the room and ruining the peace and quiet. “You wanna talk about it?”

She yawns again. “Well, you know, I’ve got work, and then I’m helping with the Valentines Day dance, and with the musical on top of it it’s just,” she gestures lazily with one hand. “A lot.”

He makes a sympathetic noise, then asks, “Have you eaten today? That might make you feel a bit more awake.” She makes a face. “Gert. You at least had breakfast, right?”

“I was in a rush! And then I forgot my wallet, so I couldn’t buy anything, and all I’ve got packed is a few granola bars because Mom said she’d pack me something and then  _ didn’t.  _ And I’ve got lessons right after school, so I’m not getting home until five.”

“So, what you’re saying is, ‘I’m starving, please buy me lunch.’”

“No! No, don’t. I can handle myself.”

“Gert-“

“Don’t.”

He sighs, and resolves to buy her something anyways during his free period right before lunch. Gert can’t stop him if she doesn’t know, and she can’t refuse if he’s already paid for it.

Two periods later, Chase is in line at Annie’s. Annie knows him, now, and knows his usual order, so when he walks up she starts plugging it in.

“Oh, I’m getting lunch for Gert, too, Annie. That’s one double cheeseburger, no pickles, no bacon, a side of sweet potato fries, two packets of aioli, and a can of grape soda?”

Annie raises an eyebrow at him. “I know my favourite customer’s order, Mister Stein, though I’m wondering how you do. I’m also wondering why you’re here right now when you should be at school. I have half a mind to call the truancy cop on your ass.”

“I have a free period.”

She raises a judgemental eyebrow, then says, “Your order’s gonna take a while. You alright with waiting?”

“Always am, Annie.”

~~~~~

Gert is taking a nice little cat-nap in her office, practically having sleep for dinner, when she’s jolted awake by something hitting her desk. She cracks an eye open, and there’s Chase- and there’s a  _ paper bag from Annie’s. _

“Chase, you didn’t,” she says, already opening the bag and taking a big whiff of her perfect, delicious regular order.

“I did. You need to  _ eat.” _

She rolls her eyes at him, then takes a big bite of her burger, falling back into her chair and moaning. “Fuck, I love you so much right now.”

“You’re welcome. Hey, can I eat in here? I don’t want to get hounded by people asking for fries.” He holds up his own paper bag from Annie’s, and Gert, mouth full, points to a chair in the corner of the room usually occupied by Alex.

He drags it over to the desk and opens up his bag, emptying the contents onto the desk. “So, how’s the planning going?”

She swallows, then says, “Oh, you know, decent. We’ve decided to do a theme this year, if anything.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, we’re doing a- oh, shit, Shei will kill me if I tell anyone. Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine. A secret is a secret.” Which, of course, prompts Chase to start humming the Pretty Little Liars theme.

“Chase.” He’s still humming. “ _ Chase. _ ”

“Hm? Oh, sorry.” He takes three fries out of the container and shoves them all into his mouth at once.  _ Boys. _ “So, Nico was saying you’ve got a secret admirer?”

She screws her nose up at him. “Don’t talk with your mouth full, that’s gross. And…yes.” She tries her best to ignore how red her face is. “I’ve gotten like, five notes from them now, all cute little compliments and stuff. It’s kind of nice, actually.”

He swallows, nodding absently, then smiles in that way that makes her heart flutter in ways she doesn’t want to examine. “I’m glad.”

~~~~~

Gert makes it three steps out the door before she’s falling over.

Chase catches her, holding her close as she tries to get steady. “Woah, you okay?”

“Sorry, sorry, just got a little dizzy for a second.”

He rubs his hands up and down her arms to comfort her. “You don’t have to be sorry, it’s fine. Just take it easy, alright?”

She pauses for a second, then asks quietly, “Can I have a hug? That’s stupid, I know, I just- I’m so-“

He wraps his arms around her, holding her close. Gert melts into him, burrowing her face into his chest as her breathing slows. They stay like that for a few moments, Chase rubbing his hand up and down her back comfortingly, then separate.

“….Thanks.” She looks away, seeming almost uncomfortable. “Um, thank you for lunch, but I have to….go help Molly with something. Right now. Bye.”

She leaves in a hurry, and he watches her until she’s out of sight, making sure she doesn’t fall over again.

“What’s up with that?” Victor asks as he joins him, and Chase makes sure to cater his answer to Alex, who is clearly listening from where he’s fixing the speaker a few feet away.

“She’s super beat out, and she got dizzy. She asked me for a hug, and what was I gonna do, say no?”

Alex stands and walks over to them, fidgeting a little. “Uh, why were you in her office?”

Ah, this again. Gert has told him many a time how jealous Alex can get. “I bought us lunch from Annie’s during my free period because she forgot to pack a lunch and didn’t have money. I ate with her because I didn’t want anyone stealing my fries, plus, like I said, she was very tired, and I wanted to keep an eye on her.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to do that.  _ I’m  _ her boyfriend, not you-“

“What, so, because she’s dating someone no one else is allowed to care about her well-being? You know how fucked up that is, right?”

Alex’s hands curl into fists. “That’s  _ not _ what I’m saying-“

“I’d just let it go, Chase, he’s always going to be like this with you because of what happened between you and Gert.” Oh, shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. Does Victor realize how badly he’s fucked up right now?

“Victor, shut your mouth.”

Alex looks like all the anger he’s got inside of him is just about to boil to the surface. “No, don’t. Victor, tell me.”

“Victor-“

“I can’t, they’ll both kill me. Alex, I really don’t want to deal with Gert snapping my neck in science class. I really-“

“ _ Victor.” _

“Alex, just stop here, man-“

He pokes Chase’s chest, trying to get him to back off. Chase makes himself not retaliate, because the absolute worst course of action here would be to start a fight.

Alex advances on Victor, and Victor, cowardly as a mouse, tries in vain to shield himself as he squeaks out, “Chase and Gert slept together on Halloween!”

Alex stops in his tracks. “Oh.”

And then he turns on Chase. “Why the fuck didn’t I know about this?”

“Why the fuck do you think it’s any of your business?”

Shit. Wrong thing to say. Alex goes quiet, mouth twisting and shoulders shaking as he takes a hard step away from them, presumably to go find Gert. Shit shit shit shit.

Chase pulls out his phone, immediately calling Gert. Victor watches him as he listens to the dial tone, waiting for Gert to pick up. When she doesn’t, he tries again. And again.

“Maybe you should-“

“Go fuck yourself, Victor, seriously. That was not your secret to tell and you  _ know it. _ God, this is gonna- Jesus, I just wish she’d pick up!” He tries again, and there’s no answer.

The bell for the end of lunch starts ringing, and, shit, he just hopes Alex hasn’t found her yet.

He texts Gert, trying to find the best way possible to say this.

**I am SO, SO, SORRY about this, but Victor told Alex about what happened on Halloween even though I tried to stop him, because he mentioned ‘what happened between Chase and Gert’ in conversation and he’s a pushover, so when Alex got pissed Victor just went and told him. I would be telling you this over the phone but you’re not picking up. I know you wanted it kept secret and I am so, so, sorry.**

~~~~~

When Gert finally gets home, still berating herself for letting her phone die while she was eating lunch with Chase- she can’t believe she let that happen- she heads up the stairs without saying hello to anyone, hoping to take a long nap before dinner.

She opens the door and, oh, Alex. “Hey, babe, what’s…..” She trails off, seeing the devastation on his face. “What?”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Tell you….?”

“That you and Chase slept together.”

Oh, shit. Who the  _ fuck _ told him, she Is going to  _ throttle _ them, what the  _ fuck. _ “Who told you that?”

He stands, stepping closer as she closes the door behind her. “Don’t even try and tell me it’s not true, Gert, I know-“

“No, it’s true. I’m just wondering who _ told  _ you, because-“

“Why does it matter who told me?”

“So I know who I have to  _ throttle. _ ”

He rolls his eyes. “It was Victor, alright, Victor told me. But it seems to me that he thought this was common fucking knowledge, so I’d just like to know why I was apparently the only person who didn’t know you fucked Chase, because that seems to me like a pretty important detail, don’t you think?”

“No, I don’t think it’s important. I didn’t tell you because you’ve been jealous of Chase since the beginning-“

“And now I’ve learned I have a right to be, seeing as you went and whored yourself out to him!”

Everything in her goes cold. He just crossed a line. “What the  _ fuck _ did you just say to me?”

“You  _ heard  _ me. All this time I thought it was just in my head, that I would never actually lose you to him-“

“Oh,  _ lose me?  _ What am I, just an object to you?”

His mouth tightens. “That isn’t what I meant.”

“But it  _ is _ what you said.” She’s practically shaking from anger. “I want you to leave.”

“Gert-“

“ _ No. _ You can’t just call me a whore and treat me like some sort of  _ possession _ and then act like you have any sort of say in whether you can stay in my fucking house. Leave.”

She opens the door for him, boiling, and he storms out. She hears him stomp down the stairs and slam the door behind him, which, great, Alex, thank you for alerting the whole house to the fact that they just had a fight.

She closes the door and slides down to the ground, pulling her knees up to her chest and letting the tears fall. She’s quiet, trying not to give her parents another reason to come and ‘see if she’s okay’. She would welcome Molly being here, but,  _ of course _ , her little sister is at Klara’s until six. She doesn’t want to deal with her parents right now. They’re going to be the worst about this, she just knows it. They wouldn’t comfort her, they’ll just poke and prod until they get every detail. Mom might hug her, if she’s lucky.

She can’t deal with that right now, can’t deal with the ‘you’re not our daughter, you’re our friend!’ treatment right now. She’s always hated that, and with what’s just happened she doesn’t know if she could handle it at the moment.

So she grabs a blanket, cracks open the window, and hops onto the tree right outside it, climbing down and heading into the woods, to the one place no one will be able to find her.

~~~~~

_ “Chase?” _

“Yeah, what’s up?” Molly’s just called him, and he’s hoping it’s for something mundane and not, ‘Alex and Gert just got into a blowout fight, do you know why?’

Of course, he isn’t that lucky. Actually, it’s even worse than he thought. “ _ I wasn’t there for it, but apparently Gert and Alex got into a really big fight? And Gert  _ **_left the house._ ** _ But she left her phone, and she didn’t take Roberta, so we don’t know where she is. It’s been an hour, now, and we’re worried. Any ideas on where she might be?” _

Shit. Shit shit shit shit. “I don’t know, maybe. Do you want me to come over, help you look?”

“ _ God, would you? I know she couldn’t have gone far, but….I’m scared. _ ”

“On my way, Molls.”

He barely avoids getting ticketed as he speeds down the road to Gert’s house, getting there in half the time. He jogs to the backyard, where he hears voices.

“Where have you looked so far?” He asks as he approaches them, and he sees Dale jump in surprise.

“Nowhere, yet, we kind of just thought she’d come home on her own, but…” Stacey trails off, looking in the direction of the woods.

“Okay, this is what we’ll do. Dale and Stacey, you guys go in the direction of Annie’s. It’s not that long a walk, and she might’ve decided to forego the car. Molly, have you called anyone other than me?” 

She shakes her head. “No, when you said you’d come help I kind of just…blanked.” He touches her arm comfortingly, and she continues. “I’ll stay here if she comes back on her own, and while I wait I’ll call everyone except Alex.”

He nods. “Good plan. Alright, I’m gonna head this way,” he points in the direction of the woods, “while you guys do that. I think I know where she might be, but it’s a long shot. We all set?” Everyone nods, and once he makes sure everyone has their phones, they set out.

He heads into the trees, trying not to worry. When he was young, his grandmother drilled it into his head: in an emergency situation, don’t panic. When everyone else is freaking out, be the one who speaks calmly, the one who comes up with a plan. It must’ve stuck with him, because he thinks he handled that pretty well, to be honest.

He walks and walks, until eventually, he finds it. Gert and Chase’s old clubhouse from when they were young, the House Of Awesome, the long, tied together logs forming a triangular frame they layered tarps on top of. There’s a tarp on the ground, too, and there’s no way Gert hasn’t been keeping it in order, it would’ve fallen over by now if she hadn’t been.

He hears sniffling from inside, and he texts Molly, saying that he found her and that they’d be back in a bit, because he suspects Gert won’t want to go back just yet.

He knocks on the tarp flap, saying, “Gert? It’s Chase, can I come in?”

The sniffling stops. “What are you doing here?”

God, she sounds miserable. “Molly called me when you didn’t come home.”

“Why’d she do that?”

He opens the flap, crouching down so he can get inside. It’s smaller than he remembers, or maybe he’s just bigger. “You should be asking her that. Can I sit?”

Gert is burrowed in a huge quilt, only the top of her head poking out- but it’s enough that he can see her nod.

He shuffles over to her, settling down next to her, and, almost cautiously, she starts to lean against him, not meeting his eyes. “I’m really sorry, Gert.”

“Why are  _ you _ sorry? It’s Alex’s fault, not yours.”

“But it’s like, half my fault he even knows in the first place. Victor vaguely mentioned something happened between us, and when Alex asked,  _ even though I tried to stop him _ , Victor went all chickenshit and told him.”

Gert pauses, processing that. He really hopes she doesn’t tell him to leave. “Well, Victor wasn’t the one who called me a whore, Alex took that one for himself, so. Whatever, I guess.” She curls her hand around his bicep, resting her head on his shoulder.

Oh, he is going to murder Alex. “He called you a- he called you that? Can I fight him?”

“No, don’t. You don’t want to get suspended again.”

He gives her a long look. “I would, for you.”

Gert meets his eyes, finally, looking- not surprised. Caught off guard, maybe. “I- I know that.”

He nods. Good. “Do you want to go back, now?”

“Can we just stay here for a bit? I need a few minutes before I can go back and deal with everybody.” He hums in agreement, and she curls closer, resting her head on his chest. He wraps his arms around her, and hopes against hope that things are going to work out for Gert. Even if that means she stays with Alex.

Because that's the thing, isn't it? Chase cares about Gertrude Yorkes more than he's ever cared about  _ anybody. _ She's his....she's his person. He is always going to be on her side, and  _ by _ her side, if he can help it. So if that means supporting a bad choice, then that's what it means. Because that's what you do for the people you l- care about. You have their back, and they've got yours. Always.

~~~~~

“I am going to fight him.”

Alex, in all his romcom worshipping glory, is outside her house right now, holding a boombox playing  _ In Your Eyes _ above his head and just standing there, waiting. He is so lucky it’s Saturday, or the neighbours would have fought him by now. Her and Molly are looking at him through the slats of the blinds in her room, and, no, this is not the first time her sister has threatened violence today.

He must think he’s a genius, recreating the boombox scene from  _ Say Anything _ to try and win her back. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? He’s still treating her like an object, like a prize to keep.

Well, she’s not having it. She grabs her megaphone, sticks it out the window, and says into it, “Just go home!”

“Not until you come out!”

Somehow, the song gets  _ louder _ , and, fine, if this is how he wants to play it, then so be it.

She opens the window fully and hops onto the tree, ignoring Molly’s protests as she climbs down. Once she reaches the ground, she leans back against the tree, arms crossed. “What.”

He advances, and before he can get within five feet of her she says, “Stop there.”

“But-“

“You called me a whore and treated me like a piece of meat, Alex, don’t even  _ try it. _ ”

He sighs. “I’m sorry.”

“Why, though?” She wants to know if he actually understands what he did wrong, here.

“What?”

“Why are you sorry? Is it just because I want you to be?”

“Oh. No. I’m sorry because I’ve been treating you badly, and you don’t deserve that. And you definitely don’t deserve to be called that, I am  _ so  _ sorry, I was upset and-“

“No excuses. I don’t care if you were having a fucking  _ mental breakdown _ \- that is  _ not  _ something you  _ ever  _ say to me.  _ Ever. _ ”

Alex nods apologetically. “I- I know that. I do, Gert, I swear, it will never, ever happen again.” Gert raises an eyebrow at him, skeptical. “I  _ promise.” _

He takes a cautious step forward, and this time, Gert lets him. “And I am so sorry for making you feel like I’ve been treating you as some sort of  _ object. _ That is not how I see you  _ at all,”  _ he takes another step closer, gingerly reaching for her hand. Gert doesn’t pull away. “I let my jealousy get the best of me in the worst way possible. I was in the wrong, and I’m sorry.”

Gert melts. She can’t help it. “You are?”

He leans in closer, tucking a piece of her hair behind Gert’s ear. “Of course I am.”

Thank god.

The thing is, Gert really,  _ really _ doesn’t want to break up with Alex. It would cause so much fighting within their friend group, and he might quit drama club, and never mind the fact that he might never speak to her again.

And it's just...better, to stay. Gert likes being in a relationship, she likes the kisses and the dates and how well you get to know someone. She doesn't want to be without it anymore, now that she's had a taste of a great relationship. Well, maybe not  _ great. _ Decent, maybe. Bearable.

She squeezes his hand. “Well, good. Now, can you turn that song off? You’ve played it so many times now that my ears might just fall off.”

He laughs, then presses a hard kiss to her cheek. “Absolutely.”

~~~~~

“Molly, you have  _ got  _ to be kidding me.”

Chase, Molly, Karolina, and Nico are all at Annie’s right now, slurping on milkshakes and chowing down on two large orders of fries. You’d think Alex and Gert would want to join them, but according to Molly they’re back at Gert’s house, sucking each other’s faces off.

“God, Karo, I wish I was. But, apparently, a boombox playing a shit song from the 1980s can get you very far in life- and very far into my sister’s pants.”

Chase throws a fry at her. “Don’t talk about her like that.”

“Listen, if Gert can forgive her asshole boyfriend for calling her a whore, than I can mock her for being a weak willed pushover. That’s just how it is, Jimbo.”

“Jimbo? Where’d that one come from?” That’s the weirdest of any nickname his friends have given him so far.

Molly shrugs. “I dunno. My brain.”

“The same brain that got you a fifty-five on that last science quiz?” Oh, good one, Nico. Even if Molly’s about to thump her for it.

“Babe, be nice.” Nico sticks her tongue out at Karolina, who does the same thing back, and soon they’re just making faces at each other.

Molly turns to Chase. “Do you think Alex and Gert staying together is a good thing?”

He pauses. “Whatever makes her happy. Or that’s what I’m telling myself, anyways.”

Nico stops making faces at Karolina to give him the eye. “Chase?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I talk to you outside for a second?”

“Uh…okay.” He and Molly trade confused looks as he gets up, following Nico outside. Once the door is closed behind them, he asks, “What?”

“I’m onto you.” His eyes go wide. What the fuck does that mean?

“Huh?”

“I’m onto you. I know you’re the one leaving those notes for Gert, and I know there’s no way you truly believe that they should still be together.”

He gasps, then tries to recover. “Who said it was me? It’s a  _ secret _ admirer for a reason, Nico.”

She rolls her eyes. “Secret admirer my ass. Come on, I saw you two dancing together on New Year’s.”  _ She did? _ “There’s no way in hell that those notes were sent by anyone but you.”

He sighs. “Fine. You caught me. You happy, Nancy Drew?”

“Yes, very much so, actually.” She smiles proudly, rocking back on her heels. “You should tell her.”

He laughs sharply. “Not on your life, Nico.”

She hits him on the arm. “No, come on, do it. If you make her choose between the two of you, she’ll choose you, and she’ll break up with Alex. Win-win, right?”

Chase rolls his eyes. “If I make her choose between us, she would never speak to me again. I would never put her in that kind of position, anyways. It’s not fair to her.”

She sighs, frustrated. “But if you would just  _ tell her you like her- _ “

“Nothing would happen. She doesn’t like me that way.”

Nico scoffs. “Bull _ shit. _ I see the way she looks at you Chase, and it is not the way you look at someone you’re not into. Trust me-“

“ _ Nico.  _ Drop it, seriously.”

“But if you would just-“

“ _ No. _ You don’t get it- I don’t  _ want  _ to tell her. I like her, sure, but telling her that would just break my heart and ruin our friendship. Trust  _ me,  _ Nico. Nothing good would come from it, I promise you.” He's fine where he is, thanks. Pining endlessly might suck, but it's better than not being around her at all. Plus, he doesn't want to be that guy who feels like he owns a girl just because he has feelings for her. That's not- and never will be- who he is.

Her face falls. “…Okay, Chase. Okay.”

~~~~~

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen  _ She’s All That. _ ”

Her and Alex are lying on her bed, arguing about movies instead of studying, and it’s…nice. She’s still not completely over their fight, but it’s fine. Whatever.

“Well, I can’t believe  _ you’ve  _ never seen  _ Moonlight. _ So, there. And besides,” Gert says, “isn’t  _ She’s All That _ like, really stupid?”

Alex thinks on it. “Well, yes. But that scene where she walks down the stairs in that red dress while  _ Kiss Me _ by Sixpence None The Richer is playing is  _ literally  _ poetic cinema.”

“ _ Moonlight _ won Best Picture at the Oscars,” Gert says smugly, and Alex groans.

“Alright, fine. But we’re  _ totally  _ watching  _ She’s All That _ soon.”

She leans in a bit. “Hmm, I don’t know.”

“No, come on, we should.” He’s leaning in, too, and they both know where this is leading.

“Make me.”

He kisses her, pulling her in with a hand at the back of her neck, and in that moment, Gert forgets any reason she’s ever had to be mad at him. Almost.

~~~~~

Gert’s face is so red right now that Chase wonders if she’s sick, or something. But she’s grinning really big, too, in that way that makes his heart go nuts, so he doubts it. Jeez, she isn’t even paying attention to rehearsal as she stares down at whatever’s in her hand, is she okay?

Chase comes up behind her, lightly bopping his chin on her shoulder so she knows he’s there. “What are we looking at?”

Gert startles, and quickly hides whatever it was in her pocket. “Nothing!”

He raises an eyebrow at her, then, quick as anything, sticks his hand into the pocket of her overalls and pulls it out.

Oh. It’s the note he- or more accurately, T.B.- left for Gert this morning. It was attached to a pack of watermelon Hubba Bubba, and it’s a doodle of five separate cartoon Gerts blowing a bubble, the bubble getting bigger and bigger each time until you couldn’t see her. He thought it was kind of cute, and he hoped Gert would think so too.

“So,” he starts, acting as nonchalant as possible, “this from that secret admirer of yours?”

Gert snatches it back. “Yes. Also, don’t reach around in my pockets. It’s weird.”

Chase does it again, just to be annoying, this time pulling out a sparkly gel pen. “Is it? Is it annoying?”

She grabs it back and pokes him in the chest with it. “Yes, bird brain, it is.”

He pouts. “That was mean. I want an apology.”

Gert crosses her arms, sticking out her chin. “Well, you’re not getting one.” He pouts more, pulling out the puppy dog eyes this time to  _ really  _ seal the deal. “Ugh, fine. I’m  _ sorry.  _ Happy?”

Chase smiles. “Very much so, yes.”

~~~~~

The next few weeks pass in a flurry of guitar lessons, planning with Shei, studying for hellish midterms, and going through scenes over and over and over and over and over again.

The aforementioned hellish midterms have just started today, and Gert has just ended her day chock full of exams, first Spanish, which she aced, then science, which she did  _ not _ ace. So now she’s splayed out in the backyard, soaking up some winter sun for a bit before she has to go in and get back to studying.

“Gert?”

“Go back inside. I’m not speaking to anyone who doesn’t have to take midterms right now.”

Molly walks over anyways, lying down next to her. “Well, it’s not my fault I’m in ninth grade and don’t have to take them until next year.”

“Didn’t I say I wasn’t talking to you?” Molly laughs a little, turning on her side to look at her, and Gert tiredly does the same. “What?”

“You only have tomorrow, and then you’re done. You excited?” How can she be so positive right now?

Gert reaches to tap her sister on the nose, and Molly screws her face up. “I’m excited to be done, but not for the two exams I have tomorrow. I’m also not excited  _ at all _ for everyone else whining about their exams going all the way until Friday. Alex has told me five times already how lucky I am.”

Molly’s face darkens. “Fuck Alex.”

“Molly, you can’t hate him forever. Also, language.”

Molly rolls her eyes. “I’ll stop hating him when you stop dating him.”

Gert’s mouth tightens. “Well, that’s not going to happen, so.”

Molly sighs, and Gert gets a big gust of Hubba Bubba scented air to the face. “Alright. I still don’t like him.”

“Well, good thing I’m the one dating him, then.”

Molly raises an eyebrow. “Is it a good thing, though?”

Gert shoves her arm lightly and sits up. “Oh, whatever.”

~~~~~

“Need any help?”

Gert is struggling through hanging up a banner proclaiming,  _ Valentines Day Sock-Hop, February 14, buy tickets at our booth in the cafeteria!  _ Chase is sure she’s going to fall off the ladder any minute now, with how many times it’s been bumped into by passing kids.

“Oh, would you?” He grabs a long rod from where it’s precariously resting against the ladder, and helps hold up the banner so she can attach it properly.

Once it’s up, he helps her down, trying to make his heart stop pounding from her tight grip on his hand.

Gert hops down, dusting herself off, and Chase asks, “You want me to carry the ladder for you?”

She smiles. “Sure! That’d be a great help!”

He picks it up easily, tucking it under his arm as he heads in the direction of the auditorium. “You’re cheery today.”

“Am I? Well, I’m just happy that midterms are over, and that by next week I’m going to be completely  _ done _ dealing with the dance and can really focus on the musical again. I really want us to get  _ Spanish Panic  _ down pat before the end of the month.” She’s talking with her hands, excited, and fuck, she’s adorable.

“Gert, don’t even speak the words to me. I hate  _ Spanish Panic _ , I’m literally awful at it.”

Gert pats his arm. “You’ll get there. Hey, I got another note from T.B. today.”

She says it nonchalantly, but he can see from the starry look in her eyes that it’s probably the main reason she’s so happy today.

Chase feigns innocence and says, “Oh? That’s still going on?”

She slaps his arm lightly. “Yes, it’s still going on. They said that they’re excited to see me at the dance, whatever that means.” Gert wrinkles her nose. “I still haven’t narrowed down who it is yet. Unfortunately, there’s about 50 kids with the initials T.B. at Atlas, and I know  _ none  _ of them. Sigh.”

It’s almost funny, honestly, that Gert can’t see what’s right under her nose. But it’s okay. Like he said to Nico last month, he doesn’t want her to know. He just wants to do something nice for her, something to brighten up her day. It doesn’t matter that he’s not getting anything from it- that’s not what it’s about. He just wants to make her happy.

~~~~~

Alex won’t stop fidgeting with his jacket, and it’s annoying. She gets why he’s fidgeting- he borrowed the letterman from his dad, who in turn borrowed it from his cousin. He’s probably just nervous he’s going to get something on it. But still.

“Alex, stop with the fidgeting. You’re going to get us into a car crash.” She doesn’t know why she let him drive her car. Ugh, he didn’t even touch the purple fuzzy dice like he was supposed to- she had to do it, which totally doesn’t give the same kind of luck. Trust her, she knows.

“No, I’m not. I like the bolo tie, by the way. It’s cute.” Oh, she’s cute? Is she, Alex? Are you sure? Why don’t you say that again, round it up to a good five times he’s called her that tonight.

And, worse is, she put  _ so much effort  _ into this outfit. She even embroidered the Peter Pan collar of this dumb shirt, for God’s sake! (The shirt is cream-coloured, and the embroidery is robin’s egg blue, which perfectly compliments the blush coloured skirt it’s tucked into. She was very proud of herself for putting it together.) so she was expecting a bit more than ‘cute’. But whatever.

“Thanks.”

He makes the turn into the school parking lot. “What’s up with you, anyways? You were so excited for this dance.”

Gert shifts uncomfortably. “I’m still excited.”

She sees his eyebrows go up, but Alex doesn’t say anything more as he parks.

They walk in together, and, wow. Even though there’s not many people here yet, this is still so cool. Her and Shei have  _ definitely  _ done their jobs right.

Gert easily finds the speaker to attach her phone to, the playlist she made full of golden oldies starting to blare. But Shei isn’t as easily found. She spends the next hour or so looking for her, and this definitely isn’t an excuse not to be around Alex. It isn’t. Except that she found Shei at the start of the night, and it totally is.

At this point, she’s honestly just trying to figure out the best way to break up with him. She likes him as a friend, but the romance is just….gone. At least to her. It probably has been since that fight they had last month. Gert has a notebook stashed under her bed full of ideas on how to best break up with him, because she is nothing if not a planner.

There’s just no magic between them anymore. Every date, Gert can never find anything to talk about with him, and almost every time he asks to come over she says no. She knows it isn’t fair. She knows she’s dragging it out unnecessarily. But she just wants to find a way to break up that doesn’t end in heartbreak. She wants to stay friends, is that so bad? And Gert knows that everyone who says they want to be friends with their ex is usually lying, but she isn’t! She still wants Alex in her life. She just doesn’t want to  _ date  _ him.

“Hey, Gertrude? You okay?” Her eyes are closed, but there’s only one person who ever calls her Gertrude. And she recognizes his voice.

She opens her eyes, emerging from her thoughts back into the real world from her spot in the corner of the room. “I’m fine, Chase.”

He raises an eyebrow, and now that she’s really looking at him, Gert notices how handsome he looks tonight. It’s very Danny Zuko, especially with the leather jacket he’s wearing. She wonders if he borrowed it, or if it was just hanging in his closet somewhere.

“You sure?” He joins her in leaning against the wall, and what a pair they make, her dressed all in pastels and him looking like a damn T-Bird. Would it be inappropriate to make a joke about being his Sandy?

She leans on him a little, feigning tiredness with a yawn as an excuse. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just thinking.”

“About?”

She hums noncommittally. “I dunno. Life?”

Chase laughs a little. “What a thing to be thinking about a Valentines Day dance.”

“I know, right? My brain reaches new heights.” He smiles down at her, warm like a gooey chocolate chip cookie right out of the oven.

“You did a good job with this,” he says, voice soft. “Definitely worth the effort, huh?”

Gert nods, leaning on him a little more. She’s pushing her luck here. “Totally. And now we have all the best bake sale slots.”

Chase laughs. It wasn’t what he was expecting her to say, clearly. “I suppose we do. When’s the first one?”

“Thursday- next Thursday, not tomorrow, sorry. I’m gonna get started on baking on Saturday, not Friday like I usually would, but only because me and Alex are going to go see Black Panther.” She’s excited for that, actually. Marvel has recently been having a streak of good movies come out, what with Spider-Man: Homecoming and Thor: Ragnarok. Plus, Lupita Nyong’o is in it.

“You start prep  _ six days before?” _

Gert shrugs. “What can I say? I’m a planner.”

He nods, and it seems he’s thinking on what he says next. “Would you…want help?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Are you decent at baking? Because I’m not having you over if all you’re going to do is lick the spoon and add sprinkles.”

Chase lifts a shoulder. “I’m pretty okay at it. I wouldn’t call myself a connoisseur, but I know how to follow directions.”

“‘Connoisseur’, huh? You sound like me.”

He leans in a little, and Gert realizes how close they are. “Is that a bad thing?”

She shakes her head, smiling. “Not at all.”

~~~~~

Chase wakes up on Saturday morning to his phone going off like crazy. He checks it, and he’s got about a dozen messages, all from Nico.

**Hey**

**You know how my mom made me sign up for yearbook after Christmas**

**Well my first ‘assignment’ was taking pictures at the dance the other night**

**You and Gert ended up in a few of them here they are**

**[Attachment: 8 images]**

Ah. Of course. Nico is never going to give up, is she?

Well, at least the photos are nice. They look like the most loving couple ever, and he wonders how much editing she had to do in a few of them to make it look like Gert was gazing at him all sappy when he wasn’t looking. It’s kind of breaking his heart a little, and he resolves to get them printed. He doesn’t know what he’ll do with them. Frame them, maybe?

**_Thanks. How much editing did it take to get them all lovey dovey like this?_ **

**;) none**

Oh. Huh.

Wait, shit, it’s eleven o’clock. He told Gert he’d be at her house by 12.

He hops in the shower, does his hair, brushes his teeth, and pulls on his best jeans with that green sweater that Mom always says brings out his eyes.

By the time he gets to Gert’s house, he’s miraculously five minutes early.

Molly opens the door, looking surprised to see him. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Gert invited me to help her prep for the bake sale.”

Her expression changes to one of amusement. “Oh, she did? Come on in, then.”

He follows her into the kitchen, and descends unto  _ chaos. _ There’s bags of every type of dry ingredient known to man strewn across the counter, multiple cartons of milk all in a line, and Gert in the middle of it, wearing an apron proclaiming,  _ Kiss The Cook! _

Hearing them walk in, Gert turns around. There’s a streak of flour on her cheek, and she looks  _ adorable _ . “You’re here! Thank god. Grab an apron, we’ll get started!”

Molly bids them goodbye, saying she has to go meet up with Klara to ‘run lines’. Gert tosses him an apron covered in flowers, and they start on a batch of brownies.

“How was Black Panther?”

Gert cracks another egg into the bowl. “Awesome. I’m officially in love with almost every member of the cast, it was  _ so good. _ You  _ totally _ have to go see it.”

“Yeah? I’ll put it on my list. What did Alex think?”

At the mention of her boyfriend, Gert stills. For a moment, she doesn’t say anything. “Um, didn’t I tell you you actually had to be doing stuff? Here, mix this for me.”

He takes the bowl and does as she says, confused. “Gert? What did Alex think?”

“He thought it was fine, okay? Jesus, can I go one day without-“ she pauses, taking a breath to calm herself. “Never mind. Sorry. He loved it. Can we move on?”

Chase is more than a little surprised, but it’s clear Gert doesn’t want to talk about it. “Sure.”

They work in silence for a while longer, until Gert puts down the spoon she’s holding, and says quietly, “I think I’m going to break up with Alex.”

He kind of wants to jump for joy, hearing that, but he’s a Good Friend, so he doesn’t. “Oh?”

Gert turns to him, face pained. “Yeah. I just…..after that fight we had last month, I think that was it for me. I just didn’t want to accept it. But I don’t have feelings for him anymore, and it’s getting to a point where being around him and being ‘the girlfriend’ feels like a chore. I want to be friends again, you know?”

He smiles, aiming for sympathetic. “Yeah, I think I do.”

~~~~~

Alright, they’ve got the brownies in the oven, and they’re just about to start on the cake pops. If they do this right, they should be able to get everything done by six.

“Hey, I love this song.” Chase says, bopping his head to the opening bars of  _ Put Your Head On My Shoulder  _ by Paul Anka.

He grabs a clean wooden spoon out of the sink, crooning into it, “ _ Put your head on my shoulder, hold me in your arms, baby,”  _ he’s overacting, wiggling his shoulders and stretching the words to try and get her to join him. “ _ Squeeze me oh so tight, show me that you love me too.” _

Chase wiggles his shoulders again, and Gert laughs, grabbing a clean spatula and singing, “ _ Put your lips next to mine, dear, won’t you kiss me once, baby,”  _ she knocks her hip against his, causing him to throw his head back in a laugh. “ _ Just a kiss goodnight, maybe you and I will fall in love.” _

He takes up the next part, resting his other hand on the counter so he can lean in and croon, “ _ People say that love’s a game, a game you just can’t win,”  _ she knows they’re just goofing around, but she can’t stop the blush rising to her face.  _ “If there’s a way, I’ll find it someday, and then this fool will rush in.” _

She giggles, singing back, “ _ Put your head on my shoulder, whisper in my ear, baby, words I want to hear, tell me, tell me that you love me too.” _

They sing together for the last part, barely keeping in the laughter that threatens to erupt. “ _ Put your head on my shoulder, whisper in my ear, words I want to hear, baby, put your head on my shoulder.” _

They both burst into giggles as the song fades out, leaning on each other to keep from falling over.

“I-“ Chase says, trying to calm down, “I forgot what your singing voice was like. It’s nice.”

She blushes even harder, if that’s possible. “Yeah?”

He gives her one of those warm smiles that make her feel all gooey, even though she doesn’t know why. “Yeah, Gert.”

~~~~~

Wow, this is a  _ lot _ of food. There’s every type of dessert known to man on this table, from cookies to mille-feuille- who the fuck brought in  _ mille-feuille? _

“Hey, Chase! You try any of my mille-feuille? Our chef made them.” Oh, Eiffel. Of course.

“Eiffel, the point of a bake sale is for  _ other people _ to buy our stuff. Not us.”

She pouts. “Fine, fine.” Her claws- sorry, nails- curl into his bicep. “Hey, would you maybe wanna come over on Saturday and run lines?”

Chase raises an eyebrow. “Are you gonna treat it like a date? I told you, Eiffel, I don’t-“

“No! No, I actually…I’m seeing someone. They don’t go here.”  _ They? _ She detaches from him, almost like she didn’t realize she was doing it. Old habits die hard, it seems. “But I do want to run lines. And maybe I’ll tell you about that person I’m seeing if you come? I know you can’t resist a good bit of gossip, Chase.”

Shit. She’s right. “Alright. Is three good for you?”

~~~~~

Gert doesn’t know what to call how she’s feeling right now. She’s watching Chase and Eiffel talk/flirt from a few feet away, and it’s…weird. She feels weird.

It’s good, isn’t it? That they’re flirting? Gert should be happy, this will create chemistry between the two of them for their roles, so this should be a good thing.

Then why does it feel like her heart is getting ripped out?

~~~~~

“I always forget how pink your room is.” It almost hurts his eyes, honestly.

He almost didn’t want to come today- he’s kind of been sulking since Thursday evening, when Gert cancelled on dinner. She gave him a flimsy excuse, and went out of her way to avoid him on Friday. He’s hurt, but he doesn’t know how to approach her.

“It’s not  _ that _ pink.” False. Every surface is covered in every shade of pink known to man. It is, in fact, that pink.

“Sounds fake, but okay.” Eiffel sticks her tongue out at him, then pats the fluffy hot pink armchair next to her.

“So, who’s this person you’re seeing?”

Eiffel smiles shyly. “Her name is Amanda. She goes to the private school on the other side of town, and she’s  _ so cool. _ Her hair is super short, and she’s got these big boots that she stomps around in all the time. I met her at one of my dad’s big parties. She said her parents forced her to go, but I’m just glad I got to meet her. We text all the time now.” Chase has never seen Eiffel blush like this. It’s sweet.

“That’s really great, Eiffel. I’m glad you’ve found someone.”

Eiffel smiles, a little nervous. “You don’t care that that  _ someone  _ is a girl?”

Chase almost wants to laugh at that. Oh, if only she knew. “Why would I? You like her, that’s it, right?”

Eiffel wrinkles her nose. “It should be. Dad kind of threw a fit, though.”

“Well, fuck him, then.”

Eiffel laughs, a little melancholic. “Yeah, fuck him. Hey, weird question for you: what’s a good place to donate old clothes of mine?”

Huh? Since when would Eiffel ever even step foot into a thrift store? “What?”

“Well. Amanda is kind of getting to me about this ‘helping people in need’ thing. She’s an activist type, and you’d think I would just do this to impress her, but I think she’s rubbing off on me? Last week we went to help at a  _ soup kitchen.  _ As a  _ date.  _ And I had  _ fun.” _ Eiffel is being theatrical, but Chase can tell she’s happy about this change in herself. He’s happy about it, too.

He smiles. “That’s great, Eiffel. I’m glad you’re learning about this kind of stuff- it’s a good thing to be into. And a good place to go is Tony’s Thrifts and Finds. Gert knows the guy who runs it, if you mention her he’ll like you immediately.”

Eiffel raises an eyebrow. “So, Gert, huh?”

“What about Gert?”

“Don’t play innocent with me, Loverboy.” Great, another nickname. “I see the way you look at her. Too bad she’s got that dumb boyfriend of hers.”

_ Not for long. _ “Yeah, too bad.”

~~~~~

“What the fuck is this?”

There’s a banner hung up in her living room,  _ INTERVENTION _ written on it in glittery lettering. Nico, Karolina, and Molly are sitting on the couch, and Molly is holding a cake with a sad face emoticon drawn on it in yellow icing.

“This,” Karolina says, “is an intervention. Do you like my banner?”

“Wow, babe, way to be blunt,” Nico says, which earns her an elbow to the side. “Gert, hon, why don’t you sit down?”

She does so, confused. “Wait, wait, wait. Why do I need an intervention?”

“Because,” Molly says, “we think that it’s in your best interest to break up with Alex. And what better day than the first of the month to confront you about it?”

“What, like, new beginnings?” Gert asks, amused.

“Yeah, exactly- wait. Why are you laughing?”

Okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration. She’s not  _ laughing. _ But she does think this is a little funny. “Because I’m already planning to break up with him. Thank you, though, for putting all this effort in. Can I have a piece of cake?”

Karolina’s jaw drops. “What did you just say?”

“…..Can I have a piece of cake?”

“No, the other thing. You’re planning to break up with Alex?”

“Yeah. Molly, seriously, the cake?” Her sister looks a bit shellshocked right now, staring down at the cake like her life has lost all purpose. “Molly.”

She comes out of the trance, taking a paper plate off the coffee table, cutting her a piece, and handing it to Gert. “Sorry, sorry, I just….really?”

Gert nods slowly, taking a bite of cake. It’s delicious, as is everything Molly makes. “There’s no spark anymore, you know? The romance is just…..gone. And he gets  _ so _ jealous. I hate it, it’s like he’s not letting me breathe.”

Nico nods, grinning a little. “And because he’s a shitty boyfriend.”

She shrugs. “I wouldn’t word it that way, but yes, in part. I….I miss being his friend. He’s a good friend- he just doesn’t have the boyfriend gig down pat yet. And maybe one day I’ll be able to understand that I’m his first girlfriend, ever, and he was bound to make mistakes in his first relationship. But right now….I’m not there yet. And I’m sure as hell not going to stay with him,  _ waiting _ for him to be a good partner.”

“Was anyone else expecting this to end in tears?” Karolina asks, and the other two nod.

Gert laughs a little, taking another bite of cake and swallowing. “That’s fair. Now I just have to figure out how to do it. Everything I come up with ends in him getting his heart broken and never speaking to me again, and that’s the last thing I want.”

Nico, Karolina, and Molly all share identical looks. “We can help with that.”

~~~~~

“Gert, you’re supposed to be eating, not going over homework.”

It’s Thursday, so they’re eating pizza at this place Eiffel’s girlfriend recommended him when they- by chance- saw each other at the mall over the weekend. Eiffel was taking her to see a new romcom that’s out, or something. They were cute together, in that way a black cat and golden retriever are cute together. Total opposites, but somehow getting along.  _ Really _ getting along, from Amanda’s tight grip on Eiffel’s hand.

Gert waves a dismissive hand at him. “It’s not homework.” She takes a bite of her pizza, finally looking up at him.  “I’m going over how to break up with Alex.”

“No way,” he crows. “You did not make  _ notes _ to break up with your boyfriend,” he snatches a notecard off the pile. It starts off,  _ This isn’t working out _ … with the rest scribbled out. “Oh my god, you did!”

She grabs it back, pouting. “I’m just trying to do it in the best way possible…I don’t want to shatter his heart, or anything.”

“Gert, I was just teasing. It’s going to be fine.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Will it?”

~~~~~

Sigh. Gert hates Saint Patrick’s Day. Even worse, she hates Saint Patrick’s Day  _ parties. _

But, Alex wanted to go to the one Angie was throwing, and Gert still hasn’t broken up with him. So she’s here, sitting in an armchair and nursing a Dr. Pepper, because she’s driving herself home. Her and Alex arrived separately.

“Top o’ the mornin’ to ya!” Chase says as comes up to her, holding something bright pink, fizzy, and  _ definitely  _ alcoholic. He’s wearing a shirt that says,  _ Kiss me, who cares if I’m Irish _ , and his cheeks are red, both from an alcohol induced blush and the various kiss marks.

“It’s evening, Chase. How much have you had to drink?” She stands, leaving her almost empty can where it is. Looks like the rest of her night will be spent getting  her friend sober.

He looks down at his glass. “I dunno. Like, three of these?”

“Alright,” she takes the glass from him carefully, putting it down on the table. “No more for you, bud. Let’s get you some water.”

He groans, reaching for his glass, but she takes his outstretched arm and puts it around her shoulders, walking him to the kitchen. She gets him a glass of water, and tells him to drink. Once he’s finished that, she pours him another glass, and another, until he’s looking a little more alert.

Chase shakes his head a little, trying to keep his mind clear. He’s leaning on her from where she’s sat on the counter, his hair tickling her nose as he moves. “Do you know the time?”

“I dunno. Probably around tennish?”

He hums, and the vibrations against her skin sends a shiver up her spine. Gert runs a hand over his hair, trying to soothe him a little. “Sorry for being all baby alcoholic on you.”

“No, it’s okay. Gives me something to do, I guess.” Her voice lowers to a whisper. “I’m kind of avoiding Alex.”

“You are? Wow, couldn’t have guessed.” They both laugh a bit.

Chase separates from her, then, seeming to realize their position. “Um, sorry.”

“….It’s alright.”

“I’m gonna, um, I’m gonna go.” He backs out of the kitchen, nearly tripping over himself. And then Gert is all alone.

She sighs, then heads out to the back porch to get some air. It’s nice out here, actually. Peaceful.

 

“Hey, Gert. Can we talk?” Oops, she spoke too soon.

 

That’s unfair, maybe. Alex isn’t, like, on a rampage or something. But he is doing that thing where he’s nervous and is whipping out his non-existent acting skills to pretend he isn’t. So Gert is kind of on edge.

 

She sighs. “Yeah, babe, what is it?”   
  
“What did I do?” Oh. Uh. What does she say to this? “Like, I know we’ve gotten in fights before, and that most of them were my fault.”  _ Well, at least he admits to it.  _ He leans on the railing of the patio, blowing out a breath. “But we’ve been weird, recently. You never want to go out anymore, and every time I kiss you we stop before anything happens-”  _ because you’re bad in bed.  _ “Wait, what was that?”   
  


“Hm?”

 

“Your expression went all wonky. Was it something I said?” 

 

Uncomfortable, Gert averts her eyes. “Ummm, no. nope, it wasn’t.”

 

Alex looks at her weird, clearly not buying it. “Yes, it was. Come on, Gert-”   
  
“You’re bad at sex, okay?” She sucks in a breath and slaps her hand over her mouth. Gert should  _ not  _ have just said that.

 

Both eyebrows go up. “Excuse me?”   
  


Gert swallows, nervous. But her and her big mouth made this bed, so now she has to lie in it. “I just meant that, the reason we stop before anything happens is that you’re not that great in bed. And it’s- it’s fine, really. I guess. But you- you always go too fast, like it’s a competition, or something, and you always want to be on top and you  _ never  _ eat me out, seriously, what’s up with that?” Now that she has a chance to talk about it, everything is gushing out of her like a waterfall. Thank god they’re the only ones out on the patio right now. “Like, sex is not just penetration, okay? And it’s not all about you, either.”   
  


“What does  _ that _ mean?”   
  


Gert lowers her voice, a little embarrassed by how long she’s been talking about this. “It means,” she pauses, figuring out how to say this and setting for the truth. “It means that you have not once given me an orgasm for the entirety of our relationship.”   
  
“Not even-”

 

“Nope.”   
  


“How about-”   
  
“Again, no. Like, seriously, I’ve asked you to eat me out about a dozen times,”  _ more than that, actually, _ “but  _ every time _ you say no. I don’t get it.” 

 

Alex screws his face up like a five year old being presented with brussel sprouts. “It’s gross, okay? I don’t-”

 

“That is such bullshit, Alex. I’ve literally done it before, it is  _ far _ from gross, you’re just a weenie.”

 

He laughs sharply. “A weenie? Gert, not wanting to-”

 

Gert sighs, exasperated. “Jesus, I shouldn’t have even brought this up, you weren’t going to listen to me anyways.”

 

Alex has the gall to roll his eyes. “Right, because I never listen to you, ever, do I?”   
  


“How in the fuck can you say that sarcastically? You literally  _ never _ listen to me. Like, how many times do I have to say that I’m uncomfortable with something for you to get it?”   
  
His expression turns confused. “What do mean?”

 

Gert sighs. She’s so  _ tired _ of this. “Alex, think back. No matter how many times I tell you, say, that I’m not comfortable with PDA 24/7, you still try it. No matter how many times I tell you that I’m not into all those grand gestures and lovey dovey shit, you still buy me flowers and chocolate and teddy bears. I don’t  _ like  _ that.  _ You _ do. And you  _ know _ I hate when you spend way too much money on me-”

 

“Oh, this again.”

 

He says it under his breath, but Gert has good hearing. Which means that now she’s  _ livid.  _ “Oh, yeah, this again, sorry, Alex, for trying to talk to you about our issues when you’re the one that  _ asked.” _

 

“I  _ asked _ because I thought you were finally going to give me some _ semblance _ of an explanation for-” he cuts himself off, face taught. “You know what, nevermind.”

 

Gert steps closer, not in that way where you’re about to kiss someone but in that way where you’re itching for a fight. “No, Alex, tell me. What did you think I owed you an explanation for?”   
  


She thinks she knows what he’s going to say, but it feels like a punch to the chest anyways when he mutters, “Chase.”

 

“You have  _ got  _ to be kidding me.” This  _ again?  _ Really? “How many times do I have to tell you-”

 

“Telling me there’s nothing going on between the two of you does not make me believe it!” Oh, he’s pissed now. Majorly pissed.

 

“What, so you don’t trust me?” 

 

“No, I don’t!”

 

Gert levels him with a glare so strong that he shrinks about three inches. “So, that’s it, then.”   
  


“What?” His voice cracks, and all the fight goes out of him. “No, Gert-”

 

“If you don’t trust me- then that’s it. What’s the point?” Gert is trying very, very hard to keep from crying right now. 

“Gert-”

 

“Don’t. Just…..don’t.” She turns away from him and starts to walk inside, making sure not to look back, not even once.

 

The door closes behind her, and that’s when she starts to cry.

 

Big, fat tears roll down her face as she makes her way to the front door, just trying her best to get  _ away. _

But she’s not lucky enough to just make it through the house unscathed, of course, not lucky enough to just get in her car and drive away from this, not lucky enough for Chase to not notice her.

Looking a thousand times more sober than when she last saw him, he grabs her arm as she passes him, asking, “Woah, are you okay?”

Gert pulls out of his grip, and, because she loves to hurt herself, says harshly, “Leave me alone.” She doesn’t even look at him, she can’t, she just keeps walking, faster now.

He catches up, of course, stopping her on the way out. They stand on the doorstep, Chase holding her by the elbows. She could wrench herself out of his grip if she wanted to, but she doesn’t.

“Hey, tell me what’s wrong?” He says softly, lit up in the warm glow of the porch light, and Gert just can’t hold back the tears anymore.

“Um, so, I’m pretty sure me and Alex just broke up.” She’s folding in on herself, trying to just stop fucking crying, because she hates crying. It makes her feel vulnerable, and weak, and awful, all at once.

“Wait, really?” And, weirdly, he sounds hopeful. Gert tries not to think about it too much.

“Yeah, really. We got into this fight, and I was kinda putting it all out there, because I’m just so  _ sick _ of him, and then...and then he says he doesn’t  _ trust  _ me. Can you believe that? And I know I’ve been saying I wanted to break up, but actually  _ doing it  _ is ever so much worse. I wasn’t  _ prepared _ .” She’s kind of talking herself more than to him, now, but Chase is being patient with her. “Fuck, I shouldn’t even agreed to come to this dumb party, I should’ve just stayed home, home without all this  _ mess _ , and the fight, and you-“  _ fuck _ .

“What about me?” Chase whispers, and again, he sounds hopeful.

“Nothing, nothing, uh, listen, it’s almost my curfew.” She pulls away from him, gently, and pats his arm. “I’ve got to go.”

“Wait, Gert.” He pulls her back to him, too close, and she thinks, just for a second, that he’s going to kiss her.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he carefully wraps his arms around her, squeezing her, then letting go.

“I’m sorry about Alex, Gert.” He catches her hand as it skitters down his chest, then seems to realize what he’s doing, and lets go.

“It’s not………..it’s no ones fault but ours, you know, getting into a relationship when we both had people we weren’t over.” She sighs. “I really have to go, now. Bye, Chase.” She pulls away again, and he lets her, this time. He looks kind of shell shocked, and she wonders what she said. As she pulls out of the driveway, she realizes.  _ We both had people we weren’t over.  _ Uh-oh. That could be bad.

She drives in almost a rage, snatching the purple fuzzy dice Alex gave her off the rear view and chucking it out the window with no remorse. Her vision is blurry from the tears in her eyes, and her hands shake from where they rest on the wheel.

It only occurs to her that maybe she should have just taken a Lyft home when she sees the oncoming car, swerving into her lane and  _ unavoidably  _ about to crash into Gert.

_ Shit. _

 


	3. Act Three: Spring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> limbo: the space in between.

_ Not again. _

Chase can’t go through this again. He can’t lose Gert, too, it’s not  _ fair.  _ She doesn’t deserve this.

It’s one AM. All six of them- wait. Five.  _ Fuck.  _ All  _ five  _ of them, plus Gert’s parents,  are waiting anxiously in the ER. They don’t even really know what  _ happened  _ yet, just that Gert got into a car crash on her way home from the party. And yes, that does mean they don’t know how severe her injuries are.

He’s got Molly on one side of him, and Nico on the other, leaning on Karolina. Chase hasn’t seen her cry this hard in years. Not since they were all sitting in this very room, waiting for the verdict on Amy. He’s hoping to God that the outcome is different, this time. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do if it’s not.

Alex is pacing a groove into the floor, probably trying to deal with the fact that this is almost 100% his fault. Although, maybe that’s hypocritical of Chase to say, seeing as he was the last one to talk to Gert. He should have  _ done  _ something. Even if it was just making her call a Lyft. Even if it was just making her wait a little bit longer to leave.  _ Anything. _

A doctor walks into the room, and every single one of them turns to him, waiting with bated breath. He nods, just once, and they all breath a sigh of relief.

“Thank god.”

“How bad is it?”

“Can we see her?”

The last one is him and Molly at the same time. She’s had a death grip on his hand since they got here.

“Only family, for now. We don’t want to overcrowd her.” The doctor is young-ish, but his calm tone makes Chase feel like he’s been doing this for years.

Dale, Stacey, and Molly stand up to follow him- and Alex starts making his way over to come with them.

“What do you think your doing?” Molly asks sharply. “Since when are you family?”

“I’m- I’m her boyfriend.” Alex is fidgeting, clearly caught off guard by this.

“ _ Ex _ -boyfriend. She told me herself she was going to break up with you, and from what I’ve heard that fight you had tonight was the last straw.  _ Stay. Here.” _ Chase lets out a low whistle. That was  _ harsh. _ Like. Molly is right. Alex is the  _ last  _ person Gert would want to see right now. But still.

Alex falls back into a nearby chair as they leave, looking utterly defeated. “Was she really going to break up with me?”

Karolina pauses, probably trying to figure out what to say, but Nico beats her to the punch. “Yes. She’s been planning to since at least the start of the month.”

“She told me in late February.” Wait. Chase probably shouldn’t have said that. “Sorry, bud.”

Alex sighs. “It’s fine, I guess. I was a shit boyfriend, anyways.”

Karolina, trying to make him feel better, starts, “Nooo-“

“Yes. You were. Not apologizing, it’s true.” Wow, Nico is on a roll tonight.

“That’s fair.”

They wait a while longer, until a nurse comes in and tells them to follow her. She won’t tell them Gert’s condition, and Chase is freaking out.

Molly, Dale, and Stacey are standing at the window, looking in at Gert. Molly is sniffling, so as he comes up behind her, Chase puts a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“How’s our girl, hm?”

Molly leans heavily against him, still sniffling. “She’s sleeping now, but she was awake a minute ago. She’s got three broken ribs, a concussion, and a broken collarbone- but they said she’s going to be fine. That’s good, right?”

She looks up at him, nose red and eyes teary, and Chase runs a hand over her hair comfortingly. “Of course, Molly.”

~~~~~

Gert remembers the crash and everything that followed it in flashes.

The impact of the other car hitting her, sending her skidding across the road. Surviving that, somehow, and crawling out of the wreckage that was once her car with scraped hands and bruised knees. The woman who hit her, looking perfectly fine except the tears streaming down her face as she blubbers. She was probably about 25, and she kept saying that she was trying to avoid a rabbit in the middle of the road. Once the ambulance showed up, Gert doesn’t remember seeing her after that. She fell in and out of consciousness, watching the EMTs work on her, and after that she must’ve fell asleep, because she doesn’t remember  _ anything. _

She wakes up in a hospital bed. It’s morning, sunlight streaming through the window, and Gert has never been in so much pain in her entire life. Everything hurts so bad that it takes her more than a few moments to realize that someone is here with her, gripping her hand tightly.

Gert turns to the chair at the side of her bed, expecting Molly, or her parents, but instead, it’s…Chase. He’s hunched over, using his other arm resting on the bed as a pillow. She wonders how long he’s been here.

“Chase,” she rasps, and ouch, that hurts. “Chase, wake up.”

He groans, and then, maybe as he realizes who’s speaking, springs awake. “You’re up!”

“I am. Where’s,” she pauses to yawn, “Where’s everyone else?”

He shakes out his hair, still holding on to her with his other hand. “Getting breakfast from the cafeteria. You'll be here for another few days, just to keep an eye, but then you're free to go."

Wait, what? Gert can't stay here for another few days. She can't. Or, more accurately, her  _ parents  _ can't. They're well off, sort of, but not enough that they could easily dish out how much three or four days in a hospital will cost. Shit, will they have to dip into her college fund? Molly's? "A-are you sure? Can't they- can't they let me out early?"

 

Chase frowns. "Gertrude, you're seriously injured. Three broken ribs, a broken collarbone, a dislocated shoulder, and a concussion don't really qualify for same day release."

"But-" she cuts herself off. How can she word this without sounding whiny? "We can't......we can't afford five days in the hospital, Chase." God, thinking about this is just making her headache worse. "Like, we could, I guess, but that's-" she does the calculations in her head, counting up the average cost of a night in a hospital stacked with the cost of pain medication, transportation in the ambulance, and how much patching her up would have cost on average. Gert had a project in Economics last month where they had to choose one government branch to improve upon, and she chose the health care system. So you can trust her when she says that this is going to be  _ really fucking expensive. _ "That's like, over 13,000 dollars. Plus however much a physical therapist will cost. And I'm sure we could afford it, but it's going to be such a strain-"

"I can help." His face is determined, but there is _ no _ way she's letting this happen. "Well, not  _ me _ , but our family could definitely-"

"Chase. You are  _ not _ paying my medical bills. You know how much I can't let you do that, right?" He knows her. He knows how much this would go against every moral she has.

He squeezes her hand, sighing before he says, "Yes, I do. But...I don't want you guys to struggle because of something so stupid as our shitty healthcare system. And I'm not saying we pay for everything, like, have you met my dad? He'd pop a vein. But I want to make this easier on you. It's not a charity thing, or a pity thing, I just...." Chase looks up, eyes meeting hers in such a way that she can that there's something underlying it, something she can't place with all the fog that's in her brain right now. "You're my best friend, and I want to help."

Gert feels so incredibly touched that in this moment, she can't even feel the pain anymore. Well, yes, she can. Because it's excruciating. Fuck, she's just glad it's not her dominant shoulder, though this isn't much better. At least she doesn't have to learn to write right-handed? "I'm your best friend?"

Chase does that thing where he smiles without really smiling, his eyes crinkling up in the corners. "Of course, Gert."

She looks down at their hands, entwined in a way that feels permanent, somehow. Like, they'll let go, obviously, but what she means is that his  _ presence _ feels permanent. "Well...you're my best friend, too. And I get that you want to help, but....." Gert pauses, meeting his eyes, and suddenly she's okay with it. There's something so  _ genuine _ about the way he looks at her, and it's like flicking a switch. "Actually, I'd have to talk to my parents first, but I think we can figure something out." She pauses again, then tacks on a, "...Thanks, Chase."

He smiles for real, this time, happy and grateful and excited all at once. "No, thank  _ you _ for letting us help."

And then they just grin at each other, foolish and childlike. It reminds her of the days before all the mess, when they were just kids flirting over shared bowls of ice cream and dumb ideas about the world. She misses that version of them, sometimes, before everything was complicated. But she likes to think that what they have now is better.

She’s about to say something, anything, when the door opens, and Alex comes crashing through, holding two cups of coffee.

“What, none for me?” Oh, great going, Gert, a shitty joke is  _ just _ what everyone needs right now.

Alex seems at a loss for words for a moment. “You’re- you’re awake.”

“…Yeah. I am. Chase, would you leave us alone for a second?” He looks at her like,  _ are you sure? _ Gert squeezes his hand and nods. Chase, still looking apprehensive, squeezes back, then gets up and leaves.

Alex looks after him for a second, then turns to her. “So….”

“I want to break up.” There. She said it. It feels like a release, to finally be able to get the words out.

Alex sighs, sitting on the side of the bed. “I know. Molly told me- wouldn’t let me come when the doctor said it was family only. Though I doubt you remember even talking to them, now.” He’s right. She doesn’t. “I…..I know I haven’t been the best, to you. And that’s my fault- I don’t think I was ready for a relationship in the first place, you know? But I wanted one, I wanted one  _ so bad _ , and you were there and you liked me, so I said to myself,  _ why not? _ ”

“All of this is reeeally making me seem like a nobody in the Tale That Is Alex, dude.”

His eyes go wide. “No! That’s not…..that’s not what I meant. I do need to work on that, though. I can be kind of full of myself sometimes.”  _ Don’t I know it. _ “I think….I think this could be a good thing, for us. Maybe we were meant to just be friends, you know?”

Gert nods, then winces when it hurts. "Yeah, I...I agree. But not right away, okay? I do want to be friends, I do, but....you really hurt me, Alex. I need time to- to recuperate. Maybe we can sit down and talk some day soon, but not- not right now. I'm in enough pain already, I can't do all this right now."

 

She gestures between them vaguely, and Alex nods, somber. "That makes sense. I....I just want you to know that I'm sorry for the way I treated you. We can have a big long chat about it later, like you said, but I think that's a start, isn't it?"

He's right. It's a start.

~~~~~

It’s two AM, and someone is calling Chase. Why is someone calling him? Are they  _ possessed? _

Oh, it’s Gert. Never mind, he’s not mad anymore.

He picks up, because duh, voice hoarse from sleep. “Hey, Gertrude. What’s up?”

_ “Oh. Hey. You picked up.” _

“You thought I wouldn’t?” He shifts to lie on his back, putting his phone on speakerphone and laying it in the middle of his chest.

_ “No, I just- I don’t know. Usually when I call anyone else this early I don’t get a response. _ ”

“Really? That sucks. So, how are you feeling?” It's only been a few days since...what happened, and Chase isn’t ashamed to say he’s kind of been mother hen-ing her. She gets out of the hospital tomorrow, but her parents are making her stay out of school for another week, and she hates it.

Gert sighs.  _ “Better, sort of. I think the worst part is the lying around- I’m not good at being lazy.” _

He laughs softly. “No, really? I never would have guessed.”

_ “Shut up." _

There's silence on the other end of the line, so he asks, "Is there any specific reason you called?"

He hears her gulp, almost as if she's scared to speak.  _ "I don't like it here. I hate waking up in a different bed, alone, in an unfamiliar place. Don't get me wrong, it's really nice here, and the staff is great."  _ Chase is glad to hear that the money they gave the Yorkes (after a long chat between the parents that neither Chase nor Gert were allowed to be a part of, that he's pretty sure consisted of his mother being genuine about wanting to help, and his father wanting another stamp on his Good Citizen card) is being put to good use.  _ "But I don't know. Being here so long keeps sending my mind to all those hospital horror movies Molly made me watch." _

"How is that even a genre?"

Gert laughs softly.  _ "I don't know! Usually they're about, like, organ theft and baby switching and stuff, but Molly gets a kick out of them. I'm not a huge horror movie fan, they have to be a specific type, but she loves them like you wouldn't believe." _

"What's the specific type?" Chase has never been a huge horror movie fan, but that's because he's never had the time to sit down and watch them. Always busy with other things.

_ "Hmm," _ she pauses, thinking.  _ "I like a few of the classics, like Scream, or Carrie, but mostly the really creative ones that are from the 2000s to now. Jennifer's Body is my absolute favourite, but It Follows is really good, too. I think what really makes a horror movie is a well done female protagonist. Like, not to go on a feminist rant here, but women just make films more interesting. They're more dynamic, and seeing the same straight white dude kill the monster is so boring. It's why I like the 'final girl' trope so much, even if sometimes it can get fetishy, because women carry out the journey so much more genuinely. If I wanted to, I could tell you about how this is due to the oppression of the patriarchy that we've faced our whole lives, but that takes longer to explain, and my throat hurts." _

Chase doesn't say anything for a moment, taking in everything she's just said. Like he said, he's never been into the horror genre, but the way she talks about it just feels so...revolutionary. Gert does that sometimes, takes something he once thought was innocuous and turning it on its head.  _ "Chase?" _

"Oh! Sorry. I was just processing. Sometimes when you talk about stuff like this, I have to give my mind a moment to adjust because I don't think like this, you know? My brain doesn't go where yours does- but I'm glad you talk to me about this kind of thing. I like having a new perspective. And I totally get what you mean. I've never been much into horror movies, but now that I think about it, I think it's because I've been watching the wrong ones? Like, all the ones I've seen were literally just 'straight white dude kills the monster'. And you're right, it's not interesting! It's boring! Straight white men always have been and will be boring."

Gert hums, seeming amused.  _ "What about Spider-Man? Captain America?" _

"Spider-Man is a bi trans dude and Captain America is gay. End of story." She laughs, delighted. "Why is that funny?"

_ "I don't know, it's not, I guess. It's more of a happy laugh? I'm just glad to hear you be so comfortable talking about this stuff, since a few months ago you were so torn up about it." _

"Aw, don't go all sappy on me, now, Gertrude."

_ "Pfft, shut up. Hey, what are you doing for that ‘subversive solo’ piece Miss Hinchey assigned a few weeks ago? The presentation date isn’t very far away, you know.” _ Sigh. Chase hates presentations in Drama class. He'd much rather be writing an essay on Broadway's elitism, or why this or that character carried the whole show. It's more interesting to him than standing up in front of everybody and belting out.

“Hmm, says the one who’s going to get out of it because of her injury.” He’s got his song picked out, and he’s been practicing  _ a lot _ , but he’s still nervous about it.

_ “Buzz off. Seriously, though, what’d you pick?” _

“What did  _ you  _ pick?”

Gert makes a frustrated little noise that is possibly the most adorable thing he’s ever heard.  _ “I asked you first.” _

“I asked you second.”

_ “Ugh! _ ”

And then she hangs up.

**Did you seriously just hang up on me?**

**_Yep! Goodnight!_ **

Chase laughs to himself, putting his phone away and closing his eyes again. He falls asleep smiling, and it has everything to do Gert, calling _ him _ when she couldn’t sleep. Now, that’s what he likes to call  _ development. _

~~~~~

Gert wakes up on March 27th to Molly nudging her on the shoulder. She knows it’s her because she can smell her sweet, candy smelling perfume- it always makes Gert sneeze.

She cracks an eye open and, hell yeah, Molly made breakfast for her. Breakfast in bed is  _ just  _ what she needed today.

“Happy Birthday!” Her sister hands her the tray once Gert has sat up, setting the glass of orange juice on the nightstand. “I know it’s not gonna be great this year, because of…everything, but we can still have fun! Even if I have to go to school. Sorry. But we’ll do stuff when I get home, okay?”

Yeah, that’s right, you heard Molly.  _ Gert isn’t allowed to go to school _ . Or work, for that matter. Ugh. Oh, and it’s her birthday. But she cares about that less. Mom says it’s only until next week, seeing as she only got out of the hospital a few days ago, but Gert is sooooooo boooooored. Bored enough that every time her homework gets dropped off, she actually  _ does it. Right away. _

It does give her time to mourn her break-up, though. She’s grateful for that. She’s been spending a lot of her time lately watching sappy rom-coms and making fun of them. It’s a weird way to cope, but it helps her, sort of.

Molly leaves for school soon after, and Gert eats her breakfast accompanied by her very best friend in the world- Anne Shirley Cuthbert.

She's always kind of had an obsession with Anne Of Green Gables. She's read all the books, and her copy of the first one is nearly worn to pieces. Maybe it's the whole 'little orphan Annie' thing that's so relatable- she's always liked  _ Annie, _ too. Stacey has all the movies from the 1980s, and they used to watch them together when Gert was sick. It's one of her fondest memories- chicken noodle soup, both of them in their pyjamas, and Anne and Gilbert falling in love over and over again. They watched the new show together, too, and Gert is pumped for the next season.

Gert thinks the reason she finds it so relatable is that she connects to the way Anne started in life. No mother to hold her tight, no father to kiss her forehead. She remembers something Anne once said-  _ Matthew and Marilla may have adopted me, Diana, but I'll always be an orphan. _

She sighs. Gert doesn't want to think about this right now, especially not on her birthday.

Her Mama always loved celebrating Gert's birthday.

She gets a call, then, a perfect distraction from her melancholic thoughts. It's Chase, which cheers her up even more. “ _ Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Gertrude-" _

She cuts him off with a giggle- wait. Gert doesn’t giggle. Since when can Chase make her  _ giggle? _ “Hey, Chase.”

“ _ Hey! How’s your birthday going so far?” _

“Uhh, fine. Molly made me breakfast. But I’m kind of bored out of my mind here, like, all I can do is just sit here watching television, sooo….”

“ _ Do you want,”  _ he pauses, seeming to choose his words carefully. “ _ Do you want company?” _

Gert rolls her eyes, even though he can’t see her. “Chase, you can’t just  _ skip school _ because I’m bored on my birthday.” Like, she wants him to. But she’s not going to let him do that.

“ _ Except that I can.” _

“Chase-“

_ “See you soon!” _

And then he hangs up. UGH.

Well, she better freshen up a bit. She struggles through changing her clothes, changing from her flannels into a pair of leggings (because for some reason she cares if he sees the bruises and scratches on her legs) and a big t-shirt that says  _ Happy 90th Birthday, Grandma! _ She pulls a brush through her hair, fixes up her brows, and she’s good to go. She’s still on the worse side of average, but at least now she doesn’t look like a swamp monster.

It’s only as she’s putting on deodorant, trying to clean up her bed with her other hand (which, yes, hurts a lot) that she realizes that this is what she’d do for someone she’s interested in. But she’s not interested in Chase- at least not that way- so what gives?

Her phone dings.

**I’m here. Door unlocked?**

**_:/ you should be at school but yes_ **

**YOU’RE NOT MY MOM**

She hears the front door open and close, and then Chase stomping up the stairs. Soon enough, there’s a knock at her door. She sighs. “Come in.”

He walks in, holding up a paper bag. “I come bearing gifts!”

She raises an eyebrow, amused. “Birthday-type gifts?”

He drags an armchair to the side of her bed and plops down. “Nah, that’s for tonight.” Tonight? Oh, wait, everyone’s coming over for cake tonight, she forgot. Whoops. “This is just, you know, a double cheeseburger, curly fries, coleslaw, and blueberry cheesecake, all from Annie’s.”

He’s got this smug look on his face that kind of makes Gert want to slap him. And then make out with him. Wait, what?

“Ooh, gimme gimme.” She makes grabby hands at the bag, and Chase hands it to her with an easy smile.

She digs in, and Chase asks, “So, how’s…”

Gert swallows, then says, “I told you, it’s boring. I’m bored. B-O-R-E-D. I want to go back to school. Or at least work, like, come on.” She scrunches up her nose and takes another fry from the tray.

Chase fondly rolls his eyes. “Only you would say that. Literally any other kid would be jumping for joy.”

“Well, I can’t do much jumping right now, can I?” He makes a pained face, almost absently patting her hand. Gert, not even thinking about it, flips her hand palm up and entwined their fingers.

She lets go immediately. “Um. Sorry. I don’t- I don’t know why I just did that.”

Chase looks a bit shocked, and for a moment he doesn’t say anything. “No, it’s- it’s okay. You can- I mean- any time if- I’m going to stop talking now.”

His face is bright red as he pulls his hand away altogether, looking anywhere but at her.

“Ummmm, so how’s school?” Gert speaks quickly, trying to move on from whatever the hell  _ that  _ was.

“Fine. It’s- um- it’s fine. Hinchey is on our asses about all these projects she’s suddenly come up with, as if we don’t have enough to do with rehearsal, it’s crazy. Like, we have two papers to write, that presentation singing thing, and now she keeps saying ‘oh, wouldn’t duets be fun?’” He’s laid back in the chair, legs spread out and doing that thing where he rubs his thumb against his pointer finger, and it is  _ not _ hot. It’s not. Gert should be telling him off about manspreading in her chair, honestly. But also, those grey sweatpants of his…..Okay, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with her? Gert was over this whole attraction to Chase thing  _ months  _ ago. They fucked and she  _ got over it. _ And then she started dating Alex, and she  _ fully _ got over it. Didn’t she?

Ugh, Alex. They still haven't sat down and talked, which she is absolutely fine with. She's going to put this off as long as she can, honestly. She doesn't want to sit down and talk through everything with him- she knows she has to, but it's going to be so  _ tiring _ .

“Duets  _ would  _ be fun, though.”

He raises an eyebrow, smirking, and oh, fuck. “Alright. Be my partner, then.”

“What?”

“When you come back to school, be my partner for duets if you think they’re so fun.” Only Chase could make this sound flirty and passive aggressive at the same time. Or maybe she’s just imagining the flirty tone of his voice because her brain is fucking  _ wack  _ today.

Gert pauses, then says, “You’ve got yourself a deal.”

~~~~~

Chase leaves about an hour later, because he has math last period and can’t miss it. If it was up to him, he probably would have stayed there as long as humanly possible. Both because he wants to be around Gert every second of the day and because his home life is….well, it’s never been great. But it’s been a lot worse, lately. He doesn’t know why, but Dad is just more…..unhinged, as of late. It’s awful. His anger was unpredictable before, but it’s about ten times worse now. Chase feels like he has to tiptoe around the house.

So, instead of going home, Chase goes to Hallmark and buys a gift bag and some crepe paper so he’s not just giving Gert her gift in the little box it came in. He’s really proud of this gift, actually. He hopes she likes it.

He drives around town for a while, stopping for dinner at Annie’s (a salad and fries as always) and actually stays to eat for once. He doesn’t have to be at Gert’s until seven, so why not?

Chase is sitting at the counter, picking at his salad, when Annie comes over, drying out a glass. “How’s our girl?”

He shrugs a little. “Better, maybe? I went to see her today, and she was looking a bit better. And it’s her birthday, so we’re all hanging out later.”

Annie raises an eyebrow. “Even that ex boyfriend of hers?”

Chase rolls his eyes, huffing a laugh. “You can call him Alex, you know.”

“That boy is going to have to earn being called his first name after what he did to poor Gertie,” Annie says, huffy, and Chase sees that there’s no changing her mind on it, at least not tonight.

“Yeah, alright.”

“Oh,” Annie says, digging into the pocket of her apron and handing him a package, “Give that to Gertie, will you? It’s just a little something from me for her birthday. Tell her I say to get well soon, alright?”

Chase goes to open the package, but she smacks his hand away. “Since when is it your gift? Curiosity killed the cat, young man. Just give it to her when you get there.”

He lays it down gently on the counter. “Yes, Ma’am.”

~~~~~

Gert has her party hat on, it’s her birthday, and it’s time to fucking party. Was that a half assed vine reference? Probably.

She’s dressed a bit nicer than earlier- Molly helped her put on jeans, although she hasn’t changed out of this t-shirt. She thinks it’s funny, okay? Even if Molly said it looks like she pulled it out of the dumpster- it smells perfectly fine, though.

Gert is sitting on the couch in the living room, Molly on one side of her and Chase on the other. Karolina and Nico are smushed together in one armchair, her parents in the other, and Alex- well, Alex isn't here. He wasn't invited, which might have been harsh, but she just can't see him right now. It's too early.

They’re all munching on cake, and it’s a little quieter than it would usually be. She doesn’t know if it’s because of her, or Alex's absence, or both her  _ and  _ Alex absence, but it’s weirding her out. She has an injury, she didn’t  _ die, _ and her and Alex broke up amicably, thank you very much. Sort of. Gert just doesn't want to see him right now, and that's okay, right?

Gert puts her fork down, finished with her cake, and everyone immediately pauses what they’re doing. “Guys. You don’t have to stop because I did.”

“But…..it’s your birthday,” Molly says.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you have to  _ stop eating when I do like I’m the queen of England.” _ She’s irrationally upset right now, and she doesn’t know why. “I- you guys didn’t do this last year. I don’t want to be treated differently just because I got hurt.”

Her breathing gets a little uneven, and Chase moves his hand to her thigh, moving his thumb comfortingly. “We’re not trying to, Gertrude. We’re sorry, right guys?”

The rest of them nod, but Nico is giving both of them the eye. “Since when do you let him call you Gertrude?”

Gert blinks. Huh. Her and Chase look at each other, confused, then turn back to Nico and make almost identical ‘I don’t know’ sounds. She rolls her eyes at them.

“Uh, anyways,” Molly says, “can we do gifts now?” She’s almost bouncing in her seat from excitement. Gert swears her sister is more pumped than  _ she  _ is.

“Sure, Molls.” Molly excitedly reaches behind the couch and hands her her gift, which turns out to be not one, not two, but  _ three  _ new songbooks- Ghost Quartet, Hadestown, and Anastasia. She’s obsessed with all three of them, and she’s  _ ecstatic. _

Nico and Karolina actually  _ made her a stool _ for her room, from  _ scratch. _ The seat is a cheery green velvet, and the legs are painted with vines and flowers. It’s  _ amazing.  _ Gert is currently resting her sock covered feet on it, mostly because it would be a hassle to stand up and sit on it.

Her parents give her their usual gift of a $50 donation to the charity of her choice, which is nice. She does wish they could be a bit more creative, though.

Gert turns to Chase, then, but once she sees him it’s like she’s lost every word she’s ever known. He’s not doing anything in particular- in fact, he’s not even looking at her. But, there’s just……something….. “Yeah?”

She shakes herself out of whatever the fuck that was to reply to Chase, “Um, nothing.”

“Nah,” he says, smirking, “it was something.” Shit shit shit shit. “You want your gift now, don’t you?” Thank god, she almost just had a heart attack.

Gert smiles. “Definitely.”

He picks his backpack up off the floor and unzips it. “Okay, so, there’s three gifts in here. One from me, one from Annie that she gave to me to give to you, and one that I found in your office today that’s supposedly from T.B. Which one do you want first?”

T.B. got her a gift? That’s so sweet! “Ooh, T.B.”

He hands her a flat, square package, wrapped in cheery yellow paper. There’s a note attached, saying,  _ happy birthday! Hope this cheers you up! _

Huh. It’s a Paul Anka Greatest Hits record. She’s happy, if a bit confused. Paul Anka is cool, not somebody she listens to all the time- except that one song…..Gert feels like she’s at the edge of something, like she’s  _ just _ about to realize something, when Karolina asks, “What is it?”

Gert turns the record to the rest of the room. “Paul Anka Greatest Hits. It’s from T.B.”

Nico huffs a laugh. "Oh, of course."

Karolina looks confused, though, asking, "T.B.? Isn't that that secret admirer you lied to Alex about?"

Karolina probably didn't mean for it to sound as harsh as it came out, but it still hits her like a bullet to the chest. Gert wasn't doing anything  _ wrong _ , that's not  _ fair. _ But did the others see it differently?

She’s just so tired of all of this. It’s like she’s the only one in the room who isn’t tense. It’s kind of giving her a bellyache, honestly.

“I’m, uh, I’m gonna go outside for a minute. I need some air. Be back in a minute.” Gert stands, heading out to the front porch and sitting on the porch swing.

Damn, nobody even tried to stop her. They all just looked at each other all pityingly, like she’s some poor baby who needs help.

Gert feels….weird. Maybe it’s that it’s her birthday, maybe it’s the whole Alex thing, maybe it’s….maybe it’s Chase. All she knows is, she feels like she can’t breathe, and it is  _ not _ because of the broken ribs.

“Hey,” Chase says as he opens the front door, closing it behind him as he steps onto. “Can I sit?”

Gert sighs, patting the spot next to her. “Why not?”

He settles next to her, closer than she thought he would. Gert isn’t complaining, though. “So, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Chase raises an eyebrow at her, and she sighs, exasperated. “Fine. I’ve felt….different today. Tense. I don’t know, you just make me feel weird.”

Both eyebrows go up. “ _ I  _ make you feel weird?”

FUCK. “That’s- that’s not what I meant.”

Chase leans in a little, and her heart starts beating faster than a jackrabbit. “Isn’t it?”

Gert bites her lip. If she really wanted to, she could probably kiss him right now. Just close the distance between them, press her lips to his, and deal with the consequences.

She averts her eyes, turning to look up at the sunset. “Wow, isn’t that beautiful?”

Chase pauses, then clears his throat and says, “Yeah, yeah, it is. Hey, do you want those last two gifts, now?”

“Sure.”

He hands her Annie’s package first. It’s soft, rectangular, and wrapped in thick brown paper. She tears it open, and, oh, wow. She turns to Chase, grinning as she holds it up. “Oh my gosh! It’s her old apron! I’ve been obsessed with this thing for  _ years, _ I can’t believe she gave it to me!”

Chase raises an eyebrow, amused. “Gert, that thing has an embroidered neon green dinosaur on it.”

“I know, right?” He smiles toothily, fondly rolling his eyes, and Gert punches his arm. “Dinosaurs are cool!”

“They are, they are, I know they are. That’s, um, that’s why I got you this,” he hands her the final gift, the one he got her. “Well, partly.”

Gert looks at him weird. “What an odd thing to say to someone before giving them a gift.”

“Just open it.”

She does so, and….oh. It’s…..it’s a charm bracelet. Jewelry. Huh.

“Um, so, I found this store downtown a while ago that makes- well, it sells a bunch of different stuff, but one of those things are these charity charm bracelets. 85% of the proceeds go to local charity organizations, including Planned Parenthood and the SPCA. You can pick your own charms, and add more, if you want to.” It’s clear that Chase prepared this little speech of his, and Gert’s heart is kind of melting. Who cares if jewelry is usually a weird gift for someone you’re ‘just friends’ with? Wait. Why did her brain put that in quotation marks?

Well, she knows why. It’s because, at least on her end, Gert is attracted to Chase. That, she knows. But it’s  _ just _ attraction, right? Just a silly crush? She doesn’t have  _ feelings _ for him, no way.

“Well, then,” she says, taking the bracelet and starting to struggle through putting it on- that  _ damned _ clasp. “You gonna tell me what they all represent?”

Chase swallows, then, as if he’s jumping off the high board at the pool, cautiously reaches over to help her with the clasp. He clips it for her _ , one handed _ , no less (she tries not to think of what  _ else _ he can do one handed) but doesn’t move his hand away, instead gingerly holding her wrist so he can point at each individual charm. “This one,” he points at a tiny green dinosaur charm, and, oh,  _ that’s  _ what he meant? “Is for your clearly ongoing palaeontology phase,” she snorts, and Chase points at the next one, a tiny little orange. “This one is for that shampoo you use, I know it’s kind of dumb, but, um, whenever I smell orange blossoms now I think of you, so.” Her face goes red. That’s probably the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to her. “And this one is a lotus flower-“

Gert grins. “Those are my favourite.”

Chase gives her one of those fond smiles of his that make his eyes crinkle up in the corners. “I know they are.”

And for a moment they just look at each other. The sun is still setting, reddish gold lighting up his face and reflecting in his eyes and  _ oh.  _ Chase is  _ beautiful. _

But she doesn’t like him. She  _ doesn’t. _

~~~~~

“I still can’t believe you bought her a charm bracelet for her birthday with  _ personalized charms  _ and I didn’t even get to see her reaction,” Nico says as they walk around the mall. They’re not even here to buy anything, but Nico doesn’t like to chat sitting down and Chase needed to get out of the house, so here they are.

“Nico, I honestly want to know if someone hired you to ship us like this. Was it God? Did She come to your house and say, ‘if you ship your two friends hard enough, I’ll excuse all the witchcraft’?”

Nico throws her head back in a crazy laugh that turns every head in a ten foot radius. “Yep, that was it. And, ‘She’, huh?”

Chase shrugs. “Eh. This world is too cool to have been created by a dude.” Also, all his friends are girls, and girls are…the fucking best. Absolutely spectacular.

“Oh, so true.”

~~~~~

**Can we talk?**

Gert has been staring at the message since Alex sent it twenty minutes ago. She doesn't know how to respond.

She knows that they should probably sit down and talk things out, get rid of all the bad blood between them. Well, not all the bad blood. There's still that voice in her head reminding her of that time he called her a whore, and she's pretty sure there's no getting rid of it. But she did say she wanted to be friends again. And Gert isn't the type to go back on things.

**_...Sure. We could meet up for coffee? How about @ eleven tmr_ **

Today is Friday, so she could probably get Chase to drop her off. There is  _ no _ way she's letting Alex pick her up.

**Sounds good. Annie's?**

Oof. That won't go well. Annie is not a big fan of Alex's right now.

**_How about Timely? Haven't been in forever and I'm totally craving a chai latte._ **

**Sure.**

~~~~~

"I don't think this is a good idea."

They're parked in front of Timely, and Chase is Worried with a capital W. Why in the world does she need to do this? They  _ broke up. _ As far as Chase is concerned, Gert is wholly allowed to never talk to Alex again. But it's not his choice, and he has to let her do this on her own- plus, she wouldn't listen to him when he said he thought it was a bad plan the first time. But fifth times the charm, right?

Wrong. 

 

"Chase, I'm doing this whether you like it or not." Her voice is defiant in tone as she checks herself over in the mirror, which is stupid, really, because Gert has never been anything other than stunning.

"Hey," he says softly, and she turns to look at him. Damn, Gert really is breathtaking. "That's not what I meant." He puts a hand over hers where it lies on the armrest, loosely twining them together. "I'm just worried you're doing this before you're ready, is all."

~~~~~

Gert melts. She can't help it. His hand in hers and that look in Chase's eye is all it takes, really. A weaker girl would have dissolved into a mushy pile of  _ pretty boy who cares about me  _ goo by now, but Gert is resilient, so she's still standing. Also, she doesn't like Chase. She doesn't. Right?

She just really wants to lean in and kiss him, tangle her hands into his hair to see what kind of noise he would make if she did that-  _ high pitched or low?-  _ then slip her tongue into his mouth so that all he can think about is her and her alone until they pull away from each other, never satisfied and always wanting  _ more, more, more _ . She's thought about this a lot, if you can't tell.

But she doesn't like him.

"Thanks, Chase, but I can handle myself." She tries to undo her seatbelt, then, but struggles with the button and this nuisance of an injury. Chase almost automatically reaches over and does it for her. Gert sighs. "Don't say it."

Innocent as a lamb, Chase asks, "Say what?"

Exasperated, Gert rolls her eyes and gets out of the car. As she stalks towards the door to Timely, Chase sticks his head out the window and calls out, "I'll wait here, okay?"

If this were anyone but Chase, she would tell him to just go home, but it  _ is  _ Chase. And Chase won't leave until he knows how it went, how she feels, if she needs anything, basically mother-henning her to death. But it's nice, honestly. Mostly because she knows it stems from a place of love, and not 'I know you better than you know yourself'-ness. He even came with her to her first physiotherapy appointment the other day- he wasn’t allowed in the room, but he stayed in the waiting area until she was finished nonetheless.

Alex is sitting at a booth off in a corner, by far the most private area of the café. Gert takes a deep breath, ignoring the pain in her chest, and makes her way towards him.

"Hi," she says, sitting down across from him in the booth. "I think we need to talk."

~~~~~

When Gert comes out of Timely, she doesn't speak. She's got something rectangular clutched tight in her hand, and everything about her is just as tense.

When she gets in the car, she slams the door so hard the car shakes. "I don't want to talk about it."

He'd guessed that. “Yeah, okay. Home now?”

Gert sighs, and her shoulders slump. “I- I don’t really want to deal with my parents right now. Can we go somewhere else?”

Chase nods. “I’ve got just the place.” As he pulls out of the parking lot, he asks, “So what’s that thing you’ve got in your hand?”

“Oh, um, it’s  _ She’s All That? _ He, uh, it’s for my birthday. We talked about watching it, but I guess we- I guess we never got around to it.”

Chase puts his hand over hers, squeezes once, then lets go. God, this must suck for her.

They drive and drive, and at one point he’s pretty sure Gert falls asleep. Those pain meds of hers make her really tired, but she says they help, so what does he know?

When he finally stops, they’ve reached the cliff side. It’s on the edge of town, and no one ever really comes here, which is why he likes it. It’s quiet.

Gently, he shakes her shoulder to wake her up. “Gert,” he says softly. “Gert, we’re here.”

Gert opens one eye and asks groggily, “Where is here?”

“You’ll see.”

Gert rolls her eyes, which, yes, is as adorable as it sounds. “That’s not an answer.”

He unbuckles himself, then does the same for her. “Isn’t it?”

She sticks her tongue out at him, and, really, how is it possible for her to be this cute?

They get out of the car, and Gert's entire demeanor changes as she looks upon the view. "Wow, Chase....it's beautiful here."

Chase has to admit that she's right. He found this place one day when he was driving around aimlessly, trying to escape- well, everything. His father, his teammates, his unhappiness. It was a stroke of luck, really, that he happened upon it.

The alcove near the edge of the cliff is mossy and enchanting, lush greenery surrounding the small patch of grass just big enough for the two of them to sit and watch the waves crash down below. They may be high up, but it still smells like the ocean, strong enough that it's already clearing out his nostrils just by breathing it in.

"I know, right? Hey, let’s go sit down.”

They make their way over to the alcove, and Chase grabs his bag from where he left it last time. It’s got everything he’d need- a blanket, snacks, and a few random tech projects he’s been picking at. The ones he’s more attentive to stay at home, of course, but this is just a few fun little things to fiddle with.

Chase spreads out the blanket, and they sit down, watching the waves crash for a while.

He’s fiddling with a rudimentary model helicopter he built from scratch with some spare parts, trying to fix the engine, when Gert asks, “Do you think love is real?”

It’s an odd question, but he takes it in stride. “Depends.”

“What does  _ that  _ mean?” She’s got her knees pulled up to her chest, not looking at him as she glares at the sea below.

“It means that it’s a complicated question. Do I believe in platonic love? Yes. Familial love is another thing, though. I don’t think I’ve loved my dad since I learned what kind of person he really is. And my mom….I don’t know. I think I love her, but…she’s always been the fragile one. I take care of her, not the other way around, you know?” He’s being too honest again. Gert brings out that side of him, and he’s never been sure whether he likes it or not.

“Oh. That’s not- what about romantic love? Do you believe in that?” Her voice is soft, unsure, and the words come out in a rush.

Chase thought that was a given. “You don’t?”

She sighs. “I…I don’t know. I thought I did, once. But now….I just think it sounds fake. How do I even find someone to care about me that much? I mean, look at me! I’m pudgy and annoying and ugly and just-  _ ugh. _ Nobody’s ever gonna love me that way, so why hold out hope?”

**_I_ ** _ love you that way, you absolute moron. _

Oh. So, he loves her. It’s not as much of a surprise as you would think, honestly. Chase has been falling in love with her for months, it’s only now that he’s realized it.

But how can he not be in love with Gert? She’s smart and beautiful and funny and so  _ bright.  _ He’s in love with everything about her, from her determination to her sharp mouth, every word that pours from it coated in fire- but fire does not always harm. It may be a helm of destruction, but it’s also what keeps you warm on a freezing night, it's the hearth of a home, it's........protective. But you have to earn its warm arms around you, and Gert is like that, too. Not many people put enough effort in to gain it, though. They see that sharp smile of hers and give up right then, scared, maybe, of what that razor-edged mouth can do.

But Chase knows that while every word is coated in fire, under it is such soft sweetness that he can taste it, just hearing her speak. Gert is so full of love, and it shows so clearly to him that he wonders how others don't see it. He knows Molly does, if only from the adoring light in her eyes he sees sometimes, when Gert isn't looking. But no one else seems to notice, no one else seems to see that Gert is the most caring person in the world, so full of love and light that his heart  _ aches _ from the thought of it.

Chase feels like he knows Gert Yorkes better than anyone else in the world. He feels like he's known her since the dawn of time, and considering it’s been fourteen years, that's practically the same, right?

So, yeah, he loves her. No surprise there.

“Gert, no offense, but that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. You’re literally not any of those things, you know that, right?” She grumbles, clearly disagreeing. “Gert. Come on, look at me.” Something in his voice must convince her, because she shifts, turning towards him. “You,” Chase says, soft and genuine, “are the most divine girl I have ever met. You’re absolutely stunning, okay?” 

Gert turns more red than he’s ever seen her. “That’s not-“

“It  _ is. _ It  _ is  _ true.” Without thinking about it, Chase reaches over to tuck a piece of hair that’s escaped from her braid back behind her ear. “And you’re not going to convince me otherwise, I’m too stubborn.”

Gert huffs a laugh. “You’re not wrong there.” She’s still blushing, and biting her lip, too, like she’s considering something. God, he wants to kiss her so badly. Just lean in and  _ do it _ , consequences be damned.

There’s a particularly loud crash of a wave down below them, and they both startle away from each other as if shocked. The moment is gone.

They’re silent for a while, both contemplating what  _ almost  _ just happened. Or, at least, that’s what he’s doing. He can’t imagine what’s going through Gert’s mind.

“He kept telling me he was sorry,” Gert says, out of the blue. “And…I think he actually meant it, for once. He was being so  _ genuine _ \- it’s been months since he was like that with me.”

There’s something off about the way she’s speaking. “Is there a ‘but’ here?”

Gert sighs. “ _ But _ it still felt weird. I think- I think we’re both used to being around each other as a couple, and not just friends. So it’s- it’s hard to go back to before. I don’t think we’re ever gonna find a reset button. There’s no starting over, just moving on.”

“And do you think you  _ can  _ move on?”

Gert sighs again. She’s been doing that a lot, lately. It’s rare that he sees her truly happy, these days. “I hope so.”

~~~~~

Gert can’t sleep. She’s going back to school tomorrow, and she’s so nervous she might puke.

So, she calls Chase.

He answers with a yawn.  _ “Hello?” _

“Hey.”

_ “Oh, Gert, hi, what’s up?” _ He immediately sounds more awake, and she hears some shuffling, like he’s sitting up.

“I dunno. I just….I can’t sleep.”

_ “Nervous about school tomorrow?”  _ Gert hums noncommittally, and he sighs.  _ “Gert, it’s going to be fine.” _

“Says the one who doesn’t have to deal with a trillion questions about how you almost died tomorrow.”

Chase sucks in a pained breath.  _ “Don’t….don’t say it like that.” _

Right. She forgot how much Chase hates when she mentions the ‘almost dying’ part of the crash. Like, that is what happened. But Chase, it seems, doesn’t like to associate ‘Gert Yorkes’ with ‘almost dying’. Which is understandable. If  _ Chase  _ almost died….god, she doesn’t know what she’d do.

“Sorry, Chase. But yeah, I’m just freaked about having to answer the same shitty invasive questions a thousand times over. I hate when people try and get all up in my business, it’s the worst.” Ugh, when her and Alex started dating, everyone she knew had a bajillion zillion questions about it, and it made her feel all weird. Like everyone was watching just to see how it’d turn out.

_ “I really wish I had some advice for you, but the best you can do is just say you don’t want to talk about it and hope people respect that.” _

Gert laughs softly. “I know some people won’t.  _ Definitely  _ not Victor.” He makes an annoyed sound, and she says, “You’re not still on that, are you?”

“ _ On what?” _

“Don’t be coy. Are you still mad at Victor for what happened in January?” Chase never really let that go- he and Victor’s friendship was never the same afterwards.

_ “Yes and no. I’m not like, super pissed at him or anything- at least not anymore. But that was such a dick move, you know? I just can’t get over it.” _

Gert laughs a little. “You’re such a grudge holder.” She yawns. “Grudgy the grudge man.”

_ “Somebody’s sleepy.” _

Gert pouts, even though he can’t see her. “No, I’m noooot.”

_ “Yes, you arrrreeeee.” _

Gert yawns again. “Alright, maybe a little.”

_ “Goodnight,” _ Chase says softly, and she mumbles something back just before hanging up and conking out.

~~~~~

It’s too early to be cleaning up backstage, but it’s a mess back here and he knows if Gert sees it when she comes in today she’ll freak. It’s her first day back, and Chase wants it to be as stress free as possible.

He’s just sweeping the floor when he hears…..singing?

_ “The sun’ll come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun.”  _ It’s Gert. He’d recognize her voice anywhere. “ _ Just thinking about tomorrow, clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow, ‘til there’s none.” _

Chase peaks around the thick curtain, making sure she doesn’t see him. She clearly thinks she’s alone, singing into the unplugged microphone with a sort of  _ freeness _ he rarely sees from her.  _ “When I’m stuck with a day that’s grey, and lonely, I just stick out my chin, and grin, and say,”  _ she grabs the microphone off the stand, swinging an arm out (even though he’s sure that was painful) and singing the chorus.  _ “The sun’ll come out tomorrow, so you gotta hang on ‘til tomorrow, come what may.”  _ Her voice is so beautiful. He’s still behind the curtain, but he’s peeked out a bit more, just watching her. “ _ Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow, you’re only a day away-  _ oh my god!”

She saw him. Shit shit shit shit. “How- how long have you been there?”

Gert looks like she’s about to have a heart attack. “Ummm, not long?”

“Jesus Christ. Pretend this never happened?” He nods, and Gert nods back. “Cool. So, uh, what are you doing back there?”

“I’m just cleaning up. It was kind of gross back here.”

“What, were you guys falling apart without me, or something?” She walks over to him, hands in the pockets of- holy shit, is that his old lacrosse hoodie?

“Well, it was literally disaster land back here, but I cleaned it up, so don’t worry about it.” See? Stress-free. “Is that my old hoodie?”

They both know the answer is yes. It’s got his last name written across the back, for God’s sakes. But Gert blushes anyways. “Um, yes. It’s really comfy, okay?”

God, he wants to kiss her right now. They’re alone, and they almost kissed a few days ago- he could do it. He could. Just pull her close, lean in, and kiss her soft and tender. He wants to kiss her so bad it hurts.

But he can’t. Chase knows he can’t. It’s just not the right time.

~~~~~

Gert is so tired. Today was so long, and annoying, and stressful, and she just wants to go to sleep.

But she hasn’t called Chase yet. So she can’t.

And it’s not like she can’t fall asleep anymore unless it’s to the sound of his voice- except that’s exactly what it’s like, and it’s kind of a problem.

But it being a problem isn’t stopping her from calling Chase right now, is it?

_ “Hey, Gert.” _

“How’d you know it was me?”

_ “Because you call at the same time every night.”  _ Gert can hear him sitting up and turning on his lamp- it makes a very specific clicking sound that she can recognize by now.

“I don’t call you  _ every  _ night.” Close enough, though.

Chase huffs a laugh.  _ “Sure you don’t.” _

Gert harrumphs, because on the inside she’s actually a five year old. “Okay, fine, whatever. I call you….more nights than not. Happy?”

Chase laughs lowly, then says, “ _ Yes, very.” _

Just from talking to him, Gert already feels more calm. “I have a weird question for you.”

_ “Shoot.” _

“Have you ever seen snow?” Gert hasn’t. She’s always wanted to, but she’s never even left California.

_ “Oh, uh, yeah, I have. Mom took me to New York a couple of times during the winter. How about you?”  _ His voice is softer now, like he’s looking back on a good memory.

“Never. I’ve always wanted to, though. I know it’s kind of dumb, but it always seems so perfect in the movies, you know? That first fall of snow in the winter, blanketing everything in white. Building snowmen, and making angels in the snow, and sticking your tongue out trying to catch a snowflake. It just seems so…so  _ wondrous _ to me. Like magic come to life.” Gert is probably being too honest right now. She never talks about this type of stuff with anyone else- it makes her feel too vulnerable. But she can do that, with Chase. He understands.

_ “I know, right? And snow in the mornings is  _ **_insane_ ** _. It’s like the whole world got covered in a fluffy white blanket overnight.” _ See? Chase gets it.

She smiles sadly, fiddling with the charms on the bracelet he gave her. “I wish I could see it. And if I was going to see it, I’d do it  _ right, _ you know? Go somewhere really cool in the middle of winter.”

_ “Like where?” _

“I wish I could say Paris, but there’s no way I’d ever be able to afford that.” Maybe when she’s older.

“ _ I would take you.” _ What? That’s  _ crazy,  _ does he know what he’s saying? She laughs at the insanity of it, but he says, “ _ No, seriously. I would take you.” _

Gert sighs happily at the idea of it, the two of them going off to Paris for a weekend and doing touristy shit together. “Maybe one day.”

“ _ Yeah, maybe.” _

~~~~~

Chase really hoped Gert wouldn’t be here for this.

It’s presentation day for the subversive solos that Ms Hinchey assigned, and, while he’s confident he’ll do well, he really, really,  _ really _ didn’t want Gert to be here for this.

Because this song he’s chosen, the original isn’t all that romantic, but the way he’s singing it  _ is,  _ and now that she’s here there’s no way he’ll be able to avoid looking at her throughout it.

Gert is sitting next to him right now, actually, leaning on him a bit as they wait for class to start. She’s always kind of tired, lately, so he’s not reading into it. According to Stella, Gert’s physiotherapist that he hasn’t met but Gert talks about a lot, that’s normal for someone with her set of injuries.

“You still set on not telling me what song you’re singing?” Her voice is soft, but not tired. More….comfortable.

“Yes. Don’t want to ruin the surprise.”

She hums, sounding vaguely disappointed. “Okay, fine. I hope that this class is like, actually interesting though. I don’t want a bunch of acoustic covers of fast paced songs. It’s boring.” Uh-oh.  _ Chase _ is doing an acoustic cover. Yikes. “Well, that’s not totally fair. Acoustic covers can be done well if the song fits and the tone is right and the singer knows what they’re doing. But I don’t want to hear, like,  _ Sugar Daddy _ from Hedwig and the Angry Inch set to acoustic guitar and piano.”

_ Phew. _ That is the  _ farthest  _ from what he’s doing. “I get what you mean- especially about the tone thing.” He’s got that down  _ pat.  _ A+ here he comes! “I’m hoping for true subversion of genres, some jazz, or, jeez, I don’t know how to say this right, but classical campy? Like, Meet Me In St. Louis or Funny Face.”

Gert looks pleasantly surprised. “I didn’t know you’d seen either of those.”

“Come on, you’ve met my mom. Old movies and specifically old movies with Audrey or Judy in them are her shit.” She nods, agreeing- and that’s when Ms Hinchey walks in, effectively ruining all semblance of peace in the room.

“Hello, lovelies! You know what today is?” Before anyone can answer, she exuberantly shouts, “PRESENTATION DAY!”

Gert winces, pressing a hand to the side of her forehead like she’s trying to push back the headache. Trying to comfort her, Chase puts a gentle hand on her wrist. His fingers brush up against one of the charms on her bracelet, and in doing so he notices she added another charm. There’s seven now instead of the original six. It’s a teeny tiny snowflake, and he wonders what it represents until he remembers their conversation the other night. Chase has to keep from turning into a sappy pile of goo as his fingers brush against it again- on purpose, this time.

Gert shakes her head a little, then seems to go back to normal, but he still asks, “You okay?”

She looks down at his hand on her wrist, and he pulls it away immediately. “Yeah, um, I’m fine. Thanks, though.”

Chase smiles a little. “Anytime.”

~~~~~

Unsurprisingly, Gert was right about how boring class is today. Although, there have been a few really good ones so far- Eiffel did this really angry version of  _ Playing Nancy _ from Groundhog Day that made Gert respect her a little more. It was really cool, she’s totally going to get an A. Nico took  _ She Used To Be Mine _ and absolutely turned it on its head, made it sound right out of a Dave Malloy musical.  _ Definitely  _ an A. Maybe even an A+!

It’s Chase’s turn, now. He kind of got volun-told to do it, and he looks super nervous. Gert squeezes his arm before he stands, wishing him good luck with a warm smile and a look in her eyes that she hopes translates into,  _ you’ll do great. _

Chase nods back at her, then stands, looking a lot less nervous than he did before.

Gert doesn’t know what she’s expecting, but it’s definitely not him telling Millie- their resident child prodigy who Ms Hinchey bribes to play backup for everyone- to bring out the acoustic guitar, and giving her  _ sheet music.  _ That he  _ brought with him. _

“What song will you be doing, dear?” Ms Hinchey already looks excited, as she always does when Chase has to sing for them.

“Um, I’ll be singing  _ Take A Chance On Me _ from Mamma Mia?” Holy shit, really? That’s the last song Gert would expect from him. Ms Hinchey nods, and Millie starts to play, a soft, simple kind of tune.

Chase closes his eyes for a moment, preparing himself, then starts to sing. “ [ _ If _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2EofNuoMLw&list=WL&index=33&t=0s) _ you change your mind, I’m the first in line,”  _ oh, shit. He’s literally turned  _ ABBA  _ into an indie song. Get didn’t know that was possible. “ _ Honey, I’m still free, take a chance on me.”  _ He’s crooning into the unplugged microphone, soft and genuine. “ _ If you need me, let me know, gonna be around. If you’ve got no place to go, when you’re feeling down. If you’re all alone, when the pretty birds have flown, honey, I’m still free, take a chance on me.” _ His voice is so beautiful.

His eyes, once shut in concentration, snap open, finding hers in the rows. “ _ Gonna do my best, and it ain’t no lie. If you put me to the test, if you let me try. Take a chance on me, take a chance on me.”  _ Everyone else in the room is swaying to the music, but Gert is listening intently, enraptured. His eyes still haven’t left hers, and maybe it’s just because he’s nervous and needs something to focus on, but it feels like he’s singing directly to her. “ _ We can go walking, we can go dancing, as long as we’re together. Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better. ‘Cause you know I’ve got so much that I wanna do, when I dream I’m alone with you, it’s magic.” _ Gert feels a little overwhelmed, honestly. Even though it’s clear that, like she said, he’s focusing on her because he’s nervous, this is still one of the most romantic things to ever happen to her. She feels swept away by the sound of his voice, like it’s the only thing that matters.

“ _ You want me to leave it there, so afraid of a love affair, but I think you know that I can’t let go. If you change your mind, I’m the first in line. Honey, I’m still free. Take a chance on me. If you need me, let me know, gonna be around. If you’ve got no place to go, when you’re feeling down.”  _ It’s only now that she’s heard Chase sing it that Gert realizes how achingly romantic this song is.  _ “If you’re all alone when the pretty birds have flown, honey, I’m still free, take a chance on me. Gonna do my very best, and it ain’t no lie. If you put me to the test, if you let me try.”  _ It’s getting harder and harder to convince herself that Chase isn’t singing this directly at her. “ _ Take a chance on me, take a chance on me. You can take your time, baby, I’m in no hurry, know I’m gonna get you. You don’t wanna hurt me, baby, don’t worry, I ain’t gonna let you.”  _ Okay, Chase calling her baby is kind of making her heart pound. Wait, when did she decide that he was singing to her?  _ “Let me tell you now, my love is strong enough to last when things are rough, it’s magic. You say that I waste my time, but I can’t get you off my mind, you’re magic.”  _ That was definitely a lyric change. A sneaky one, but she knows this song off by heart, okay?

“ _ If you change your mind, I’m the first in line. Honey, I’m still free, take a chance on me. If you need me, let me know, gonna be around. If you’ve got no place to go, when you’re feeling down. If you’re all alone,”  _ he gets the high note perfectly, then keeps singing as Millie slows down on the guitar, and then stops altogether. “ _ When the pretty birds have flown, honey, I’m still free. Take a chance on me.” _

The classroom erupts into applause, Gert the loudest of them all. Chase does a cute little bow, bashful, then comes back to sit down next to her.

“Did you like it?” His voice is soft, and his cheeks are pink, like he’s nervous to ask.

_ I like  _ **_you_ ** _. _

WAIT, WHAT?

~~~~~

“Bet you thought you were real slick, huh?”

He and Nico are walking out of school together, him to his car and her to her dad waiting to pick her up. “What do you mean?”

“In class earlier, singing that song to Gert all lovey dovey.” He’s about to protest, but she says, “Don’t. You can’t say you weren’t singing that to her, like, honestly. That was the most romantic shit I’ve ever seen in my life, and I’m dating  _ Karolina Dean. _ Come on, man.”

Chase sighs, caught red handed. “Fine, I might have been-”

He’s cut off by Nico’s phone dinging a bunch of times, like she’s getting double triple quadruple texted. She checks her phone, then says, “Oh, shit. Uh, I gotta go, Chase. See you!”

And then she books it to her dad’s car, who pulls out of the parking lot like hell on wheels.

Now, what the fuck was that about?

~~~~~

Gert is freaking out. She  _ can’t  _ like Chase. She  _ can’t.  _ He’s her best friend, this could fuck up literally everything, no, no, no, no,  _ no. _

“So, since when does an emergency mean you just sit there trying to figure out what to say?” Ah, Nico. Always with the snark. Her, Karolina, and Molly are all sitting with Gert in the backyard, the three of them (im)patiently waiting on Gert.

“I-“ Gert gulps, scared. “I think I like Chase?”

Karolina, for her part, takes it in stride. “You think you do or you know?”

Nico reacts in a very different manner. Her jaw drops, and she blinks, one, two, three times. She stands up calmly, steps back, then does three cartwheels. In a row.

She comes back to sit with them, saying, “Okay, I’m good now. I just got excited.”

They all look at her weird. “You got excited, so you did three cartwheels?”

“Yes, Molly. Now, can we move on? I want every detail.”

Gert looks to the side. “There’s not much to it, really. Today, when he was performing, it just…clicked.” She turns back to them, panicked. “How do I make it stop?”

“Oh, honey,” Karolina says, putting a hand on Gert’s knee, “you don’t.”

Her face falls. “But I  _ have  _ to. I can’t like him, I  _ can’t.  _ He’ll never feel the same way-“

“And why the hell not?” Molly looks almost indignant as she says it, like it’s personally offensive that someone wouldn’t like her big sister.

_ Look at me, _ she wants to say.  _ You know why not. Chase is much too good for me, and we all know it. _ “Because I’m  _ me,  _ and he’s  _ him,  _ and it would just never work out! We’re not…we’re not a good match. Not like that, anyways.”

“Bullshit,” Nico says. “Absolute bullshit. Do you see the way he looks at you? Come on, Gert.”

“How-“ she pauses, nervous. “How does he look at me?”

Nico’s face changes, but Gert can’t gather what the look in her eye might mean. “Like you’re the most wondrous thing he’s ever seen.”

Gert gapes like a fish, opening and closing her mouth a few times before finally deciding on a simple, “O-oh.”

For a few moments, it’s silent, as Gert stews on what Nico just said. She wants to say,  _ no, you’re wrong.  _ She wants to say,  _ Chase would never look at me like that.  _ But then she thinks of all the times she’s caught him looking at her, just  _ staring _ , for absolutely no reason other than he wanted to. Or all the times he’ll look away right before their eyes meet. Huh.

“Why do you like him?” Molly asks, interrupting the silence. “Like, what about him makes you feel all warm and gooshy inside?”

It’s not what she was expecting, but the words come pouring out anyways. “I like Chase because whenever he walks into a room, he adds to it. Makes it brighter, improves the atmosphere with a quick smile and a dumb joke. He’s so  _ expressive _ , too, like, I can always tell when he’s upset or happy or stressed because- well, I just  _ can, _ okay? Like, you know how whenever he’s frustrated he can’t stop rolling his shoulders? Like that.” They all look mildly confused. “Oh. Well, maybe you don’t know, but you get my point. And he’s so funny, too, he can  _ always _ make me laugh, even if I don’t want to.” She looks away for a moment, embarrassed that she’s even  _ talking  _ about this. “And….he makes me feel calm.” She absently touches the dumb snowflake charm she bought a few days ago, after asking Mom to drive her to the shop because Roberta is  _ totalled. _ She’s going to be bumming rides until the end of the world- or until she gets a new car. The apocalypse will probably come first.

Molly blinks in surprise, and Nico and Karolina aren’t much better off. “What?”

“I don’t know,” Karolina says, “I guess I’ve just never heard you talk like this before. About anyone- not even Alex.”

Gert sighs, looking away. “Yeah, well, me and Alex didn’t even like each other all that much in the first place, so.”

It’s something she’s been stewing on, lately. Since the breakup, she’s come to realize that maybe when they started dating, they were both avoiding other things they didn’t want to deal with. Alex, Nico’s indirect rejection, and Gert, her burgeoning feelings for Chase that were so hard to admit to, even to herself. They were a bad match from the start.

“Amen to that,” Nico says, which earns her an elbow to the stomach from both Karolina and Molly.

Gert sighs. “No, you’re right. If I’m honest with myself…..we shouldn’t have even dated in the first place.”

“Why not?” At Karolina’s enquiry, her mouth screws up, and she looks away again. “Wait, really? Oh, wow.”

Gert looks back at her, boring brown eyes meeting stark blue. “Yeah, really.”

~~~~~

Chase is sitting in his car in the mall parking lot, thinking about Gert. He does this sometimes, when he doesn’t want to go anywhere but has to get out of the house. Last night his dad very nearly broke his hand, so that was cool! That was awesome!

No it wasn’t. But sarcasm is quite a bosom friend in troubling times, isn’t it?

As are thoughts of Gert, the way they often are when he’s upset or stressed and can’t get the balls to call her. Chase likes to submerge himself in thoughts of Gert, of her soft violet hair always tied up in one way or another, of how every time they talk she has a new idea to share, of her sparking brown eyes and soft pink lips that he wants to kiss over and over again until-

His phone is ringing.

Brain still half muddled, Chase answers the phone with a dreamy, “Yeah?”

“ _ Woah, what’s up with you?”  _ Oh, shit, Gert.

He composes himself to the best of his ability, then says, “Um, nothing. Did you need something?”

“ _ No, I just wanted to talk to you.” _ His face breaks into a smile. She did? “ _ I’m struggling through making beignets for the bake sale next week. I wanted to be ‘original’, but it’s just not  _ **_working._ ** _ Ugh.” _

“Aren’t beignets like, super hard to make?”

_ “Yes, but I didn’t know that when I started.”  _ Chase huffs a laugh, and she exclaims, “ _ Don’t make fun of me!” _

“I’m not,” Chase can’t stop laughing. “I’m not, I just,” he interrupts himself to laugh again, and Gert all but growls.

“ _ You are so cruel.” _

“Oh, am I? So, Gert, how do you like that personalized bracelet with charms I painstakingly chose that I gave you for your birthday?”

“ _ …………Shut up.”  _ She pauses as if steeling herself, then asks, “ _ Would you wanna come over? Help me out a bit?” _

“I’d love to.”

~~~~~

Gert has already been in a mood all day, so inviting Chase over probably isn’t the best idea, but whatever. Maybe in the fifteen minutes it takes for him to get here Gert won’t be in such a  _ I need someone to make out with right the fuck now or I’m going to die  _ headspace. Or, specifically, a  _ I need to heavily make out with Chase Stein right the fuck now or I’m going to die  _ headspace.

The doorbell rings. No such luck.

Gert looks in the hallway mirror on the way to the porch, fixing her lip gloss and maybe, just maybe, pulls down her slightly too tight t-shirt a little to show off the tiniest bit of cleavage. It doesn’t even matter, to be honest, seeing as she’s wearing a short sleeved button up over it, but whatever.

She doesn’t even know where she got this shirt, honestly. It’s like it just showed up in her closet one day. It’s a tropical shirt, and she feels like maybe she borrowed it from someone? Maybe?

Gert opens the door, and she almost has to catch her breath. He looks good today- well, he always looks good. But today, Chase is wearing this baby blue t-shirt that looks so soft that she just wants to reach out and touch him, feel the fabric against her fingers. “H-hey.”

Chase smiles, unaware of her attraction fuelled plight. “Hey, Gert.”

For a moment they just stand there, looking at each other. Gert wants to look away, but it seems that that is physically impossible right now.

Chase clears his throat, averting his eyes. “So, beignets?”

She lets him in, closing the door behind her. “Right. Beignets.”

He follows her to the kitchen, and, as she passes him an apron, she notices that he’s looking at her oddly. “What?”

“I…I think that’s my shirt.”  _ What?  _ How would that even be  _ possible? _ Seeing the look on her face, Chase steps forward, reaching out to touch her sleeve. “Yeah, I- it was the shirt I was wearing on Halloween, remember? I must have left it here and never bothered to get it back.”

Oh.  _ Oh _ . “Do you-“ she gulps, tying to keep her mind off the events of that night. “Do you want it back?”

Chase smiles lopsidedly. “Nah. It looks a hell of a lot better on you than it ever did on me.”

And then they just stand there, smiling at each other. He’s close, close enough that if she wanted to, Gert could get up on her tippy toes and press her mouth to his, kiss him long and sweet the way she’s been wanting to longer than she can admit.

But it’s not the right time. She’s just out of a relationship, still recovering from her brush with death, and it’s just not the right time.

Gert is starting to wonder if it ever will be.

~~~~~

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen The Princess And The Frog.”

“Yes, I know, you’ve said it about five times now,” Gert says, cracking an egg into the bowl. “But, I told you, I’ve never been into Disney. Just not my thing. And my parents have always been hateful about it, anyways.”

Chase shoots her a look. “It’s  _ The Princess And The Frog.  _ It’s like, one of the best Disney movies  _ ever.  _ Definitely top three of the Disney princess movies, anyways.” Gert shrugs, and he groans, exasperated. How isn’t she  _ getting this? _ “It’s got amazing music, characters with interesting personalities, it’s legit accurate to the time period- well, dumbed down because it’s a kids movie, but still- and the romance is fucking  _ iconic. _ You  _ have  _ to watch it.”

“No, I don’t,” she says, forever stubborn. “You  _ want  _ me to watch it. There’s a difference.”

And that’s when Chase gets an idea. “What if we watch it tonight? It’s on Netflix, come on, pleeeeease.” He clasps his hands together, even pulling out the puppy dog eyes he know she can’t resist.

Gert rolls her eyes, but he can tell she’s amused by the smile pulling at the edges of her mouth. “Who says you’re even staying for dinner?”

“Come on, Gertrude, your parents love me. I was invited to dinner before they even knew I’d be coming over.” That only half makes sense, but you get his point.

“Alright, alright. Hope you like my dad’s five-hundred-and-sixty-seventh failed attempt at making burgers.” They can’t be that bad, can they? “And I’m  _ not  _ watching that movie with you.”

“Yes you are.”

“No I’m not.”

~~~~~

“I can’t believe you roped me into this.” Chase is fiddling with the remote, looking for The Princess And The Frog on Netflix. She’s so whipped, honestly. All he had to do is pout a little and Gert was conceding. She even got popcorn for them. But it’s pre-bagged popcorn (sweet and salty because it’s surprisingly delicious), so. Revenge.

“It’s a good movie! You’ll like it! I promise!” His positivity is so annoyingly endearing, who gave him the right?

“Okay, Sir Exclamation Point. Come on, get the movie started.” It’s not that she’s excited, because she’s not. Like she said before, Gert doesn’t care about Disney movies. But Chase is excited, and Chase’s emotions often come off of him in waves, instilling them into everyone else around him. When he’s upset, it’s not so fun, but when it’s a positive emotion, it’s kind of nice.

He turns on the movie, finally, and, unfortunately, Gert kind of falls in love with it. The storytelling is magnificent, and every single song so far has been a bop. How is that possible?

As Tiana and Naveen escape from the hunters, Gert yawns, scooting closer to Chase and resting her head on his shoulder. Chase pauses, surprised, maybe, then stretches an arm around her.

She hums along to  _ Ma Belle Evangeline,  _ her heart melting as she watches Tiana and Naveen dance. It’s a beautiful sequence, especially so when you account for the fact that they’re  _ frogs.  _ It’s not without its problems, but Disney really does know how to make a good animated feature.

“Spooky dude is back,” she mumbles, and Chase huffs a laugh, rubbing a hand up and down her side. It should hurt, but it doesn’t, and Gert counts it as progress in her recovery.

Suddenly cold, Gert grabs a blanket off the back of the couch and fumbled through spreading it over them. Chase takes it from her and does it for her, and, though she should probably be mad because  _ I could’ve done that myself _ , she doesn’t say anything. She does take the opportunity to snuggle closer, though.

As Mama Odie tells Naveen to forget about money and to focus on love instead, Gert decides that this is definitely one of the best animated films she’s ever seen. Add in the company, and it takes the number one spot.

When Ray gets squished by the Voodoo Man, Gert won’t lie- she tears up. “He didn’t  _ deserve  _ that,” she tells Chase, voice emotional. “He was a  _ good bug. _ ”

Chase, who’s an  _ asshole _ , does his best not to laugh. “A good bug?”

She glares at him. “Shut up! He didn’t deserve that!”

Still trying not to laugh, he absently rubs a hand up and down her side. “Okay, good bug.”

Gert sticks her tongue out at him, then goes back to watching the movie. She’s starting to feel drowsy, realizing why when she looks at her watch- it’s almost 10:30.

The movie ends a while after that, both of them humming along as the scene zooms out, out, out, until the dancing Tiana and Naveen are only a speck. The credits roll, and Gert, grinning like a fool, says, “Okay, you were right. That was awesome.”

“Say that again?” Chase asks teasingly, and she lightly slaps his chest. “No, really, this is the one and only time you’ll ever say this to me, say it again.”

Gert looks up, not realizing that when she turns her head she’ll end up with her face mere inches from his. She bites her lip, then says quietly, “You were right.”

~~~~~

“Kid, it is way too late in the night for you to drive home, and the wind is going crazy. Stay here for the night, I’m sure your parents won’t mind.”  _ No, they definitely will. _

Dale and Stacey are trying to convince him to stay here for the night, and Chase really, really wants to take them up on their offer. Driving at night, especially in bad weather, is the  _ worst. _

“I don’t know,” he says, pausing to yawn. “I think they would.”

“Pish posh,” Stacey says, sounding like a British lady in the 1950s. “I’ll contact them, don’t worry.”

Gert, who’s been leaning against the wall in the hallway they’re standing in this whole time, says, “You can just say yes, you know. We won’t mind.”

The look in her eyes is what convinces him. It’s soft, fond, with something he can’t place that’s just telling him to  _ stay.  _ So, he agrees. Dale and Stacey, pleased, tell Gert to get some blankets and a pillow from the linen closet, and Dale tells him he has a oversized pair of pyjamas he never returned that might fit.

Once he returns from the bathroom in Dale’s pyjamas that only sort of fit, he finds Gert on the floor in a bed of quilts and pillows. “What are you doing?”

She raises an eyebrow at him. “Sleeping?”

“No, come on, I’m the guest. You get the bed.”

Gert sits up, fiddling with a braid. She sleeps in those? Does she  _ ever  _ have her hair down? “No,  _ you  _ get the bed. I’m the host, dude.”

“No, you are someone with a  _ major injury. _ You get the bed.” It makes the most sense, why is she being like this?

“No, you,” Gert says, monotone as she checks her nails. “I’m not making you give up the bed for me.”

“Well, I’m not making  _ you  _ give up the bed for  _ me-“ _

“JUST SHARE THE BED, YOU SHITHEADS, IM TRYING TO SLEEP,” Molly yells from her bedroom down the hall, and, well, it’s not a bad idea, actually.

Chase gulps. “We could….do that? Share, I mean?”

Gert’s mouth tightens as she seems to decide whether or not to agree. “…..Yeah, okay.”

She stands, and they get into bed, as far apart as they can manage in a twin bed. It’s awkward for a moment, the both of them staring up at the ceiling.

And then Gert moves her hand, sliding it between the two of them, palm up. She wiggles her fingers, not looking at him, and  _ oh.  _ Chase cautiously moves his hand until it reaches hers, interlocking their fingers. They fall asleep like that, and Chase swears that falling asleep has never felt easier.

~~~~~

Her horniness won’t leave her alone even in dreams, apparently, because right now, in this hazy dreamworld version of her bedroom, Chase is hovering above her, resting in between her legs as they make out. Gert has her fingers twisted into his hair, unable to control herself because of how fucking good his lips feel on hers.

She knows she’s dreaming, though she’s usually not so aware of it. But she doesn’t want to wake up, doesn’t want to leave a world where Chase kisses her like this, like he can’t get enough of her, like all he needs is his lips against hers.

He starts kissing down her neck, stopping just beneath her ear and  _ sucking _ , and she knows this is just her mind supplying a memory, but it’s a fucking good memory, okay? Who cares if it happened six months ago and probably won’t ever happen again.

Her nails dig into his back, overcome, and Chase pulls back for a moment to smirk devilishly before kissing her again, starting to slip his hand down the expanse of her stomach. He unbuttons her shorts, and-

She wakes up.

Gert groans, sitting up in bed as she rubs that spot beneath her ear absently. Of  _ course _ the dream ends just as it was getting to the good part. Of  _ course.  _ Her big problem right now, though, is that she’s ridiculously aroused, and if she doesn’t do something about it she might explode.

So she lets go of Chase’s hand, gets out of bed, and heads to the bathroom. She flicks on the light, makes sure the door is  locked, and sticks her hand down her pants.

~~~~~

Chase wakes up alone.

It’s late night or early morning, he can’t be bothered to check. He just knows that when he fell asleep, Gert was here, and when he woke up, she wasn’t. She probably got uncomfortable sharing a bed- he guesses that she went to sleep with Molly, or went to sleep on the couch. She really should’ve just woken him up and told him to sleep somewhere else. He would have, she knows he would have.

But whatever. Now that he’s up, he should probably go to the bathroom, or something. He doesn’t really need to take a piss, but he’s not gonna be able to fall asleep again until he walks around for a little bit.

So he stretches and gets out of bed, trying to be quiet as he heads to the bathroom.

He’s a foot from the bathroom door when he hears it. A small moan,  _ undeniably  _ Gert and  _ undeniably  _ the sexual kind.  _ Holy shit.  _ Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. He should go back to bed, he should pretend this never happened for the sake of his own sanity.

But then he hears Gert moan his name and all of that goes out the window.

He stays there for a few moments, steadily becoming more undone at the sounds she’s making, because  _ holy shit. _

And then he realizes how creepy he’s being and heads back to bed, even more worked up then he was before.

Chase stares at the ceiling, jittery and more aroused than he can ever recall being. He hears the sink turn on, then turn off a moment later, and he turns on his side to face the wall as Gert returns to the bedroom. His eyes are snapped shut, and for all he can tell Gert doesn’t notice that he’s awake as she slips back into bed.

But he is. He feels like he just chugged a litre of coffee mixed with red bull and five hour energy.

~~~~~

Gert wakes up the next morning to the sun and a gentle breeze floating in through the open window, feeling calm and refreshed. She sits up, stretching as she yawns, and notices that Chase  _ definitely  _ doesn’t feel the same way. His hair is chaotically messy, like he’s been pulling his fingers through it all night, and his left eye is twitching. Needless to say, it’s clear that he didn’t sleep well last night.

“Bad dream?” She asks softly, fighting the urge to reach over and smooth out the crease between his eyebrows.

“Worse,” he says gruffly. “Much, much worse.”

~~~~~

He stays for breakfast, but he doesn’t taste any of the food he’s eating. It all tastes like sand, his mind running through what happened last night over and over again. Gert keeps asking if he’s okay, and he gives her a vague response each time, not wanting to lie but not wanting to tell the truth, either.

Chase can’t focus on anything else, his mind too entrenched in Gert panting and moaning his name, too absorbed by thoughts of what led her to that in the first place. Did she dream about him? Was it….was it a sex dream? It seems like it was a sex dream.

Absently, he rubs at a spot on his cheek- but he had peanut butter on his hand. Shit. He's so out of it that this takes a moment to comprehend, and he can already hear giggling from Gert and Molly.

Chase wipes at it clumsily, and they giggle more when he apparently doesn't even graze it.

"Here, I'll..." Gert grabs a napkin, and reaches over to turn his face towards her. Her fingertips gently dig into his chin, and  _ fuck.  _ They hold eye contact the entire time she's touching him, and Chase honest to God cannot breathe right now.

As she finishes wiping it away, Gert's fingertips accidentally ghost along his bottom lip for a fraction of a second. All the air is gone from his lungs. He needs an inhaler, does anyone have an inhaler?

"Thanks." Chase's voice comes out choked and hoarse.

Gert smiles a little, biting her lip. "No problem."

~~~~~

Chase looks so good today.

He looks good every day, but that's not the point. This April Thursday in particular, though, is kind of sending her off the edge into the depths of  _ Chase is hot and I want him to [REDACTED] me _ land.

He's clearly very tired, which should  _ not _ be so attractive, honestly, but this whole scruffy face, messy hair, rumpled clothes thing is really, _ really _ doing it for her right now.

It's the end of the day, in the final minutes of class that Ms Hinchey usually lets everyone use as blow off time, so Gert is just taking the opportunity to drink him in. Damn, that jawline of his....

"You're drooling."

 

"What? Victor, shut up." Victor waggles his eyebrows at her, and she sticks her tongue out at him.

"You should go talk to him." Gert rolls her eyes, but he says, more genuine this time, "No, seriously. I asked him if he was feeling alright earlier and he blew me off. Totally lied to my face."

_ Because he doesn't trust you anymore. _ But Gert doesn't have the heart to tell him that. So she says, "Yeah, I'll go see what's up."

She ambles over, plopping down in the empty seat next to him. "Hey," Gert says softly, touching his arm so he'll look up from his phone. Chase is frowning at it like it personally murdered his whole family, and, objectively, it's kind of hot. But she can't think about that right now. "You okay?"

Chase shakes himself out of whatever daydream he was in. “No, yeah, I’m,” he rubs at his eyes, seeming to push back a yawn, “I’m fine.”

She raises an eyebrow at him, and he sighs. “I don’t know, I’ve kinda just been out of my head, lately. And my dad’s been on my ass about doing better in school, so I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed.”

~~~~~

This past week or so has been really, really bad for Chase. He got a 54 on his last history test, and it did  _ not  _ go over well. His dad is steadily becoming more and more unstable, and it’s so….so  _ scary.  _ He knows he’s a big boy now, and shouldn’t be  _ afraid  _ of when the tone of his father’s voice changes. But he is, and Victor’s favourite activity is seeing how much he can make Chase flinch in one singular conversation.

Gert puts a hand on his arm and smiles warmly. “It’ll be okay, Chase. And if you need help with anything, I’m here.”

  1. Funny, Gert. Like he would ever willingly put more stress on her by asking for her help with school. She can say it’s easy stuff all she wants, but Gert has way too much on her plate already, and they both know it.



“Nah, it’s fine. I just need to be putting more effort in. It’s not that I don’t  _ understand  _ the material-“

“It’s that you have a hard time sitting down to do it.” Damn, how does she know him this well?

“Yeah, that. But that’s not what my dad thinks. He says, because I’m so focused on the play, I’m failing in everything else, which is  _ not  _ true. I got  _ one  _ bad mark, and he blows it completely out of proportion. But when I tell him that, he calls it talkback, and-“  _ and then he hits me. _

Gert’s face goes cloudy in confusion. “Say that again?”

“‘But when I tell him that, he calls it talkback’?” WAIT. SHIT. How did he forget his dumb secret admirer name?  _ Please don’t catch on please don’t catch on please don’t catch on. _

“Right.” Her face doesn’t clear.  _ Shit.  _ Absently, she pats his arm, obviously out of it but aware that he’s still here. “I’m sorry about your dad being a dick. You don’t deserve that.”

He smiles in thanks, still freaking out. “Thanks, Gert.”

~~~~~

Gert has been wracking her brain the entire day where she’s heard ‘talkback’ before. Is it a band name? A book? A movie? Don’t ask Gert, because she doesn’t have a  _ clue. _

She flops down on her bed, thinking. She keeps turning over the word in her mind, trying to parse where she recognizes it from.

“Hey, Gert!” There’s loud knocking at her door. “Gert, can I come in?”

“Sure?”

Molly bursts into the room, a panicked expression on her face. “Klara just kissed me!”

“That’s- that’s great!”

“No it’s  _ not,  _ because she’s  _ in our backyard,  _ and I just  _ ran off.” _ Gert almost wants to laugh. Her sister, everyone. Queen of making rational decisions and being in control of the situation.

“Well, get back in there!”

Gert makes a shooing motion, but Molly doesn’t move. “What- what do I say?”

“‘Sorry for running off, Klara-“ she’s about to go into a spiel, but Molly cuts her off.

“I’ve got it! Thanks, Gert!”

And then she runs off again.

Gert scrambles to the window, grateful for the branches that hide her snooping as she watches Molly and Klara embrace. She sighs, thinking _ , glad that’s settled. _

She grabs her phone to call Alex- wait. She can’t do that anymore, can she?

Gert flops back onto her bed, frustrated for a different reason, now. She knows it’s for the best, them breaking up. Alex wasn’t and still isn’t ready for a relationship, and Gert has feelings for someone else- and has for a long time, now. From the very start of their relationship, if she’s being honest.

But she misses him. She misses the jokes, and his fumbling way of kissing her, and his confident front that would crash down whenever she smiled at him. But that’s just the good stuff. And there was  _ so much  _ bad stuff, too much. An overflowing amount. And don’t get her wrong, she’s not saying the failure of the relationship was entirely Alex’s fault, because it wasn’t. Gert is the worst at budgeting her time correctly, and she has  _ severe  _ commitment issues. This can be attributed to many things in her life. For one, her endlessly busy schedule. For two, getting cheated on. Twice. And for three….her mom.

_ Not  _ Stacey. Her  _ real  _ mom. Wait, is that the right way to say that? Because Stacey  _ is  _ her real mother. Has been for the past fourteen years.  _ She’s  _ the one that taught Gert how to read, and ride a bike, and which constellations were which. Gert knows how to speak French and ASL (and, technically Spanish, if you count continued use in the household in the effort to keep the language in Gert’s head as teaching) because of her. She loves her Mom. Even if she’s barely getting parented anymore, just left to her own devices most of the time. Which is fine, really. She definitely doesn’t feel robbed  _ at all _ .

But Gert is talking about her  _ biological  _ mother. And she does feel robbed of  _ her. _ She feels robbed of being Carmen Mendes’ daughter, of being her Mama’s  _ corazon _ and  _ reina _ and every other pet name under the sun. Gert feels robbed of the culture she once had, of all the myths and fairytales her mother used to tell her to put her to sleep that were always ‘ _ old family stories, Chiquita. Nothing I tell you is ever a lie.’  _ Which wasn’t true, was it? Because Gert remembers being told more times than she can count that, ‘ _ I won’t ever leave you.’ _

And she did. And with her, she took so much from Gert that she feels like she lost at least a quarter of herself at age four. Sometimes she thinks about how she’s never going to get a hug from her mother ever again and just ends up crying, which, coincidentally, is what she’s doing now. 

But she can’t help it, okay? Her mother was the most amazing woman to ever exist, and one day she was just…gone. She was so strong, and funny, and never let anything beat her. Mama was young, too- she was only 21 when the accident happened. Gert was at preschool when it happened, and the next week was a whirlwind that she wishes she didn’t remember so well. The funeral, Mama’s friend Ella holding her in her arms as she was introduced to relative upon relative that, even in that time of mourning, looked at Gert in disgust. She’d never met them before- just knew that Mama didn’t talk to them- but they hated her. All of them. And not one of them would take her in. Ella wouldn’t, either- well, more like  _ couldn’t.  _ She was living in a studio apartment, working long hours at the same terrible job Mama had. It would be nice to see her again, if Gert could just find her. But there are way, way too many Ella Moreno’s in California, and who knows how much she’s changed?

Sniffling, Gert grabs an incredibly ratty stuffed bear from behind her pillow. She named him Beary, because she was sooo original as a two year old.

Gert fingers the tag on the seam of his leg, reading the only thing with her mother’s handwriting on it over and over again.  _ If found, please return to Gertrude Mendes. If found, please return to Gertrude Mendes. If found- _

Gert wants to be that, again. She would go to the ends of the Earth to be Gertrude Mendes for just one day more.

She calls Chase, because she needs someone to talk to, and she  _ can’t  _ talk about it with Molly. She can’t. She knows that since their experiences are similar, it would probably be more of a comfort, but she always feels guilty talking about it with her. Gert doesn’t know why, but she just  _ does. _

He doesn’t pick up. Huh. That’s probably the first time that’s ever happened. She wonders if he’s okay.

~~~~~

Chase shouldn’t be down here. He really, really,  _ really  _ shouldn’t be down here. This is Dad’s lab, and he is  _ not  _ allowed down here. But he’s been working on this project, lately- not the Fistigons. Those were cool, they were, but after a while he started to ask himself….why does he need to be making a high powered weapon? What good would that do?

So it’s a solar powered green house, designed to keep plants flourishing year round. Kind of dumb, maybe, but he’s been working on it for a while, and he just needs this one part….

“What are you doing in here?”

_ Shit. _

Chase turns around slowly, very carefully putting the part back where he found it. “Um…”

“I  _ told  _ you not to be down here!”  Victor stomps over, grabbing the part from the shelf. “What could you possibly need this for?”

“I-I needed it for-“ he gulps, trying to regain some semblance of control in the face of his off the rails father. “I needed it for a project I’m working on.”

“Speak  _ louder. _ ”

Chase tries to even out his breathing. “I  _ said,  _ that I needed it for a project I’m working on.”

Victor puts his hands on his hips and sticks out his chin. “Oh, yeah? And what project is that?”

Chase grabs his tablet from where he left it on the work table, open to the design page. He presents it to his dad, and while he looks through it, Chase explains. “So, originally when I started this project, they were these gauntlets that, when you put them on and pressed the button, you’d get a massive energy blast. And I was tinkering with that for a while, but then I thought to myself- why does the world need  _ another  _ weapon like this? So I scrapped most of it, except for some of the ideas I had for the wiring, because I had another plan for those: a solar powered greenhouse that can keep plants flourishing year round. And, yes, I know that that’s not a new idea, but what I’ve come up with could eliminate some key problems-“ 

Victor puts out a hand to shut him up. “Stop.”

Chase waits nervously as Victor continues to scroll through his tablet, then looks up. “Where are the schematics for the gauntlets?”

“What?” Why would he need those?

“Son, we could make a lot of money off of those if they work right. Where are the schematics?” Oh. But….they could hurt so many people. Chase regrets coming up with them in the first place- they’re like a weapon from a video game that suburban mothers make Facebook groups against. They shouldn’t ever be in the hands of someone  _ dangerous. _

“I-I don’t have them anymore.” He does. They’re in an encrypted file of the tablet his father is holding. This isn’t good. “I told you, I scrapped them.”

“You’re sweating, son. And I know you, there’s no way you deleted all your designs just like that. No, no. You’re my son, you wouldn’t do that.”  _ Don’t associate yourself with me, I am  _ **_nothing_ ** _ like you. _

“Well, I did. They’re all gone.”

Victor taps the screen again, then says, “So, this file labeled ‘Fistigons’, is just, what? A weird name for a porn folder?”

Chase gulps. “No, no, it’s, um….it’s something for the musical. Gert asked me to, uh, she asked me to…”

Victor shakes his head disapprovingly. “You and that girl. You know what, I bet that’s your password, isn’t it?”  _ Shit. _

“No, uh, no it’s not. Can I have that back, please?”

Victor wags a finger at him. “Not yet, son. I want to know if I’m right, first. Now, how do you spell her name? G E R T….got it.”

Just as he’s about to press enter, about to see his schematics, about to change them and twist them and  _ sell them  _ to some heartless bigshot, Chase snatches back the tablet, keeping a tight grip on it. “I don’t want you to see the schematics, Dad.”

Victor crosses his arms, clearly on the edge. “And why the hell not? I’m your father, you should _ - _ “

“Being related to you doesn’t mean I’m obligated to show you a design that was so dangerous I had to scrap it so you can reboot it and  _ sell it.  _ This could  _ kill people! _ ”

Victor raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. “I implore you to watch your tone, son. This could make us a lot of money, if you would just-“

He makes a grab for it, but Chase holds it high above his head, where he can’t reach. “I’m not letting you have this just so you can have another beach house, or whatever. This could seriously-“

His father  _ knees him in the stomach  _ to get him to double over in pain, at which point he grabs the tablet out of Chase’s hands. Eyes bleary, Chase grabs it back, slamming it on the ground and shattering it. Good thing he’s backed up his current plans onto his laptop.

Victor starts to look even more unstable than he was before. “I-I can get that fixed. You haven’t-“ he makes a whimpering sound that sounds absolutely pathetic coming from a middle aged man as Chase stomps his boot down onto it, crushing it for good. “ _ What did you just do?” _

Chase shrinks back, trying to get as far away as possible. “I-I couldn’t let you sell those, Dad. I don’t want to be the type of person who lets that happen.”

Victor slams his hand down on the table. “You used to be more like me. You used to not  _ care.  _ What  _ happened?”  _ His words are kind of slurring, and if Chase wasn’t so entrenched in this argument he’d ask if he’s okay. His breathing is heavy, too.

“I became a better person, Dad. I stopped letting you and your shitty parenting be my main influence.”

It’s the wrong thing to say. Of course it’s the wrong thing to say, what was he thinking?

His father comes flying at him, pushing him through the glass wall with force that shouldn’t be possible. Chase cracks his head as he falls to the floor, and he can already feel the bits of glass sticking into his skin. His vision is hazy as he looks up at his father, watches him walk up, and then-

And then he freezes. His body starts to shake, like he’s having a seizure, or something- but it looks more severe than a seizure. He crumples to the ground, and Chase struggles to sit up, shaking his shoulder. “Dad? Dad!”

His mom comes racing down the staircase when he calls, and, together, they try to get his father to wake up.

As his mom calls 911, Chase checks his pulse, shaking fingers attaching themselves to his father’s wrist. He can’t feel a pulse he can’t feel a pulse he can’t feel a pulse what the  _ fuck  _ is going on?

The next hour passes in a blur. The ambulance driving into the parking garage, EMTs jumping out and doing the best they can until, finally, they give Chase and his mother the verdict. Victor Stein is dead. For good.

Chase feels numb as the EMTs patch him up, feels more numb as the police come to take his Dad’s body away- because he’s  _ dead.  _ Chase only has his Mom, now. What are they going to do? She doesn’t work, will he have to get a job? What’s going to happen to the company? Their house? Their  _ lives? _

Chase is going to throw up. And, in fact, once his  _ father’s dead body _ is carried off, he does run to the nearest trash can and throw up. Mom follows him, and runs a hand up and down his back as he pukes.

He stands up, shaky, wiping his mouth and asking miserably, “What are we going to  _ do?” _

~~~~~

Where is Chase?

He didn’t answer when she called last night, and didn’t answer again a few hours later for their nightly chat. He’s not in school either- she checked with the office. Yeah, she’s _ that  _ worried _. _

It’s just…Chase is a very predictable person. He’s  _ always  _ in school, he  _ always  _ answers her calls, because he’s  _ reliable. _

So what the fuck is going on?

Gert has texted him a few times, just checking in, but again, no response. She’s eating lunch with everyone else, and their table is deathly quiet compared to everywhere else in the art room. Gert can’t stop fidgeting.

“I’m sure he’s fine, Gert.” Karolina puts a hand on her arm, squeezing lightly.

“I mean, you’re probably right, but I can’t shake this feeling that something bad happened. I’m gonna stop by, after school, just to- just to make sure.” She can’t stop tapping her foot. Alex, who’s sitting next to her, is very clearly annoyed about it. Although, he hasn’t said anything, so maybe he isn’t actually aggravated and Gert’s brain is just fried today.

“We have rehearsal today, though.” Whoops, never mind. His tone is  _ definitely  _ ‘haha you can’t miss rehearsal we’re too close to opening’ in nature. Or, again, maybe her brain is just fried.

But she’s worried, okay? Like, so worried. Gert doesn’t know why, just that there’s this feeling in the pit of her stomach that Chase is in pain.

So she fidgets her way through the rest of the day, barely managing to pay attention during rehearsal, and the minute Ms Hinchey says they can leave she books it. Gert stops by Annie’s, first, picking up her usual order and then, with some hesitation, getting Chase’s as well.

She’s probably just being paranoid, right? He’s probably fine.

But Gert has a gut feeling that he isn’t.

~~~~~

Someone is at the door.

The doorbell keeps ringing and ringing, and whoever it is isn’t leaving anytime soon. Chase  _ really  _ doesn’t want to get out of bed, doesn’t want to face the outside world for just a while longer.

The doorbell rings again. He sighs, reluctantly getting out of bed and shuffling down the hallway. He looks into his parents- no.  _ Mom’s  _ bedroom, because it’s  _ just her  _ now, as he walks past, and sees her curled up in a ball the way she has been since the police left last night.

Rubbing at his eyes, he mopes his way to the porch and opens the door.

Oh. Gert.

“Chase?” Her expression turns worried as she steps inside, not even waiting for an invitation as she closes the door behind her. “Chase, what’s wrong?”

_ Everything. _ His face crumples, tears starting to fall at even being asked the question.  _ Everything is wrong. _

Gert drops the bag she’s holding and immediately steps forward to wrap her arms around his shoulders and pull him close. Chase hugs her back, tightly at first, before remembering her ribs and loosening his grip. He buries his face in her neck, breathing in orange blossoms and cinnamon as she rubs her hand up and down his back to calm him.

They stay like that for a while, Gert holding him as he tries to be any sort of steady.

“My Dad, um….last night, he…..” Chase can’t get the words out. He swallows, and tries again. “My Dad had a heart attack last night.”

“Oh, honey, that’s awful,” her voice is soft, soothing. “What’s his condition?”

“Uh,” he lets out a miserable, wet laugh at the irony of the question. “His condition is  _ dead.  _ Pushing up daisies. Swimming with the fishes.” He’s getting more and more hysterical. “Gave up the fucking ghost. He’s  _ dead.” _

Gert hugs him tighter. “Oh my god, Chase, that’s  _ awful _ , I’m so sorry.” Her voice is filled with emotion, like the thought of him being miserable is making her miserable. “I know- I know you’re not supposed to say that, or whatever, but I am. And I’m here, okay? I’ve got you.”

It’s exactly what he needs to hear right now. His mother has been all but unresponsive since last night, too deep in her mourning to emerge, and Chase is finally getting the support he’s been needing.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you back,” Chase says miserably. “I know- I know you were probably worried.”

Gert hums soothingly. “I was worried, but you don’t have to apologize.” He makes a noncommittal sound, and she says, “No, seriously. I am not looking for an apology, and you do not owe me one. Okay?”

He breathes her in again. God, she smells so good. “Okay, Gert.”

“Good. I brought food, by the way. It’s Annie’s.” Chase isn’t sure he’ll be able to swallow anything without puking it right back up, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

He separates from her reluctantly, grabbing her hand as soon as he does so. “That’s- that’s great. Thank you, really.”

Gert squeezes his hand. “No problem, bug.”

Chase smiles a little. “‘Bug’, huh?”

“What, so you can say it and I can’t? Not fair.” It’s clear she’s trying to cheer him up a bit, and Chase is glad to say that it’s working.

He gives her a smile, a real one this time, then gently drags her to the kitchen. They sit at the island, and Chase digs in while Gert picks at her food. Turns out he  _ can  _ eat. Especially when the last meal he had was at lunchtime.  _ Yesterday. _

Gert watches him scarf down his meal, bemused. “Hungry?”

“Starved. Hey, can I,” He gestures to her box of fries, and she pushes it towards him. “Yeah, thanks. Sorry, I just haven’t eaten since- um-“ Chase shoves another fry in his mouth to keep himself from saying it.

“Do you mind if I asked what happened? I mean, you don’t have to, I was just-“

Chase waves away her backtracking and swallows the last of his burger. “We got into an argument. A big one, I guess, although I never really knew with him what qualified as big. And, uh, he pushed me through the glass wall down in the lab.” Gert sucks in a breath. “I hit my head pretty hard, but I’m all patched up, now. Uh, so, he starts walking towards me, and I’m just, like, bracing myself for the inevitability of what comes next. And then he starts having a fucking seizure or some shit and falls to the ground- and after that I don’t remember much. It’s all- it’s all kind of hazy.”

Gert puts her hand over his from across the table. “That’s- I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. How’s your mom?”

He sighs, looking away. “Well, she hasn’t left the bedroom and hasn’t  _ moved  _ since last night, so if that tells you anything.”

“I know this probably won’t help, but…it gets better eventually. Trust me. Losing a parent is….the worst.” Discreetly, she wipes at her eyes. “You don’t really ever stop missing them. But it gets easier, over time.”

Chase wonders why it seems like she’s speaking from personal experience, and then he remembers that Gert is adopted and feels like the stupidest guy in the world. It’s just….she never really talks about what her life was like, before. So it’s easy to forget.

But maybe Gert knows his pain more than he thought she would.

He flips his hand and entwines their fingers, just to see how far he can push this. She doesn’t let go, doesn’t push him away. Just smiles warmly in that way of hers that always makes the butterflies in his stomach go crazy.

For a moment, they just look at each other. God, he could probably stare into her eyes forever. “Would you wanna stay awhile?” He asks, voice soft. “I know- I know you probably have things to do, I mean, it’s a Friday night, who doesn’t, but…I don’t really want to be alone right now. And Mom is…I…”

~~~~~

God, he looks so lost.

Gert squeezes his hand. She has a million things to do, all of them important, but Chase is what matters most right now. “Of course, Chase.”

His eyebrows go up. “Are you sure? I mean, you’re  _ you,  _ I’m sure you have a gazillion things to do, why- why stay?”

For someone with an IQ past 170, Chase sure can be dumb sometimes. Gert shrugs. “Priorities. You’re more important to me than some dumb homework assignment or rehearsal.”

When Chase blushes, he blushes  _ hard. “ _ O-oh. Um.” His eyes flick down to their entwined hands, then back to her, then back to their hands. He’s not looking at her as he says, “Well, you’re pretty important to me, too, Gert.”

And that’s when she knows she’s done for. Gonezo. Completely and utterly smitten. At some point in this friendship of theirs, Gert gave her heart to Chase Stein without restrictions, without inhibition.

She just hopes he’s careful with it.

~~~~~

“Oof,” Gert says as she takes in the utter disaster zone that is his room. It wasn’t so bad yesterday, he doesn’t know what happened. Maybe his mental state accidentally rubbed off on it.

Almost like she can’t help herself, Gert flits around his room, fixing up this and that until his room is decent again. She’s opening his curtains just as his brain catches up to his eyes and he says, “You don’t have to do this, you know.”

“Trust me, this is a hell of a lot more for me than it is for you.” She pushes the window open, sticking her head out for a moment. “You sure have a nice view.”

He joins her at the window. It’s a frankly huge window, so they can both rest their hands on the sill and look out with little issue. It’s near dusk, and for a while they just stay there, watching the sun set. Well, Gert is watching the sun set. Chase is watching Gert’s face, lit in golden red rays that turn her eyes to molten bronze and his heart into a puddle of goo.

“Yeah, the, uh, the view is pretty nice.”

Gert catches him looking at her, and smirks. “That was  _ not _ subtle.”

“Hmm,” he says, nonchalantly putting his hand over hers as if he isn’t completely freaking out. “Maybe not.”

She leans into him, and says, “I should’ve come earlier. We had rehearsal, and everyone told me they’d get mad if I missed it, but- but I had this  _ feeling. _ Like something was wrong, you know? So. I should’ve come earlier. Sorry.”

"It's okay, you don't have to be sorry."

Unexpectedly, Gert tenses. "I hate when you say that."

She mumbles it, clearly not expecting him to pick up on it, but he does. "What? Why?"

Gert blinks, one, two, three times. "Um. Because it was- um."

Chase nudges her, amused. "Um?"

_ "Um,  _ it was what you said right before you-" she gulps, looking away from him. "Right before you kissed me, that night. It kind of got stuck in my head? So, yeah."

_ Oh.  _ For a moment, all he can do is let the bewilderment wash over him- followed by a tsunami sized wave of hope. If she remembers that after all this time, could that mean..... "I-it did? That's, um, that's-" he really can't handle this right now. Flirting is one thing, whatever this is is something else entirely. "That's...."

"Chase, you don't- I mean,  _ we  _ don't-  _ fuck. _ Let's just forget I said anything for now, okay?" Her eyes are genuine and earnest as she looks back to him, meeting his eyes once more.

He nods, slow on the uptake but getting there.  _ For now. _ How can two words so short reek so absolutely of possibility?

Gert nods back, a bit shaky. "So, um....how are you feeling?"

Chase sighs, deciding to be honest, for once, instead of lying his face off like he's been doing to his mother, and the police, and the EMTs, and basically anyone he's spoken to these past few days. "Guilty. And relieved. And guilty about being relieved." Gert's eyebrows go up, but she squeezes his hand all the same, urging him to keep going. "What you've got to understand is....my dad isn't a good person. Or- he  _ wasn't  _ a good person. He was a piece of shit who liked to take out his anger on me- and Mom. Mom had it worse than me, I think, and I was so scared  _ all the time _ of what would happen if the next time he got angry he'd take it too far. And- and the reason we got into that argument in the first place is that I mentioned in passing this dumb weapon thing I came up with and scrapped because of how dangerous it was- and he wanted to _ revamp it and sell it. _ Like, literal weapons dealing. And I wouldn't let him, so he, like, attacked me trying to get to the schematics. And I guess the exertion was too much, or something. It was his heart that killed him, in the end. It's funny, 'cause I kind of always thought he'd get sniped or something by one of his stupid corporate enemies. I used to dream about it, actually, about how much easier our life would be without him. But now...I don't know."

Chase looks back to her for the first time since he started talking, and she looks absolutely heartbroken. Horrified, too, like this is the worst thing she's ever heard- not by Chase and his thoughts on this, but by what's happened to him. "God, I'm....that's....I didn't know he was...."

"Nobody did. That was the point. And- and I can just  _ tell _ that Mom is going to want to keep what he was actually like a secret," his hands won't stop shaking. "So I'm just gonna have to go my whole life pretending he was this perfect father when he  _ wasn't,  _ and- and everything is happening so  _ fast. _ The news is being made available to the public tomorrow, which means we'll be doing press, like,  _ all day _ \- I wanted to wait until at least after the funeral, but nooo, I'm a little kid and I don't know what I'm talking about, so tomorrow I have to dress up all nice and talk to reporters about what a great dad he was, which is going to be so fun! So awesome! I'm struggling to not break down as it is, so this is totally going to be a great help!"

Chase has not talked this much in about eighty years. God, he must sound so whiny.

"Chase, you do  _ not  _ sound whiny." Shit, he said that out loud? "What's going on right now is absolutely horrific, and you are allowed to complain about it all you want."

Suddenly bone-tired, Chase sighs, leaning against her. "Can I- I mean, can  _ we- _ I need to lie down."

Gert nods, taking his hands in hers and gently pulling him over to the bed.

He lies down, sinking into the plush bedding. Gert stands near the bed awkwardly, almost unsure of what to do. "Wanna lie down with me?"

She nods, relieved, and trots over to the other side of the bed to plop down and lie back. Almost immediately, he flips over to face her, disregarding any past concept of personal space as he cuddles up to her, throwing an arm across her stomach and burying his face in her shoulder.

Gert, on her part, takes this in stride, entwining their hands and asking, "How can I help make this easier, hm? Is there anything I can do?"

"Just...stay. Here, with me."  _ I need you, _ he doesn't say.  _ I don't think I can get through this without you. _

"Of course, Chase." She squeezes his hand, then says, a little apprehensive, "But, um.....could you get off of me? It's not that I don't want to cuddle, or whatever, but my ribs are just-"

"Oh my god, yeah, I'm sorry." Chase detaches from her, and they both shift to be facing each other on the bed. It's unbearably intimate, having her this close. Her face is inches from his, and this is- this is too much. Not being able to kiss her right now is going to kill him, if the guilt doesn't do the job first.

“I think-“ he gulps, unsure. “I think it was my fault, what happened.”

Gert’s mouth tightens in disagreement. “It was  _ not. _ That bastard did that to himself.”

She says it so vehemently that Chase automatically wants to agree, but he just…can’t. He nods anyways, because he doesn’t want to upset her, but he can tell she doesn’t buy it.

“No, Chase,” Gert says, softer than he was expecting. “Seriously, nothing he ever did to you was your fault.” Hesitant, she reaches over and runs her fingertips through the sides of his hair. “Okay?”

“Okay,” he says, hoarse, and he thinks he means it, this time.

~~~~~

Chase’s eye catches on her bracelet, faintly jingling as she cards her fingers through his hair. He gives her a half moon kind of smile that sets her heart pounding. “You’re still wearing that, then?”

Gert scoffs. “Duh. I’m never taking this thing off.”

It’s not an  _ always _ , but she knows it sounds like one. Chase must hear it, too, from the way he licks his lips and how the space between his brows creases a little. He almost looks like he’s hyping himself up to do something risky.

And then he closes the distance between them and kisses her.

It’s a soft kiss. Gentle. It’s everything she’s ever wanted with him and more- but they  _ can’t  _ do this right now.

She pulls back, because this is  _ such  _ a bad idea, and starts, “Chase, we shouldn’t-“

He kisses her again, and all of that melts away. It’s more desperate this time, like he can’t get enough of her, like all he wants to do until the end of time is press his mouth against hers.

But the hand he’s slipped into her hair is shaking. And his breathing is wonky, like he’s trying to steady himself, and it’s not working.

Gert pulls away, putting a gentle hand on his chest to stop him. “Chase, we  _ can’t  _ do this right now.”

Fuck, he looks like she’s just smashed his heart into tiny little pieces. “But- but you  _ kissed back. _ ”

“Yeah, because I’ve been wanting to kiss you for, like, ever-“

Chase scoffs, miserable. “What, so that’s all I am to you-“

“ _ No.” _ How could he ever think that? “Chase, no, you’re misunderstanding. I kissed back because I like you, but, babe,” it slips out before she can stop herself. “We  _ cannot _ do this right now.”

His face screws up, and he says, “Don’t call me a pet name and reject me in the same sentence, it’s confusing.”

Gently, Gert reaches over and touches his face, dragging her knuckles along his cheekbone. “I’m not rejecting you, Chase. Stop twisting my words.”

“Then what  _ are  _ you saying?” His eyes are screwed shut, like he’s waiting for the metaphorical pie to the face.

“I’m saying-“ she pauses, trying to figure out how to word this. “Okay, have you ever heard that quote that’s like, ‘love is just timing’?” He nods, still shaky. “Like that. This is an awful time for either of us to start a relationship. I just went through a breakup, and suddenly all of this has happened to you, and….I really care about you, Chase. More than I’ve ever cared about anyone. If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this  _ right.  _ Not in the dead centre of a disaster.”

_ “In the eye of the hurricane, there was silence,” _ he half-mumbles, half-sings, and Gert giggles. Chase’s eyes open, finally, and he looks much calmer than before.

“Aw, come on, you know I hate  _ Hamilton.” _

With a giddy smile, Chase says, “You don’t hate me, though.” He wraps a loose arm around her middle, pulling her close.  _ “You want to date me, you want to smooch me, you want to kiss me.” _

Gert laughs, feeling as though she’s floating on air. “Miss Congeniality? Really?”

“Hmm,” Chase is still grinning like a maniac. “Guess you just bring out that side of me.”

Gert laughs again, carding her fingertips through his hair. “So, you agree, then? That we should wait awhile?”

Chase sighs. “Yeah, I- I agree. I don’t  _ want  _ to, but I do. Like, as much as I wish I was able to be in a relationship right now, as much as I want to be ‘the boyfriend’- I can’t. I’m not mentally capable right now. And I know you’re still- I know you’re still not over the breakup. I’m sorry, for pushing all this on you tonight- it wasn’t fair.”

“Hey, hey,” she says softly. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

~~~~~

“Did you tell your parents you’d be staying the night? I don’t want them to worry.”

They’re curled up together, and Chase is mere moments from sleep. Gert’s head is resting on his chest, her arm thrown across his middle- it’s her bad side, so he’s trying to be careful about moving. He’s in his pyjamas, and Gert borrowed his old t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. Chase kissed her again as soon as she came out of the bathroom in them, which he knows he shouldn’t have done, but he couldn’t help it. And, before she very gently pushed him off, Gert kissed back, so he’s calling it a win.

“Yeah, I-“ Gert pauses to yawn, which makes  _ Chase  _ yawn, and it’s a whole ordeal, really. “When Karolina dropped me and Molly off at home-“

“Oof. How many ran over garbage cans did that result in?”

Gert laughs softly. “Two. And she almost hit my neighbour’s cat.” Chase snorts. Typical. “Anyway, like I said earlier, I had this feeling all day that something was wrong, so before I called the Lyft I told Mom and Dad that I didn’t know if I’d be back tonight. They were surprisingly understanding about it.”

“That’s because they love me.” Chase has gotten many an invitation to stay for dinner, or to neighbourhood barbecues, or to charity stuff they do as a family. It kind of feels like an aggressively loving indoctrination.

“You’re not wrong. Oh, and I brought my meds and a change of clothes for tomorrow, so I came pretty prepared, I think.”

“Meds?” Chase is trying to think of what she would take medication for, but he’s drawing a blank.

“Yeah, pain meds,” oh, shit, right. “And…the medication I take for my anxiety.”

“Oh.” That explains a lot. Well, not a lot, but enough. Like the days she wouldn’t come to school even though she wasn’t sick, or how sometimes he’d catch her skipping class to go paint sets all on her own, and nobody said anything. She probably needed some alone time to calm down, didn’t she? Plus, how capable she’s always been when he was freaking out. First hand experience must be a hell of a teacher. “I didn’t know you had-“

“I know you didn’t. Not a lot of people do. It started after Amy died, and then it didn’t really…go away. At all. I had a therapist for a long time, too.”

“How did you-“ Chase swallows. This is a weird question to ask, but he wants to know for future reference. “How did you go about that? Getting a therapist, I mean.”

She hums, like she agrees with the subtext of the question. “I talked to my parents about it. But if you’re uncomfortable with that, I can compile some references for you, and you can bring it to your mother with a whole prepared thing instead of ambiguity.”

Chase swallows. “That would be nice, thank you.”

“Anytime.” Absently, Gert starts to draw little designs onto his chest, stars and hearts and words that he can’t parse. “Do you think you’ll be able to sleep?”

Chase sighs. “I…don’t know.”

“Well, if there’s anything I can do- want some warm milk? How about a bedtime story? Maybe a lullaby?”

She’s clearly teasing, but Chase says, “Would you sing something for me? Sorry, I know that’s dumb, but…I don’t know. Your voice is really soothing to me.”

Gert huffs a laugh. “Sure, sweetheart.”  _ Sweetheart.  _ Chase could get used to that. “What do you want to hear?”

“You know that sun song from Groundhog Day? The one that’s like,  _ tomorrow, there will be sun _ ?”

“Sure.” Gert clears her throat, then starts.  _ "Tomorrow, spring will come, and then there will be blue skies, my friend, bright eyes and laughter. Tomorrow, there will be sun, but if not tomorrow, then perhaps the day after. Oh, if I could, I'd will these clouds away, my love. Wave my hand, reveal the stars....." _

Chase falls asleep to Gert’s voice in his ear, and, wrapped up here with her, he’s starting to think that things are going to turn out alright.

~~~~~

Gert, as she does most mornings, wakes up at nine AM on the dot.

That's the only normal thing about waking up today.

The  _ not _ normal things include: being in her sort of boyfriend(?)'s bed, wearing his clothes, and having said sort of boyfriend(?) cuddling her like she's his favourite teddy bear. It's not bad, per se, just different. The kind of different Gert could get used to.

She can't believe they kissed last night.  _ Twice.  _ She wants to do it again. And again. And again, and again, and again, and again.....and again. Don't get her wrong, she knows that they can't be doing that right now, that it's a bad time, and she meant every word she said last night. But still. What she wouldn't give for one more kiss. (Or something a little extra. But that, like she said, is for another time.)

Gert reluctantly shifts out of his embrace, and Chase groans, but doesn't wake. Good. He needs his sleep, if he's really going to have to do  _ press _ today. That is so majorly fucked up, like, really. Who thought it was a good idea to take an abused  _ kid  _ and force him to do a press release to fiendish reporters about his father's death not even two days after the fact?

She takes her meds, and is deciding whether to change now or just leave on Chase's too big clothes as she scrolls through her messages. The thing is, though, Gert is still not in any way shape or form healed from the accident, and those big ass scratches on her shoulder are so  _ ugly _ . It's mostly scars, now, big and white and jagged, but she hates- no,  _ despises _ \- them.

So she'll change later. No biggie.

Behind her, Chase groans. "Why are you awaaaaaaake?"

Gert puts her phone down and twists to look at him. He seems well rested and  happy, like the gravity of his current situation hasn't quite hit him yet. "It's my internal alarm, sorry. It always wakes me up before at least nine thirty."

"Well," Chase says as he shifts to wrap an arm around her waist and pull her back to him, causing a giggle to erupt from her as she settles back in his arms. "That's not happening today. Go back to sleep."

"Hmm, I don't know, don't you want something to eat?"

He huffs a laugh, and the puff of air against her neck makes her toes curl. "I could make a very inappropriate joke right now, but I'll abstain."

Gert chokes on air, only barely recovering, because she definitely knows what he meant by that and  _ holy fuck _ . HOLY FUCK. H o l y  f u c k. "Y-you can't just  _ say  _ that!"

"Hmm," he says, not sorry in the least as he presses a kiss to the back of her neck, and, fuck, they really shouldn't be doing this. "I think that maybe I can."

Gert sighs. "Chase, I-" she shifts in his arms to face him, (unfortunately) serious now. "I told you. I'm not- we can't- I mean-"

She can't get the words out, but Chase seems to understand as all that dreamy happiness drains out of him and is replaced with the knowledge that the real world exists and is out to get him. He nods. "Right. Yeah. Yeah, uh- I think I thought I was still asleep for minute there?"

He's trying to make it into a joke, but the pain that shows so clearly on his face subdues any attempt. Gert, feeling guilty even though she knows this is The Right Choice, reaches over to stroke his cheek in an attempt to comfort him. "Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay, Chase."

His eyes fall closed, and she hears him gulp. Chase sniffles, because he's a seventeen year old  _ kid _ and they _ do _ that sometimes- fuck, Gert is still so  _ angry  _ that he's had to go through all this. He's 17! He can't even drink legally yet!

Gert wishes that she could just protect him from all of this. There's this one far off dream of hers where she drags him off somewhere foreign (Italy? New York? Mississippi? All options) and neither of them ever look back. Chase would take his well deserved breather, get a fresh start in the way he so clearly needs. Gert could take a nap for once, maybe start a garden. And they'd both be so, so  _ happy. _

Of course, none of this is possible. Unfortunately, they have to stay here, where nothing is perfect and everything is just a little bit broken. And maybe that's better. It might suck- but it's real.

Looking at Chase try valiantly not to cry, though, it doesn't feel that way.

Gently, Gert pulls him to her, and he immediately buries his face in her neck and just starts  _ sobbing _ . She has an out of nowhere thought that she should be vaguely concerned for the state of his sheets, but banishes it not a second later. Gert runs her hand up and down his back, letting him get it all out.

~~~~~

At some point, Chase falls back to sleep. He dreams of a hazy world where he and Gert live in a pretty house with a white picket fence and a porch swing, and the only thing they do all day every day is spend time together and kiss each other. It's unrealistic, but still a good goal to have, right?

Unfortunately, he has to wake up. And even more unfortunately, he wakes up alone.

Gert’s bag is still here, so he knows she hasn’t left- but if she hasn’t left, then where is she?

Grumbling, he gets out of bed, changing out of his pyjamas into a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt. He brushes his teeth, because there’s still that tiny chance he might get to kiss Gert again and his morning breath is atrocious.

Chase shuffles down the hallway, heading towards the kitchen where he can hear quiet chatter and the clinking of dishes.

He finds Gert flitting around the kitchen making breakfast, and, shockingly, chatting with his mother as she drinks her coffee.

Chase has never seen his mother look so tired. Her hair is flat, and the circles under her eyes are dark. But she looks calm, too. Not as jittery as she’s been since it happened. Plus, she’s changed out of the clothes she’s been wearing since Thursday and into a pair of pyjamas Chase is pretty sure he gave her for Christmas. They have little polar bears on them.

“Hey,” he says, voice hoarse from both sleep and crying. “What’s for breakfast?”

~~~~~

Eventually, Gert has to leave. She’s still worried about Chase, but, honestly, he and his mother need to be there for each other right now, and Gert doesn’t want to be in the way of that.

So, after breakfast (eggs and sausage and pancakes Chase made after she ruined the first one- he’s surprisingly good at it?) she packs up and gets ready to go. She calls the Lyft, and Chase walks with her to the porch because he’s a chivalrous dork.

Just before she leaves, Gert presses a kiss to his cheek and says, “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

Chase pauses, then leans in and presses his mouth to hers. It’s only for a few moments, ten seconds tops, but fuck if it’s not the best kiss she’s ever had. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against hers and says, “I know we’re not supposed to be doing that. I- I agree with what you said.”

“Then why-“

“Because when I kiss you…everything else goes away.”

_ Gertrude.exe has stopped working… _

_ Gertrude.exe has stopped working… _

_ Gertrude.exe has stopped working… _

_ System reboot… _

_ System reboot… _

Unable to stop herself, Gert closes the minuscule distance between them and kisses him. She can’t help it, okay? That was, like, the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to her. Chase has a habit of saying sweet things like that to her, but this one takes the cake.

Like all their other kisses, this one only lasts a few short, perfect moments before they’re pulling apart. And, damn, Gert has never seen Chase grin so hard.

“You kissed me,” he says, not opening his eyes. “Am I dreaming?”

Gert huffs a laugh. “No, you’re not.” Her phone dings. “Oh, that’s my ride.” She steps back from him, stepping into her flip flops and opening the door. She turns back to him one last time to say, "Seriously, if you need me, call. And I hope the press thing goes well today."

Because she's an impulsive cheeseball, she blows him a kiss before closing the door behind her and trotting to the Lyft. Gert can't believe she just did that. First of all, they're (sorta) not even dating, second of all, she has  _ never _ been that kind of girl. She's never been the lovey dovey type- it's just not her style. But, because of Chase, it seems like that's changing.

Gert can't say she's all too mad about it.

~~~~~

Chase stares at the door for a good five minutes, processing Gert  _ blowing him a goddamn kiss _ , when his mother jars him out of his thoughts. "So, Gert, huh?"

Shaking himself out of the daydream he'd been having where he dragged Gert back here, pressed her up against the wall, and kissed her so intensely she forgot her own name, he turns to his mother and says, "Hm?"

"I just thought if you finally got a girlfriend, you would tell me, but..." she's leaning against the doorway, clearly teasing. He'd hate it, if it wasn't the first time he's seen her show emotion since what happened to his father- before that, even.

"Gert isn't- Gert isn't my girlfriend." Mom raises an eyebrow. "No, seriously."

"Okay, I believe you," she says, even though it's clear that she doesn't. "Now, come on, we've got to get dressed for the press release."

Mom's shoulder's drop as soon as she says it, and Chase sighs heavily. "Are you sure we have to do that today? Can't it wait?"

Her mouth tightens. "Yes, we have to do it today. Otherwise I'll have to re-explain to the execs that I'm replacing your father as head of the company."

WAIT, WHAT? "Uhhhh, why wasn't I informed of this?"

It's not that it's unreasonable. His mother is probably the smartest woman he knows- not to be a gossip, but she did WAY better in school than his father ever did. And it's no secret that she's 'helped' create more than one of NEMO's bestsellers. It's just such a crazy thing to hear.

"Because I only just decided last night when the executor called to talk over the will. Your father left us  _ everything. _ Including the company. It's mine until you decide you want it-"

"I'm never going to want NEMO. Keep it." The whole 'CEO of a million dollar company' thing has never been something Chase saw himself doing. He'd rather a life he could be happy with than selling his soul to a corporation. Not that that's what he thinks his mother is doing- well. That is what she's doing. But whatever.

Mom gives him a small smile. "Well, then, glad that's settled. Now, go get dressed."

 

Mind still reeling, Chase does as she says, then not an hour later enters the conference room (because that's something they actually have. A conference room. In their home.) to find it full of reporters. He hates this. He hates this he hates this he hates this.

He moves to his mother's side at the front of the room as she stands at the podium to address the journalists. He zones out for most of it, honestly. "We are here to address a matter relating my caring, loving, husband,"  _ liar, _ "who has tragically passed...heart problems....history of serious health issues....I will be taking over the company henceforth....expect to see changes in how NEMO is run....any further questions?"

 

Once they get over their shock, the reporters hit his mother with a barrage of questions. The usual stuff, mostly- or whatever 'usual' is for a press conference about the death of his father. Through this, though, he learns that the funeral is to be on Wednesday, and there will be no wake, for which Chase is glad for. He has no wish to butt heads with crazed heartbroken fans of his father's.

Once it's all over, Chase retreats to his room and changes back into what he was wearing before. He flops onto his bed, absolutely planning to do nothing for the rest of the day. Maybe he'll call Gert. That would be nice.

His mother crashes into his room like a hurricane, all but yelling, "You have to see this!"

Chase sits up, concerned by the look in her eye. Is she okay? "What is it, Mom?"

Mom plops down next to him and shoves her laptop in his direction. He reads what's on the screen for a moment, and, "Woah. That is a  _ lot  _ of dirty money."

It's about one third fake charities that his father took the proceeds from, one third bribes from Republican politicians so NEMO would promote them, and one third weapons dealing. What. The. Fuck. Like, he's not surprised in the slightest. But what the fuck is this?

"So, you're changing all of this, right?"

 

His mother nods, serious. "I'm going to be changing a lot of things around here."

~~~~~

"Chase?"

It's late Saturday night, like, really late, but that doesn't mean Gert isn't going to pick up when Chase calls.

_ "Hey so me and Mom did some research since she's in charge of the company now and apparently my Dad was up to some bad shit before he died and I mean  _ **_really_ ** _ bad like I thought he was an evil bitch but this is just horrible so Mom is changing like all of it and making NEMO a 'respectable company' which is cool AND-" _

"Chase, babe. Breath between sentences."

_ "Oh, right. Sorry. Anyways, she said there's going to be 'big changes' around here, and she did  _ **_not_ ** _ just mean the company. She's selling half of our cars, which I'm so glad for because we have  _ **_never_ ** _ needed six cars, like, what the fuck, and! She's giving the money to charity! And good ones, too, not, like, PETA or Autism Speaks or something. Also, I think she's considering selling the house, I-" _

"Wait, what?" Chase can't  _ move. _ What the hell, that's not  _ fair.  _ "You're...moving?"

Her voice comes out scared and shaky, and Chase's entire disposition changes.  _ "No, no, we'd be staying here." _ His voice is soft, comforting.  _ "I just saw her looking at house listings in the area. I would never agree to moving out of town, don't worry." _

Gert learns to breathe again. She wasn't aware she was holding her breath until she stopped doing it. "Okay, that's- that's good."

_ "I had you real scared for a minute there, didn't I?" _ Gert can't practically hear the cocky smirk he's surely wearing right now.

"Pfft, no, shut up." But she's blushing.

_ "Ooh, so you  _ **_were_ ** _ scared." _

"I will hang up on you, Chase."

 

He snorts.  _ "No, you wouldn't. You like me too much." _

"Bet."

And then she hangs up.

He calls her back not a moment later, and Gert lets it ring for a second before picking up.  _ "Did you," _ he interrupts himself to laugh,  _ "Did you really just hang up on me?" _

 

"Well, you said I wouldn't!"

Chase laughs harder, and soon she's giggling too.

Gert feels lighter than she has in a long time, talking with Chase. It makes her want to let her hair down, lie in the sunshine, and just  _ relax. _ She always feels so calm when she's around him.

~~~~~

_ "Chase?" _

"Hey, Victor."

Jesus, Chase hasn't talked to Victor over the phone in...months?  It's been a while. Ever since he and his big mouth caused that fight between Gert and Alex, Chase hasn't been keen on talking with him outside of school, or hanging out, either. But he needs a favour.

_ "Hey, I heard about your dad, how are you feeling?" _

"...Decent. Would you do me a favour?"

_ "Anything, man. What do you need?" _

"Um, so you know how Gert has that secret admirer?" Trusting Victor with this is probably a bad idea, but he doesn't want to ask Nico and he's not going to be in school for the next week, so this is his solution.

_ "Oh, you want me to stick those little notes in her locker for you? No problem, man."  _ Wait, what? How did he know? Chase was subtle, right?

"How did you-"

_ "Aw, come on, that was the easiest shit to figure out. Do you want me to stop by and pick them up this afternoon? I've got a few free hours after rehearsal."  _ Oh, shit, was there rehearsal today? Is Chase exempt from that until he comes back to school? He hopes he is. He  _ cannot _ deal with Ms Hinchey right now.

Chase sighs. "Yeah, that'd be good, thanks."

_ "Anytime. Well, see ya then, I gotta go." _

"Yeah, see ya."

Wait, shit, now Chase has to come up with a week's worth of notes in the next few hours. Time to get crackin'.

~~~~~

She knows she shouldn't be, seeing as she's in drama class and Ms Hinchey is talking her face off, but Gert is daydreaming. Mainly about Chase, if she’s being honest. Kissing Chase, going on dates with Chase, doing.....other, more private things with Chase.

Currently, she's imagining them going stargazing- again, for the first time since eighth grade. Except this time there's no discomfort, no getting ignored, no almost kiss that they never talked about afterwards- just the two of them, wrapped up together and watching the stars twinkle and shine. There's a meteor shower soon, maybe they could borrow the old junkyard pickup that her dad has been 'fixing' for the past five years and go watch it. That sounds really-

"Miss Yorkes, are you listening to me?" Gert jerks out of the daydream and sees Ms. Hinchey glaring down at her. She hears titters from around the room, and forces herself not to go pummel anyone who laughed.

"Um....."

Ms. Hinchey sighs, rolling her eyes in the most dramatic way possible. "I  _ said  _ that we will be starting the duets today, and I was asking you if you had a partner."

She blanks for a second, because Ms. Hinchey has been talking about this project for so long without actually starting it that Gert has kind of forgotten the parameters. But, wait, didn't she promise Chase she'd be his partner? "Oh, yes, I do. Chase is my partner."

Ms. Hinchey raises a judgemental eyebrow. "Chase is not here today, Miss Yorkes, and won't be for most of the week." At the start of class, she made the announcement about Chase's father. First class on a Monday, and it was kind of sensitive information, even though mostly everyone had seen the press release by now.

She gulps. "I promised, though. And it's better if he has a partner for when he gets back, isn't it? So he doesn't have to join a group of two that would otherwise have to wait for him? And I'd be seeing him anyways, so-"

Again, there are titters. Nico, who's sitting next to her, snorts, and Gert glares at her. "Do you guys really think I wouldn't be checking up on one of my best friends after he just lost his father? Like, really?"

The room goes quiet. Gert hadn't meant to sound so angry, but if it shuts them up........

There's mumbled apologies from around the room, and Nico leans over and whispers, "I'm sorry."

Gert nods, acknowledging her apology but not forgiving her. She turns back to Ms Hinchey, who gives her a small, approving smile.

She talks out the parameters of her partnership re: Chase with Ms Hinchey, then breezes through science and English. Once the bell rings, she heads to her locker, and for a second she thinks she sees Victor fiddling with it- but when she looks again, he's gone.

Still confused, Gert reaches her locker and opens it. A note flutters out.

_ You look pretty today!! - T.B. _

Wait. What the fuck? Does this mean...does this mean Victor is T.B.???????

Gert goes on a downward spiral after that. She can't focus like, at all, for the rest of her classes. It's just so...absurd. Isn't Victor gay? He came out, like, forever ago, what the fuck? Has it just been friendly appreciation all this time? But what about the very obviously flirty notes? Is this....is this just a joke, to him? Is that what this was? A prank that went too far?

God, her heart hurts now. This whole time she thought T.B. was someone shy and cute who had a crush on her, but nope! Turns out they're a long time friend of hers playing a prank! That's just great!

She gets another one on Tuesday, and she crumples it up before reading it, tossing the note in the trash angrily. In rehearsal, she nitpicks everything Victor does, to the point where Karolina tells her to lay off. Gert doesn't. She pokes and prods at every mistake, and goes home feeling heavy and pissed off and- and  _ unsatisfied. _ Christ.

She needs to go somewhere. Anywhere. She wants to blow off some steam, get her feelings out.

Gert knows just the place.

~~~~~

Chase, feeling a mingle of bored and sad (he's trying to think of how Gert would mix those words together. She never thinks of synonyms. Bod? Sared?) decides to take a trip out to his cliff side alcove. His whole world is completely shook up, and he needs some peace.

Suffice to say, he does  _ not _ find it.

Instead, he finds Gert, angrily ranting to no one as she kicks trees and throws rocks and basically embodies the epitome of an angry teenager.

"And I just think that if you're going to be an  _ asshole _ , you should do it to my face, you little dicked troglodyte, instead of leading me on for FOUR MONTHS!" Wait, who is she mad at, here? "We're friends, why would you-  _ no _ . We  _ were _ friends, until you decided that pulling this  _ bullshit _ would be the funniest fucking thing on the entire planet!" Okay, not that he would want her to be like this all the time 24/7, but this angry version of Gert is kind of hot.  "Fuck you, and fuck your dumb ideas, and fuck your inability to get the steps right for  _ Normandy _ , it is  _ not _ that hard, you're just-"

"Gert?"

Upon hearing his voice, Gert nearly jumps out of her clothes. She turns her face towards him, finally giving Chase the ability to see her clearly, and oh, no. Whoever made her cry like this is going to  _ pay _ .

Her shoulders drop, and she sniffles pitifully, still not turning around. "H-hey, Chase. What are you doing here?"

"I.....are you okay?"

"Yes. No. I don't know." She wipes at her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket, and, oh, she's not turning around because of that bullshit thing where she thinks that if people see her cry they'll make fun of her. Chase has always kind of wanted to fight whoever drilled that into her. "I just feel...stupid."

Chase steps up behind her, putting a (hopefully) comforting hand on the shoulder that isn't absolutely wrecked. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Almost automatically, Gert leans back against him, using Chase like a very conveniently placed pillar. He wraps a loose arm around her stomach, his left hand situating itself on her right hip. He likes the jeans she's wearing today, they're big and flouncy and very 1970s.

"Hmm, I guess." She sighs heavily, and Chase presses a soft kiss to her jawline. Gert laughs softly, then starts. "So, um, I found out who T.B. is. I think."

"Wait, what? Why are you mad about that?" If she knows it's him, then why is she so pissed?

"Why am I  _ mad _ that Victor has been playing this shitty prank on me for four months? Get a clue, Chase."  _ Oh. Oh, you beautiful dumbass. You absolute angel who is also very stupid in this one particular moment. _

"What, so, you saw him put the note in your locker, or something?" Goddammit, Chase knew Victor wasn't sneaky enough to be trusted with this. He should've asked Nico.

"Yeah." She sniffles again, and Chase rubs his hand up and down her hip comfortingly. "I just feel so-"

"Don't say stupid, because you're not. Can I tell you something?"  _ Me. It's me. I'm T.B.. Talkback. Whatever you want to call it, it's  _ **_me._ ** Gert nods. Here goes- wait. It would be astronomically stupid to tell her this now. She'd freak, and it could go one of two ways. One, Gert gets mad at him for lying. Two, she's ecstatic, kisses him, and they [REDACTED] right here and now on this cliffside. Hm. One seems a lot more likely than the other, and he's not risking it. "I was talking to Victor, yesterday. And he told me that your mystery man went on vacation, and that he asked Vic to deliver the notes for him."

"Oh, shit. Oh, shit, I was such a bitch to Victor today, he's going to hate me, oh, god, what have I done?"

"There's no need to freak out, Gert. You thought something happened that didn't actually happen, based on what seemed to you like very clear evidence that you had been wronged." Chase is speaking in a soothing tone, and he feels her relax against him.

"Really?" She still sounds unsure.

"Duh. Not everything is your fault, you know."

"I think," she says, pausing as if she's chewing on what to say, "that you're too nice to me sometimes."

"Bullshit."

Gert laughs wetly. "Oh? How so?"

"I'm nice to you because I like you, and I care about you. And there's no such thing as being 'too nice', that's crap." Gert looks up at him, giving him one of the softest smiles he's ever seen from her. "You're great. And you deserve somebody being nice to you."

She giggles. "Cheeseball."

"Yeah, but I'm  _ your _ cheeseball. No getting rid of me." Chase brushes his lips against her neck, just once, because she's  _ right there _ and he can't help himself.

Gert giggles, then stills, pensive. "Can we....talk about that, actually? Nothing major, I just- I need rules. Parameters."

Chase is already freaked out a little, but he says, "Uh, sure. What do you mean by rules?"

"Not, like-" Gert interrupts herself to make a frustrated little noise that's annoyingly attractive in ways Chase can't describe. "Not, like, 'rules' rules. I just mean- I don't-  _ ugh _ . I just...I just don't want you to be seeing anyone else. I know that's stupid, because technically we're not even dating, I just-"

"Babe. Don't worry about it."  _ I'm literally in love with you, I'm not gonna go mack on someone else. _

"Yeah?"

Chase rolls his eyes playfully. "Duh. Come on, how could I find anybody better than you?"

Gert blushes, ducking her head. "You're sweet. I mean, you're clearly lying to my face, but it's sweet nonetheless."

"Not lying."

"Are to."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm- why do you never believe me when I say I like you?" It's kind of exasperating. It's like she's completely set on believing that he's lying to her.

Gert sighs. "It's not that- it's not that I think you don't like me. It's that I think that sometimes....you shouldn't."

_ "What?"  _ That is complete bullshit. "Gert, what the fuck are you talking about?"

She crosses her arms, uncomfortable. "I dunno. You're just, like, way out of my league, and- I know you're not perfect. Obviously. Nobody is. But I think it's more of a personal insecurity thing? Like, look at me and look at you, you know?"

Chase scoffs. "Gert, you're literally stunning."

She disentangles herself from Chase, turning around to face him. Gert still looks uncomfortable. She scrunches her nose up, saying, "Don't say that."

"I  _ will _ say it, because it's  _ true _ . You're absolutely gorgeous, come on."

She rolls her eyes, smiling that smile of hers that usually means something akin to  _ sure, Jan. _

"Am I ever gonna get you to believe me?"

She shrugs, rueful. "I don't know. Maybe. Can we talk about something else, now?"

"No, Gert, seriously-"

"We've started the duet projects," she says loudly. "Don't worry, I made sure we'd be partners."

He sighs. "Gert, I- wait, really? I thought she'd never actually assign that."

Chase really shouldn't be letting this go, because they need to talk this out, but WOW. Ms. Hinchey has been talking about that project for  _ months. _

"I know, right? I forgot to tell you yesterday, but, yeah. It's due in a couple weeks, so we don't have to start it until you come back to school, if you want to wait."

"No, we should get started this week." Chase desperately wants to wrap her up in his arms again, but from the uncomfortable way she's standing, that's not gonna happen. Three feet away it is, then. "Not tonight, though. Mom needs my help for the funeral...tomorrow..."

Fuck. Did Chase obtain temporary amnesia for the past fifteen minutes? How did he just forget everything that's happening right now?

Gert steps closer. "How are you feeling? About the funeral, I mean."

He laughs ruefully. "Uh, not good. Did I tell you I'm a pallbearer? And that I have to write a speech? A 'final farewell' to the man who-"  _ abused me. Tried to kill me, more than once. Traumatized me and made me think I could never be loved.  _ He swallows down the words, but Gert seems to get the gist.

She puts a hand on his arm. "Well," Gert says cautiously, "You don't have to talk about all his quote unquote 'good deeds'. Maybe just write about how  _ you _ feel. Speak the truth in a way that feels right, you know?"

"That's...that's really good advice, Gert. Thanks."

~~~~~

Gert has always hated funerals.

She's been to many funerals in her time. Too many for a seventeen year old, but that's life. The first was her mother's, with the jeering relatives and the sense of confusion in the air, because she was four and didn't understand that her mother was truly gone. It took a long while for that to sink in. The next was Molly's parents, who she didn't know well, but the grief in the atmosphere still choked her like a garrote. And the last she had been to- Amy's. That was probably the worst out of all of them. Because she  _ knew _ Amy.

Amy, with her bright smiles and cheery disposition, Amy, with her knowledge on everything Gert didn't have a clue about, Amy, with the love of music that they bonded over. Amy. Gone too soon.

She's never been to a funeral for someone she hated, though. This is a first. But she's still going, of course. Rehearsal was cancelled, because many of them would be attending- she doesn't know why it's being held in the afternoon. That seems odd, doesn't it?

She finishes twisting up her hair, then changes out of her school clothes into the little black dress that usually hangs at the back of her closet and  _ stays there _ . But it's the only black thing she owns that's fancy enough for a funeral.

Gert regards herself in the mirror, smoothing her hands down the black taffeta. It's a nice dress, really, and the soft wide scarf she's draped over her bad shoulder covers up the bandages quite nicely, as well as the fact that she's not wearing a bra. Gert hasn't worn one since the accident, and she isn't about to start now. She looks...good. It's hard to admit that to herself sometimes, especially since the crash that turned her entire upper right side into an ugly, scarred, mess. But she thinks she looks quite pretty, dressed up all fancy like this.

"Woah," Molly says from the open doorway. "You look  _ amazing." _

"Really?" Molly herself is dressed in a simple tux, her black tie hanging as she leans on the doorway.

Molly runs a hand over her hair, tamed into a braid, for once. "Totally. You ready to go?"

Gert checks herself over in the mirror one last time, tucking a stray piece of hair back into her complicated updo and fixing her wine coloured lipstick. She turns back to Molly. "Let's go."

~~~~~

When Chase sees Gert, his mouth goes dry. He knows this isn't the time or place to be feeling this way. But goddamn, she looks  _ hot _ . Wait, he's in a church, he probably shouldn't say/think 'goddamn'. But he just did it again. Shit.

Anyway- she looks hot. And she's walking towards him. Shit, she's walking towards him.

Chase tries his best to steady his breathing as she reaches him, almost immediately hooking her arm through his as she asks, "Hey, how you doing?"

"Uhhh," she smells so good, what the fuck? "You look nice."

Gert's expression turns confused and mildly pleased. "Thanks?"

"Sorry, I-" Chase gulps. This is torture. "You just- never mind."

"No, come on," Gert says, concerned. "Tell me what's wrong?"

He shakes his head, and his mind clears a bit. "I'm fine, don't worry. Well, as fine as I can be...here."

They both look around the church, and he realizes that Gert's body language is screaming  _ uncomfortable _ . She's probably having a hard time feeling at ease in a Catholic church, isn't she?

Chase blows out a breath. "I wish I could just leave."

Gert slides her hand down slowly and entwines it with his, squeezing. "It's only a few hours, and then it will all be over. Can you do a few hours?"

There's something underlying that, like she means to say,  _ if you can't, I'll support you.  _ And that's- that's just  _ so nice.  _ To have someone- to have  _ Gert _ be there for him like that. God, he loves her so much.

Chase nods, kind of shaky, and Gert smiles warmly and squeezes his hand again.

"Chase!"

He turns to the sound of his name being called, and finds- "Uncle Elroy! I thought you couldn't make it out! Where's Aunt Sara and the kids?"

Chase loves Uncle Elroy & Company more than any other group of people (except his friend group. They're top tier and Do Not count). He's his father's half brother, and by far the coolest man Chase knows. Especially since, other than both of them sharing half of Chase's grandfather's DNA, Elroy is nothing like Victor. They didn't even grow up together! It's great, really. And what's even  _ greater _ is that both he and his wife Sara are marine biologists, which is one of the coolest jobs ever in the world.  _ And _ , they somehow produced the most adorable children to ever walk the Earth, Tallulah, Charlie, and Sebastian. Lulu is six, Charlie is four, and Bash is the baby. He doesn't see them here, though. That's odd.

Uncle Elroy pats him hard on the shoulder. "Ah, well, Sara had some important work stuff going on, Lulu's soccer tournament is this weekend, so we thought it would be better if just I made the trip from Dallas." He turns to Gert, sticking out a large hand with intent to shake. "And who might this be?"

Gert shakes his hand, looking vaguely amused at his uncle's, well....everything. He's quite the character. His tie has bedazzled skulls on it, for one thing, and his long-ish curly hair has a stripe of purple in it, for another. "Gert Yorkes, uh, Sir."

Uncle Elroy laughs boisterously at that, then lowers his voice when he gets more than a few dirty looks. "No, no, it's Elroy, please. Roy for short, if you like."

Gert nods once. "Alright then, Roy. Nice to meet you."

"And you as well! I'm glad Chase finally got a girlfriend, he needs a good woman in his life."

Chase and Gert trade an identical  _ what do we do now?  _ look.

"Thanks, I mean-"

"She's not my-"

They both look at each other, wide eyed.

Gert turns back to Uncle Elroy, trying to hide how her hands are fidgeting, but Chase sees it.  _ Shit _ . "Um, I'm not his girlfriend. But thanks?"

Uncle Elroy looks between the two of them, clearly confused. "Uh...okay, then. You're welcome. Chase, where's your mother? I need to speak with her for a moment."

Chase points him in her direction, and his uncle walks off, still looking confused. Chase feels that way himself, to be honest.

"Um, so..."

"I was just- I didn't want to cause a fuss by attempting to explain whatever- whatever it is that we are, so I just went with it. Sorry."

She sounds upset, but in that way where she doesn't want to be and is trying to hide it. Trust him, he knows these things. Her eyes make her seem as though she's bracing for rejection, and his heart breaks a little. Chase wraps a comforting arm around her waist, and Gert looks up at him, still seeming worried. "No apology needed. It's okay, Gert."

"Really?"

He leans in and presses a soft kiss to her cheek. "Don't worry about it."

Gert blushes, then leans into him, pressing her face into his chest with an embarrassed groan. "You can't  _ do that _ . I have a  _ reputation _ ."

"Eh," Chase says, bopping his chin on the top of her head, because, yes, she is that short, even in heels. "I do what I want."

Gert looks up at him, face soft. He loves that warm smile of hers, the one that's always been just for him.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Chase says, voice soft. “I don’t- I don’t think I could do this without you.”

“Of course, Chase.” Absently, she smoothes a hand over the lapel of his jacket. “You’re always gonna have me, okay?”

God, he hopes so. Chase nods, then hesitates before saying, “Would you, um, would you sit with me? You don’t have to, I mean, it’s just me, my mom, and my uncle, so I get it if you’d be uncomfortable-“

“Yes, I’ll sit with you.”

Chase lets out a breath that he didn’t know he’d been holding. “Great. Thank you.”

“No thanks needed.”

Minutes later, Chase is called away for pallbearer duties, as are his uncle, Nico’s father, and Alex’s father. The whole of their little inner circle is here, but besides primary greetings and well wishes, Chase hasn’t seen much of his friends. He supposes it’s quite odd, for them, to have this happen so out of the blue. They might be a bit shell shocked. None so much as Chase, though. He’s got first place in the bag on that one.

It still doesn’t feel real. Chase keeps thinking he’s going to wake up one morning and his father will be in the kitchen, drinking coffee and angry as he’s always been.

Eventually, he and his uncle find their way back to the front row, reserved for family, and Chase settles in between his mother and Gert. He slips his hands into both of theirs, almost automatically. Gert squeezes back immediately, but his mother freezes, almost like she doesn’t know what to do with Chase being tactile. He was never like that as a child- or, more accurately, his parents never let him be like that. But then, almost cautiously, Mom squeezes his hand. There’s a small, hesitant smile on her face, and it’s different from any he’s ever seen from her. Stronger, somehow. And hopeful, too.

Uncle Elroy gets up to speak, talking about his half brother’s achievements and impact, looking vaguely uncomfortable the whole time. His uncle has never been fond of lying, even by association. His mother, on the other hand, seems to have no qualms calling Dad a loving father and husband, and even less with saying she’s never felt such grief. Chase knows for a fact that that’s a lie- when his grandmother died, Mom never got over it.

And then it’s Chase’s turn. He squeezes Gert’s hand one last time before standing and letting go, approaching the podium with shaking hands and a pumping heart.

Chase takes a breath, then starts. "So, I was having some trouble writing this. I didn't-" he huffs a humorless laugh. "I didn't have a  _ clue _ what to say. Me and Dad's relationship was- well, let's just say it was never easy. But someone I care about a lot told me to speak the truth, and to do it in a way that felt right. So that's...that's what I'm going to do." From the front row, he sees his mother's mouth tighten. "My father was many things, but he was most of all himself. He never shied away from his opinions or his ideas, he was Victor Stein- he never needed to. He was always the biggest presence in the room, even if he was also the shortest guy there." Chase hears a few scattered melancholic chuckles. "But being this way also meant he never admitted to his mistakes. Victor Stein is always right, isn't he? Or,  _ was _ . Sorry, I'm still getting used to past tense. I'm still getting used to all of it, really." He sighs, suddenly feeling heavier than a tonne of bricks. "What I'm trying to say is, even if we never saw eye to eye, my Dad made use of his time here. He lived his life the way he wanted to. And that's....that's all of any of us can do, I guess."

Chase looks up at the grand stained glass windows, and feels like, just maybe, somebody up there is smiling down upon him. 

~~~~~

Gert just quit her job. She just  _ quit _ her  _ job. _

Lauren, her (former) boss, was surprisingly great about it. Said something about knowing it was coming, which was a little weird, until Gert remembered that she’s one of those people who are  _ really  _ into astrology. She always checks new employees’ birth charts before allowing them to work there. It’s weird.  _ She’s _ weird. Gert preferred her old boss.

But, hey! Guess who doesn’t have to worry about that anymore? HER. BECAUSE SHE JUST  _ QUIT _ .

She's feeling a mix of relief and disappointment, and, honestly, all she wants to do on this balmy Sunday is lay around and mope, but she's got an appointment, so she can't. Not that she isn't excited to go, though. Gert originally scheduled this appointment for her birthday, but obviously that didn't work out. So, now her tongue piercing (yes, you read that right) appointment is today.

Gert has wanted one practically forever, and her parents had  _ finally _ agreed- two days before she got into a car accident. What kind of bad luck, huh?

Dad drops her off, saying something about poking around the nearby bookstore, and Gert trots her way towards the entrance, feeling relaxed as she swings open the door of the tattoo & piercing shop Nico recommended.

That ends the second she spots the girl at the counter. She has more piercings than Molly has hats- and her little sister has a  _ lot _ of hats.

"How can I help you?" Her tone is bored, and Gert is not intimidated. She's not.

"Um, I have an appointment? Gert Yorkes, 3pm?"

The girl takes a look at what is apparently the day's schedule, then says, monotone, "I don't see your name here."

"I made the appointment last week. It should be there." Gert tries her level best to stop fidgeting, but there's no chance in hell of that happening unless this miraculously gets fixed.

The girl raises a heavily pierced eyebrow. "Well, it's not."

"Are you sure? Oh, maybe it's under Gertrude?" She's getting panicked, now.

"Hmm-"

"Mary-Lou, stop scaring the poor kid," a woman says as she enters the waiting room. She's tall, with thick black hair pulled back into a messy ponytail and a razor sharp smile. Her voice is a smoky rasp, and Gert has the unprecedented thought of  _ GODKILLER. _ You ever have a thought like that? Completely out of the blue, and yet it fits so well it's almost odd.

"Sorry, Ali. And I told you, it's-"

"Despaira. I know, I know." The woman, Ali, rolls her eyes to Gert, as if to say,  _ kids, right?  _ "Anyway, I logged it in myself, your appointment is all good. Come on in."

The appointment goes quickly, and by the time the next hour rolls around Gert has a swollen mouth, a mildly painful tongue ring and a small handbook for cleaning and care. Also, a strong warning from Ali to not go drinking or make out with anyone for at least the next week. Welp, there goes her weekend plans!

Dad picks her up, and, in true Dale Yorkes fashion, winces when he sees the piercing. "That sure is a tongue piercing."

Gert gives him an odd look. "Duh? Of course it's-"

Dad snorts, which turns into an all out guffaw as Gert says, "What's funny?"

"You're- you're talking a little weirdly, that's all. You've got a lisp, dear."

A  _ lisp?  _ Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no. Okay, Gert is not going to talk at all whatsoever for the next five days _ at least _ . Which. Could be a problem.

How is she going to avoid talking when their first performance is only a month away?

~~~~~

"What do you mean, you  _ lost _ your  _ voice?" _

Gert shrugs, not saying a word but clearly meaning,  _ what do you think I mean, dummy? _

It's his first day back to school, first day back to rehearsal, first day back to  _ everything _ , and he hates it. Chase does  _ not _ want to be here. But he's behind enough in school, and he's a main role in the show, so it's not like he can just skip school for a month or a half. No matter how much he wants to.

And now  _ this _ . Their first show is in a month, the two of them have a presentation due  _ next week _ that they haven't even started to prepare for, and, on top of it all, he can't even kiss her!!!!!!!!!! Nightmare. Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare. That's all today is.

"No, but- the presentation! We'll-"

Gert waves a hand, as if to say,  _ I've got it covered. _ She dips her spoon back into her thermos and swirls it around a few times, surveying the courtyard. She's probably looking for someone, seeing as the only people currently at their table are herself, Chase, Victor, and Molly. Molly isn't even paying attention to them, though; instead, she is completely immersed in whatever is on her phone screen.

"Hey, boss," Victor says, then, upon gaining Gert's attention, does a series of complicated hand movements. It only takes Chase a moment to realize it's sign language.

He's pretty rusty, it's been years since he had any practice, but he can still parse out what Victor just asked Gert.  _ What type of soup is that? _

She lets go of the spoon, seeming unfazed, and replies,  _ Corn chowder. My dad made it. _

Chase thinks for a second, then choppily signs,  _ I did not know either of u knew ASL. _

Gert grins, surprised but pleased.  _ Learned awhile ago. I got bored, wanted to try a new language. _

Victor, looking mildly stunned but very, very glad to be addressed, signs,  _ my grandmother is deaf, and I learned to be able to talk with her more since she lives with me and my mom. I know Spanish Sign Language, too. _

_ O, that is cool. Sorry, I am rusty. _ Chase feels mega embarrassed having to use the letters and no contractions, but Gert just pats his arm comfortingly.

_ No worries. Languages are tricky. _

Chase nods.  _ I can understand what you say, but actually doing it myself... _ He thinks for a second, forgetting the word.  _ Hard. It is hard. I learned a long time ago, and stopped practicing. _

_ Oh? How did you learn?  _ Victor is the one asking, but they both look interested in the answer.

_ Me and Mom learned it together.  _ Wait, what's the word he's looking for? Oh, right.  _ Bonding. _

Victor snickers, laughing at a joke Chase doesn't understand.  _ A- a bonding moment? _

His hands shake from laughter, and Gert makes an angry shrieking noise that  _ must _ hurt, like, honestly, and points an indignant finger in Victor's face. "You  _ bastard.  _ I  _ told _ you-" her eyes go wide, and she slaps a hand over her mouth to shut herself up.

Chase and Victor exchange identical confused looks. Sure, she was talking kind of lisp-y, but there was no pained rasp to her voice. "Gert-"

 

Hand still clamped over her mouth, Gert shakes her head frantically. Alright then. No more info on this little mystery, huh?

“…Okay. Do you wanna go over the presentation, now? Maybe brainstorm?”

Gert, more relaxed, signs,  _ not right now, once I finish eating I have to go talk to Ms. Hinchey about a thing for rehearsal. Speaking of, are you going today? _

He doesn’t want to. Actually, he wants to go home and continue to sneakily pack up his things. He started on Saturday after he caught Mom looking at house listings again. She hasn’t actually told him, but when she does, he’ll be ready.

But…their first show is a month away.  _ Yeah, totally. _

She grins, closed mouthed, and for a moment they just look at each other, trading warm, sappy smiles that have probably turned anyone in their immediate vicinity to goo.

Chase rests his hand on top of hers, squeezing once and letting go. She looks as if she’s just about to say (well, sign, actually) something when Victor clears his throat.

They both turn to him, caught, and he raises an all knowing eyebrow. There’s a smirk pulling at his lips as he says, “Enjoying yourselves?”

Gert rolls her eyes, but her face is ridiculously red. Chase kind of wants to press a kiss to the rosy apple of her left cheek, but now is not the time.

“Victor, shut your mouth, or I tell the drama club group chat that you think Max from A Goofy Movie is hot.” Ah, blackmail. A teenager’s closest and dearest friend.

Gert cracks up, and Molly, finally looks up from her phone to ask, “What?”

Gert, still uncontrollably laughing, hits Chase on the arm a few times, gesturing vaguely between Molly and Victor, so Chase repeats himself. Molly immediately starts cracking up as well.

Victor looks like he wants to pout, but instead crosses his arms defiantly. “First of all, bitch, I told you that in confidence. Second of all, I will not apologize for my preferences.”

“Okay, furry,” Molly says, and he shrieks indignantly.

“I AM NOT A FURRY.” Victor says it much too loud, and heads turn around the courtyard.

“Okay, furry,” Chase says, laughter behind his words, and he realizes that this is the most normal he’s felt in a while. Teasing his friend, who he finally feels comfortable around again, and sitting next to his sort of girlfriend.

And, the thing is, Chase doesn’t even care whether or not she’s his ‘officially’ his girlfriend or not. Like, sure, he’d like to eventually call her that, and be her boyfriend, and all that noise. But…when it comes down to it, all that really matters is that they have each other.

As long as Gert is by his side, and Chase is by hers, he can always believe that things are going to be alright.

~~~~~

“So, about the presentation.”

It’s Thursday, and Gert and Chase have picked back up their ritual of getting supper together after rehearsal. They stopped for a while during Sprinter (yes, she knows the proper term is mud season. No, she doesn’t care.) because of, well, everything going on then, but Gert wanted pho from that Vietnamese place on seventh, so here they are.

The difference from back then and now, though, is that this is kind of a date. Just before rehearsal ended, Gert sneaked out to her office and fixed herself up, even putting on  _ lipgloss.  _ That’s  _ date  _ makeup.

Although, Chase seems to like it, from the way he keeps glancing down at her lips every five seconds. He also ‘subtly’ takes a peek at her cleavage every few minutes when he thinks she won’t notice, but that’s another thing entirely.

“Yeah, about that. Can you believe Ms. Hinchey pushed the date back? What kind of luck, right?” Gert fights the urge to roll her eyes. It was not  _ luck.  _ Gert made that happen, specifically because her and Chase weren’t prepared, like, at all. She went for the sympathy angle, then made a few  _ do the paperwork I hate doing _ promises, and Ms. Hinchey agreed.

“I know, I’m really glad for it. We are  _ not  _ ready.” God, is Gert glad the lisp is gone. She still has to stick to soft foods, and she’s not allowed to make out with anyone, but at least she can  _ talk  _ now. Jesus, those four days were the most annoying of her entire life.

“Yeah, no duh. So,” he rubs his hands together. “What’s the plan?”

Gert raises an amused eyebrow. “What, you think I’ve got it all planned already?”

She does, but that’s not the point. “Well, don’t you?”

He’s got her there. “Okay, I’ve got it narrowed down to three categories.” Gert holds up three fingers. “Fun, flirty, and romantic. That’s the three most common categories for duets, anyways, but I’ve narrowed it down to a few choices for each. Which one do you want to hear first?”

“Uhh, do it chronologically.”

Gert smiles. That’s what she was hoping he would say. “Okay, so, fun duets are the ones that aren’t explicitly romantic, so my picks for that would be  _ Easy Street _ from Annie or  _ If I Had My Time Again _ from Groundhog Day.”

“I’m not singing about masturbation in from of the entire class. No way.” Chase shakes his head wildly, and a curl falls out of place onto his forehead. He’s about to fix it himself, but before he can, Gert reaches over and gently smoothes it back where it belongs. A faint blush appears across his cheeks as Gert pulls her hand back.

“Alright then. And I’m guessing you’re pretty neutral on doing  _ Easy Street, _ right?” He nods. “Yeah, I’m not too keen on it, to be honest. Like, I  _ love  _ Annie. It’s my favourite musical of all time. But  _ Easy Street _ is easily the weakest song of the show, and I don’t want a bad song choice to bring us down.”

“Is it really your favourite?” Chase asks, interested. “I thought it would be Ghost Quartet, or something.”

She nods slowly. “Well, yeah, I mean, Ghost Quartet is great. And I love it. But Annie is  _ always  _ going to be my favourite.” Gert sighs, lost in thought. “It was my Mom’s favourite, and I dunno. I think I just relate to the whole Little Orphan Annie thing.” She turns back to Chase, and he’s got this sympathetic look in his eyes that makes her want to pour her heart out. But she shouldn’t be talking about this right now. She shouldn’t be. They were having a totally normal conversation, and she is  _ not _ going to ruin that just because she got  _ emotional _ . “Um, sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. You can talk to me about that, you know,” he says, and Gert smiles, but shakes her head.

“Thanks, but another time, alright? I- I don’t want to talk about that just yet.”

Chase reaches across the table to squeeze her hand. “No worries, Gertrude.”

Gert is insurmountably glad that he doesn’t let go right away. She laces their fingers together, giving him a soft smile in gratitude. “So, anyway…”

She trails off, just  _ looking  _ at him for a moment. The sharp jawline, the kind eyes that make her melt, those long lashes of his…Chase raises an amused eyebrow. “Anyway?”

Gert shakes herself out of her daydream. “Right. Sorry. Anyway, flirty is a self descriptor, and the choices are  _ Light My Candle, Dead Girl Walking _ -“

Chase makes a squeaky, surprised noise that she’s never heard from him before. His face is very, very red.

Gert runs her tongue over her bottom lip, careful not to let the piercing poke out as she watches him freak, amused. “You okay?”

He calms down, finally, saying, “Yeah, I’m-“ he clears his throat. “ _ Dead Girl Walking _ is just…a lot.”

Gert shrugs, then, because he’s actually looking at her, now, runs her tongue over her bottom lip again. Chase doesn’t look away from her mouth for one second of it. “Just a suggestion. Alright, last category: romantic. I’ve got it narrowed down to  _ In A Crowd Of Thousands _ from Anastasia, an excerpt of  _ Pierre and Natasha _ from Great Comet- because it’s, like, eight minutes long, or… _ Promises _ from Hadestown.”

Gert, like, really wants to do  _ Promises _ . But she doesn’t want to commandeer the whole thing, so she just hopes Chase miraculously picks it.

He thinks for a second, then says,  _ “Promises _ . I think that one would be best.”

HELL YEAH. Gert is internally doing her happy dance right now. “Awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome.”

Chase laughs a little. “If you really wanted to do that one, you could’ve just said so.”

Gert makes a face. “Nah. I care about your opinion too much to go and choose without getting your input.”

He grins toothily, like it’s the best thing she’s ever said to him. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

Gert shrugs and rolls her eyes bashfully. "Sure, Chase."

"No, seriously," he says, genuine, and Gert thinks she might be a little in love with him.

Wait. What?  _ What?  _ No. No, she isn't. Nope. Nuh-uh, no. She is putting that thought  _ away _ , because it is  _ not _ true.

And even if it is, Gert is in no way ready to accept it.

~~~~~

“Chase, sweetheart, can I talk to you about something?”

He’s sitting in his room, going over notes on his laptop. Well, that’s a lie. He’s actually looking at Gert’s Instagram, because he’s obsessive. But he has his science notes open in another tab! That counts, right? Even if he hasn’t looked at them since he opened the tab?

Chase closes his laptop. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Mom gingerly sits on the side of his bed.

“Well, I’ve been thinking…I want to move. Not out of the area, but-“ his mother pauses, overcome for a moment. “I’m so  _ sick _ of this house. Everywhere I look, he’s there, and- and-“

“We need a fresh start,” Chase says, and she nods, surprised. He moves to sit next to her on the edge of the bed. “I totally agree. I…I don’t like that wherever I look, I can- I can feel him? Or his presence, anyway. I want to move on, and we can’t do that here.”

Mom looks both relieved and miserable. “You want to forget him.”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

She seems at a loss for words. “I….I suppose not. For you, anyway.”

Chase nudges her shoulder with his. “For the both of us. You deserve a fresh start, too, you know.”

“Maybe.” Mom smiles like she half believes him, half doesn’t. But that’s enough for now.

Chase smiles back, then rubs his hands together in excitement. “So, you found a house yet?”

She nods, then grabs his laptop before he can stop her. It’s open to Gert’s latest selfie, and his mother immediately cracks up.

Head thrown back, eyes squinty, and guffawing loudly rather than her usual polite titter, it’s the most free Chase has ever seen her. He tries to think back to a moment where he’d seen her laugh like this, but he can’t. Without his father’s ever constant eyes on her, his mother is free to act however she pleases.

“Is this what you do all day when you’re alone?” Mom asks, big toothy smile across her face. And, hey, that’s  _ his  _ smile. Chase never knew he inherited it from her. Though, he supposes that’s because he’s never truly seen her smile until now.

“Well…” Chase trails off, blushing, and Mom laughs again, delighted.

She claps her hands together, and Chase notices that instead of her usual impeccable manicure, her nails are short and free of polish. And her clothes are different, too. She looks like she rooted around in Stacey Yorkes’ closet, with the olive green capris and simple brown t-shirt. His mother  _ never  _ wears t-shirts. And- holy shit. She’s not wearing makeup. Mom  _ always  _ wears makeup.

It’s a huge change from who he’s always known his mother to be, but Chase can deal with change. If this is Mom finally taking off the mask she’s worn all these years, then he’s absolutely fine with it.

“So,” she says teasingly. “You made her your girlfriend, yet?”

Chase shrugs. “Yes and no. We’re together, sort of, but with what’s happened to me recently, and her only breaking up with Alex like, last month, we decided to wait before actually committing to a relationship.”

Mom raises an eyebrow. “Is that what you want, or what she wants?”

Chase sighs. “Honestly, I’m fine with where we are now. I don’t think I’m ready just yet. Like, yeah, I’m doing my best to move on, but it’s still such a big change to go through, you know? And I don’t want to be in a relationship if I can’t fully be  _ with  _ her. She feels the same way, I think. Her and Alex’s relationship was crap, like, the whole way through, and that’s hard to get over.”

Mom looks surprised. “Was it really that bad?”

_ “Yes. _ If you ask her, she’ll blather on about how it was fine, how she’s fine, but she was not  _ fine _ when they got into yet another fight. It was literally almost clockwork, how often they’d get into it. Like, I’m not going to tell you it was all Alex’s fault, even though if I was going to be biased I would say that. From my side of things, if I had the opportunity to kick him in the nuts, I would.” Mom snorts at that. “But if we’re being objective, Gert was just as bad for him as he was for her. Well, maybe that’s not totally true. It was probably more 60/40. What I’m trying to say is that they were incompatible from the start, and they wanted different things.”

Mom smiles widely. “I think this is the most you’ve ever spoken to me at once.”

Chase nudges her shoulder with his. “I think this is the most I’ve ever seen you smile at once.”

Mom shrugs, unapologetic.

They talk some more, then finally get back to what they originally planned and look at house listings together. Mom has narrowed it down to a few different options, but Chase’s favourite is a cheery yellow house with a big backyard and a  _ freshwater  _ pool. Those things are the absolute coolest, he’s always kind of wanted one. Plus, it just so happens to be in Gert’s neighbourhood.

He asks if they can go see it, and Mom tells him that the Open House is on Monday. She also says that she’s been chatting with the owners of this house and the owners of the other house she’d been looking at- that one is closer to where they live now, and built similarly too. Chase doesn’t even want to go see it. What’s the point in moving if they’d be buying the same house in a different location?

The current owners of the yellow house are an old couple who spend most of their time at their vacation house in the Poconos. Mom says they’re mostly looking for trustworthy people who will really look after their home, which means they have to come off as impressive as possible.

Apparently, though, when he’s getting dressed two days later, this does  _ not _ mean a suit. When he comes out in one, Mom laughs at him and tells him to go change. She’s wearing jeans and flouncy polka dot blouse, so he bases his outfit on that when he changes.

The house is even nicer in person than it was online. The furniture is included, which was a gamble until he actually saw it. The couch is like, really comfortable. And the basement doesn't even need any work, it's already been turned into a rec room. It's a miles more modest house than their previous one, and he loves it. Chase loves this house.

When they get back in the car, Chase can't stop moving his hands, trying to get all this restless energy out of him by wiggling his fingers and patting his knees and anything else he can think of.

"So, you liked it."

_ "Yes. _ I  _ loved _ it."

Mom smiles, bright and toothy. "Me too! I mean, I know it's a lot smaller, but-"

"I don't care. When can we move in?"

She laughs, amused by his eagerness, then says, "Well, I sent our agent to talk to their agent, so we'll see, okay? But it's looking like this is the house!"

Chase has never seen her so excited. Well, to be fair, he's barely seen her excited for anything at all. This new version of his mother is so different from the woman he's always known, the woman who hated hugs and was always dressed to the nines, the woman who parented from a distance, the woman who would only act like a person when his father wasn't around.

Before all of this, he always felt like he had to take care of Mom. She was fragile, breakable- or, at least, that's the way she presented herself. But now...it's like she took off the mask, or something.

In literally the past few weeks, she's been more present in his life than she's been in years. Long gone are the days where they could go a whole week without saying more than five words to each other.

Chase has never been good at acclimating to change, but he can't say he's had any trouble with adjusting to how different his life is now. A month ago, he was lonely and hated coming home. And now, Mom bakes cookies and asks him about his day- last week she told him she thought it would be a great idea to invite friends over, and he was shocked. It seems an odd thing to be surprised over, but Chase spent his entire childhood and onwards going to other people's houses and avoiding his own- or, more accurately, being kept out of the house by his mother.

This is probably the happiest Chase has ever been. He knows that that's a shitty thing to say, seeing as it's all because someone up and died, but that someone happened to be such a heavy weight on his life that now that he's gone, Chase feels a thousand pounds lighter.

~~~~~

"PRESENTATION DAY!"

Gert rolls her eyes. She's excited for this, sure, but Ms. Hinchey is so  _ loud _ . And she stole Gert's megaphone for this, since they're in the auditorium. Plus, she's trying very hard to stay calm and not freak out about performing the way she so wants to, because that would be a Bad Idea, and this is not helping.

It's just....Gert is stage manager for a reason. She could be great at acting if she wanted to be, but being onstage in front of all those people freaks her out too much.

She smoothes her hands over her skirt for the thousandth time, trying to let the soft yellow fabric soothe her. It's one of her favourite skirts, actually, big and yellow and flouncy, and she almost never gets a chance to wear it. She thinks it looks really nice with this t-shirt she's tucked into it. Costuming in Hadestown is simplistic but true to character, fitting into the time period but not so much so that it's all you see when you look at them. Ms Hinchey had specified that they'd need costumes for this performance, so all throughout the auditorium are students in all manner of dress. She spots her sister and Klara wearing beachwear, and Nico and Karolina in the front row dressed in the ugliest fashion from the nineties that Gert has ever seen. Gay rights!

As she watches each performance, Gert gets more and more nervous. Her hands start to shake. She cannot get up on that stage. She can't, she can't, she-

"Hey," Chase says softly as he leans over to whisper in her ear, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm- I'm fine. Just nervous. I don't- I'm not-" She can't find the words to describe how she's feeling right now. Gert blows out a shaky breath.

Chase puts his hand over hers, squeezing lightly. "You'll do great."

"How do you  _ know _ that?"

Still whispering into her ear, he says, "Because I know  _ you." _

Gert blushes a deep red, and Chase laughs softly. She elbows him lightly, whining, "Don't laugh at-"

"Stein and Yorkes," Ms. Hinchey blares through the microphone, and they both flinch. "You're next!"

Gert sucks in a breath, still nervous, but Chase squeezes her hand again, and suddenly she finds it in herself to scrounge up the courage.

They trot up to the stage, and sit on the edge, Gert gesturing to Millie to start playing. They decided that they didn't really need much choreography for this, based on how slow the song is- and Gert's current inability to do much in the way of dancing.

Gert waits a moment for her cue, then starts, turned away from him. The premise of this song is a conversation, and Eurydice starts off feeling betrayed and alone.  _ "Promises you made to me. You said the rivers and the trees would fill our pockets and our plates, promises you made. You said the birds would blanket us, you said the world was generous, and wouldn't turn it's back on us _ ." Gert delicately ghosts her hand down a length of the stage, envisioning brushing her fingers across the ice _. "The river froze, the trees were bare, and all the birds, they disappeared."  _ She presses her hand to her chest, heartfelt.  _ "So me too, I flew away. From promises you made." _

Chase puts a hand on her shoulder, turning him towards her.  _ "Promises you made to me. You said that you would stay with me, whatever weather came our way." _ He puts his hand on her knee.  _ "Promises you made- that we would, side by side, through all the seasons of our lives. 'Neath any sky, down, any road, any way the wind blows." _

Chase takes her hand, delicately tracing the lines of her palm.  _ "I have no ring for your finger, I have no banquet table laid, I have no bed of feathers, whatever promises I've made. Can't promise you fair sky above, can't promise you kind road below, but I'll walk with you, my love, any way the wind blows." _

Gert presses her other hand to his chest, singing earnestly,  _ "I don't need gold, don't need silver. Just bread when I'm hungry, fire when I'm cold." _ She entwines their hands, interlocking their fingers.  _ "Don't need a ring on my finger, just need a steady hand to hold. Don't promise me fair sky above. Don't promise me kind road below. Just walk with me, my love, any way the wind blows." _

_ "I don't know where this road will end, but I'll walk with you into the wind."  _ He covers her hand on his chest with his, leaning in so they can sing the chorus together.

_ "I can't promise you fair sky above. Can't promise you kind road below. But I'll walk with you, my love, any way the wind blows." _ Their voices mix together in perfect harmony, or, almost perfect, anyway. And that's all she really needs- almost perfect. Gert doesn't know if she's talking about their performance or their relationship, but it fits.

_ "Do you let me walk with you?" _ He asks, soft and sweet.

_ "I do," _ she replies, and god, how she wishes she wasn't blushing.

_ "I do," _ he sings, and it's-  _ just the lyrics stop thinking about that. Stop it. _

_ "I do,"  _ they sing it together, and Gert doesn't want this to be over.

_ "And keep on walking, come what will?"  _ She asks, sincere.

_ "I will." _ His eyes are doing that thing where they crinkle in the corners, like he's trying not to smile, and it isn't working.

_ "I will," _ she sings back, and Chase leans in, resting his forehead against hers so they can sing the last line together.

_ "We will." _

The music fades out, and Gert returns to reality- and raucous applause from her classmates and Ms Hinchey. Huh. Gert almost forgot they were there.

She turns back to Chase. They've pulled away from each other, now, sitting farther apart than they were before. He's grinning at her, bright and proud, and Gert has no problem smiling back.

~~~~~

"Wanna get ice cream?"

It's after rehearsal, and Chase is tired. Dead tired, actually. He and Eiffel spent the entire two hours working through their scenes, and while they were very productive and got lots done, all he wants to do is take a nap. But Gert is asking him to go on yet another 'date that isn't a date', and what is he gonna do, say no?

So he puts on the brightest smile he can muster and says, "Sure!"

The drive there helps him feel a little more awake, what with Gert dramatically singing along to the Elvis Greatest Hits playlist coming out of his speakers. As  _ Jailhouse Rock _ fades out, she asks, "Hey, remember when you dressed as Elvis for Halloween?"

"You mean, do I remember absolutely no one getting my costume right for the whole evening? Yes, yes, I do."

"Hey!" She cries, indignant. "I got your costume right!"

"Oh, true. You went as Cindy Lauper, right?" He pulls into the parking lot and backs into an empty spot near the door.

"Yep! Only time this school year I've had my hair down."

They get out of the car and head in, standing in line behind an old lady and two college students.

"Why is that, anyway? You look good with your hair down." Playfully, he tugs on one of her violet braids, and Gert blushes.

"Flatterer. Um, it's just easier, I think. Like, if my hair's pulled back, I don't have to worry about it getting in my eyes, or something. Plus, sometimes, when I get nervous, I'll start to tug on it? And if my hair is up in a braid, or whatever, I don't have that option. Oh, we're next."

They step up to the cash, purchasing their ice cream then heading back outside and sitting down on the hood of Chase's car.

"I can't believe you like mint chip," he teases. "Mint and chocolate do  _ not _ belong together, it's  _ so _ gross."

Gert scrunches up her nose at him.  _ "You're _ gross."

"Oh, am I? Am I gross?" He leans in a bit, testing the waters.

"Yes, you are." But she's leaning in, too, wearing a teasing smile that sends his heart pounding. Chase closes his eyes, face inches from hers as he starts to close the distance between them-

And instead gets cold, mint chip ice cream smushed into the bottom half of his face.

Gert laughs maniacally as he cries out, surely making the ugliest face possible out of surprise. Chase frantically wipes his face on his sleeve, crying, "You  _ asshole!" _

"Yeah, yeah, you big baby. Keep whining." Chase pouts at her, hoping for even a lick of sympathy, but all he gets is her quickly sticking her tongue out at him, a flash of pink and...something else, gone as fast as it came. Probably just from the ice cream.

Gert takes another lick of her ice cream, unbothered as Chase takes a wipe from his pocket and scrubs at his face, then tries to get the stain off of his sweater. She gives him an odd look. "Do you just have those on you at all times?"

"Yes. It pays to be prepared, you know."

She shakes her head, amused, and for a moment he just looks at her, hoping she won't notice. Gert is always beautiful, but here in the dim, warm, light from the streetlamp, it's magnified.

Conversationally, she says, "Not to change the subject, or anything, but..."

Chase stuffs the dirty wipe in his pocket. "Yeah?"

"What's your favourite type of kiss? Sorry, I know it's dumb, I was just...wondering."

Chase fights hard to keep his cool. "What do you mean?"

"Like- like cheek kisses, or forehead kisses, or...you know. Kisses." She looks away, embarrassed. "Don't feel obligated to tell me, or whatever, like I said, I was just...wondering."

"Well," he says, nudging her shoulder with his so she'll look back at him. "Ones that come from you, of course."

Gert blinks, once, twice, three times, steadily becoming more red until her entire face is the exact shade of a summer strawberry. She makes a high pitched noise that almost sounds like a whimper, then says, "O-oh."

He nudges her shoulder again, smirking. "Not gonna get all flustered on me now, are you?"

"Shut up!" Gert shoves him lightly, but Chase just laughs, taking another lick of ice cream.

As nonchalantly as possible, he lightly wraps his free arm around her waist. "Seriously, though. I mean it."

Gert, still blushing, answers him in a quiet tone that makes him feel as if there the only two people on the planet. "I know you do."

~~~~~

Gert has been having a very good day.

T.B. left her a note this morning in her locker, apologizing for being M.I.A. for the past few days, which she was glad for. It's not like she has feelings for him (because she knows he's a him, now. Chase let that slip awhile ago when she was freaking out about it, which was possibly the last person she thought she'd hear that from) or anything, but she  _ was _ worried. He also got a Twix bar in there, somehow, but Gert won't contest his methods.

She found out she passed her science quiz from last week that she was absolutely certain she flunked, and rehearsal, for once, went well. Everything is finally coming together.

And now she's going bra shopping. For some, that may seem like a boring activity, and one that shouldn't be part of why her day is so great. But Gert hasn't worn a bra in two months, and her doctor finally cleared her to wear them as long as they were unlined.

The problem: none of her old bras fit the bill.

So, here she is at Calvin Klein, trying on bras. She's got a few picked out, but there's one style she really likes that she can't decide between colours. Gert shouldn't have come alone, but, like, all her girl friends were busy, and she wanted to get this done today. Sigh. This was easier when she had a boyfriend.

And it's not like she wants to get back with Alex, or anything, because she doesn't. They were incompatible, and just...no. But she does miss the stability that came with a months long relationship. Like, if they were still dating, she could snap a few photos and ask his opinion, and it wouldn't be weird.

But now, if she were to do that with Chase, it would be A Thing, and, well...that isn't such a bad idea, actually. Huh.

Gert shouldn't, though. She wants to, but she shouldn't.

So instead, she sends them very platonically to Nico, asking her to help Gert choose, because she needs an opinion on this and if she sends it to Karolina she won't get a response for at least 2 hours. Karolina is shit about replying to literally anything.

Bizarrely, a moment later she gets notifications that they've been screenshotted. And then Gert realizes that she sent them to the exact person she told herself she  _ wouldn't _ send them to.

Shit.

Chase snaps her back not a minute later. Damn, that was quick.

**The blue one. Definitely.**

Because she's verifiably the queen of making bad decisions, she snaps another photo. It's the same as the last two, shirt pulled to show the bra but not enough that her scars are visible.

**_U sure?_ **

**Yes 10x holy fuck**

**_;)_ **

Gert consider sending another photo, just to be a tease, but decides against it when she looks at the time. The mall is closing soon, and if she wants to actually, like, buy these bras, she has to get to the checkout.

The next day, she wears a bra for the first time in 2 months. For the first few hours, it sucks. Her chest hurts, and she feels like she can't breathe. Gert gets used to it by the time her last class rolls around, though, and it's not so bad. 

It gets significantly better when she notices Chase's eyes on her from the second she walks into Ms Hinchey's classroom.

Gert isn't dressed to the nines, or anything, but she'd like to think she looks nice. The shirt is form fitting, and these are by far her best jeans.

She chats with Ms. Hinchey first, then goes to sit down next to Chase, tossing down her bag as she sits. "Hey."

Chase pauses before responding, "H-hey."

"You okay?" Gert asks innocently, as if she doesn't know the exact reason he's flustered.

He nods really fast. "Yeah, I'm- I'm good. Great, actually."

Gert smirks, then takes out her phone to check the time. Ugh, she can't believe they have rehearsal today again. She goes through her messages, pretending she doesn't notice Chase's eyes on her.

~~~~~

Chase cannot stop staring.

Getting those snaps from her yesterday were torture enough, but actually thinking about how she's almost definitely wearing that bra right now is nearly enough to kill him.

All throughout class, he can't focus, and he knows that Gert can tell. Every time she leans in to say something, or fix a note he made, or anything at all, Chase has to stop himself from kissing her right then and there.

After class, the lot of them basically migrate down to the auditorium, splitting off in smaller groups based on what they'd been working on last rehearsal. He sees Gert head out to her office, and, without even thinking about it, Chase follows her.

He stops in front of her door, suddenly nervous. They haven't really properly made out, yet, and what if she doesn't want to? Like, he wouldn't be upset, because that's her choice and if she doesn't want to that's okay. But it would be kind of embarrassing if she said no.

Although...who's to say she  _ would _ say no?

Chase knocks on the door, then enters when Gert calls out for him to come in.

He closes the door behind him with a soft  _ click _ . "Hey."

Gert is sitting on her desk, looking at notebook. She puts it down, though, when she sees who it is. "Hey, Chase. What's up?"

"Oh, nothing much. You?" Chase ambles over to her, being as nonchalant as possible.

Gert raises an eyebrow. "The same. You need me for something?"

"Um, yeah, actually." He's standing right in front of her, now, hands dug into his pockets so Gert doesn't see how much he's fidgeting.

"What is it, then?"

Chase takes a breath to steady himself. "This."

And then he leans in and presses his mouth to hers, soft and slow. She kisses back- but only for a moment.

Gert rests her forehead against his, breathing shallowly. "Um. So."

"Please don't say we shouldn't have done that, like, seriously-"

She pulls away from him, eyes wide. "No! No, that's not what I was going to say. Just- um- you know how last week I couldn't talk? Like, at all?"

Chase nods, confused.

"Well, the reason for that is also the reason I can't kiss anybody for a few weeks. Just a- a medical thing. Sorta."

_ Fuck _ . "No kissing? At all whatsoever?"

Gert sighs. "Unfortunately."

She tilts her head, exposing the smooth skin of her neck, and Chase gets an idea. "What if....What if  _ I _ kiss _ you?" _

Both eyebrows go up. "Meaning? You know it doesn't-"

Chase leans in and presses a soft kiss to her shoulder, slowly mouthing his way to her collarbone, and she breathes out an,  _ "Oh." _

"This okay?" He asks softly, and Gert makes a high pitched noise that he takes to mean yes.

Chase kisses his way up her neck, slow and methodical as her fingers scrabble against his chest. He leaves an open mouthed kiss just below her ear, and she moans so loud that Chase does it again, pressing his lips there and sucking a hickey into her skin. Gert makes a whimpering sound that he swears he'll be thinking about for weeks, high and needy and perfect.

She pulls him closer, and Chase settles himself in between her legs, trying very, very hard not to think about  _ other _ things they could be doing in this position.

Chase runs his tongue over the fresh hickey, and she tilts her head back, breathing his name. It sets something off in the pit of his stomach, and-

There's a knock on the door.  _ Shit _ .

They pull away from each other, wide eyed and frantic, and Gert calls out, "One second!"

She looks him over, then says, "Yeah, whoever that is  _ cannot _ see you."

"What? Why-"

Gert hops off the desk, pushing him gently to the corner that ends up behind the door when opened. "Because- because they can't. Now _ shh _ ."

She fixes herself up a little, then opens the door, effectively hiding him from whoever's in the hallway.

Chase is....confused. Like, yeah, he understands not wanting somebody to find them making out, but why does he have to hide?

Gert chats with whoever it is for a few moments, answering whatever question they had, then closes the door on them once they're satisfied with what she said. She leans against the door, blowing out a breath, relieved.

She turns to him with a grin that would  _ usually _ set his heart pounding. But he's still just so  _ confused _ . "So-"

"Why did I have to hide?"

Gert's face falls. "What?"

"Why did I have to hide? Would it have been  _ that _ bad for you if someone found us in here together?"

"No, of course not, I just-" she stops, clamping her mouth shut.

"You just  _ what _ , Gert?"

She sighs, closing her eyes. "I just...I'm kind of apprehensive about people knowing? I hate all the questions, and the opinions that I didn't ask for and I- I like you  _ so much _ . More than I've ever liked anybody."

He wants to say,  _ yeah, and?  _ This still doesn't make sense to him. "If you like me so much, than why don't you want anyone to know?"

Gert drags her hands down her face. "It's not that I don't want anyone to know, it's that I don't want to hear what everyone has to say about it."

"Why does it matter so much to you what other people think?"

"Oh, like you're one to talk! You ignored me for two years because you cared so much about what other people thought!"

Chase blinks, caught off guard. Wow.

Gert sucks in a breath. "I...didn't mean that."

Chase sniffles, trying very hard not to cry. Hasn't he changed enough for her to have forgiven him? He thought that was done, dealt with, never having to be spoken about again. "Clearly you did, if you brought it up so easily."

Somebody knocks on the door, and they both startle.

"Need me to hide again?" He asks, miserable. Gert doesn't reply, seemingly at a loss for words. Chase nods, wiping at his face with the back of his hand. "Right. Okay. See you later."

He storms out, not even acknowledging Victor, who had been the one to knock on the door.

Chase leaves rehearsal early, and skips the next day, too. He just...can't. He can't deal with this.

~~~~~

Gert is a dumbass. A verifiable, grade A dumbass.

Why is it that whenever she has a good thing, she just has to go and fuck it up?

It's the middle of tech week, so, like, not even seven days before their first show, and her and Chase haven't said one word to each other since last Thursday. It's awful. She feels like she can't breathe whenever they're in the same room together.

Gert is sitting on the porch swing, under the awning as she watches the rain fall. It's getting dark, and she should probably go inside. But all she can think about is how badly she's fucked up, and how there's no one she can talk to about it. Karolina would coddle her, she doesn't want to involve Molly, and Nico would be way too blunt about it.

So, out of all her friends, that leaves one person she can call. She almost doesn't want to, doesn't want to involve him in her drama. But he knows her well enough that he'd be able to really talk this through, maybe give her the advice she needs to fix this. And they used to be friends, didn't they? Before all this mess?

Gert presses call, already regretting this. Should she just end the call before he picks up- oh. Too late.

_ "Gert?" _

"Hey, Alex."

There's an odd noise on the other line, like he's accidentally knocked something over.  _ "Shit. Good thing that was empty," _ he says to himself, and Gert feels an inkling of pride from being proved right.  _ "So, uh, what's up? We haven't talked in, like-" _

"Forever. I know." Gert sighs. "I just...I needed somebody to talk to, and you're the only one who'll get it."

Carefully, he says,  _ "Why not talk to Chase about it? I'm not- I'm not trying to be a contrarian, or anything, just-" _

"It's  _ about _ Chase."

_ "Oh." _

"Yeah, oh. I just...I fucked up. Big time. And now we're not talking, and I don't know how to apologize, and-" she stops, overwhelmed.

Alex pauses, then says,  _ "Do you want me to come and pick you up? We could go get Shake Shack and talk. Like old times." _

Gert nods, wiping at her eyes. "Like old times. Sure, that sounds nice."

_ "Alright. Cool. Be there in fifteen." _

He hangs up, and Gert pulls on her shoes and jacket, so when he gets here, she's ready. She tries not to feel nervous. They haven't hung out since- well. It's been a while, is all she'll say.

Alex pulls up in his dumb silver Prius with the Doctor Who vanity plate, and Gert is suddenly so comforted by the familiarity of it all. Trotting up to his car and hopping in, she's struck with the memory of how often she's done this, how this used to be something they did all the time.

"Hey," she says quietly, almost nervous.

Alex gives her a small smile. "Hey. So, Shake Shack?"

She nods. "Yeah, let's- let's do that."

He fiddles with his phone for a second, and Fleetwood Mac floats out of the speakers as he starts down the road. There's silence between them for the first part of the drive, but then _ Say You Love Me  _ comes on, and Gert can't resist.

She bops her head to the beat, and by the time the first chorus rolls around she's singing along softly. She's more bold by the second time it rolls around, and Alex joins her, this time, looking cautiously joyful. By the third run of the chorus, they're both singing along dramatically, performing for an imaginary crowd of imaginary fans into imaginary microphones.

By the end of the song, they're being so unbearably theatrical that Gert can't stop herself from busting out laughing. Alex joins her, cracking up, and Gert breathlessly says, "Watch..." She tries to get some air in, but it just dissolves into giggles. "Watch the road."

Alex, still laughing, takes one hand off the wheel to wipe his eyes, and Gert repeats herself, suddenly panicked. "Watch the road!"

It startles him out of his laughing fit, and he calms down enough to drive more steadily. "Sorry. I know you're probably a bit cautious after what happened, I should've listened."

"No, it's fine. I freaked out for no reason, s-" there's a voice in the back of her head, screaming,  _ don't apologize for something you should be thanking someone for! _ "Thank you, for listening."

He smiles, a bit rueful. "I guess I finally learned my lesson, huh?"

Gert mirrors his expression. "I guess you have."

There's a silence after that, but it's more comfortable, now. The tension is broken.

They reach Shake Shack, and Alex parks, heading inside and returning minutes later with two greasy paper bags. He hops back in the car, dropping one of them in her lap and tearing open his own.

They pick at their meals, content to eat in silence until Alex says, "So, what happened with Chase that's got you all," he makes a vague hand gesture, probably referring to how miserable she looks.

Gert puts down her burger and sighs. "We got into a fight last week, and I said something I shouldn't have said. I was right, in a way, but it was so uncalled for, and he's so  _ hurt, _ and I just...I feel like an asshole. And the only reason I said it in the first place was I-" she stops, suddenly nervous. "Don't get mad."

Alex raises an eyebrow, unbothered. "Gert, I kind of guessed this was relationship shit, if I was still pissed about that I wouldn't have offered to do this. Don't worry."

Gert nods slowly. "...Okay. Thank you. Um, anyways, I realized a while ago that I cared about him a lot more than I thought? And I got freaked out, so I pushed him away, and now he won't talk to me."

"Have  _ you _ tried talking to  _ him?" _

".........No."

Alex sighs, exasperated, which is fair. She knows she's being stupid about this. "I'm just scared, okay! Like, what if I go up to him and apologize, and suddenly I'm sharing way too much and talking about my  _ feelings _ . Then he'll know how much I care about him!"

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"No!"

"Gert," Alex says, so intensely that it almost forces her to look at him. "You can't want love and simultaneously be too scared to love someone unapologetically. It doesn't work that way."

The words hit her like a truck.

Gert has never been scared to be herself. She'll dye her hair, wear what she wants, be as vocal as possible about her opinions. But, boy, is she shit at being honest about her feelings. It's just how she grew up, you know? Nobody cared about her feelings, and so she learned to hide them. She was always the odd one out, the ugly side of average girl, the one who got asked questions about her cooler, prettier friends rather than questions about herself. And all of that taught her that the best course of action when it came to how she felt was to bottle it up and tie it with a neat little bow.  _ Don't get your hopes up, don't let anyone know who you really are because they'll be disappointed _ . But maybe sticking to that is what's been holding her back all this time. Maybe the reason she's never had a happy relationship before is that she's never been comfortable taking down her walls. But, unknowingly, Chase has been taking them down, brick by brick, and Gert didn't know how to handle that when she realized. So she did what she always does. Said some mean shit and hoped they'd go away, leave her alone, stop poking at parts of herself Gert doesn't want touched.

But instead, she hurt him. And she hurt him  _ bad _ .

She just hopes she can fix it, before it's too late.

~~~~~

They're in the middle of dress rehearsal, and Chase should be excited. He's been preparing for months! Their first show is TOMORROW! He should be ecstatic.

But he can't muster much more than vague indifference as he watches from backstage, waiting for his cue in his dumb costume that Gert helped him pick out months ago. Gert, who he hasn't talked to in days. Gert, who breaks his heart again every time he so much as looks at her.

He just wants her to come talk to him, but for the past eight days all she's done is avoid him. There were a few times today where she tried to pull him aside, but they both kept getting called away, busy with everything that accompanies an oncoming show. And she's just being so  _ slow _ , like, honestly, do it in five minutes or don't do it all, you know?

Okay, that's not fair. Chase is just being bitter and impatient- and dramatic! Can't forget dramatic.

Oh, that's his cue.

Chase steps onstage, going through the motions and trying to muster up something that could be called acting in certain lighting from very far away.

And then it comes to the kiss. It only lasts a few seconds, but having his lips pressed to Eiffel's and not Gert's just feels extraordinarily wrong. Chase has to fight the urge to be sick.

As he's leaving the stage, Eiffel on his arm in her floaty pink dress, he catches Gert's eye from the front row, sitting next to Ms. Hinchey and taking notes. Her mouth is a tight line, and she looks like she's about to puke.

When he comes back out for his next scene, she's not there. In fact, she doesn't return for the entire length of the show. Did she go home? Is she okay?

When it's finally curtain call, they all have to stand there for like, a half hour, as Ms. Hinchey ruthlessly points out every small detail they need to fix by tomorrow evening. Thank God they're exempt from class tomorrow, even if it means the whole day will be rehearsal. It'll be torture, but at least they can fix what's needed.

When it's finally, finally over, everyone disperses, heading home after their long day. But Chase doesn't leave until he's scoured every inch of the auditorium for Gert- finding nothing.

So she  _ did _ go home. Christ.

~~~~~

Gert, pretending she didn't cry herself to sleep last night, has been keeping busy all day today to distract herself. It hasn't been hard. With their first show tonight, there's about a million things to do, and Gert is spearheading at least half of them.

So all day, she doesn't focus on anything but the show- which means all day, she hasn't gotten the time to talk to Chase. And he's busy too, so every time they even get a second one of them is getting pulled away, and it's awful.

And then the worst possible thing that could happen today, happens.

Mateo, their male lead, their Prince Dauntless, the guy half the show is riding on- pukes his guts up onstage.

"Oh, shit, Mateo," Gert says as she climbs onstage, grabbing a bucket and placing it in front of him, just in case. She tells Molly to get a towel, maybe a mop, then starts rubbing a hand up and down Mateo's back as he pukes again, tears streaming down his face.

He coughs wetly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he sniffles, and Gert takes the towel Molly is handing to her and starts to gently wipe at his face.

"It's okay, kid. Nothing to be sorry for, it happens. Are you feeling a bit better?"

Mateo shakes his head, still crying, and Gert pulls him into a one armed hug. He presses his face into her shoulder, and Alex, bless him, starts to mop up the puke. Gert gives him a grin in thanks, but he makes a hand gesture, like,  _ don't worry about it. _

Gert comforts Mateo, then makes him call his mom to pick him up. He tries to convince that he's fine, now, and can stay, but Gert isn't having it. They have an understudy for a reason, and there is more than one show.

"So," Klara says when Gert returns from walking Mateo out to his mother's car, "Does this mean I'm performing tonight?"

Gert gives her a grim nod, and Klara gives her a nervous little smile that looks almost completely fake. "You'll do great, Klara. Come on, you're, like, so prepared."

Her eye twitches. "Am I, though?"

Gert puts a hand on her shoulder and gives what she hopes is a reassuring look. "Yes. Now, go change- we need our Prince Dauntless."

Emboldened by this, Klara gives a wide smile. "Don't you mean Princess?"

Gert laughs, then sends her on her way, and, miraculously, they don't hit any more snags the entire day. Even more miraculously, Klara fits right in as Dauntless. Even  _ Man To Man Talk _ , her song with Karolina, who's playing King Sextimus, goes well, which is just amazing seeing as Mateo had been struggling with it. Karolina kind of intimidated him, but Klara has no such qualms.

They have a two hour break before having to return tonight, and while everyone else books it back home to get something to eat and take a nap, maybe, Gert heads straight to her office. She brought a change of clothes and packed supper, so she'll be fine here, finishing the final touches and napping for an hour or so.

She sets an alarm, then promptly conks out, settling into a thankfully dreamless sleep- she does not need another nightmare about Chase suddenly hating her and heading off to make out with Eiffel. No thank you, that was bad enough last night.

Gert wakes up to a knock at her door. "Come in," she says groggily, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"Oh, so, you  _ are _ here. Everybody was wondering," Alex says, already dressed in theatre blacks, and Gert checks the time. SHIT. She slept through her alarm!

"Oh, shit, I'm so sorry, I slept through my alarm, I'll be out in two minutes." Alex nods, then leaves, closing the door behind him, and Gert hurriedly dressed into her black t-shirt and black jeans. They're a little tight, which is just great, isn't it? Fuck, she knew she should've bought new clothes for this, she just didn't have the time.

Gert hurries out, and is completely on the ball for the next half hour. She helps find missing set pieces, chews out a few kids from the ensemble for clowning around, sews up a hole in Eiffel's dress and calms her down when she starts to freak out about how both her dad and her girlfriend are in the crowd and how worried she is that Amanda will deck her father for saying something shitty. And, because of this, Gert now has to go find Amanda in the next fifteen minutes before the show starts and make sure she keeps her cool.

She emerges from backstage and searches the crow with her eyes, before spotting a tiny blonde girl with a pixie cut that looks like she's spent years carefully cultivating her angry punk chick persona. Gert beelines towards where she's standing in the aisle, grabbing her arm.

Amanda turns towards her, already looking pissed, but Gert starts talking before she can get a word in. "Hey, I'm a friend of Eiffel's and she's freaking out that you'll start a fight with her dad, and while I'm sure he deserves whatever you plan on dishing out, Eiffel really, really needs you to keep your cool. Got it?"

Amanda nods, seeming a little confused. "You talk really fast."

"Do I? It's the nerves. Well, see ya!" Gert rushes back to the stage, heartbeat going a mile a minute. Five minutes until the show starts five minutes until the show starts five minutes until-

"Places, everybody!" She yells, and anyone left from the cast that was not already where they needed to be scrambles to their designated spots.

She heads to her little booth behind their plywood castle set, then tells Alex over her mic to lift the curtain in, "Three, two, one...now!"

She hears Victor start to sing, and checks through a tiny window in the painted plywood that the lights are where they should be. Gert almost feels like breathing a sigh of relief, but she knows that this is only the beginning.

Her phone lights up, thankfully on silent, and she sees a message from Eiffel, who is literally about to go onstage for  _ Opening For A Princess _ , what the fuck is she  _ doing? _

**Thnx for talking to Amanda. There's something going down in the left wing, I heard a noise. Go check it out?**

Oh, shit, of course somebody is fooling around. If anybody, and she means anybody, fucks up a set piece or rips their costume, she is going to have their hide.

She rushes over, just as a group of giggling ensemble girls head onstage, leaving...Chase. Alone. By himself, except for her.

Damn, Eiffel is a better schemer than she thought.

He hasn't noticed her yet. Gert quickly turns off her mic, then quietly approaches, nudging him so he knows she's there. "Hey, Chase."

He turns to her, surprised, then turns off his own mic for a moment. "Gert? Hi-  _ mph!" _

Before she can think better of it, Gert gets up on her tiptoes and presses her mouth to his, kissing him soundly. For a moment, Chase doesn't react, and she worries she's fucked everything up. But then he melts into it, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close.

As much as Gert wants to continue this, it's nearly his cue, and they have worked way too hard to throw it all away so Gert can make out with her boyfriend (? Well, hopefully, once she gets up the courage later tonight). So she pulls back, resting her forehead against his.

"Can we talk?" They're so close that they're breathing the same air, and all Gert wants to do is kiss him again. "Not- not right now, obviously, but after the show. Once it's all over."

_ "Yes _ . Yes, yes, yes." He kisses her shortly, then pulls away from her, as he's not even a minute away from going onstage. "Where?"

Gert searches wildly for a place they can talk privately. Her office is out, that's the first place everyone is going to look for her. So is any of the empty classrooms, most of the rest of the school is cordoned off, and Gert is not risking detention.  _ Think of something think of something think of something...  _ "The playground! You know, the one behind the school that nobody uses? Meet me there, after."

Chase laughs softly, turning back on his mic, but Gert isn't done.

She gets up on her tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his cheek, then whispering into his ear, "Good luck!"

~~~~~

Chase rides on a high the entire show, thoughts of kissing Gert the only thing keeping him sane and calm throughout the dancing and the singing and the silly romance between his and Eiffel's characters. By the ending scene, Chase can't keep the wide grin off of his face, and it's half pride from a job well done and half excitement.  _ In less than fifteen minutes, I'm going to kiss her again,  _ he thinks as the show ends and the curtain falls, everyone getting into their designated spots as it rises up again for the final bow. He's grinning like a mad man as he links hands with Eiffel and steps forward to bow, then gesture enthusiastically to the booth where the tech crew reside, just as all his other castmates have. At the end, Ms. Hinchey and Gert are coerced onstage, and the smile Gert gives him when he hands her the flowers the cast bought for her is brighter than a thousand suns. Ms Hinchey laughs exuberantly when she receives her bouquet, but it can't beat how happy Gert looks.

The curtain drops one final time, and suddenly it's chaos. Exuberant yelling and laughter and a feeling of belonging that makes him so happy he might burst. He loves every second, and gets so caught up that he almost forgets about Gert.

Key word: almost. Chase escapes from the crowd, finding the nearest possible door outside and heading to the dilapidated playground behind the school. Halfway there, he breaks into a run, skidding to a stop upon reaching the playset.

Gert is sitting at the top of the slide, one knee pulled up to her chest with her arms encircling it lazily. "Took you long enough," she calls, wearing a teasing smirk that makes him want to kiss her all over again.

"Sorry," Chase says, climbing up stairs that are way too small for him and plopping down on the rope bridge that connects the side to the rest of the playset. "Got a little caught up."

Gert scurries over to sit beside him, the rope bridge bouncing a little as she settles down next to him.

For a moment, there's silence. Gert looks nervous, like she won't start talking unless pressed, so Chase says, "You said we needed to talk?"

Gert nods, more to herself than to him. "I did, I did say that. But actually, it's more like I need to talk and you need to listen, so sit tight, okay?" Amused, Chase raises an eyebrow, but nods. "Alright. Good. Great. Um, so I want to start off by saying that I'm sorry. What I said was uncalled for, and cruel, and I hurt you. I'm sorry."

Chase grabs her hand, entwining their fingers. "Thank you for apologizing. You're forgiven."

She squeezes his hand. "Okay. Great. I'm not done, though." Chase nods, letting her continue. "I'm also sorry for trying to push you away. That's what that was in the first place- me using stupid defense mechanisms because I was scared. I was scared of how I felt, I was scared of how well you know me, I was scared of how deeply entrenched you are in every aspect of my life-  _ nobody _ has ever known me as well as you do. My whole life, I've put things into boxes, friends here, romance there, and on it goes- each box only knowing certain parts of me. But you know all of it, and that scared me  _ so bad _ . It still does, in some ways. But- but I shouldn't let fear get in the way of how I feel about you. And I shouldn't let it be a reason to hide you away, either. That's not fair, and- and I  _ want _ people to know how much I care about you. So," Gert says, looking him in the eye. "I'm here to officially ask you: will you be my boyfriend?"

Chase is near tears as he nods, and Gert's face breaks into a wide smile. "Good," she says, reaching to wipe at a stray tear running down his face. "I'm glad."

He laughs, gleeful, then closes the distance between them and kisses her soundly. It's hard, with the both of them grinning so much, but they make do.

Until there's a loud  _ riiiiiip,  _ and both of them tumble to the ground as the bridge breaks.

They both bust out laughing, barely hurt from the three feet drop, then gravitate towards each other again. It's different, this time, and more intense, and soon they're full on making out in the grass, Chase half on top of her.

Gert wraps an arm loosely around his neck, pulling him closer, and Chase slips his tongue into her mouth, exploring- and shocking away from her when he feels cool metal unexpectedly. "Is that- is that a tongue ring?"

Gert laughs softly, then sticks out her tongue for him to see a silver stud pierced into it. Chase is more aroused than he's ever been in his entire life, looking down at her. Parts of her hair have escaped from her braid, and her face is a bright, cherry red. She's breathing unevenly, and Chase has trouble looking away from the way her breasts rise and fall in her tight V-neck t-shirt.

He kisses her passionately, moving her mouth against hers as his brain says on repeat  _ tongue ring tongue ring tongue ring tongue ring.  _ Passively, he realizes that's probably why she couldn't talk a while ago, and why she couldn't kiss, either, but he doesn't care about any of that right now. The only thing he can even think about caring about in this moment is his girlfriend (!!!) beneath him, sighing into his mouth and curling her hands into his hair as he works his hand up her thigh-

Someone's phone rings. It isn't his, he left it back inside, so it must be Gert's, but she doesn't even acknowledge it.

In between kisses, he says hoarsely, "Aren't you going to answer that?"

Gert digs it out of her pocket and tosses it a few feet away from them. "Let it ring," she says, smirking. "I'm  _ busy." _

  
  



	4. Act Four: Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love: indescribable.

Gert has never felt this nervous for a date in her entire life.

She knows, objectively, that being nervous for a date with her actual, literal, boyfriend is the stupidest thing to ever happen in her life so far. Her and Chase have been officially Together for about a week now, and in that time they've shared eight kisses (yes, she counted) and held hands at every possible moment. So Gert shouldn't be nervous.

Except that she totally is.

Chase is set to pick her up to go to the Space Center in fifteen minutes, but Gert has been ready to leave the house for the last hour. She's had the outfit planned out for literal days- a sky blue jacket made of worn fabric that's soft to the touch, borrowed from Molly (shh. She doesn't know), and a dark wash denim skirt embroidered with cherry blossoms with a plain white tee tucked into it. She would like to think she looks nice, but who knows? Maybe he'll hate it. Maybe he'll hate her, too, decide he doesn't actually like her and not show up at all, no call, no text-

_ Woaaah,  _ says the rational part of her brain that sounds suspiciously like Nico.  _ Slow your roll, cowboy. That bitch has FEELINGS for you and ALL of them are romantic. _ Yep, definitely Nico. Nobody else calls Chase 'bitch' on a regular basis. Although, Nico hasn't said much to either of them for the past little while. It's weird, every time Gert tries to talk to her she gets this pained look on her face and freezes up.

But, anyway, Imaginary Nico, who has no issues with Gert seeing as she's fictional, is probably right. Gert  _ knows _ he likes her, she  _ knows _ he wants to be with her- it's just hard to believe that, sometimes. It's erroneous to say that Chase is out of her league, because that's putting him on a pedestal and separating persona from person- but Chase is kind of out of her league. Sometimes, when she's really down in the dumps, Gert thinks maybe she doesn't deserve to be with him at all.

But she shouldn't think about that right now. Today is going to be fun, and there is not going to be any time to wallow.

God, Gert wishes she knew what to do with her hair. She  _ was _ going to braid it, but then when she did that, it looked stupid. She tried a high pony next, but that looked dumb, too. Maybe Gert is just overthinking this- no, Gert is  _ definitely _ overthinking this.

She takes all the elastics and clips out of her hair, pulling her fingers through her curls and staring at herself in the mirror. Huh. Her hair is longer than she realized- it's hard to judge length when it's pulled back, and her abundance of curls don't help. Gert grabs a comb, fixing the little bumps and cowlicks, and then leaves it. Physically. Mentally, she's mulling over why she cares this much about  _ hair _ . Like, logically, it absolutely does not matter how she wears her hair, and what it represents to her. But on the other hand, it absolutely  _ does _ .

Gert has, for a very long time now, been tying back her hair. For efficiency, she would say. For practicality. But really, it was all based in her deep-seated need to be taken seriously at all times, 24/7. and she doesn't- she doesn't strive for that anymore. She's fine being treated like a person, now, and less like a tireless worker bee trying in vain to climb to the top. She's sick of that.

Gert fluffs her curls one last time, checking herself out in the mirror. She's ready. She's ready. She's ready-

The doorbell rings. Shit, she is  _ not _ ready.

Gert takes a deep breath, then heads to the porch, trying her best to stay calm, stay calm,  _ stay calm. _

"Where are you headed?" Dad asks as she passes the den. He's sprawled out on the couch, reading something pretentious.

She's about to spew some sort of lie, but then remembers what she told Chase.  _ I don't want to hide you away. _ So she grins smiles and says, "Chase is taking me out. We're going to the Space Center, and then dinner, maybe? I'll probably be out for a while."

Gert is expecting some sort of reaction, maybe a few nosey questions. But Dad just nods, going back to his book as he mutters, "Have fun."

...Okay. That was a little weird. But whatever- it's a problem for later.

Chase is waiting for her, after all.

~~~~~

_ Stop fidgeting,  _ Chase tells himself. _ You can't look nervous when she opens the door. _

The asshole part of his brain, which has never had much consideration for his express wishes, hears one word of that and goes,  _ hmmmm, no. Go fuck yourself. _

Chase tightens his grip on the small bouquet of flowers in his hand. He really hopes Gert likes them- they weren't expensive, or anything. Actually, they didn't cost him much at all. Just a promise to tell Mom every single detail afterwards. It's just that he'd be horribly embarrassed if she didn't like them.

He's considering ringing the doorbell again, even though that would probably be rude/annoying/every other negative thing his mind can come up with, when the door swings open.

Chase forgets how to breathe.

Gert looks stunning in ways that are almost too ethereal to describe- but  _ almost _ leaves some wiggle room, so he'll try anyway. Her hair is down, for starters, a cloud of purple curls springing from her head, looking so silky and soft that he aches to run his fingers through them. Her smooth, tan, legs seem to go on for miles, stopping only for the chestnut coloured boots she's wearing. There's a smear of rosy lip gloss across her lips, and all Chase wants to do is press her up against a wall somewhere and kiss it all off.

"H-hey," he says, flustered.

Gert smirks. "Hey yourself. Those for me?"

She gestures to the flowers, and he nods, presenting them to her. "Yeah, Mom ordered in some flowers." He sees a flash of apprehension in her eyes, but it disappears when he continues, "They  _ were _ for the garden at our new house, but I guess she put the date in wrong. Anyway, I thought you'd like them, so...here."

Gert plucks the bouquet gingerly from his hand, pressing her face into the blooms and breathing them in. When she looks back to him, she's wearing a bright, giddy, smile. "I can't believe you got me flowers. Um, I'll be right back, I  should get a vase."

She's opened the door, already one foot inside, when she turns back to him. For a moment, it looks like Gert is mulling something over- and then she closes the short distance between them and kisses him, cupping his face as their mouths move against each other.

Gert pulls away from him, her heels making a soft thump as they settle back to the floor, and it occurs to him that she had to get on her tippy toes to kiss him, which is so fucking adorable that he thinks his heart might burst. She's still grinning as she goes back inside, disappearing down the hallway and returning a minute later empty handed.

She closes the door behind her, slipping her hand into his as they walk to his car. "So, when  _ are _ you guys moving in, anyways?"

"When school ends. Mom wants to make sure I'm as focused as possible when exams roll around." They reach the car, which, unfortunately, means he has to let go of her hand.

Gert groans as she climbs in, slamming the door behind her. "Do  _ not _ remind me. God, I am  _ so _ going to flunk."

Chase shoves the key into the ignition, the car roaring to life as he puts on his seatbelt. Gert starts to do the same, but fumbles it, so Chase reaches over and does it for her, saying comfortingly, "You won't. You'll do great."

"I could've done that myself, you know," she grumbles.

"Sorry. Habit, I guess." He's been driving her around a lot, since what happened, and at some point he just got used to it.

Gert shakes her head, purple curls flying. "No, it's fine. And, you're wrong, by the way. I am  _ definitely _ going to fail science."

Chase pulls out of the driveway, starting down the road. He pauses, running his tongue over his bottom lip as he thinks of how to word this properly. "I could help you. We- we could do a study date? I need help with English, anyway, and you're, like, the best at it, so would that work?"

"Hm?" It seems Gert didn't catch one word of what he just said, her eyes flicking back to him from where they'd been hyper focused on his mouth.

Chase almost wants to laugh, but doesn't, for her sake.  _ Now who's the flustered one?  _ He repeats himself, and Gert nods. "That sounds like a great idea. Oh, we're here."

He pulls into the parking lot, and they get out of the car. As soon as she's close enough, Gert grabs his hand again, entwining their fingers as they head inside. She's almost obsessive about holding his hand, like if she lets go he'll fly away, or something.

They walk around, working their way through the biggest exhibit- an almost too cool to be true recreation of their universe. Planets and moons spin slowly around them, with little plaques detailing each one, and tiny lights hang from the ceiling, glittering in the dim blue lighting of the room.

"I wish I came here more often," Gert tells him softly, but the way she says it makes it seem like she's going to keep talking, so he keeps his mouth shut. "My mom- my birth mom, I mean- she used to take me here all the time, as a kid. It was cheap, and I used to be obsessed with this stuff, so-" she gives herself a little shake, as if coming back to reality. When she speaks next, her voice has lost all the melancholic wonder it had before. "Sorry. You probably don't want to hear about all that, do you?"

Chase wraps a loose arm around her waist, saying softly, "I do, actually. But only if you're ready to talk about it, and only if you want to."

Gert looks completely caught off guard, as if she was expecting him to be wholly uninterested in this part of her, hidden away and private. She must have forgotten how interested he is in quite literally everything about her.

But then her face softens, and she leans into him a little. "Thanks. That's- that's really nice of you. But not today, okay? I don't want to end up crying all over you, or something."

Chase presses a kiss to the top of her head, then says into her hair, "Okay, Gertrude. Just know that I'm here if you need it."

Gert blushes. "I know. And that works both ways, alright? You need me, I'm there."

Chase thinks back to all of the times she's been there for him, and went above and beyond to do so. The night after his father died, the funeral, how she actually  _ listened _ to him after that fight they had.

He grins. "Yeah, I think I got that."

Gert smiles back, then starts steering him in the direction of the astronomy exhibit. "Good. Now, come on, I want to see that collection of really old telescopes before the show starts."

They twack around the exhibit for a while, mercilessly mocking the portraits of famous astronomers throughout the ages  _ (Galileo got put on house arrest and was hated by the church for sharing an idea that he  _ **_stole_ ** _. Karma, much _ ?), then heading to the main attraction- the huge planetarium that engulfs most of the Space Center.

They stand in line, and, bored as they wait, start chatting aimlessly.

"Oh, did you like that bag of Skittles I left in your office yesterday morning?" The doors swing open, and the line of people starts to file inside. "You like the sour ones, right?" He thought the little note he attached was quite funny, actually, but she didn't say anything about it to him.  _ In case Bio class leaves you feeling  _ **_sour_ ** _ , here's something to cheer you up! _

 

"Yeah, I- wait." Her face clouds in confusion. "You didn't leave those."

Oh, shit, does she actually not know that he's T.B.? Chase snickers involuntarily as they find one of the giant beanbags placed around the room and sit down. Well, more like lie down. It's the best way to see the show, looking up at the ceiling while sprawled out on one of these things. "Yes, I did."

"No, T.B. left them. He signed it and everything." How can she possibly be this oblivious?

 

Chase snickers again as the lights dim, meaning the show is less than a minute from beginning. "Yeah, yeah, I did sign it, didn't I?"

Though they're both lid back, their faces are turned toward each other, so close that Chase can see just how wide her eyes go. "Huh?"

"Hey, did you know T.B. stands for Talkback? Like, that dumb nickname you gave me when we were kids?" Chase is pretty sure the shit eating grin on his face is wider than the oldest tree in California.

Gert blinks, looking like she just stuck her finger in an electrical socket. "What?"

"I'm T.B.. Me." The screen above them changes from a neutral starry sky to a shot of the Earth from high, high, high above. "Oh, show's starting."

 

"Chase-"

"Ladies and gentlemen," the narrator's voice booms, "may I please have silence in the room as we take this journey into the stars...."

~~~~~

What. The. Fuck. Chase is T.B.????? What the fuck?????

Gert fades in and out of focus throughout the entire show, half paying attention and half stewing over how  _ Chase _ is  _ T.B.  _ Or, Talkback, more like.

Jesus, she can't believe she didn't see it before. The 'unexplained' absences, the days he'd leave her a candy bar when the night before she'd been talking to  _ Chase _ about how shit she'd been feeling. Oh, and that goddamn Paul Anka record finally makes sense, now. That really threw her for a loop- but now she remembers that time her and  _ Chase _ danced around the kitchen, singing along to  _ Put Your Head On My Shoulder.  _ Okay, honestly, where is her World's Biggest Dumbass award?

When the show is over and the lights come on again, they disentangle themselves and stand. Sure, she's kind of mad at him, but who is she to pass up a chance to cuddle with her boyfriend?

As they walk out, Chase starts snickering again, and she gives him her best death glare. Okay, this needs to get handled right the fuck now.

Gert grabs him by the arm and drags him to a nearby door labelled  _ SUPPLY CLOSET. _

"So," she says seriously, trying not to think about how they are now alone, in a dimly lit enclosed space, and the usual activities of couples alone in dimly enclosed spaces. "You're T.B."

"I am." He's still grinning, like he wants to laugh but is holding it back for her sake. Asshole. "Why'd you drag me in here, huh?"

"Because I wanted to know  _ why _ , but didn't want to have that conversation with a bunch of people around."

Chase raises an eyebrow, still teasing. "Why what?"

 

Gert fidgets, thumbing the cuff of her jacket. "Why you, you know, left me all those little notes and candy and stuff."

Chase steps closer and reaches for her, sliding his hands up and down her arms. The teasing is gone, now, replaced by a level of sincerity that Gert doesn't know what to do with. "Because I liked you- still like you- but I didn't want to mess everything up by telling you how I felt."

"And- and how did you feel?" She tilts her face up to his, searching for something she can't name.

He grins, one of his hands moving up to cup her face. "Like I was never going to get over you."

"And how do you feel now?"

Chase huffs a laugh. "Like I'm  _ definitely _ never getting over you."

Gert pulls him in and crashes their mouths together, filled with this- this  _ need _ for him. He makes a surprised sound, then pulls her as close as he can get her, those big hands of his going to her back to do so. At first they're over the jacket, but then Gert realizes she should probably just take it off, so she pulls it off as quickly as possible, letting it drop to the floor.

She wraps her arms around his neck, walking him back into the door and pressing him up against it, slipping her tongue into his mouth. Her heart pounds so loud that she's sure that Chase can feel it, at every point that they're connected.

Trying to get closer, Gert lifts up her leg and levels her shin with the door, and Chase moans, his hand sliding down, down, down, and  _ oh _ .

Gert makes a surprised sound of her own, and Chase pulls away from her, his hand jumping back to a safe spot on her waist. They're so close that they share air, and she asks hoarsely, "Why- why'd you stop?"

"I thought- I thought you didn't want me to do...that. And I want to respect your boundaries." Aw, that's sweet. But no. (Well, yes to respecting her boundaries. But you know what she means.)

Gert reaches back and places her hand over his, sliding it back down to her ass. He makes a low sound in the back of his throat, almost growl-like, then closes the distance between them once again. He palms at her ass, a little rough, and Gert moans into his mouth, twisting her hands in his hair.

Gert wants to be with him, here, until she forgets everything else, wants to kiss him until her lips grow sore, she wants to know how good his mouth might feel in  _ other _ places, just wants, wants,  _ wants _ .

Chase starts to leave open mouthed kissed down the length of her neck, stopping low on the hollow of her throat and  _ sucking _ . Oh, great, that's exactly where she wants to have a hickey for the next few days. Once he's satisfied-  _ please, don't let him ever be satisfied in full _ \- he makes his way to her collarbone and nips at it, then flattens his tongue against the spot as if in apology.

As Chase starts to suck yet another hickey there, and her fingers tighten in his hair. "That's-" she starts, breathy and hoarse. "That's so good, Chase, you're so good."

Chase stops, facing her again. In the dim light, she can see how far his eyes have dilated, and the deep red that stains his cheeks. "Say that again."

His voice comes out in a whisper, a little hoarse, and  _ oh _ . Gert has just stumbled upon something quite interesting, hasn't she?

Gert cups his face in her hands, leaning in and stopping just before their lips touch. "You're so good for me, sweetheart," she murmurs, all but into his mouth. "So good."

He makes a sound, then, half a whimper, half a moan, before closing the miniscule distance between them and kissing her intensely. Gert presses closer, trying to get a better angle, and considers putting her leg back down when she feels  _ it _ against her upper thigh.

_ It _ being Chase's erection, obviously. Her skirt is, like,  _ way _ hiked up, so the bulge in his jeans is basically pressing up against her bare thigh, and, really, would it be such a sin if she moved a few inches to the right?

So, she does so, slowly rutting against him experimentally. Chase moans into the kiss, the hand on her ass pushing her closer, and, fuck, that's good.

Gert starts up a slow grind, shifting a little to get a better angle. She can't stop the sound that comes out, high pitched and needy, and-

"Fuck, Gert, we should- we should stop." Chase looks like it's paining him to say it, his brow furrowed and his breathing laboured from what they've just been doing.

Gert doesn't move from her position, raising an eyebrow at him. "And why's that?"

Chase's hand slides back to a safe place on her hip, and she pouts at him. "Because," he says, his other hand tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, "I don't want our first time as a couple to be in some random closet somewhere. I want it to be special, you know?"

Gert sighs, because, unfortunately, she does know. Doesn't mean she can't pout about it. "Are you sure?"

Still looking pained, Chase gulps and says, "Yes."

She sighs, pulling away from him and tugging her skirt back into place. "I agree, about the 'making it special' thing, by the way." Gert turns around and bends over to pick up her jacket, but with so little space, her ass ends up very, very close to his crotch. Gert hears him make a strangled noise, and she looks back at him, smirking. "Oops."

Gert stands upright, pulling on her jacket. "I'll go out first, let you...calm down a little." Looking dazed, he moves away from the door so she can leave. "Thanks, babe. Meet me at the entrance, okay?"

She presses a quick kiss to his cheek, then slips out the door, closing it behind her.

About ten minutes later, Chase meets her at the entrance, unaware that she just spent most of the time he was gone in the bathroom trying to look less like she almost had sex in a closet and more like she's on an innocent date with her boyfriend. Thank god she brought her makeup bag- though she couldn't manage to clean up the hickeys. Oh, well.

"Do you want to get dinner?" She asks, holding out her hand, which he grabs immediately. "I'm starved."

"Oh, just all of a sudden, you're hungry?" Chase teases as they walk out the door, heading to his car. "I wonder why that could be?"

"Hmm, I don't know! Remains a mystery, I guess."

Chase affects a dramatic voice and says, "Until we know more, the mystery will remain: unsolved."

He's clearly trying to imitate Ryan Bergara, and failing very, very badly. Gert cracks up. "That was..." she cuts herself off to giggle some more. "Sooo bad. Both Ryan and Shane would be  _ horribly _ offended."

Chase gasps dramatically, which just makes her laugh  _ more _ . "Rude!"

"Aw, come on," Gert says, hugging his arm and looking up at him with a teasing grin, "you can't stay mad at me."

Chase leans down and pecks her on the mouth. "You're right. I can't."

~~~~~

Chase is genuinely worried for his girlfriend.

All this morning, she's been grumpy and tired, and even when he picked up her and Molly for school this morning, she barely said one word to him. Just put in her earbuds and leaned her head against the window.

He knows she isn't mad at him, because on the way into school and in between classes she was practically clinging to him. But he's still worried.

When lunch rolls around, he heads to the break room, because that's where everyone has been eating lately since the show ended. There's no real rehearsal, anymore, but everybody still likes to hang out with each other. It's nice, honestly. Chase loves having steady friends.

He expects to find Gert already there, but she's nowhere to be found, so, expecting her to arrive soon, he plops down on the couch next to Victor and starts picking at his lunch. Mom has started packing his lunches, and they're...good. Sometimes. Decent, at least. She's getting better at it.

A few minutes later, Gert shuffles in, looking like all she wants to do is lie down and take a nap. Yawning, she looks around the room, making her way over to Chase the moment she spots him. She plops down in his lap, curling up against him, and Chase wraps his arms around her waist.

"How much sleep did you get last night, hm?" He speaks in a quiet tone, starting to rub a comforting hand up and down her back.

She yawns, burying her face in his chest. "I slept fine, waking up this morning was the problem. Aunt Flo decided to pay an early visit."

Chase is about to ask who Aunt Flo is, then remembers how to not be an idiot and realizes it's an idiom for her period. "Good thing it's Friday, then."

She hums in agreement. "Yeah, good thing."

"Do you want to come over, later? Watch a movie, or something?" He starts drawing little designs into her jean clad hip, stars and crescent moons and hearts, and she lets out a tiny giggle.

"Sure, but only if your mom's double chocolate chip cookies are involved."

He laughs softly. "I'll tell her to get right on it."

Once the warning bell rings, Gert heads to class, but Chase stays back to finish the last of his lunch. She offers to stay, but he knows she doesn't like walking in at the last second, so he lets her go on. He's tossing his can of orange juice in the recycling bin when he catches Victor giving him a weird look. "What's up?"

"Oh, uh- nothing. Are you and Gert- um- are you guys together or something?"

HUH? Is it not obvious???? They literally told everybody in their group chat that they were going out, did Victor not see it, or something? Chase gives him a weird look. "We've been dating for two weeks, Vic. We told the group chat, did you not see it?"

His brow furrows. "Uh...yeah...I...never mind. Congrats?"

"Thanks?"

That was weird. Like, really weird.

He forgets about it soon after, though, getting enveloped by his afternoon classes. Now that exams are coming up, teachers are cramming more and more material into the little time they have left, and it's hard to keep up with.

As insurmountably glad he is when the day comes to an end, he's still got a few things to do before he can head home. He heads to the drugstore, scratching his head over the level of variety in tampons and pads before realizing he can just, like, ask her.

**Hey what type of pads do u use**

**_???? Why do u need to know that_ **

**In case u need them tonight + posterity so if ur w/ me and need them u won't have to like. Go home or smth**

**_Oh_ **

**_That's rlly nice of u_ **

**Just being a good boyfriend**

**_< 3_ **

**_Babe <333 _ ** _ sent a photo _

**Thnx**

He finds the same box of pads that are in the photo, then heads to the cash, picking up a toothbrush on the way there. You never know, right?

As Chase waits in line, he digs out his wallet so he's ready. If he's going to get dinner for him, his mom, and Gert before five, he needs to hurry. Once the cashier waves him over, he plops the box down on the counter, card in hand.

"That'll be 12.50 for the sanitary pads, and 2 dollars for the toothbrush," the bored looking cashier tells him. She's about his age, blonde and broad shouldered. He wonders if they go to the same school. "Cash or card?"

"Uh, card. Is it really 12.50?" That seems to be a lot of money for something that's, like, detrimental for people with vaginas.

The cashier rolls her eyes at him. "Yep."

She points to the debit machine, and he sticks the card in, going through the motions. "Sorry, I know that's hard-headed of me. It just seems like a lot for a necessity."

"Yeah, well, that's just how it is."

"I know," he says, taking the plastic bag she's put his items in and stuffing it into his messenger bag. "But it shouldn't be."

He waves goodbye, then heads to Annie's, where he impatiently waits for Alma, the new chef Annie hired, to finish their order. Chase wonders if she has a rule about employees all having A names. There's her, Alma, Archie who works on weekends, and Aggie, who does the night shift.

He gets back to the house around four thirty, which is just enough time to drop the bag of takeout on the dinner table and change out of his school clothes before Gert arrives around five. He puts the box of pads in his bathroom, then heads to the kitchen. Mom has been home all day, fortunately, so there's already a plate of still gooey homemade cookies on the table when he walks in.

"You're the best, Mom," he says, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek before grabbing one and shoving it in his mouth.

"Thank you," she says distractedly, typing away at her laptop. "And remember to chew that, sweetie."

He nods, looking over her shoulder at the screen, and, with a mouthful of cookie, asks, "What are you doing there, anyways?"

 

She bats him on the shoulder, making a face at him. "Chew with your mouth closed!"

Chase struggles not to laugh as he shuts his mouth, swallowing. "Sorry, Mom."

She huffs a laugh, mildly exasperated with his teenage antics. "I'm talking with your uncle about when he's coming in- and how we're going to fit all seven of us in that house for two weeks."

He shrugs. "The more the merrier, right?"

"Well-"

The doorbell rings, interrupting her, and Chase grins on instinct. He nods in the direction of the hallway, and Mom waves him off, letting him go answer it.

He forces himself not to run down the hallway, still grinning as he opens the door.

His smile falls the moment he sees her.

Gert's been crying. He can always tell because her nose always goes really red, and he wonders how recent this was. The way she's wiping at her eyes says it was only minutes ago.

"D-don't look at me like that," she says, trying to sound angry but just coming off as miserable. She steps inside, and Chase closes the door behind her. "I- I'm fine."

"Oh, honey," he says softly, stepping close to her and reaching out. It seems that's all it takes, for she sags against him, pressing her face into his chest.

Chase holds her in his arms, pressing his face into her hair and mumbling reassurances.

"I'm being dumb," Gert says quietly. "I- I'm letting my brain go places it shouldn't go, you know? My emotions are just a total wreck right now, and I shouldn't be subjecting you to this, honestly, but..."

She puts her hand on his chest, contracting her fingers repetitively right over his heart. He doesn't know if Gert is trying to match his heartbeat, but she is, by accident or design. "But?"

Gert looks up at him, big brown eyes watering. "But I wanted you with me. No, I- I needed you. I know it's kind of stupid, but I just needed to be held by you."

_ I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW. _ "It's not stupid, Gertrude." He reaches to tuck a piece of hair back behind her ear, then runs his thumb along her cheekbone. "You're not stupid."

Gert sucks in a shaky breath, then gets up on her tiptoes to kiss him. She misses, landing on the corner of his mouth, and they both laugh a little. Chase leans forward, resting his forehead against hers. They're so close that they're breathing the same air, but he has no need to kiss her. Being with her like this is good enough for him. Chase doesn't know what he means by 'like this'. Close, maybe? But that doesn't go deep enough. Intimate? Yes, but still, it doesn't fully encompass how it feels to be with her. And he supposes that it's a lot like love- indescribable. Love 2.0, maybe.

After a while, Chase realizes that he truly doesn't know how long it's been since she got here. Minutes? Hours? Okay, he knows it hasn't been hours. That's stupid. There's just no time version of a dozen. He really hates that, like, that's such a big jump, from sixty seconds to a whole hour. That's so stupid, whoever decided how time was divided deserves the goddamn guillotine. "Do you want dinner?"

Her eyes snap open. "Annie's?"

"Yeah."

Gert pulls away from him to press a kiss to his cheek. "You know me too well, bug."

"Aw, no, we are  _ not _ bringing back that dumb nickname."

She grabs his hand as they make their way to the kitchen. "Yes, we are."

He rolls his eyes good-naturedly, but he isn't actually mad. He never is, not really.

The food is lukewarm at this point, so they shove it in their giant ass microwave to reheat everything. Once that's done, the three of them sit down at the island and dig in.

Gert takes one bite of her burger, then groans, slumping back against the chair.

Chase snorts. "I love when you do that." She gives him a weird look, and he makes a vague hand gesture in her direction as he says, "You know, that thing whenever you really like something you're eating, and you slump back in the chair like this?" he does so to demonstrate, and Gert huffs a laugh. "I dunno, I just think it's cute."

She reaches over to poke his cheek. "I think  _ you're _ cute."

Chase does the same to her, and she wrinkles her nose at him. "I think you're  _ cuter." _

"Well, I think-"

Mom snorts, looking embarrassed when they both turn to her. "Sorry, sorry, go on complimenting each other."

 

Oops. He kind of forgot she was here- Gert has that effect on him. When she's around, everything else goes away.

Gert and Chase turn to each other, blushing. She gives him a long look, warm and- loving, almost. Does she love him? Chase certainly loves her.

She nudges him, then goes back to her food, and he thinks he could get used to this- warm smiles and small moments of intimacy that seem to say  _ I'm never getting sick of you. _

After they eat, Gert seems to be feeling marginally better. Not about to burst into tears, anyway. They're lid on the couch, Gert curled up against his chest while looking at something on her phone. "What are you even reading, anyway?"

"Shh, Steve and Sam are about to kiss for the first time."

Chase snickers, snatching the phone out of her hand. "What, like, Captain America and Falcon?" He looks at the screen, and sees it open to AO3, the tags saying,  _ flower shop au, Steve is dumb, this is the sappiest thing I've ever written.  _ "Oh my god, it is! I can't believe you ship them over Steve and Bucky, I'm almost disappointed."

"Give it baaaaack," she whines, lazily grabbing at it, but Chase holds it out of her reach.

"Only if you admit Steve and Bucky are superior."

Gert screws up her face at him. "Me? Saying anything positive about the hellship that is Sticky? Not in this lifetime."

"Hmm," he says, dangling her phone over his half empty glass of soda that sits on the coffee table.  "You sure about that?"

"Chase," she says seriously. "If you do not give me back my phone right this second I won't kiss you for the next week. And a half."

Sighing good-naturedly, he hands Gert back her phone. She huffs, tucking it in her pocket. "Thanks, bug. Do you wanna watch a movie, or something?"

Okay, he's kind of growing on the nickname. He can't believe that sprung from a Disney cartoon, that's literally so wild. "Yeah, sure."

He grabs the remote, turning on Netflix and starting to flick through movies. "Gone Girl?"

"No way."

"Why? You love that movie."

"Yeah, but I can't watch it with you, especially not with how I'm feeling right now. You look a little like Ben Affleck, and it weirds me out."

"Rude."

She flicks him lightly on the chest. "It is not rude to say that my boyfriend looks like Batman. Square up."

Chase goes silent, overwhelmed in a good way by Gert calling him her boyfriend, and she looks up at him, concerned. "What is it?"

"You..." he starts, voice soft. "You called me your boyfriend."

She tenses. "That was- that was okay, right?"

Chase's eyes go wide. "Of course! Of course it was. I just liked hearing it, that's all."

"O-oh," she says, flustered. "U-um, how about The Princess Diaries?"

Her voice is small, and very  _ let's change the topic _ , which is a little confusing, honestly. "Okay."

He turns on the movie, and they watch Anne Hathaway star in one of the best coming age films of all time for about an hour, when Gert starts snoring against his chest.

Chase rubs his hand up and down her back absentmindedly, and she curls closer, pressing her face into his neck and snuffling against his collarbone. Looks like somebody is sleeping over.

He flicks off the movie, sitting up carefully. Gert doesn't react, other than to shift so she can rest her head in his lap. Gently, Chase cards his fingers through her soft hair, a shard of a smile across his face as he does so. Shit, he doesn't want to move now. Can't they just sleep here?

But then he thinks about how uncomfortable they'd both be in the morning. And also how great it would be to wake up next to her in bed.

He extracts himself from their position on the couch, he crouches to carefully pick Gert up in his arms, bridal style. Still asleep, she loosely wraps an arm around his neck and presses her face into his shoulder.

Chase carries her up the stairs, passing his mother as he lumbers down the hallway to his bedroom. She raises a wary eyebrow at him, and he stage-whispers, "She's really tired, and I don't want to make her sleep alone."

Mom's face softens. She looks away from him for a moment, hand pressed into her cheek like she's trying to stop herself from getting emotional. She makes a  _ go ahead _ hand gesture, and, while he wants to know what's wrong, his girlfriend is asleep in his arms. So. Priorities.

Chase carries said girlfriend the rest of the way to his room, then lays her gently on the bed. He sits on the edge, lightly shaking her shoulder. Gert groans, awake but not happy about it. "Whaaaat?"

"Do you want to borrow some pyjamas?"

Gert nods, grumbling into the pillow, so he grabs a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt, trying to hand them to her, but she says, "You do it. I'm too tired."

Chase has to blink a few times to process that properly. "O-okay."

He starts with her jeans, sliding them down her legs with shaking hands, resolutely looking away from miles and miles of smooth tan legs, shivering at the feeling of her soft thighs against his fingers. He helps her pull on the sweatpants, then says, "You- you have to sit up to change out of your shirt."

Gert sighs, then does so with no small amount of grumbling. Unceremoniously, she shucks off her sweater, back to him, subjecting Chase to her bare back.  _ This is torture this is torture this is torture _ , he thinks, aching to reach out and drag his fingers down her bare skin.

She pulls on his old t-shirt, then settles back into bed. "Would you-" she interrupts herself to yawn. "Would you tuck me in?"

Chase nods, pulling the blankets that had before been at the foot of the bed up around her shoulders. Gert hums, snuggling in.

Suddenly nervous about joining her, Chase stands awkwardly, looking around for a moment. Gert looks at him oddly. "Where do you think you're going? Get in here, weirdo."

Oh, thank fuck. He jumps on the bed, probably too excited, and Gert squeals. Chase gets under the blankets, reaching out for her, and she gladly complies, settling happily into his arms.

"I wish we could stay like this forever," he says quietly, his lips brushing against her neck. Gert doesn't respond, and he assumes she's asleep until she very lightly squeezes his hand in agreement.

It's the best sleep he's had in ages. It makes Chase wonder if he'll be able to sleep without her ever again.

~~~~~

Gert wakes up with her face tucked into her boyfriend's neck. They're cuddled up together in his bed, entangled in the best way possible. God, she could stay here for hours.

But she's on her period. So, unfortunately, she has to get up to change her pad.

Gert extracts herself from Chase's embrace with more than a little struggle, then heads to the bathroom- where a box of pads is waiting on the counter. She totally forgot he asked about that, but this is probably the sweetest thing he's ever done. Chase is so...thoughtful. Gert loves it. Well, she just loves him in general, really- not that she'd ever tell him that anytime soon.

Gert is almost ashamed to say that she's scared to tell Chase that she loves him. She knows, objectively, that it would most likely end well. But she also knows that Chase is way out of her league, and dating him in the first place was something akin to winning the lottery. So Gert isn't pushing her luck, okay?

Once she's used the bathroom and changed out, she regards herself in the mirror, trying to tame her hair at least a little. And, ugh, her mouth feels  _ gross _ . Would it be so bad to borrow his toothbrush?

Gert reaches for it, then realises there's a spanking new dry one right next to his. It's purple, and there's a neon sticky note attached to it that says  _ Gert, use this one _ .

_ Don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry. _ God, he is just  _ so  _ considerate and thoughtful and amazing and-

_ It's a toothbrush. Chill out _ . Her hormones are crazed, this isn't a big deal.

But he bought her a toothbrush, because there was a small chance Gert might stay the night, and he wanted her to be as comfortable as possible if she did. And that...that feels like a big deal.

But there's no reason to dwell on that now. So she brushes her teeth, washes her hands again, then returns to the bedroom.

Chase is still asleep, face down in the pillow as soft sunlight comes in through the blinds, little golden slashes dappling his bare back. He looks beautiful enough to photograph. Wait, she has her phone, doesn't she? Can't she just...you know...do that?

So she whips out her phone, ignoring the bajillion notifications to take a photo. Unfortunately, Gert is a dumbass and left the sound on, so there's a loud  _ click _ that could wake even the heaviest sleeper.

Chase groans to life, stretching lazily, and she takes another photo, this one coming out mildly blurred from the movement. He flops back on the bed, running a hand through his hair and giving her a sleepy grin.  _ Click.  _ "What, you a photographer now or something?"

"Yep," she teases, climbing back into bed and snuggling up against him. "But my entire portfolio is just pictures of you."

"Hmm," he says, snatching the phone out of her grip, "Sounds like you need some variety. Say cheese, babe."

With a giggly shriek, Gert slaps her hands over her face. He takes the picture anyway, then tosses the phone somewhere on the bed so he can wrap his arms around her, pulling her close with a pleased groan. She rests her cheek on his bare chest, listening to his heartbeat.  _ Tha-thunk, tha-thunk, tha-thunk, tha-thunk... _

"Thanks for letting me stay over last night," Gert says softly. "It was real nice of you."

Chase is stroking her hair absentmindedly, and it's so soothing that Gert almost wants to fall right back to sleep. "Anytime, sweetheart. Oh, hey, you brought your meds, right? You should take 'em now, just so you don't forget."

Gert groans. "I don't wanna get up, though."

His eyebrows crease. "They're only right there," he says, gesturing to the nightstand where, sure enough, her rainbow coloured pill organizer sits, right next to a neon orange Nike water bottle.

"Oh." she sits up, taking a long pull from the water bottle, then swallowing the pills with it. "Thanks. Did you put these out, or something? I'm positive I left them in my bag."

"You did, but I woke up in the middle of the night from a- I woke up in the middle of the night. And I figured, if I'm up I might as well, you know?"

Gert curls up to him again, looking at him with concern. "You could've woken me up if you were having a nightmare, Chase."

Chase blanches, then says, "Uh, thanks, but it's fine. I didn't want to bother you about it."

"Nothing you do  _ bothers _ me." How can he even think that?

Chase snorts. "What about my taste in movies? I know that bothers you. Or, how about my dancing? Come on, you can't say-"

 

"Okay, okay," Gert says, giggling. "Maybe  _ some  _ stuff bothers me."

Chase gives her a warm smile that makes Gert want to melt. She reaches up and taps him on the nose, because she's the biggest sap in the entire world, apparently. Gert never thought she'd be that type of girlfriend- the nose booping, giggling type who loves her boyfriend more than her whole self. She was never that  _ way _ when it came to relationships. But...maybe it all comes down to finding the right person. And if anybody is right for her, it's  _ definitely _ Chase.

Just because she can, Gert tilts her face up and presses her mouth to his, her palm resting against his cheek. He hums into the kiss, sliding his hand to her waist and pulling her close. It should be at least a little gross, considering how he hasn't brushed his teeth or shaved yet, but it's not. It's lazy and perfect and  _ exactly _ what she needs right now.

~~~~~

Chase loves kissing Gert. Her lips are so soft, and she always makes these perfect little noises that get stuck in his head forever. They could stay like this all day and he wouldn't have one issue with that.

But, eventually, they have to return to the real world, because his mom is calling them down for breakfast and  _ will _ come up to investigate if they don't come down soon.

So, they get sort-of ready and head downstairs, sitting at the island, where three table settings are already placed.

Mom is currently in the midst of chopping avocado while an omelet bubbles on the stove, bopping her head to the song on the radio. "You kids sleep well?"

"Better than usual, yeah," Gert says, pouring herself a tall glass of orange juice. Chase motions for it, and she hands it to him as soon as she's done. "What are you making?"

"Western bagel sandwiches, turkey instead of ham, don't worry, with sliced avocado. Also cheese, if you'd like some." Fuck, that sounds so good. Is his mouth watering? He thinks it might be.

"I'd love that, thank you."

"Me too, please. I'm, like, starved."

Mom chuckles. "You're not starved, you're just seventeen. Extra green onion, right?"

"You got it. Also, offensive! I'm a growing boy, Mom!" Beside him, Gert bursts into giggles. He turns to her and asks, "Was it something I said?"

"Nah, nah, you're good." She shakes her head, clearly not believing what she's saying.

Chase raises an eyebrow at her, but Gert just does the same back. It's on its way to becoming a silly face competition when Mom brings the food over.

They dig in, chatting aimlessly until Gert's phone dings for what seems like the twelfth time in the past five minutes and he says, "Babe, seriously, answer your phone."

Gert, as she has every other time her phone has went off since they sat down, calmly flips the phone over, sees who the message is from, then goes right back to ignoring it. "Nope. I will turn the sound off, though."

She does so, seeming annoyed, and Chase raises an eyebrow at her. "Is somebody bothering you? Who do I need to fight?"

He's only half joking, but Gert still laughs, squeezing his arm. "Nobody, nobody, Nico and Molly are both individually being...very annoying."

"Oh? How so?"

Gert sighs. "Molly keeps hounding me about homework, and Nico is being really passive aggressive, and I don't know why? I mean, it's in the group chat, she hasn't tried to talk to me privately, but she's being weird and won't explain herself. She's been like this for the past little while, actually, but, like,  _ only _ around me."

He tilts his head quizzically. "Did you say something to upset her?"

"That's the thing! I can't think of one mean word I've said to her lately! It's so  _ weird." _

Chase pats her hand comfortingly. "I'm sure things will work out."

Gert sighs, drooping like a daisy in the dead of winter. "I hope so."

~~~~~

"Can we talk?"

Gert raises an eyebrow at Nico, who looks much too determined and fiery to be in a public school atrium. "Uh, sure? What's up?"

"No, I meant, like, in private?" She's being so weird, can't she just spit it out? Jesus, you'd think bottling up whatever her issue is with Gert for the past two weeks would make her eager, but no dice.

"Uh, okay. Follow me, I guess?"

Through the crowd of kids rushing to their cars to go get takeout for lunch,  Gert leads Nico to a big tree near the edge of the quad. She plops down, and Nico hesitantly joins her, not saying anything.

Gert surveys the courtyard, bustling with teenagers wearing bright smiles to combat the cloudy sky. The weather is uncharacteristic for late May in California, but Gert is grateful for the break. The heat has definitely been getting to her, and for some reason it makes her shoulder ache whenever it gets too intense.

Nico is nervous, she can tell. Still determined, it seems, but now that they're actually about to talk, it's like she can't get the words out, or something.

Gert still doesn't know what this is about. The closest thing to a reason she can think of for Nico's sudden discomfort around her would be Gert ignoring her call on opening night, but, like, come on. It's  _ Nico _ . Why would she be so upset about that?

"So, Gert, I...."

She raises an eyebrow. "Oh, you're talking to me, now?"

"Well, I didn't  _ stop _ talking to you, I just- I've been trying to find the right words for this for like, weeks, so give me a break, okay?" She's fidgeting, fidgeting, fidgeting, and Gert still just wants to know what the hell is going on with her.

"I'm not gonna give you a break until you tell me what the fuck your problem is." Gert winces. "Sorry, that was harsh."

Nico purses her currant coloured mouth. "My  _ problem,"  _ she says, barely contained, "is that you're leading Chase on, and I'm sick of it."

_ Gertrude.exe is processing... _

_ Gertrude.exe is processing... _

_ Gertrude.exe is processing... _

"What the  _ FUCK?" _

She yells it, startling Nico and drawing the attention of half the kids on the quad, but she doesn't care. This is the wildest fucking thing anyone has ever said to her, okay? "Nico, how in the fresh fuck am I 'leading on' my  _ boyfriend?" _

"Your  _ boyfriend?" _

"My  _ boyfriend _ . We, like, told you guys  _ specifically _ in the group chat, what the fuck?"

Nico slumps back against the tree, flabbergasted. "When, exactly, did you do this?"

Gert pauses to mentally count back. "The day after our first show, I think. Remember, I texted you guys saying, ' _ me and Chase are going out now' _ ?"

She'd wanted to do it that way, she'd said, so it wasn't a big deal. Everybody would have their first reactions over text, so they didn't get bombarded come Monday. It was weird, though, because the most they got was Karolina making a half assed joke and asking,  _ oh, where? Are you seeing a movie? It's like 11AM, tho.  _ Gert had replied in kind, saying,  _ haha, we're early birds. _ And that was it. It was almost a non-event, which she was glad for.

As if coming to a particularly shocking realization, Nico's jaw drops and her eyebrows go all the way up. "Oh my god. Oh my god, we thought you were joking, oh my god!"

Gert's shoulders drop. Is it really so hard to believe that they're together? "Why would we have been joking? And, what, did you just think these past few weeks have been some elaborate prank?"

Nico winces. "I mean...sorta?"

"O-oh." She gulps, not really knowing what to do with that. Was it really so absurd to everyone that it being a prank was the only possibility? Is she really so out of his league? Like, she knew going into this that people might be a little surprised- but to go so far as to just automatically assume it was a prank? Really? "Well, um, it wasn't. Isn't. I, uh, I gotta go."

"Wait, Gert," Nico says, trying to stop her, but Gert has already stood up and grabbed her things. Out of courtesy, she turns back around.

"What?"

Seeing the look on her face, Nico snaps her mouth shut, looking regretful. "Uh, nothing...see you later."

Gert stomps off, then, against her better judgement seeing as exams are coming up, heads home. She'll tell Mom she had a flareup in her shoulder.

The Lyft drops her off, and she heads inside, hurrying up the stairs and into her bedroom, where she flops down on the bed, presses her face into a pillow, and just  _ screams. _

It isn't  _ fair _ . Why couldn't she have just been born pretty? Why couldn't she have been tall and thin and perfect instead of...this. She hates the stretch marks, and the pudginess, and the scars on her shoulder, god, she hates those so fucking much that she doesn't even wear tank tops anymore, even though it's boiling out all the time. They're so  _ ugly- she's _ so ugly. Sometimes she doesn't even know why Chase wants to be with her. And why shouldn't she? He's beautiful and bright and amazing and she's just...Gert. Gert, who never shuts up, Gert, who's on the ugly side of average, Gert, who's too bossy, too annoying, too  _ much _ .

Maybe it would be better if she just let Chase move on from her. Let herself be a tiny blip in his life instead of inevitably ripping it apart, the way she does to everyone.

She knows this a very self destructive way of thinking, but she just can't stop herself- especially since she knows that, deep down, it's the truth.

~~~~~

Gert is ignoring him, and he has no clue why. She hasn't been answering his texts, and when she does, it's monosyllabic and curt. They were supposed to get dinner last night, but she cancelled last minute, and Chase is seriously wondering- what did he do wrong?

All day today, he's been trying to catch Gert alone, but no dice. It's like she's going out of her way to avoid him. He just hopes she doesn't cancel tonight, too- he's been looking forward to this for a while.

There's a meteor shower tonight, and Gert's dad is letting them borrow his old truck so they can go out to the desert to watch. They're bringing pillows and blankets and stuff, so they can lie down in the pan of the truck and stargaze. He's excited- or, he was. Now he's just nervous Gert is going to back out.

After school, he texts her, nervous as a klutz on a tightrope.

**Are we still on for tonight?**

It takes her forever to reply, and when she does, it's only one word.

**_Sure._ **

Chase breathes a sigh of relief. Thank  _ God _ .

The thing is, with Gert, he's always a little scared she might wake up one day and decide she wants to break up. They're still so  _ new _ , not even a month yet, officially, and he loves her so much that it's hard not to be scared.

He tries not to think about that as he gets in the car, heading to her house. When he parks, Gert is already in the driveway, lining the pan of the truck with fluffy blankets.

Chase sneaks up behind her, hoping to surprise her. But, before he can, Gert turns around with a mildly disapproving look on her face. "That never works, you know."

He shrugs. "I know, but it was worth a shot."

Gert gives a small smile, but it's...sad, almost. So Chase does what he always does when she seems even the least bit upset- he hugs her.

Gert stiffens, which, weird, then relaxes, pressing her face into his chest. It's a longer hug than he expected, but he's fine with that.

He rubs his hand up and down her back, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, and Gert makes a small, miserable noise. "Are you gonna tell me what you're upset about, or am I gonna have to wheedle it out of you?"

_ "Wheedle,"  _ she says into his chest. "You sound like me."

"That wasn't an answer."

"I know."

Chase sighs. "Will you at least tell me if I've done something wrong?"

She pulls back, panicked. "What? No, of course not! This isn't-"

"Then why have you been avoiding me?" Gert goes quiet.  _ Gotcha. _

"I...let's go, now. Don't want to miss it, or anything."

He suppresses a sigh as he watches her get in the car. Of course. Chase tries very hard not to be frustrated as he climbs into the driver's side and pulls out of the driveway, flicking on the radio.

He really hates when she does this. Why can't Gert just  _ talk _ to him?

By the time they reach the desert, it's dusk, and Gert hasn't spoken more than five words to him. Everything, from the air he's breathing to the ground beneath his feet as he gets out of the truck, feels tense.

He helps her into the pan of the truck, then climbs in himself. He settles down next to her, leaning against a pillow that's been propped up against the side.

Just so they're not sitting in silence, Chase asks, "Hey, so, uh...why do you think I look like Ben Affleck?"

"What? Oh. Um." Gert turns to him, hesitantly reaching out a hand and ghosting her fingertips along his jawline. "It's in the jaw, I think. A-and the chin. But the mouth..." She grazes the pads of her fingers against his bottom lip, and his eyes flutter closed. "The mouth is all you."

Gert's fingertips fall away from his mouth, and Chase mourns the loss.

She shifts, crossing her arms and looking up at the rapidly darkening sky. He's glad they brought little lanterns, he wouldn't like to be out here in the dark.

Gert bites her lip, and god, he wants to kiss her. Chase knows that, if he really wanted to, he could just do it- but he can tell that if he kissed her right now, it might not end well.

"Who do you think I look like?" Gert asks, voice soft.

"I dunno," he says, because he truly doesn't. Gert is just...herself. She doesn't look like anybody because no one is ever going to be as breathtaking as she is- it's just not possible. "Somebody beautiful."

She scoffs. "No, seriously."

"I am serious."

Gert's brow furrows, and she purses her mouth into a complicated knot. "You can be really mean sometimes, you know."

His eyebrows go up. "Huh?"

"I just mean that you don't have to lie to make me feel better." ??????? What is she talking about????

"Gert, you're gorgeous."

Gert sighs, as if she thinks he's lying. "Come on, you have to say that. I'm all pudgy, and-"

"Hey, I like the pudge," he says, and it's true. He likes that she's stocky, and, besides, they can't  _ both _ be super athletic. God, Chase would probably die before willingly dating an athlete. He  _ is _ one, and he can assure you: athletes are the most annoying people in the entire world.

Gert blinks, caught off guard. "You- you do?"

"Of course. I like that you're all soft, you know? You give good hugs, and even though I'm a lot taller than you, I don't feel like a giant when I'm with you, which is nice." Her face softens a bit in surprise. "And, besides...I like everything about you."

Gert looks away, muttering something that sounds suspiciously like, "You shouldn't."

He nudges her so she'll look back at him, asking, "What was that?"

She gulps, as if steeling herself. "I said- I said that you shouldn't, okay? You shouldn't like me. I'm obnoxious and selfish and- and  _ ugly _ , Jesus, I don't even understand why you're even with me," she's on a roll, now, voice panicked and angry. Chase's heart is breaking. "Like, look at me and look at you,  _ seriously-" _

"What's  _ that _ supposed to mean?" Does she think that just because some people might think he's 'the attractive one' out of the two of them somehow makes him better than her? That is  _ so _ fucked up, and not at  _ all _ fair.

"It means-" her voice cracks, and it sounds like she's swallowing down a sob as she says, "It means that you shouldn't even like me, it means that you should just move on before I go and fuck you up the way I do everything-"

"That's not your  _ decision-" _

"It should be!" Fuck, they're just yelling at each other now. Chase hates this  _ so much. _

"You don't get to make that choice for me, that's not _ fair!" _

"And why the hell not? I don't even get why you're dating me in the first place-"

_ "Because I'm in love with you!"  _ Chase would have preferred to tell her that at any other time, seeing as it's way too early and they're in the middle of an argument, but it's out, now. No taking it back- not that he'd ever want to.

All the fight drains out of her. "W-what?"

"I'm dating you," he says, leaning in a bit, "because I'm in love with you, Gert Yorkes."

"You are? Why would you- why would you _ do that  _ to yourself?" She sounds almost horrified, tears streaming down her face, and it very effectively crushes his heart into tiny little pieces.

"Gert, you have got to stop acting like you're the most despicable being on the planet, okay?" God, he's crying too, now. "I'm in love with you because you're smart, and funny, and beautiful, and it's not some  _ tragedy!  _ I've- I've been in love with you since before I knew what love even meant, and it's for good reason. You're amazing, why can't you see that?"

Gert seems to be frozen in time as she just  _ stares _ at him, breathing shaky and tears still streaming down her face.  _ Please believe me please believe me I'm in love with you please believe me when I say that. _

~~~~~

Gert all but attacks him with a hug, holding on as tight as she possibly can. God, she loves him. Chase wraps his arms around her, rocking her back and forth as she presses her face into his neck and just starts  _ sobbing _ . This is so  _ embarrassing _ , she's getting him  _ soaked _ \- but she can't force herself to pull away, and Chase doesn't seem to mind. Of course he wouldn't, he loves her (!!!!????!!!!). He pulls Gert into his lap, and she twists her fingers into his shirt, feeling like she'll die if she lets go.

Once she's cried herself out, Gert looks up at him, wiping at her eyes. She's planning to say it back, she really, really, is- but then she chickens out. Her lip quivers, and oh, maybe she  _ hasn't _ cried herself out. Sounds like her.

"Hey, hey," Chase says softly, reaching to wipe gently at the stray tears still running down her face. "No more tears, okay? No more tears."

"God, I really- I really just-"  _ I came out here tonight to break up with you and I think if I had actually done that it might've been the biggest mistake I'd have ever made.  _ But she can't say that. She can't. It would shatter him, and Gert knows that, now. Knows, inarguably, that she is important to him. She takes a deep breath, and starts again. "I've gone my entire life thinking I was lesser, you know? I think that's part of why I'm so angry all the time, I guess. But when I'm- when I'm with you, I feel calm, like,  _ so _ calm. And I kept thinking:  _ I don't deserve this.  _ Because you're so  _ amazing _ , right, and I'm just  _ me-" _

Chase gently tucks a piece of hair back behind her ear, and Gert trails off, overcome by the intimacy of it.  _ I love you. _ "Gert, my love," she makes a tiny whimpering sound, because wouldn't you, if _ Chase Stein _ went and called you his 'love' like a character in a romance novel? "Being you isn't, and never will be, a bad thing. You're the girl I fell in love with, Gertrude. And you deserve  _ everything." _

Oh, Gert has to kiss him. If she doesn't kiss him right now, future Gert will be  _ extremely _ disappointed in her. 

Gert closes the short distance between them and presses her mouth to his, kissing him so intensely that even  _ she's _ surprised.

Chase hums, slipping his tongue into her mouth, and Gert's hands entangle themselves in his hair. His hand slides down, down,  grabbing at her ass, a little rough but oh so good. Gert moans into the kiss, tightening her hands in his hair. She shifts in his lap to straddle him properly, and her brain is just complete mush right now. Gert can't wrench her mind away from the feeling of his lips on hers, the feeling of their bodies moving together, fitting like the last two pieces of a thousand piece puzzle. She doesn't know how much time has passed, and honest to fuck, she could not care any less if you paid her.

Gert tugs at the hem of his t-shirt, wanting it  _ off _ , and Chase pulls back from her to yank it over his head and toss it as fast as he possibly can. She blows out a breath at what she sees, dragging her fingers down his bare chest. "Enjoying the view?"

"Don't be smug," she says, pressing a kiss to his jaw, "it doesn't suit you."

She starts mouthing her way down his neck, and Chase moans, starting to undo the buttons of her shirt, and-  _ no _ .  _ No, no, no _ . He  _ cannot _ see her scars.

Gert grabs his hand and moves it to a safe spot on her waist, but he must feel how tense she is because he asks, "What's wrong?"

She gulps. "Nothing."

Chase's brow furrows. "Gert..."

"I just, um," her voice is so small that she's not sure Chase can even hear her. "I have scars. From the accident. And they're kind of ugly, so..."

"Who said that, though?" Chase asks, knowing the answer will be  _ nobody, just me myself and I. _ Why does Chase have to know her so well?

Gert sighs. "They're just. Bad. I don't like them."

Chase ghosts his fingertips over her shoulder, no doubt imagining the scars that plague it. "Can I...can I see?"

"Why would you  _ want _ to?"

He gives her a warm, genuine smile. "Because nothing is ever as bad as we've convinced ourselves it is."

Gert scoffs, blushing. "Okay, Winnie The Pooh."

"Aw, come on," he says, teasing, "I am  _ clearly _ Tigger."

She huffs a laugh. "Sure, sure. Do you...do you still want to see?" He nods. Alrighty then. "Okay, just...don't be surprised if it grosses you out."

"Gert, nothing about you is gross."

Still blushing, Gert rolls her eyes at him as she starts unbuttoning her top. "Yeah, yeah."

She undoes the last button, then very hesitantly tugs it the rest of the way off. Damn, is she glad she wore a bra tonight- and a good one, too- Calvin Klein and triangular in nature, made of lacy white fabric that she  _ knows _ Chase is going to be weak for. It was half the reason she bought this bra in the first place.

Chase trails the pads of his fingertips over her scarred shoulder. "Does it hurt?"

She shakes her head. "Most of it is just muscle pain, now. So...what do you think?"

Chase leans in and presses a soft kiss to one of the scars, then another, then another, then another.  _ Oh _ . He mouths his way up her neck, then whispers into her ear, "Is that a good enough answer for you?"

She whimpers an answer that could be considered a yes in some languages, and Chase catches her lips in his once more, the slow slide of their mouths moving against each other being enough for Gert to want him to just  _ take her _ .

Chase moves his hand up to just below her breast, framing it with his thumb and forefinger. He seems to be testing the waters, but Gert is wholly ready to take the plunge, so she covers his hand with hers and guides it over her breast. He starts to palm at it, running his thumb lightly over her still covered nipple in a way that makes her gasp for air.

With his other hand, Chase taps at the button of her jeans, asking for permission, and Gert makes a high pitched  _ uh-huh _ sound, unwilling to pull away.  _ One handed _ , God, Chase unbuttons her jeans, then slowly pulls down the zipper.  _ Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, is this really happening? _

Chase snakes a hand into her jeans, cautious but steady, and makes a small, surprised noise in the back of his throat. She's about to ask why, but, as he starts moving his fingers in slow circles around her clit, the question dies on her tongue and gets replaced by a high pitched keen. She's realizing his surprise was probably at how wet she is, and, honestly, Gert is also a bit surprised at the level of her arousal.

Gert's mind clouds over from pleasure as Chase touches her, unable to do much more than press her face into his neck, whimpering and moaning as he does his best to give her the most fantastic orgasm of her life. She gave up on continuing to kiss him when he slowly sank his fingers inside of her- it was just too much. It's still too much, God, if they go much further than this, she's not gonna be able to walk properly tomorrow. Although, Gert can't say she'd mind much.

"Holy fuck, don't stop,  _ don't stop,"  _ she all but begs as Chase curls his fingers inside of her. She's on the edge, now, and Chase seems to know it, from the way he starts kissing up her neck again. He stops at that really sensitive spot just below her ear, sucking a hickey there, and  _ that's _ when she comes, biting down on his shoulder to keep herself from screaming.

"O-okay, you- you can stop, now," she says hoarsely as she comes down from the high, and Chase very slowly pulls his hand away. God, why hadn't they been doing this before?

He gives her a lopsided smile. "Good?"

"'Good' doesn't even begin to describe it, holy shit." She shifts in his lap, and, yep, that's a boner. Unsurprising. But now Chase is looking at her with what can only be described as bedroom eyes, and Gert realizes she has two choices here:

    * Stop now, wait longer to do this, and enjoy the meteor shower that's set to start soon.
    * Have sex with her boyfriend, for what is technically the first time, in the pan of a truck in the middle of the desert.



Can you guess which one she's choosing?

Gert rests her forehead against his, closing her eyes to just  _ be _ with him for a moment. Other than the low buzz of nearby cicadas and the chirping of a few grasshoppers, it's quiet. For now.

"Do you want to?" She asks softly, and Chase starts to say yes- only to interrupt himself with a groan.

"You're gonna think I'm an idiot, but I didn't bring protection." Oh, how typical. Good thing Gert is prepared.

Because she's nothing if not an overthinker, Gert had brought her emergency kit, which, yes, includes condoms, shoving it behind a pillow in the corner. She climbs off his lap to go and retrieve it, digging it out from beneath a mound of pillows and holding it up for him to see. "I did, don't worry."

Chase gives her a warm look, then scoots over to her side, close as he can possibly be. He leans in, kissing her soft and sweet. His hand- which was probably very hastily wiped off, and that should gross her out, but it doesn't- goes to the side of her neck. Everything about this- about  _ him _ \- is so gentle that it makes her ache.

It's not long until clothes are coming off, tossed in this or that direction until they're both hardly wearing anything; and Chase is laying her down against the pile of pillows so he can position himself in between her bare legs.

When Chase pushes into her, Gert swears she sees stars. As he starts thrusting inside of her, she blinks a few times, and realizes that the celestial vision hadn't just been fuelled by pleasure- the meteor shower has started.

"Chase,  _ oh, god _ , Chase, look up, the-  _ holy motherfucking shit- _ the meteor shower's started."

He glances up for a moment, then continues to thrust into her, picking up the pace. Gert's fingers tighten in his hair as he does so, and he says, "Pretty, but this is,  _ fuck _ , this is better."

"I'm not disagreeing," she breathes, nearly overcome with pleasure. Gert turns her face up to the sky, watching the stars streak across the inky black. Probably taking advantage of the distraction, Chase snakes a hand between them and starts rubbing at her clit, and, "Oh,  _ God." _

"Actually," Chase teases, lifting his head from where he was peppering kisses over her breasts to give her a smug smile, "It's Chase. But I see where you got confused."

Lazily, she flicks him on the side of the head, and Chase huffs a laugh. "You're annoying."

"Am I? Am I annoying?" He asks, then does- God, she's so fucking overcome that she can't even describe it, but trust that it's so amazingly fantastic that she can't help but  _ scream _ .

Gert comes, and for the second time that night wonders why that hadn't been doing this since, like, they both admitted to liking each other.

Chase finishes moments later, pulling out and flopping off of her, blowing out a breath. He pulls off and ties the condom, then,  _ ew,  _ throws it as far away from the truck as he can.

Gert lets out a disgusted laugh. "Oh my god, what if somebody finds that?"

Chase shrugs. "Then they're scarred for life. Sucks to suck."

She huffs a laugh, resting her head on his shoulder. "You're so  _ weird." _

He grabs one of the blankets, laying it over top of them as he says, "Yeah, well, you're dating me, so who's the real weirdo in this situation?"

Gert rolls her eyes good-naturedly. "Still you."

Chase wraps an arm around her waist, and she settles against his chest, the both of them looking up at the last dregs of the meteor shower together. "Maybe," he says softly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Maybe."

~~~~~

Chase is trying to get his girlfriend to play footsie with him, but Gert, who hates fun, apparently, is  _ not _ having it. Like, he knows that they're at Gert's house to study. He knows Karolina, Nico, Molly, and Alex are probably annoyed by his antics by now. But still.

It's just...Chase can't study. He is absolutely horrific at it. It wasn't always like this- or maybe it was, and he didn't notice because all he had to do to ace a test was look over the notes for fifteen minutes. But now that he's been in high school, he's realizing that studying is hellish and awful and the worst thing Ever. Even with Gert's color-coordinated cue cards- woah, alliteration much?

Gert looks so pretty today. She always does, really, but today it's, like, magnified. She's wearing a cream coloured ribbed sweater, her ever present charm bracelet, and a denim skirt that's buttoned all the way down, the aforementioned buttons big and brass coloured. Her hair is pulled back in a sparkly orange scrunchie, which, yes, is adorable.

Chase playfully kicks at her again, and she glares at him, then goes back to chewing on her pencil as she studies.  _ Cute. _

"Do you kids want snacks?" Gert's mom asks, meandering into the kitchen with a heavy looking box in her arms. She seems to be struggling with it, so Chase stands, taking it from her and putting it on the counter gently. "Oh, thank you."

"No problem," he says, sitting back down. "And snacks would be great, Mrs. Yorkes."

Gert's mom rolls her eyes good-naturedly, then reaches over to ruffle his hair. "I told you, it's Stacey."

"Right, right, sorry Mrs-  _ Stacey.  _ Sorry,  _ Stacey." _

"You're forgiven," she says, and a minute later there's a bowl of puppy chow on the table- the snack, not the dog food.

"Oh, hell yeah," Nico says, emerging from hyper-focus mode to grab a handful and shove it in her mouth. Through chewing, she says, "I fucking love this shit."

"First of all," Karolina says, "chew with your mouth closed. Second of all, don't curse around the baby."

"Karolina, I am literally going to kill you," Molly says hotly.

"Why? You're the baby, it's been established," Alex teases, which is a bad idea seeing as Molly is right next to him, and- yep, she just punched him. "Ow!"

"Ah, the sweet sounds of karma in the afternoon," Gert says, and Chase snorts.

"Hey, come on, give me some masculine solidarity, here," Alex says, and Chase huffs a laugh.

"'Masculine solidarity'? Man, do not even try it, Wilder."

Alex screws up his face at him, and Chase does the same back, then goes back to making an attempt at studying. Halfway through a paragraph about the war of 1812, he catches Gert gazing at him with a soft look in her eye.

_ What?  _ he mouths, but she just gives him a small smile, one of her warm ones where her eyes crinkle up in the corners.

_ Nothing _ , she mouths, her strawberry coloured lips framing and twisting the word until it seems to become something else entirely. Chase doesn't know what it is she's got on (lipgloss, maybe? Or, like, a stain type of deal? Hm) but god, does it make him want to kiss it all off.

He raises an eyebrow.  _ It doesn't seem like nothing. _

Gert winks at him, and his heart stutters.  _ God. _

Chase rips a page out of his notebook, scribbling,  _ do you want to go make out? YES/BIG YES, _ and sliding it across the table in her direction. Gert unfolds it, laughs, then refolds it, sticking it in between the pages of the novel at the end of the table. It's thick, and it's clear that she's in the middle of reading it. Wait, does that mean she saves all the other dumb notes he gives her?

Chase pouts at her. "You're crushing my dreams here, babe."

"Aww, poor baby, being forced to study and pass his exams like a good boy."

_ Good boy. _ Chase makes a surprised, squeaking kind of sound, then slaps his hand over his mouth.  _ Good Boy good boy GOOD BOY- _

Gert smiles like the devil. "You okay?"

He nods, frantic, and beside him, Nico snorts. "Oh, my god."

"Shut  _ up _ , Nico."

"Wait," Karolina asks. "What's going on?"

Alex snickers. "It seems that Chase has a-"

"Alex, I will literally rip your fucking balls off if you finish that sentence in front of Molly."

Alex raises an amused eyebrow. "So, I'm right, then?"

"Shut  _ up!" _

"OKAY," Molly yells, slamming her hands down on the table. "IT'S TIME TO STOP!"

Everyone goes silent, horrified by the idea that Molly would actually know what they're talking about.  _ Gross. _

The hours pass, and, after scarfing down two whole boxes of pizza, they all start to pack up to go home. Even Chase- Mom said they should watch a movie tonight, and he's looking forward to it.

And then the lights go out.

He hears someone shriek, and- oh, that was Nico, the big baby. Probably hanging off Karolina like a bat right now- not that he can see her in the dim lighting.

"Oh, what the fuck?" Someone says, and a second later it registers that it was Molly.

"Language, Molls. Gert?" It was getting dark, anyway, and with the lights out it's hard to see much. Jeez, he knew the weather was kind of shitty, but not  _ this _ bad. Maybe there was a freak shortage at the same time- which is just the worst kind of luck, seriously.

"Here," she says, voice wavering, and he follows the sound of her voice to grab at her hand.

"Are there flashlights around?" Alex asks, and that's when the glare of a frankly huge flashlight shines into the kitchen.

"Hey, kids, how we doing?" Dale asks, his face creepily lit up, and he hears Nico make another shrieking sound.

"We're okay, I think," Karolina says, a pink tinted flashlight starting to glow in the grip of her hand. She must've had it in her pocket.

"Alright, that's good," Stacey says, coming up behind Dale in the doorway, and Nico makes another noise, spooked. It's kind of funny that she would be so scared of a little darkness, but he won't say anything, for Gert's sake. Her grip on his hand is tight and almost crushing, and he wonders why he never knew she was so scared of the dark.

"So, what's the game plan, here, guys?" Alex asks. "Drive home, or-"

_ "No one _ is driving home in this," Gert says intensely. "You'll stay here, we're not making your parents drive in this, either." Her grip on his hand tightens, and Chase knows she's doing this to keep them out of the possibility of a car accident. Jesus, the fact that that's something she even has to think about breaks his heart a little.

"Yeah, guys, it'll be fun! We could have a sleepover in the living room, like we used to when we were little," Chase says, acting more positive than he is, and Gert squeezes his hand gratefully.

"Oh, that sounds great!" Karolina says, sounding genuinely excited. "Nico, doesn't that sound great?"

Nico grumbles a response, then, seeming like she just got elbowed, says, "Ouch, Karolina! And, uh, yeah, sounds awesome. We could tell ghost stories or something- but I'm borrowing pyjamas, there's no way I'm sleeping in this."

Turns out, other than the people, who, you know, live here, Chase is the only one who doesn't need to borrow pyjamas. Gert had some of his old clothes lying around, from various 'borrowings', and they scrounge up a pair of pyjamas for him out of that. Gert refuses to part with a growing pile of his sweatshirts, though.

"You don't need them," she grumbles as she turns away from him and starts stripping. They're alone in her room, and Chase is having a very hard time not getting turned on right now.

"Yeah, but they're still mine." He's just bickering for the sake of bickering. Chase would probably part with his entire wardrobe to make Gert happy.

Gert turns to look at him over her shoulder, her forearm covering her bare chest. "And, what, you want them back?"

She tilts her head in that way of hers, sultry and knowing, like she can just tell the exact type of dirty thoughts he's having. Chase lets out a shaky breath. "N-no, you keep 'em."

"Well, if you say so." She pulls on one of the aforementioned sweatshirts, and it's so big that you almost can't tell she's wearing shorts under it. "Ready to go?"

Chase nods, and she starts towards the door, but before Gert can leave, he grabs her hand and pulls her back to him. She lets out a little giggle in surprise, lifting her chin to look up at him.

He leans down and kisses her, soft and tender, and Gert makes a happy little noise in the back of her throat, then pulls back. "Come on, we're gonna watch a movie on Alex's laptop, remember?"

"Or..."

"Nope, no 'or', we are not being that couple, no way." She tugs him by the hand out of her room and into the hallway, and he groans good-naturedly.

"We could be, though. Just this once?" It's a long shot, anyway, but the look Gert gives him really shoots down the idea.

"Just this once what?" Karolina asks from the doorway to the living room. She's wearing too short pyjama pants, fluffy and patterned with sleepy sheep on a blue background. Both the pants and the shirt she's wearing-  _ Are Your Cats Old Enough To Learn About Jesus?  _ seem to be borrowed from Molly.

"Nothing, Kar. Cute shirt."

Jokingly, Karolina gestures vainly to herself and says, "Why, thank you, Gertie. This shirt was given to me by an heiress on my last visit to Switzerland, she said she just  _ loved _ my 'feminine energy'."

Gert throws her head back in a laugh, and they head into the living room, where Molly and Nico are lighting candles all around the room, and Alex is having a fight with his laptop on the couch. Chase plops down beside him, and Gert disappears for a minute, returning with a bag of hot Cheetos in her hands.

She drops it onto the coffee table, then shivers dramatically. " _ Brr _ , I'm cold."

Alex gives her a look that's so judgemental that he can see it, even in the dim lighting. It's brightening up a ways, though, now that the girls are lighting the candles. "Can't you just, you know, put on long pants?"

 

"Hmm, I guess, but then I couldn't do this:" 'this' being plopping into Chase's lap and cuddling up to him, saying, " _ Brr _ , Chase, I'm cold."

He wraps his arms around her middle, hooking his chin over her shoulder. "Aww, babe, don't worry." Chase presses a kiss to her cheek, and Gert giggles. "I'll warm you up."

Gert scrunches her nose up at him. "You're a goofball."

"Hm, yeah, but you're dating me, so..." he trails off, remembering last Saturday night, when he said something similar in a  _ very _ different context. Gert blushes, likely thinking the same thing.

Beside them, Alex makes a frustrated noise, and they both turn to look at him. His eyes go wide. "Sorry, sorry, that wasn't at- um, I know it seemed like- my computer is being shitty. Sorry." Alex takes a steadying breath, then says, "Also, not that it's any of my business, but I've made my peace with you guys dating. No need to worry about me."

 

Chase feels Gert relax against him, and he gives Alex a thankful smile. The grin he gets back is kind of awkward, but there's no malice to it.

"Wait," Karolina says from where she's standing behind the couch. "You guys are dating?"

Everyone but him lets out a collective groan.  _ Huh? _ "Nico," Gert says accusingly, "I thought you told her!"

 

"I did!"

 

"I thought it was part of the joke! I'm sorry!" Karolina says, but Gert just glares at her.

"Really? You, too?" Gert sighs, setting back against him.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait," Chase says, confused. "I thought you guys knew?"

 

"They thought it was a joke," Gert grumbles, and... _ what?  _ Wait, is that why she was freaking out last weekend? Because everyone thought them being together was a  _ joke? _

_ "What? _ Why in the fuck would you guys think that?"

"I would like to say that I knew from the start," Alex says.

"Me, too, because I actually have a brain on my shoulders," Molly says, crossing her arms. "Unlike these walnuts and half the drama club."

 

"H-half?" He looks to Gert, who seems very, very annoyed.

"Yeah, half, because apparently the idea we could ever be together is just a laugh and a fucking half for-" Gert shuts her mouth, taking a shaky breath. "Sorry. Sorry."

 

"No," Nico says, coming to sit in between them and Alex on the couch. She puts a hand on Gert's knee, waiting until she looks at her to say,  _ "I'm _ sorry. I should have never just assumed that, it wasn't fair. And after you told me, I made sure everyone else knew- I even told Ms. Dumbass over there, but apparently..."

 

Karolina reaches over and flicks her girlfriend on the temple. "You're a jerk, you know that?"

Nico sticks out her tongue cheekily. "You love me."

"Yeah," Karolina says dreamily, her face softening. "I do."

Hours later, Chase falls asleep to rolling thunder and Gert curled up against his chest. The rest of their friends are spread out across the living room, Nico and Karolina in the armchair and Alex and Molly in separate spots on the floor- Gert claimed the couch for the two of them. He sleeps dreamlessly, and wakes up the next morning to....Gert having disappeared.

Well, not disappeared. Chase can hear the radio from the kitchen, and it's that soft rock station she always makes him put on when he picks her up for school, so he's pretty certain of his girlfriend's whereabouts.

Chase stands, groaning and stretching as he meanders into the kitchen. Gert is at the stove, bathed in morning sunlight as she cracks an egg into the pan. For a while, he just watches her, leaning against the doorway and wondering how he got so lucky.

"You gonna help, or are you just gonna stare?" Gert asks, and Chase ambles over to her, wrapping his arms around her middle and hooking his chin over her shoulder.

"Good morning," he says, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

Gert wrinkles her nose. "Good morning, your breath stinks." She reaches up to the windowsill, plucking a leaf from one of the potted plants that sit there. "Here, eat that."

Chase shoves it in his mouth, chewing on it. It's weirdly refreshing. "Is this mint? Why are you giving me mint?"

"It is mint, and I'm giving it to you so I didn't have to endure your gross morning breath when I kiss you." Before he can even process that, Gert turns her head and presses her lips to his, soft and sweet.

Chase tries to take it further, pulling her close, but Gert separates from him to say, a little out of breath, "I have to- I have to finish breakfast."

She goes back to what she was doing, flustered as she continues making the omelet.  _ Hmm,  _ he thinks. _ I can work with this. _

Chase starts mouthing his way up her neck, and Gert whimpers, high pitched and needy. He smirks, then starts sucking a hickey into a spot below her ear that Chase knows drives her absolutely wild.

Gert lets out a soft moan, but perseveres, folding over the omelet, even though the hand holding the spatula is shaking. As she slides it onto the plate, Chase slips his hand up her thigh and under the hem of her (frankly, too tiny to be legal) shorts.

"Okay, that's it," Gert says, flicking off the burner and turning around, grabbing his face in her hands and kissing him hard.

Chase smiles into the kiss, pleased that he got what he wanted as he pulls her close. He slides his hand down, squeezing lightly and thanking every god out there for the invention of Victoria's Secret, and specifically Victoria's Secret loungewear. Seriously, whoever came up with these things needs a raise.

Gert moans, and he walks her into the counter near the stove, shoving what little that rests there out of the way so he can heft her up onto it.

She laughs into his mouth, saying hoarsely, "I love when you do that."

"I know." Gert laughs again, and it's the best sound in the world.

The worst sound in the world, just now taking the number one spot, is someone loudly clearing their throat from the doorway. They spring away from each other, embarrassed as Chase turns around and Gert hops off the counter to face...Molly. Oh, shit.

Gert wipes at her mouth, blushing. "Don't tell Mom?"

"And why not?"

"Uh..." Gert trails off, scrambling for an idea. "Because if you do, I'll tell her that last time you and Klara went out, instead of going to see the new Avengers movie, you went to an EDM concert."

"How do you even-"

"Because you stole my shoes, and when you returned them the ticket stub was stuck to the bottom. Deal?"

Molly groans. "Deal. I'm gonna go get changed, make me a western."

Gert nods, then goes back to making breakfast. Chase begrudgingly helps, pouting the entire time.

A while later, the rest of the Scooby Gang shuffles in, enticed by the delicious smell of Gert's cooking. Chase sets the table, getting out condiments and pouring up drinks as requested. As Gert hands him Karolina's plate, he says, "I feel like your sous-chef."

Gert giggles, pecking him on the cheek. "Cutest sous-chef I've ever heard of."

He laughs, then brings Karolina her plate, who immediately starts to devour it. She must've been really hungry, damn.

Once everyone else has been served, he and Gert sit down at the table, digging in. It feels good, to be with his friends this way. Not just good-  _ right _ . It feels  _ right _ . Like this is how they should always be, and how they should've always been.

Absentmindedly, Gert tucks her hand into his, squeezing it lightly as she tells Karolina about the book she's been reading. Chase grins at her, and she catches his eye, smiling back before returning to her conversation. Yeah- right is definitely the correct word.

~~~~~

Gert is officially done with eleventh grade. She's emptied her locker, cleaned out her office, and returned all her books. Done. Donezo. Never to be seen again- or, at least, not for another three months.

She walks out the doors, feeling free as a bird- and then crashes into Eiffel, almost making her fall to the ground. Gert is quick, though, grabbing her by the hand and helping her stand upright in her sky high heels. They're really cute, actually- Gert is kind of jealous.

"Sorry, Heather." They never really stopped using that nickname, even if it's said a lot more lovingly, now. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." She grins, and Gert is stuck by just how much happier Eiffel seems to be since the start of the year. "Hey, are you going to Vicky's party tonight? I hear it's gonna be wild."

Gert rolls her eyes. "Victor's parties are  _ always _ wild. And...I'm not sure." She'd heard about the party, but she'll have to ask Chase if he wants to come, so it's hit or miss. Gert really hates going to parties alone-  _ especially _ Victor's parties.

"Well, me and Andy are gonna be there, so if you do decide to come, we'll see you there. Oh, that's my ride, see ya!" She dashes off, hopping on the back of a sick looking motorcycle. The girl driving it gives Gert a salute, and she awkwardly waves back as they drive off.

"Damn. Cool ride," Chase says as he steps up beside her. Without thinking about it, Gert grabs his hand, entwining their fingers.

"I know, right? Hey, are we going to Victor's party?"

Chase shrugs. "If you want to. Everybody else is going."

They start making their way to his car, and Gert asks, "So, is that a yes or a no?"

"I dunno." Chase must see the look on her face, the one that's yelling, _ make a decision make a decision make a decision,  _ because he says, "Uh, we should go. It'll be fun, I think- as long as you can handle your liquor."

"Pfft, I could drink you under the table."

"Oh, could you?"

They reach the car, and as she's getting in she says, "Absolutely. And, besides, you're an emotional drunk. Sappy and easy to beat."

He starts the car, considering this. "You're not wrong. Although, I do wonder how you know that."

"Uh..." Gert stalls, wondering if she should tell this story. "Last year we ended up at the same party and you like...cried all over me? You were like...really, really drunk, but you were blubbering apologies and shit. Nothing really came of it, though. I think you might've forgot it even happened."

She didn't, though. For at least a month afterwards, Gert couldn't even look him in the eye. At a certain point, she forced herself to forget that night entirely- she doesn't know why she can remember it so clearly now. God, she even remembers the clothes she was wearing, and the song that was playing, and how Chase smelled- like grass and vodka and  _ boy _ .....

_ ***** _

_ Gert didn't really want to be at this party. _

_ It wasn't her type of party- too loud and rambunctious for her liking. But everyone else had really wanted to go, Alex especially, and Gert was trying not to be a stick in the mud, just this once. _

_ Turned out, even at one of the craziest parties of the year, Gert could still manage to be the most boring person there. She was sitting in the corner, watching her drunk classmates clumsily bump and grind on what could generously be called the dance floor. Her nostrils were clogged with what seemed to be a cloud of vape juice and cigarette smoke, with a healthy dose of the 'burning dog shit' smell weed always seemed to have, you know, just for funsies. Jesus, this sucked. Gert got all dressed up for nothing. Well, she said dressed up, but she didn't know if her black jean jacket-burgundy crushed velvet dress-shitkickers combo counted as dressed up. Eiffel laughed at her really condescendingly as soon as she walked in, looking perfect as always, so she still wasn't sure if she looked stupid or not. _

_ Gert took another sip of her cooler, not sure whether or not she liked it or not. Karolina has told her that alcohol is an acquired taste, but Karolina also thought that chocolate milk came from brown cows, so Gert wasn't liable to trust most of the things that came out of her mouth. She knew that was a little unfair- Karolina was a smart girl, even claiming math as her favourite subject. But, boy, oh, boy, was she oblivious. _

_ Like now, for example. Her and Nico were chatting on the other side of the room, Nico flirting like a maniac, and Karolina still wasn't making a move. Dumbass. _

_ Gert sighed, thinking,  _ **_maybe I should just call a Lyft. Nobody really wants me here, anyways._ ** _ She resolved to stay until this song finished-  _ **_Midway_ ** _ by Bad Bad Hats was too much of a jam to leave right as it was starting. _

_ And then Chase Stein popped into her field of vision. _

_ He looked miserable, gripping a half empty bottle of vodka in his hand as his eyes darted around the room, desperately seeking someone out and finally landing on...her. For a long moment, they just looked at each other, and Gert finally realized why it was called eye  _ **_contact_ ** _. _

_ Chase started to slowly make his way towards her, seeming as if he had seen a ghost. When he reached her, he sat down next to her on the couch, seeming both tired and sad. "Hey, Gert." _

_ "H-hi." She wanted to be angry, wanted to yell at him everything she'd been dying to say for the past year and a half-  _ **_you're an asshole_ ** _ , and  _ **_I hate you,_ ** _ and the most embarrassing:  _ **_why did you leave me?_ ** _ But she couldn't muster up the strength. _

_ "You having fun?" _

_ "Not really," she said, because she wasn't, and Gert didn't like lying, even to people who deserved to be lied to. "You?" _

_ Chase sighed. "I never have fun at these things. They all suck, and no one ever wants to talk to me." _

_ Gert rolled her eyes. "Wow, wish I knew how that felt." _

_ He winced. "Sorry, I'm an asshole." _

_ "Gasp, Chase Stein gets something right, for once. Ladies and gentleman, a round of applause?" He laughed, and Gert hated herself for how good it made her feel. _

_ Chase gave her a small, melancholic smile, and her heart started fluttering. "I really miss you." _

 

_ "Y-you do?" _

_ Like it was nothing, like it was something they did on the daily, like they were still  _ **_friends_ ** _ , Chase leaned his head on her shoulder. "All the time." _

_ Flustered, Gert asked, "What do you miss?" _

_ "Your voice. I miss that the most. I miss the way you talk, and the way you say my name, and how passionate you are, Jesus. And...I miss being  _ **_friends_ ** _ with you. Real friends. I miss our old fort behind your house, and how you'd always eat, like, half of my sundae whenever we got ice cream, and I miss your hugs, and all those dumb nicknames you gave me, God, I'd give anything to be called 'Talkback' just one more time...." he trailed off, as if realizing he'd told her too much. _

_ Gert was so shocked that all she could spit out was, "That's- that's not  _ **_fair._ ** _ " _

_ Chase sniffled, curling closer to her. Gert couldn't make herself pull away. "I know," he said into her shoulder, crying like a child who lost his Mommy in the grocery store. "I know it isn't." _

_ ***** _

Gert shakes herself out of the memory as Chase says, "You're right, I don't remember it. But I'm sorry, anyways."

Gert shrugs. "It's nothing. Happened a long time ago."

Chase gives her a long look. "We don't have to talk about it, Gertrude...but it's not nothing."

~~~~~

When Gert answers the door, Chase nearly forgets how to breathe.

The top she's wearing is flouncy and sunset coloured, the deep V dipping all the way down to her sternum in a wide arch from collarbone to collarbone. A thin gold chain is nestled between her breasts, weighed down by a star shaped pendant, and, God, she totally isn't wearing a bra right now. Holy  _ fuck _ . Her skirt is made of dark denim, but it's short enough and lenient enough that sticking his head under it to eat her out probably wouldn't be too much of an issue, accessibility wise.

"Hey, babe," Gert says knowingly. She runs her fingertips down the length of the chain, clearly enjoying the way he's watching them slip down between her breasts, and then right back up.  _ Down, up, down, up, down, up _ \- "You ready to go?"

"Yeah," Chase says dreamily, not really knowing what he's responding to.

"Great!" And then she's pushing past him, walking to his car purposefully. For as long as he can get away with it, Chase stares at her backside as she walks away, admiring its shape. He only stops when Gert catches him, turning around as she opens the door to his car and winking at him, just before she hops into the passengers seat.

Chase shakes himself out of his sex filled daydreams and makes his way to the car, getting in and starting up the ignition with a roar. Gert flinches at the sound, and as he pulls out of the driveway, he says, "Sorry."

"No, no, it's fine. My hearing is just a little-" she makes a quick gesture around her left ear, "a little weird, today. It's like that sometimes."

"From the concussion, right?" Chase has had quite a few concussions in his time, so he knows all the intricacies of them in an unfortunately intimate way. Gert nods. "Do you still want to go, then? We could just do something else, if you're...."

"No, no, it's fine. It's not that big of a deal." He raises an eyebrow at her. "No, seriously, I feel fine, don't go all worry wart on me. Now, watch the road."

He shrugs and does as she says, and a while later they're pulling up to Victor's property. It's already in full swing, kids messing around on the front lawn, and as soon as he steps out of the car, he can hear splashing from the pool in the backyard.

Chase makes his way around the front of the car so he can open the door for Gert. She gets out, seeming amused as she hooks her arm through his. "And they say chivalry is dead."

Chase shrugs, and they walk in together arm and arm.

An hour passes, and then two, and while Chase would like to say he's enjoying himself, he's not actually sure if he is or not. He's never really been to a party where he wasn't at least a little tipsy- he's driving Gert home, so, no alcohol for him- and it's...different. But maybe different is good. At least he's not zoning out of every conversation, now.

He lost Gert a few minutes ago, and he's searching through the crowd when he hears somebody yell, "Hey, Stein! Get over here, asshole!"

He turns in the direction of the voice, finding one of the more moral guys from Lacrosse waving at him wildly. Jamie is still an asshole, but as far as Chase knows he's just, like, a normal asshole. Loud and chaotic instead of bigoted predator, if you know what he means.

"Hey, man," Chase says, slapping his held out hand in a high five, "How you doing?"

"Great, great- hey, I hear your dating that purple haired chick now, is that true?"

Chase nods, grinning. "Yeah- and her name's Gert, Jay."

"Oh, right! Sorry, I don't really know her all that well. She's hot, though." Chase fights the urge to get angry, because Gert is so much more than that- but Jamie is drunk, and probably means well. Probably.

"Uh, yep, she sure is that. Although, I'd prefer it if you didn't talk about her that way." He says it as politely as possible, and Jamie sucks in a breath through his teeth.

"Sorry. Ooh, what's going on over here?" He drags Chase in the direction of a group of people standing around a table, cheering on the person lying on top of it. Oh, fuck, body shots. Right, okay, Chase needs to get out of here,  _ now- _

"Ay, yo, Stein!!" Shit. "Come over here, man, you're perfect for this!"  _ No, I'm not, I have a girlfriend. _

Despite his best protests, Chase gets tugged forward. "Guys, I have a girlfriend-"

"Hi, aforementioned girlfriend, here," Gert says, popping out of nowhere with a colourful drink in her hand and an amused smile across her face. "I say go for it."

He gives her a weird look, but Gert just shrugs back, clearly thinking this is hilarious.

Alright, then. Body shots it is.

Chase tugs off his shirt and hops on the table, lying down. He's done these before, but he's still not used to how weird tequila feels when it's pooled the divots of his abs, or the itchy sprinkle of sea salt up his chest- not to mention the slice of lime between his teeth.

There's some sort of argument over who gets to do it, and then somebody yells, "Hey, purple chick!"

Oh, this should be fun.

Gert steps up to the table, looking like she knew this would be the outcome all along. She gives him a sly smile, then, once given the go ahead, leans down and starts sucking tequila from the divots between his abs, pressing little kisses here and there whenever she feels like it. Her hand rests on his upper thigh, and as she sucks the last of the tequila off his stomach, Chase hopes desperately that she doesn't notice how tight his pants are.

Gert winks at him, then flattens her tongue against his sternum and drags it up, up, up, catching every last grain of salt and swallowing audibly, making eye contact the whole time.  _ Oh, Heavenly Mother, please give me the strength- _

Gert hovers above his mouth, hesitating, then slowly leans down and catches the slice of lime in her teeth. Chase legitimately cannot breathe right now.

She winks at him again, knowing what she's done, then stands, the slice of lime still between her teeth. There's drunken cheering from around the circle, and Chase sits up, tugging his shirt back on and hopping off the table.

There's some more cheering, but Chase can't hear it, too distracted by how tight his pants feel. He grabs Gert by the arm and starts dragging her in the direction of the nearest dark corner.

Chase pushes her against the wall and kisses her as intensely as he can manage, eliciting a soft moan from his-  _ tantalizing, torturous, all consuming-  _ girlfriend. He slips his tongue into her mouth, somehow becoming even more aroused at the feeling of that damned tongue ring. His hand slides down to the back of her thigh, and Gert hitches her leg around his hip, pulling him closer.

For a while, Chase loses track of his surroundings, only able to focus on her and her alone. It's easy, really, when you're making out with the hottest girl at the party- and she also happens to be your girlfriend.

Gert pulls back a bit to ask breathlessly, "Do you want to get out of here?"

Chase is already nodding, and she pulls away from him, only to grab his hand and start dragging him towards the door.

They head outside, arm and arm. Chase makes a dumb joke as they head out to the car, not really expecting it to land, but Gert cracks up, laughing so hard that she starts to lean against him heavily.

His eyebrows go up. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good, I'm great," she says airily, clearly not either of those things. Chase is beginning to think that the alcohol is starting to kick in, because she's looking at him all goofily, and she keeps giggling. Yeah, there's definitely something going on here.

 

"You don't seem great, babe. You seem like you need a glass of water and a nap." As horny as he is right now, there's no way he'd take advantage of her like this. First of all, it would be a disgusting thing to do, and second off all, she would hate him for it.

"Nooo," Gert whines, leaning on him some more. "I wanna makeoooout."

"Now, you do, but in the morning you'd regret it, so just get in the car, okay?" Gert screws up her face at him, but nods, and lets him help her into the passenger seat. He clicks her seatbelt for her, and Gert pouts at him, seeming disappointed.

Chase climbs into the driver's seat, starting the car and pulling out of the driveway.

Gert pouts at him some more, even pulling out the puppy dog eyes that he's usually so weak for. "Are you sure we can't make out?"

_ "Yes, _ Gert. Hey, open the glove box, would you?" He's got makeup wipes for her in there, so she doesn't have to go through the trouble when she gets home, but he doesn't want to distract himself from the road.

Gert grumbles confusedly, but does it anyway, rooting around and finding the wipes almost immediately. "These for me?"

"Yeah. I think there's a bottle of water in there, too, if you can find it."

Her face softens. "Thank you."

"Of course, love." Gert blushes, starting to wipe off her makeup gently. Chase has to force himself not to watch her do it, knowing she would be angry at him for not watching the road. Well, not angry. But definitely mildly upset in a way that betrays how she's really feeling- terrified and sick to her stomach, like she might puke.

Gert never specifically says that she's had issues being on the road since the accident, but Chase knows she does. It's little stuff, stuff you wouldn't notice unless you were looking for it- her vigilance on the road, now, her dislike for being in a car after sunset, and how she refuses to get behind the wheel anymore. But Chase- well, he's not  _ looking _ for it, exactly, but Gert is the one person he feels like he knows better than anyone else. So he notices those things.

By the time they reach her house, Gert is passed out in the passenger seat, snoring loudly. Not wanting to wake her up, Chase parks, then gets out of the car to round the front of it and open her door as quietly as he can. He unclicks her seatbelt, carefully picking her up and carrying her bridal style to the door, kicking the car door closed with his foot.

Somehow, he manages to hit the doorbell, Gert groaning into his shoulder at the shifting around he has to do to pull it off.

Molly answers the door, looking grumpy as she says, "It's really late, you know."

 

"Yes, I'm aware. We kind of got...caught up. Would you let me in?"

Molly rolls her eyes, but moves out of the way, anyways, closing the door behind him as he heads to the stairwell, making his way up to Gert's room.

Chase gently lays her down on the bed, helping her into her pyjamas before tucking her in gently. He moves a piece of hair away from her face, his fingers ghosting against her forehead, and Gert makes a snuffling sort of sound.

Chase huffs a laugh, enamoured as he always is, then leans down and presses a kiss to her brow. "Goodnight, Gert. Sweet dreams."

He leaves soon after, heading home and sneaking in through the back so Mom doesn't chew him out. She's been on his ass lately on getting enough sleep, which he supposes is fair. Uncle Elroy and Co., including Chase's tiny infant cousin Sebastian, are finally coming to visit at the end of next week. And God knows how little sleep he'll be getting when they do.

~~~~~

Gert should be used to this kind of sadness by now, but waking up on the anniversary of her Mom's death still feels like getting hit by an eighteen-wheeler.

As she has for years, now, Gert gets up before the sunrise, getting dressed and pulling on Mom's old hoodie, even though wearing black in the middle of a California summer is practically asking for heat stroke. It doesn't smell like her, anymore, but Gert can pretend it does. She can pretend that the mothball and dust smell, from being folded up in the back of her closet all year, is actually violets and vanilla. She can pretend that wearing this sweater feels like the warm motherly hug she aches for, instead of like being swallowed by a ghost.

As she always does, Gert slips out of her window and down the tree next to her window, grateful that the last dregs of her hangover are finally gone. Two days worth were way too much for anyone to deal with, but at least it was a good distraction from the upcoming anniversary. She does that every year- finds a billion reasons not to think about it in the days prior, and the days after, too. Today is the one day of the year that Gert lets herself stew in all the complicated emotions that come with a dead mother who you never really knew.

The trek to the flower stand is longer than she remembers. Last year she drove, but 1. she doesn't have a car anymore (RIP Roberta) and 2. she wouldn't have driven, anyways. If she drives, Dad will inevitably chew her out for taking the car, plus it means people would have a way to contact her through the hands free feature. Gert leaves her phone at home for a reason, you know.

It's oddly foggy out for late June, but Gert isn't bothered by it, preferring the cool air over the muggy heat this past month has been wrought with. It must've rained last night- the ground beneath her feet squelches with each step. The air feels fresh, too, like the whole world went right through the cosmic car wash.

Gert walks along the streets of town, passively watching the city wake up with a stretch and a groan and a grumble. People wave at her as she passes, likely pleasantly surprised at seeing someone else up as early as they are. Or maybe they take some sort of sick pleasure in the fact that they're not the only ones awake at ass o'clock in the morning. Misery loves company, after all.

The old woman who's ran the flower stand as long as Gert can remember is just opening up when she arrives. As she has every year, the woman greets her with a smile, asking in a croaking voice, "And what'll it be, dear?"

"Anemones, violets, and lotuses. However many this can buy." Gert holds up a twenty dollar bill, which the woman plucks from her fingers carefully, regarding it.

The woman nods, and minutes later, Gert is departing with a hefty bouquet in hand. She's headed in the direction of the graveyard, but Gert isn't stupid enough to think it'll be a short walk. Her mother's final resting place is at the edge of town, in a cemetery that seemed so big when Gert, four years old and clutching the hand of her mother's best friend, first stepped inside its gates. Now, though, she realizes that this small, hidden away graveyard, was probably all that they could afford.

Nearing on an hour later, Gert arrives, the packaging from her gas station purchased breakfast shoved in her pocket. She keeps a tight grip on the bouquet as she slowly makes her way through the rows of graves, putting off the inevitable.

When she finally reaches her mother's grave, Gert doesn't move. Just stares. And stares. And stares some more.

_ Carmen Maria Mendes _

_ 1984-2005 _

_ Loving Mother And Friend. _

    * _Reach for the clouds. I'll be around, and by your side._



Gert sniffles, kneeling down and dragging her fingertips over the words. She hasn't thought about that lullaby in...oh, months, for sure. She blocks it from her mind as much as she can manage it, but she still remembers it so clearly. She remembers her mother's voice, too, soft and clear as cold mountain air.

Gert sets down the bouquet, carefully fluffing the flowers, then starts the most important part of this ritual: telling her mother what's happened this year. She'd like to think Mom is watching over her, but Gert can't be sure, so she tries to add as much detail as possible. "So, Mom, a  _ lot _ has happened this year, but I guess I should start with the relevant stuff: I'm dating Chase, now. Yes,  _ that _ Chase. It all started on a shitty morning in September......"

~~~~~

Chase is freaking out. Gert isn't responding to his calls, his texts, and she wasn't home when he stopped by earlier. When he asked her parents, they said, and he's quoting, _ she just does this every once in a while _ . Like the disappearance of his girlfriend was just normal, or to be expected. He's called everyone he can think of, but nobody has seen her, and Chase feels like he can't breathe as he drives around town, hoping for the lightbulb to turn on and give him an idea.

There's so many places she could have gone- and so many things that could've happened to her, but Chase is preferring to think of this as a voluntary disappearance, because otherwise he might have a breakdown. The fear still pounds in the back of his mind, though, which is why he needs to start checking places she could be. He almost doesn't know where to start, but stalling helps no one. Might as well start checking places off the list.

~~~~~

After having left the cemetery, Gert gets a late lunch at a nearby Mexican place. The tamales and homemade hot chocolate are just enough to expel the chill from her bones, and eating it makes her feel a little more real, more present.

She's just lined up to pay when she catches someone at a nearby table looking at her weirdly. The woman is in her mid thirties, and smartly dressed, her mess of curls tamed into a low ponytail. The lower half of the ponytail is wrought with grown out highlights, and for some reason, Gert feels like she's seen her before.

The woman stares at her all the way through the line, and by the time Gert has paid she is absolutely fed up. So, she stomps over to the woman's table, asking, "Sorry, do I know you?"

The woman stands, and there's still this aching familiarity to her that Gert wishes she could comprehend. "I....think you might." Her voice is a southern drawl, but it's tinged with a tone that Gert somehow recognizes. "Gertrude?"

The sound of her name coming from this woman's mouth is all it takes for her to realize who she is, all it takes for Gert to remember how ingrained this woman was in her life as a child. Ella Moreno, her mother's best friend and stand in babysitter, diaper changer, and hug giver whenever Mom was at work. God, how is she even here right now? "...Ella?"

"Oh, my God, Gertrude," Ella says, closing the distance between them and wrapping her arms around her. Gert presses her face into Ella's neck, feeling like she might cry as she hugs her back. She still smells like cardamom and lemon, and yeah, okay, Gert's crying now.

Ella pulls back, like she's trying to make sure this is really happening, and, honestly, Gert feels the same way. She grabs Gert by the shoulders, saying, "Okay, um, okay, what's going on with you? Are you- are you happy? What are your friends like? I- I want to know everything."

Gert laughs- but in a sad,  _ I might cry _ kind of way, not a funny way. "Only if you tell me the same! Where have you  _ been _ , Ella?"

Ella guides her to the table, sitting them both down. "After...After your mother died, I moved to N'Orleans." Gert would separate the words, but that's how she says it:  _ N'Orleans _ . "I've- I've always wanted to come back, check up on you, see how you were doing- but up until recently money has been tight for me, and it's not like I knew who to call. But now I'm here! So: tell me everything!" She clutches Gert's hands in hers excitedly, and God, she feels so overwhelmed right now. "What are your aspirations? Who are your friends?”

 

“I-I’m planning on Political Science? For now, at least. I’m still not sure.”

 

“Oh, that’s so nice! What’s your school like, then?”

 

Gert sniffles a little, trying to hide it. “I love it, it’s so great, there, really.”

 

Ella chuckles, squeezing her hand. “You don’t have to try and convince me, kiddo-" She cuts herself off, seeming to notice the tears rolling down Gert's face. "Oh, honey, what's wrong? Did I upset you? Is it something I said?"

Wetly, Gert says, "No, no, it's just that I'm so  _ happy to see you _ . I- I really thought I'd never see you again, you know, and now, on the anniversary, you're here, and I'm- I'm just really overwhelmed."

Ella rounds the table to wrap her arms around her, and Gert clutches onto her as tight as she can. Once she's able to breathe again, she says into her shoulder, "I, um, I have a boyfriend. That’s- he’s a big part of my life, so I figured you’d wanna, um, wanna know that, I guess. He’s really great."

Ella pulls back, kneeling so she's eye level with Gert. She wipes at her eyes, smiling as she says, "Oh? What's his name?"

Gert grins automatically. "Chase. We've been friends for, like, ever, but we only got together recently- there was this big drama where we weren't friends for a while, and then I was with someone else, but I'll spare you the details. Um, I have a picture, actually, do you want to see?"

Ella nods eagerly, and Gert whips out her wallet, pulling out her half of the pictures they took at the photo booth in the mall last week. Chase wanted the two pictures where they were a) making silly faces at the camera, and b) smoochin', so Gert has the half where they're grinning in the first one, and he's kissing her cheek in the second.

She points to his grinning face, saying, "That's him." A little dreamily, like she's talking about a fairy tale prince, Gert says, "Isn't he handsome?"

Ella lets out a low whistle. "He's a looker, all right. So, what's he like?"

Gert blushes. "Amazing. He's so kind, and smart- plus, like, emotionally smart? Which is so nice, you know, and I can talk to him about anything...." Gert talks, and talks, and talks some more, but Ella doesn't seem to mind. In fact, the more she talks, even after moving onto different topics, the happier Ella seems to be.

They sit at that table for what feels like hours, just  _ talking _ . Gert learns that Ella is a teacher, now, trying to get kids to listen to her chatter about history at St. Sebastian's Preparatory School. She learns about her favourite students- a girl named Evita and a boy named Ty, and how they're practically the only two kids in the class that listen to her. She's told that she would like Ty, but hate Evita, which Gert doesn't see as completely fair, but what does she know? She learns of the intricacies of Ella's life, of her interests, her views on society (comfortably leftist, which Gert is glad to hear), of everything Gert has ever wondered about.

About two hours later, they've exchanged numbers, promising to talk again, but, unfortunately, Ella has plans, and can't stay. Gert desperately wants to ask to accompany her, but abstains.

Once Ella leaves, Gert flags down a taxi, mildly regretting the absence of her phone, as she can't call a Lyft without it. She spends the long ride home wishing she'd asked more questions about her mom, and compiling a mental list for Ella the next time they talk.

When she gets home, Gert is feeling tired and kind of hungry. Good tired, though, like the nap she has after this will be really refreshing.

Weirdly, the door is locked, so Gert knocks, expecting Molly, or maybe Mom, but seeing how often her and Dad have been out of the house, lately, it's not likely.

It's Chase. He looks bone tired, but crazed, too, like he's been doing that thing where he aggressively running his hands through his hair every five seconds. Upon seeing her, he breathes a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank God, do you have any idea how worried I was?"

Before she even has the chance to respond, Chase pulls her in for a crushing hug, burying his face in her neck. "Hey, hey," she says softly, rubbing a hand up and down his back. "I'm okay, sweetheart. I'm okay."

He pulls back, hands on her waist as he tearily says, "Where did you even  _ go?" _

"Um...it's, um, it's the anniversary of my Mom's death, today, and I kinda didn't want to be around anybody, you know?" Gert doesn't understand why he's so upset.

Chase's shoulders drop. "Okay...okay. Why- why didn't you just tell me that, though, or at least that you'd be out, or  _ something _ \- Jesus, Gert, I was going out of my fucking  _ mind." _

Gert blinks, caught off guard. She used to do this all the time, just disappear for a few hours, and usually, nobody would care that much. Other than a few extenuating circumstances, it was never that big of a deal. "I- I didn't think you'd care."

"Of  _ course _ I care. You went missing for, like, a whole ass day, Gert, I was  _ worried _ about you." Oh, no, she's really upset him, hasn't she?

She reaches up and wipes away a tear that's streaming down his face. "I was fine, Chase. Nothing happened to me, I was fine."

Chase sighs, giving her a pained look so full of emotion that Gert doesn't know what to do with herself. "Yeah, logically, I knew that, but in here..." he takes her hand, pressing it over his heart. It's pace is slow, calm- but Gert doubts that it's been at that rhythm at all today, until now. "In here, I didn't."

~~~~~

Chase wakes up to getting jumped on by an overexcited six year old, who starts bouncing up and down as she yells, "I'M HEEERE!!! WAKE UP!!!"

For a moment, he thinks he's dreaming- until his brain catches up to him, and he remembers that Uncle Elroy and Co., including Chase's excitable cousin Tallulah, were set to arrive today.

He sits up with a groan, sending Lulu toppling with a giggly scream. With a long suffering grin on his face, he says, "Good morning, Tallulah."

"Good morning!!!" She sits up on her knees, playing with the hem of her sundress. "Are you happy to see me?"

"I am  _ very _ happy to see you. Are you happy to see me?"

She giggles, shaking her head wildly and sending her cloud of curls flying. "No."

"Hmm," Chase says, "Now, that doesn't seem true."

Lulu crosses her arms, sticking her chin up at him. "Well, it is, so."

Chase reaches out and traps her in a hug, ignoring her screamy giggles as he says, "Say it! Say you're happy to see me."

"LET ME GO!"

He squeezes tighter, pretending not to feel her punching his arm. "Nope. Say it."

"LET. ME. GO." Lulu squirms some more, then, apparently realizing she won't win, sighs dramatically. "Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. I'm happy to see you. Will you let me go, now?"

"Sure." He does so, and Lulu scrambles away from him, huffily fixing her hair.

She glares at him. "You're a jerk."

Chase scratches at his chest, yawning. This shirt is a little tight on him, and he would not be surprised to find that it's one of Gert's. "Yeah, but you love me anyways. Hey, is everyone else here?"

Lulu rolls her eyes at him and says sarcastically, "No, Chase, I walked here from Dallas all by myself."

He gets out of bed, stretching. "You must be tired, then. You want a piggyback ride?"

Lulu smiles, nodding excitedly as she stands up on the bed. He turns around, and she hops on his back, causing him to groan as he readjusts so she's safe.

Chase lumbers down the unfinished hallway, trying not to sneeze from the dust that's kind of floating around the whole house at the moment. They officially moved in at the start of the week, and, while the house came with furniture, and everything, they're still doing some renovations. When you add painting into the mix, it results in a currently very weird smelling house.

He traipses into the kitchen, jostling Lulu as he goes and causing her to giggle. Uncle Elroy and Aunt Sarah are sat at the island with his Mom, who's bouncing his four year old cousin Charlie in her lap. Baby Sebastian is thankfully asleep, snoozing against Aunt Sarah's chest.

They exchange pleasantries and hugs, then sit down for breakfast, Lulu refusing to leave his lap as she sucks down a strawberry banana smoothie. Every so often, he'll lightly tug on a curl, and she'll whip around to glare at him.

"Hey, Lee," Chase says to Charlie. He's nose deep in a book that his little hands can barely hold, absentmindedly munching on dry cheerios. He's sitting on his own, now, in a booster seat attached to the stool. "What'cha reading?"

Without looking up from the book, Charlie says, "Star Finder."

"What's it about?"

_ "Stars _ , dummy."

"Charlie!" Aunt Sarah scolds. "Be nice to your cousin."

"Yeah, Charlie," Lulu teases. "Be  _ nice." _

Charlie takes a handful of cheerios and flings it at his sister, and everyone in the room starts yelling to some degree. The adults all let out some variation of  _ Charlie Stein you stop that right now _ , Lulu squeals from surprise, then lets out a battle cry as she rips the cover off her smoothie. Still recovering from getting a cheerio directly in his eye, Chase immediately stands, carrying Lulu to the other side of the kitchen. And, of course, all of this noise wakes up Sebastian, who starts bawling.

Chase sighs, setting Lulu on the counter. As Aunt Sarah tries to calm down Sebastian, Lulu's lip starts to quiver. "I'm s-sorry," she says to Chase. "Are- are you mad at m-me?"

"No, no, of course not," Chase reassures her, using the softest voice possible to do so. He picks Lulu up, holding her close as she sniffles. "Of course I'm not mad, Lu. Of course not."

Lulu sniffles into his shoulder. "O-okay."

"Tallulah, apologize to your brother," Uncle Elroy says tiredly, but Lulu doesn't move. Chase and his Uncle share a look.

"Come on, Lulu," Chase says softly, running a hand down her back. She looks up at him, pouting.

"Do I have to?" He gives her an affirmative look, and her little face scrunches up. It's adorable. "Fine." She turns her head to face her brother, who is once again nose-deep in his book. "Charlie, I'm sorry."

"Okay."

"Charlie, say sorry back," Mom says, and Charlie sighs heavily, closing his book.

"Tallulah, I am very sorry for throwing cheerios at you. There, is that good?" Mom gives him a small nod, and he goes right back to his book.

He and Uncle Elroy share another look, but Chase doesn't say anything. Charlie has always been a quiet kid, and sort of awkward, so he's keeping his mouth shut for fear of upsetting him.

"Hey, Lulu, do you want to go in the pool, later? You too, Charlie."

Lulu nods excitedly, but Charlie squints at him. "Do I have to?"

"Not if you don't want to, but I would like you to, yes."

"Come on, Lee, it'll be fun!" Aunt Sarah says, and Chase gives her a grateful look. He doesn't like to leave Charlie out of things, especially since, as far as Chase knows, he doesn't have many friends.

"Okay," Charlie grumbles, and Chase gives him a big grin. Charlie throws a small smile back at him, making Chase feel right proud of himself.

Lulu starts squirming, so he sets her down, and she runs off, yelling something about 'exploring'. Charlie looks longingly after his sister, so, as Chase sits down again, he nudges him, nodding in the direction of the door. Charlie pauses, then nods, hopping down and chasing after her.

Chase settles back into the chair, finally tucking into his breakfast. "So, how's everybody? How's baby-Bash?"

Aunt Sarah laughs, bouncing Sebastian on her knee. He's calmed down, now, and seems very concentrated on sucking on his pacifier. "He's good. He can sit up on his own, now, and he's learning to crawl. Do you want to hold him, actually? I need to go use the bathroom."

Chase grins. "Of course!"

Aunt Sarah gratefully hands him off, then rushes to the bathroom. Chase adjusts Sebastian carefully, the kid looking at him with wide, curious eyes the whole time. That's what he loves about babies- they're so new to the world that everything they experience is the very first time they're experiencing it.

"You probably don't know me very well, do you?" Chase asks softly. Sebastian just keeps sucking on that pacifier, which he takes to mean no. "That's fair. You don't know much of anything, yet. You're gonna learn so much, though!! The world is so cool, and you're gonna learn all about it!! Isn't that amazing?"

Sebastian blinks at him, which Chase takes to mean yes.

The doorbell rings, and Chase says, "Oh, I'll get it," before his Mom or his Uncle have a chance to even get up.

Chase heads to the porch, distracted as he tries to get Sebastian to laugh. He's just opened the door when Sebastian lets out a giggle, the pacifier falling from his mouth. Good thing it's on a string attached to the front of his onesie, he's heard that those are hell to clean.

Wearing a giant grin, Chase turns to face whomever he's just opened the door to. Oh, Gert! He's so glad to see her. "Hey, babe!"

She's blushing deeply, her eyes going from him to Sebastian a few times before she says, "You're...holding a baby?"

"Yeah! My Uncle's in. You've met him before, remember? This is baby Bash- Sebastian." Upon hearing his name, Sebastian babbles, flapping his arms. "Lulu and Charlie are running around here somewhere, too. Anyway, what's up?"

"U-uh, I was just, um, I was on a walk, and I thought I'd stop by." Oh, right, they live in the same neighborhood, now. As nice as it is, Chase is still getting used to it. "My physiotherapist said 'leisurely exercise' is good for me, so..."

Gert still seems flustered, so he says, "Do you wanna come in?"

 

She makes a high pitched  _ uh-huh _ sound, and he lets her in, closing the door behind her with his foot. As they walk down the hallway together, Gert gives him a warm smile. "You sure are happy today."

 

"Yeah, I love kids." Sebastian reaches up and pats Chase's cheek curiously, and he huffs a laugh. "Thank you," he says seriously, and Sebastian babbles some nonsense back. "Yes, I agree."

Gert gives him a look that is both confused and warm, like,  _ you're weird, but I love you for it.  _ Not that she's actually told him out loud, but Chase knows. He can just feel it, Gert doesn't have to tell him word for word. "Are you...having a conversation with a nine month old?"

"Yes," Chase says genuinely. "He has some very succinct opinions about dolphins, you know."

"Ah, yes, I'm sure-"

"Who are _ you?"  _ Lulu asks, appearing at the end of the hallway. Charlie is right behind her, a tight grip on the blue baby blanket dragging behind him. This is a little funny, considering they're both wearing swimwear.

"Lu, be nice. That's not how we talk to new people."

Lulu rolls her eyes, sighing heavily. "Soooorry. Hi, I'm Lulu, what's your name?"

Gert huffs a laugh, kneeling down to be eye-level. It's not much of a difference from her actual height, though. "Um, nice to meet you, Lulu. My name's Gert. And who are you, young man?"

Charlie gives her a pearly toothed smile, clearly happy to be noticed. "I'm Charlie!"

"Well, Charlie," Gert says, holding out a hand to shake, "It's very nice to meet you."

Charlie hesitantly reaches out to shake Gert's hand, and as they shake, Lulu says, "Hey! I want a handshake, too!"

 

"No prob, Bob," Gert says, shaking her hand, too.

Lulu gives her a confused look. "My name isn't Bob, it's Tallulah."

Gert laughs. "Yes, of course, I'm sorry."

Chase looks down at her, nearly overcome with how warm his heart feels, and suddenly all he can think is,  _ I want to do this with you. _

And,  _ woah _ . That's a thought, isn't it- him and Gert having children together. Chase knows it's, like, way far off into the future, but he can't stop himself from picturing it, can't stop himself from thinking about what such a permanent future with her would be like.

And then Sebastian pats him on the cheek again, and Chase forces himself to focus on the now instead of the- if? Hopefully when?

He tickles Sebastian, and the baby laughs in the purest way possible. "You're too cute, you know that?" Chase says softly. "Way too cute."

 

"Hey! I'm cute too, right?" Tallulah asks, tugging on the leg of his pyjama pants. "Tell me I'm cute!"

Chase kneels down, trying not to laugh as he uses his free hand to boop her on the nose. "Of course you're cute, Lu."

She tilts her chin up at him, crossing her arms haughtily. "I know."

"Oh, you know, do you?" Chase wraps an arm around her, being careful of Sebastian as he squeezes tight.

Lulu squirms. "Let me go!"

"Hmmm, what's the magic password?"

She glares at him. "You're a jerk."

"Nope! Good try, though."

Lulu sighs heavily, rolling her eyes and saying in a monotone voice, "Chase is the best cousin ever."

He lets her go, and she scrambles away from him. "You got it."

She screws her face up at him, then says, "Can we get in the pool, now? I'm  _ melting." _

"Yeah, sure, just let me get my trunks on." He looks to Gert, who's currently bouncing Charlie on her knee. Wow, that's surprising. Chase would've thought it would take a lot longer for him to warm up to her. "You coming?"

"What? Oh, yeah, sure, I guess." She's wearing basketball shorts and an old t-shirt, so getting in the water probably won't be an issue.

"Alright, cool, just let me give Bash back, I doubt he'd want to get in the water with the rascals."

 

Charlie makes a face at him. "That was rude."

Chase reaches over to ruffle his hair, then stands. "Nah, not if it's true."

 

He hands Sebastian back to Uncle Elroy to be put down for his nap, then changes into his trunks. When he heads outside, Gert and the kids are already out there, Gert sitting on the ledge while Lulu and Charlie swim about. None of them see him, and Chase realizes what a golden opportunity this is.

He starts sprinting towards the pool, canon-balling and making the biggest splash he can muster. Even underwater, he can hear Gert shriek from getting soaked. When he comes back up, he immediately gets hit in the face with a pool toy. "HEY!"

"KARMA, YOU SON OF A-" she falters, realizing there are children around. "SON OF A NUTCRACKER!"

Chase laughs uproariously, earning him another pool toy to the face. From there, it devolves into an all out water fight between the four of them, and Chase has never had more fun, seriously.

Once the kids are all tuckered out, leisurely bobbing around with those big puffy floaties attached to their arms, he and Gert sit on the ledge, swishing their calves in the water and chatting idly.

"So, why son of a Nutcracker, specifically? You don't strike me as a Will Ferrell fan."

Gert wrinkles her nose. "I'm not. Uh..." she trails off, hesitant. At the expectant look Chase gives her, she continues. "Uh, Alex was into it. Well, still is, I guess."

Chase nudges her shoulder with his. "You don't have to be scared to talk about him, you know. I'm not gonna like, freak out because you mention a friend of ours who you happen to have dated."

In truth, this is not completely accurate. It does make him mildly uncomfortable, sometimes, to know that they have history. Even if he knows that he's the one Gert wants to be with, at times it still feels gross, watching them interact. But sometimes...you've got to try to be the guy you want to be, instead of the guy that you are.

Gert gives him a warm smile. "Thanks, sweets."

"Sweets? That's a new one."

She shrugs, then pecks him on the cheek. "I'm trying it out."

Chase leans in and kisses her full on the mouth, just because he can. She hums softly, kissing him back as her hand goes to his cheek.

"EW! KISSING!" Lulu yells, and they pull apart, laughing.

Gert leans on him a little, resting her head on his shoulder. "She sure is loud."

"Reminds me of someone I know," Chase teases, and she whacks him lightly on the arm.

"You're so rude."

_ Yeah, but you love me,  _ he wants to say, but doesn't. So instead, he decides not to argue, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

Gert looks up at him, grinning softly, like she knows something he doesn't. She reaches up and lightly drags her knuckles across his cheekbone, not saying a word, yet still telling him so, so, much.

~~~~~

Gert gets roped into staying for supper, unable to resist the promise of Memphis barbecue. She specifies because apparently, Memphis barbecue is top tier, and not to be confused with, say, Dallas barbecue. This strike her as odd, seeing as Chase's extended family is  _ from _ Dallas, but she won't pretend to know much about either.

She was wholly against eating in wet clothes, though, so she rushed back home to change, putting on considerably nicer clothes to make a good first impression on the pseudo in-laws. She hasn't properly met them yet, and she wants them to like her. She wonders if these opinions about barbecue extend past Lulu, who had given her the whole spiel in the first place. Gert would suspect they do- such a weirdly extensive knowledge can't just come from nowhere.

She changes into a deep yellow sundress and her favourite pair of jelly sandals (yes, she's aware they haven't been trendy since 1998. no, she doesn't care), then regards herself in the mirror. Her scars are...mighty visible in this dress.

Gert runs her fingertips over them, feeling the ridges and bumps of scar tissue. She still thinks they're kind of ugly, but the thing is...they're not going to go away. Barring some sort of water-to-wine miracle, she's never going to not have these scars. And Gert needs to accept that, even if it's hard.

So she doesn't change, or grab a cardigan, or any of that, and heads back over to Chase's. Gert quite likes how close he is, now- it means she doesn't have to drive to reach him, and he's only a five minute walk away.

At the end of said five minute walk, Gert hurries up the front steps, knocking on the door. Chase opens it, also changed out of his swim clothes. He grins at her. "You didn't have to knock, you know. You could've just walked right in, it's unlocked."

Gert nods. "Noted. You gonna let me in?"

He does so, and they head down the hallway to the back deck.

"Jeez, that smells good," she says when they arrive, flopping down in one of the deck chairs. Charlie toddles over to her immediately, climbing into her lap and opening back up his book. From where she's sitting on the other side of the deck, Lulu glares at him, looking betrayed.

"Only the best in Memphis," Chase's uncle says from where he's stood at the barbecue. It's egg shaped, which strikes her as odd, but, to be fair, she doesn't know shit about barbecuing.

"Roy, shut up, you're not even from Memphis," Janet says, and Gert giggles. From the chair beside her, Chase gives her a fond look. She reaches over, loosely entwining their hands.

"Yeah, Roy," Sarah says to her husband. "Going to university there does not give you Memphis pride."

 

"Memphis pride! Memphis pride! Memphis pride!" Lulu starts to chant, and Sarah glowers at her daughter until she stops. When his wife isn't looking, Roy reaches over for a high-five.

"Hey, Charlie," Gert asks, "What's your book about?"

Charlie shifts to look at her properly, giving her a pearly toothed grin. "It's all about constations and stars and stuffs! And it tells you all the- um- stories that the constations are based on. I really like it so far." 'Constations'. That is the cutest shit  _ ever _ .

"Oh, yeah? And can you read all of it?"

He frowns. "Most of it. Some of the big words are hard, but I'm a really good reader. Not like-" he lowers his voice to a stage whisper. "Not like Lulu. She can't even read picture books."

Before Gert can tell him that that was rude, Lulu stomps over, yelling, "I HEARD THAT, GARBAGE FACE!"

Clearly sensing that this is will end in tears and more than a few bruises, Chase stands, picking up Lulu and cradling her in his arms. From what she's learned of her, Gert would have expected yelling and squirming, but Lulu just sniffles, curling up against his chest.

"Charlie," Gert says softly, "That wasn't very nice. Apologize to your sister, please."

Reproachfully, Charlie says, "Sorry, Lulu, sorry, Gert."

Lulu pouts, big fat tears streaming down her face. "Apology  _ not _ accepted. And I can so read picture books."

"Of course you can, Lulu," Chase tells her. "But Charlie didn't mean it, did you, Charlie?"

Charlie shakes his head. "No. I'm sorry."

Lulu sniffles again, then says, "It's okay."

Chase sets her down, and she toddles off to Sarah, climbing into her mother's lap. Chase sits back in his chair, and Sarah gives the two of them a thankful look. Gert gets the feeling that she was just awarded a hell of a lot of brownie points.

She looks over at Chase, who is now making funny faces at Lulu, and, really, this isn't fair. No boy should be allowed to be as handsome as him  _ and _ be good with kids. She's not gonna be like 'oh, my ovaries', or anything, but seeing Chase be so good with kids is definitely attractive.

And it's not like she hasn't thought about it before- kids, that is. Obviously it would be, like, way off into the future, and everything, but still. Sometimes she likes to think about what that kid would be like- Chase's dimples, her nose, his long lashes, and Gert's fiery disposition. They'd probably be a know it all, too, based on both Chase's five tonne brain and Gert's penchant for being the most obnoxious person in the room at all times. Well, unless she's in a room with Alex. Then she's the second most obnoxious.

Was that mean? She feels like it was mean. But whatever. The point is...Chase is the only person Gert can see herself doing that with. Getting married, starting a family, building a life together. Chase is the type of guy she wants to grow old with- well, not the  _ type _ of guy.  _ The _ guy.

Gert looks over at him again, but his eyes are already on her. She leans over, pressing her mouth to his in a gentle kiss. When Chase pulls back, he grins, resting his forehead against hers.

"You guys are gross," Charlie says from her lap, and they both laugh softly, pulling away from each other.

Gert slips her hand into his, not even thinking about it. Charlie looks from her, to Chase, to their entwined hands, then makes a disgusted face. "Gross."

With her other hand, Gert ruffles his hair. "Believe it or not, Lee, you're not always gonna think that."

He crosses his arms. "Yes, I will. Girls my age all have cooties."

Her and Chase trade an amused look. Trying not to laugh, Chase says, "Can we tell you a secret?"

Charlie looks between the two of them, curious. "What?"

"Cooties are made up by the government," Gert says, and Chase snorts, covering his mouth. "It's like the moon landing."

Charlie gasps. "The moon landing was fake?"

Roy looks over at them, giving Gert and Chase a disapproving look. "Don't lie to my kid about the moon landing. He'll be asking about Mothman next."

Charlie looks up at Gert with eyes full of wonder. "Who's the Mothman?"

Roy groans, but Gert ignores him, going on a spiel about West Virginia's most famed cryptid. By the end of it, Charlie is hooked.

Trying to stop what has clearly turned into a new obsession for her son, Sarah turns the tide of conversation by asking, "So, Gert, are you glad that school is out?"

"Yes, very. It's giving me some much needed time off- I had to quit my job last month, actually, I was that overworked." She does kind of miss it now, though. She misses her guitar, too- she still has it, and everything, but being as good as she used to be is going to take a lot of work.

"Oh? Where did you work?"

"I taught guitar. But after my accident, I wasn't as good as I used to be, and I felt like it was a disservice to my students to...to continue." Gert sighs, heavy and a little sad. Chase gives her a comforting look, squeezing her hand. "But, you know...that's life, I guess."

"I'm sorry for asking, dear. I didn't realize-"

"It's fine," Gert says, rebuking the apology with a wave of her hand. "No worries. But, yeah, I'm glad school is over."

Sarah nods. "Have you put any thought into universities, yet?"

"Uh, yeah, actually," Chase perks up, interested. They haven't talked about this. "Mount Holyoke is my top choice."

"That's the women's college in Massachusetts, right?" Janet asks. "That was on my list, too."

Gert nods. "Yep. I've always kind of wanted to go there. Mom talks about it all the time, and it sounds like a great school."

Janet frowns a little in confusion. "Didn't Stacey go to MIT?"

She nods. "Yeah, it's where she met Dad. But Holyoke is, like, super close, only about a forty-five minute drive, so she had a lot of friends from there. She always said the MIT girls were too stuck up for her tastes."

Unexpectedly, Chase grins. "MIT is, uh, MIT is my top school."

"Wait, really?" He nods. "That's good, then. That it's- that it's so close."

They smile at each other, both a bit nervous. College is, like, a year away. She doesn't want to have the dreaded 'what if we've broken up by then' thought, but it comes anyways.

God, she's so terrified of that.

But fear does nothing but stir up trouble. She's tired of being afraid. So she squeezes his hand, forcing herself to relax, and Chase does, too, letting out a happy sigh.

Before either of them can say anything else, Roy announces, "Food's ready!"

"Oh, great," Sarah says excitedly. "Uh, Gert, would you help me with the sides? They're in the kitchen."

Gert nods, and they head indoors, making their way to the kitchen.

As she takes the sweet potato casserole out of the oven, Sarah says, "So, how long have you two been together?"

"About a month, officially, but we've been 'together' a bit longer than that."

Sarah tilts her head in confusion. "What's with the quotation marks?"

"Ah, well..." she stalls, wondering how to tell this story. "There was this, like, static period, I guess? Where we both knew we liked each other, but at the time I was going through a break-up, and his dad....so we were together, just without the kissing, and the dates, and all that. I know it sounds sort of...unorthodox, but that's the best way to describe it."

Sarah nods slowly. "Alright then. As long as you're happy, right?"

"Ha, yeah."

They carry out the side dishes, and it's almost funny how happy Chase gets when he sees the sweet potato casserole she's holding. He makes grabby hands at it, and the minute she sets it down on the table, he takes a big scoop and plops it on his plate.

"I love you so  _ much _ ," he says as he takes a bite, and Gert laughs, ruffling his hair before sitting down.

"Hey! I'm the one who made it!" Aunt Sarah says as she sets down a bowl of beans, which Roy immediately starts scooping from.

"Yeah, but she's the one who brought it out, and also she's my girlfriend, and I like telling her that at any given opportunity."

Gert gives him a fond look. "Softie."

Chase reaches over to squeeze her hand, then lets go to pick up some barbecue. "You know it. Hey, what do you want off of this?"

Gert surveys the spread, feeling a bit overwhelmed at the selection. "Uh, whatever you think is good, but remember-"

"No pork. I know, babe." Once he's taken what he wants for himself, he starts picking things out for her plate. She ends up with a couple of sliders, a few chicken wings that seem to be maple flavoured, and two fat sausages with grill lines on them.

"Why no pork?" Roy asks conversationally, handing the bowl of sweet potato casserole to her when she gestures for it. Gert is glad she got to it before the kids did, there'd be no marshmallow left at all, and the marshmallow is, like, the best part.

She scoops out a healthy serving for herself, and, yes, she does see the irony in that word choice. "I'm Jewish."

"What's a 'Jewish'?" Charlie asks as Sarah loads up his plate. Both she and Roy freeze, obviously embarrassed, but Gert just laughs.

"Not  _ a _ Jewish, bud. Judaism is a religion. It means we celebrate different holidays than you, and that we follow some different rules." Both parents relax, and Sarah gives her a grateful look.

Charlie cocks his head. "What type of different rules?"

"Well," Gert says, pulling out her Teacher Voice, "A lot of us don't eat pork, and we celebrate different holidays than you."

Lulu gasps. "So no Christmas?"

Gert giggles a little. "Yes, no Christmas. But we have different holidays, like Passover, where we celebrate our liberation and freedom, and Chanukah, where we celebrate the eight day candle and our victory against our oppressors."

Charlie nods. "I remember the second one- Chanukah," except he says it like  _ hann-eu-kuh _ , and Gert has to force herself not to laugh. "There was an episode of Sesame Street about it. There was a song, too.  _ Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel-" _

_ "I made you out of clay, and when you're dry and ready, oh, dreidel we shall play- _ yeah, that one. Ha, the minute December first passes, it becomes the only thing my sister knows how to sing."

"I bet that gets annoying," Roy says, and Gert shrugs.

"Yeah, I guess so, but I prefer it over that twelve days of Christmas one. A friend of ours is a Christmas  _ nut _ , it's the worst."

Chase huffs a laugh, leaning over to whisper in her ear, "Son of a nutcracker."

Gert snorts, hitting him lightly on the arm. "Oh, don't."

Everyone digs in, and, holy shit, this is the best barbecue she's ever had in her life. Sorry, Dad, your burnt burgers from the freezer just don't measure up.

Gert tries her best to pace herself, even if all she wants to do is shovel everything in her mouth at once, but she still eats pretty quickly.

By the time she's finished, Gert is  _ stuffed _ . She flops back in the chair, letting out a pleased groan. "That was really, really good."

Chase wipes at his mouth, then asks, "Got room for dessert? You seem pretty stuffed."

She perks up immediately. "Of course! I've  _ always _ got room for dessert. What are we having?"

Turns out, they're having blueberry cheesecake with homemade whipped cream, which, yes, is just as delicious as it sounds.

The sun starts to set just as everyone is finishing up, and as the adults start to pick up the dirty dishes, both Gert and Chase stand to help.

Janet waves them off. "You kids stay out here, enjoy the sunset. We've got this."

Not wanting to push, Gert nods, moving to flop down on the nearby couch. It's kind of shitty, but comfortable enough to curl up on. Chase settles next to her with a groan, and Gert cuddles up to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

As everyone else files back inside, Gert yawns, feeling sleepy. "This was fun."

"Yeah?"

She nods against his shoulder, eyes drooping. "Meeting them was nice."

"Yeah, they're definitely the more likable side of the family," he says in a faraway voice, and Gert looks up at him.

"I'd beg to differ, Chase."

"Oh, really?" Chase asks, smirking. "You think so?"

She reaches up to press a kiss to his cheek. "I know so."

Gert settles back against him, humming along to the radio. A Beach Boys song is playing-  _ Don't Worry, Baby _ , if she's guessed right.

"I like this song," she says softly, and Chase nods in agreement- then perks up, as if getting an idea.

"Do you want to dance?"

Gert huffs a laugh, then says, "Sure."

They stand, both trying not to laugh. Chase grabs her hand, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close. Gert rests her head on his shoulder, and for a while, they just sway.

As the song fades out and another starts up- Elvis Presley's _ Love Me Tender _ , if she's not mistaken- Chase presses a kiss to the side of her head. "I love you a lot, you know."

"Yeah," Gert says softly, trying not to let the guilt creep in. She always feels a little wonky when he tells her that, knowing she hasn't said it back. "Hey, can I...can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Are you...do you ever....Are you disappointed? That I didn't- that I didn't say it back?"

He answers faster than she thought he would. "No."

 

Gert looks up at him, surprised. "Really? Why not?"

"Because I know how you feel," he says, lightly dragging his knuckles across her cheekbone. "You don't need to say it out loud."

"O-oh." Gert is glad for that. It's not that she doesn't want to, it's just that there's still that lingering fear. Sometimes it's easy to fight, but with this it just... _ isn't _ . "How do you know?"

He gives her a soft smile. "From the way you look at me sometimes. And your tone of voice when you talk to me. And I can just...just feel it, you know? Like a mental hug, or something."

Gert gets up on her tiptoes to press her forehead against his. "That's good," she says softly. "I'm glad."

He kisses her, and the whole world melts away. Within it, Gert tries to tell him how she feels, pressing  _ I love you, I love you, I love you, _ into every movement of her lips. And with the way he's kissing her back, Gert thinks he might understand even more than she could ever hope.

~~~~~

Chase can't sleep.

He feels restless. Antsy. Like he needs to go for a run, or something, just to get all this leftover energy out of him. Unfortunately, it's three AM, so he's pretty sure that's not possible.

He's tried just about everything- counting sheep, staying still for as long as he could manage, he even listened to an episode of that podcast Gert likes. It's called The Adventure Zone (?) and it's pretty good, so far. Like, really, really weird. But good.

Chase sighs, deciding to go get a glass of water, maybe make himself a bowl of cereal. This is freaking unbearable.

He pulls on a t-shirt, then makes the short trek out to the kitchen. He pours himself a glass of water, then decides to make something a little more complicated than a bowl of cereal. He pulls out the makings of a really good grilled cheese, with the homemade bread Aunt Sarah made and the gouda, provolone, and mozzarella. Speaking of Aunt Sarah's homemade bread, she promised him that she'd teach him how to make it before they leave at the end of July.

Chase really wishes they didn't have to go at all- or that they at least lived closer. Texas is too far. But, unfortunately, they can only stay until just after this big wedding they're all going to. Chase has never known the bride and groom, Bryce and Daisy, all that well, but he's still expected to go. They're family friends, and it'd be rude to turn down an invitation. Maybe he'll invite Gert to make it a bit more bearable- or is that too forward?

He chews on this thought while simultaneously chewing on his grilled cheese as he leans against the counter. He goes back and forth a few times, then realizes this is probably a bad idea, giving his three AM brain something so important to mull over. Well, three thirty, now.

Chase regards the kitchen, and it strikes him how much nicer this one is compared to their old one. Sure, the last house was fancier, but Chase feels more  _ comfortable _ here. It feels like a house that people live in, instead of just another bragging point for his....for his father.

He still has trouble thinking about him, a lot of the time. Sometimes Chase wishes his father could be erased from his mind altogether.

~~~~~

Today is the type of day where Gert just wants to laze around and do nothing.

It's raining heavily, so they can't do something fun outdoors, and there's no good movies in theatres right now, so they can't do that either. It looks like today is shaping up to be just be her and Chase doing their best to do nothing at all.

Like, now. He's hyper-focused on the pile of spare parts in his lap, totally off in his own little world as Gert reads a new book she picked up last week. Well, she says she's reading, but she keeps getting distracted, watching him. Gert has no clue what he's building, but it seems really, really complicated. Or maybe it's super simple and she just doesn't know how any of this stuff works. Yeah, that's probably it.

She likes being with him like this. They're on his bed, and she's pretty sure the house is empty, but she has no wish to make out with him right now. Gert is totally fine with each of them doing their own thing, as long as they're doing it together.

Chase yawns, and Gert suddenly notices how tired he seems. His eyes are drooping, and the bags under them are a deep purple.

She runs a hand up and down his back. "Are you tired?"

He shakes his head- then stops himself, and nods. "Yeah," he says, the word swallowed by another yawn. "I got, like, no sleep last night."

"Do you wanna take a nap?"

Chase pauses, then nods, carefully moving the oil rag full of spare parts onto the nightstand. He shifts to lie down, then curls up against her, pressing his face into her chest and sleepily mumbling, "Hi, Bob, hi, Alicia."

Gert can't stop herself from cracking up. "Oh, my God, you did not  _ name _ my  _ boobs." _

"I did," he says, muffled. "Left one's Bob, right one's Alicia."

She cackles again, and he groans. "Stooop moooving, I'm trying to sleep."

Gert calms down, though all she wants to do is have a laughing fit. "Sorry, sweets," she says, starting to stroke his hair gently. "Sorry."

After awhile, they both end up falling asleep. It's hard not to, when she's curled up with him like this.

Gert wakes up a few hours later to a loud knock on the door. "Come in," she calls, voice hoarse from sleep. Chase doesn't seem to notice any of this, completely sound to the world.

The door is pushed open, and Charlie toddles in. "Mommy says you guys have to come to supper now."

"Alright, kiddo. Give us a second, okay? Sleepyhead here might need a minute to wake up properly." Charlie nods, then leaves, not closing the door behind him.

Gert pokes at her boyfriend's cheek. "Wake up, Chase." He groans, curling closer. "Chase, seriously. Supper's ready, and I'm hungry."

At the mention of food, he perks up, suddenly wide awake. "Supper?"

"Supper."

Chase scrambles out of bed, heading down the hallway without even waiting for her. Jerk. She gets up to follow him, catching up to him as they reach the sort-of dining room, which is more of an alcove jutting out of the kitchen, if anything.

They sit, and as soon as the food is brought out- potstickers and spring rolls with peanut sauce, hell yeah- Chase is stuffing his face.

"If you keep eating like that, you're going to get sick," Janet tells him, but he just shrugs.

Mouth full, Chase says, "Worth it. I'm starved."

"It's your own fault," Gert says, "you literally had sleep for lunch."

"True."

Good-naturedly, Sarah rolls her eyes at her nephew. "You better not eat like that at the gala this Saturday."

Chase stops eating immediately. He swallows what was in his mouth, then asks, bewildered, "Gala?"

Sarah's brow furrows. "Your mother didn't tell you? I-"

"Sarah. Stop," Janet says, and both Sarah and Roy give her a surprised look.

"Wait, what's going on? What gala?" Chase asks, and Janet sighs.

"I wasn't going to make you go, which is why I didn't tell you about it. I know you hate those things, anyway, and it's just a charity gala."

"Do you want me to go?" Chase asks, but his mother doesn't answer him. "Mom?"

"You don't have to...."

"I'm coming. You want me there, so I'll come." Is it weird that Gert finds this attractive? Chase being all responsible shouldn't be as attractive as it is.

Janet gives her son a grateful smile. "Thank you. And, if you like, you could take Gert." She turns to her, a little apologetic. "As long as you want to go, that is."

Gert is agreeing before she can really think it through properly. "Sure! Sure, I'd love to. Is it really fancy, though? I don't know if I have anything to wear."

"It's fancy, but no need for floor length dresses, or anything," Janet says, taking a bite of her spring roll.

Gert nods, thinking. "Hmm..."

 

"What about that black dress you have?" Chase says. "You know, the one you wore to...the one you wore to Dad's..."

Chase trails off, staring down at his plate and blinking hard. Gert wonders if whether he actually knew what he was saying until the words came out of his mouth.

She reaches over to cover his hand with hers, squeezing in what she hopes is a comforting manner. "Chase, do you need to..."

He shakes his head, hard. "No, no, it's fine, I'm fine," Chase says, lifting his head and discreetly wiping at his eyes. "I'm fine."

But he isn't. Gert is sure of it.

~~~~~

After Gert leaves- very reluctantly, he might add- everyone disperses, off to do their own thing. The kids get put to bed, Mom announces that she's getting in the bath, and his aunt and uncle settle down to watch a movie.

Chase holes up in his room, trying to distract himself from his thoughts. He reads, he tries to watch a movie, he even makes an attempt at Sudoku, for God's sake. It sucks. He doesn't get why Gert likes it so much.

He wishes he could just forget all about his Dad. He wishes he couldn't still here his voice so clearly, wishes he didn't know what his father would say about their lives now. He'd call Mom a slew of names, starting with  _ ugly _ and ending with  _ not capable _ , because Chase is certain that he would hate the idea of his wife running the company that he worked so hard to build, and doing it better than him, to boot. Then Dad would start ragging on the new house, and how the neighborhood is  _ undesirable, _ aka normal, and not filled with rich elitists. He'd say the house is too small, and that the design choices were poor and badly thought out. He'd say-

There's a knock at Chase's door. As it creaks open, there's a split second where he thinks it's his father, back to haunt him from the grave.

Thankfully, it's just Lulu.

She's sucking on her thumb, a worn purple blanket dragging behind her as she enters his room, closing the door and then climbing on his bed without a word. She curls up against him, resting her tiny head on his chest. "It's raining out," she says quietly. "I don't like the noises."

Chase huffs a laugh, smoothing a hand over her hair. "Do you want to sleep here tonight?"

She nods against his chest. "Yes, please."

 

For a while, it's silent, and Chase is sure she's fallen asleep. He's just about to try and get some sleep himself when Lulu asks, "Are you sad?"

Chase sighs. "Yes, I am."

 

"Why? Is it because you lost your Daddy?"

Right to it, then. You can never trust a kid to be subtle, anyway. "Sort of."

"Why sort of?"

 

He drags a hand down his face. "Because he wasn't a good person. He made a lot of bad choices, and he didn't treat me very well when he was alive."

Lulu pauses, then says, "Uncle Victor sounds like a bully."

"He  _ was _ a bully. Which is why you didn't see him very often."

Lulu nods against his chest, curling closer. Softly, she says, "I think I'd really miss my Daddy, even if he was mean to me."

Chase stews on that for awhile, and he's just about to answer when he hears light snoring coming from Lulu. He looks down at her sleeping face, slack and peaceful, and decides that maybe he should listen to her more often.

~~~~~

Gert thinks she looks nice tonight. Probably. She isn't completely sure.

It's always been like that, for her. Gert could never tell if her family was being honest or not when it came to their opinion on her looks, so she just stopped asking.

But this dress is nice. It's an emerald green colour, and the soft, silky fabric feels nice against her thighs. And Gert really likes this hairpiece she's wearing- well, it's more of just a strip of white lace tied like a headband, but it's pretty. She looks pretty. Probably.

Gert's brain continues to hem and haw right up until the moment she opens the door to Chase's awed expression. He looks absolutely enamoured, and Gert takes the ego boost for what it is as she kisses him hello.

When she pulls back, Chase chases (ha) her lips, leaning in to kiss her again and pull her close. Gert winds her arms around his shoulders, still just so happy that they can  _ do _ this. Six months ago, if you'd've told her she'd be making out with her  _ boyfriend _ , who just so happens to be  _ Chase Stein _ , Gert would have been worried for your sanity. But now...everything's changed. And Gert is just so  _ happy _ . Happy, happy, happy, happy...

She keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Chase starts to mouth his way down her neck, and Gert forgets about shoes entirely. What are those, again? Gert has never seen or heard of shoes, and they are a completely new idea to her.

God, his lips are so soft. Of course, this is because he's been stealing her lip balm, but it makes his kisses taste a little like cherries, so Gert isn't really in the position to be mad about it.

She would kiss him forever if she could. Just keep Chase right here, holding Gert close as his mouth moves against hers in that perfectly gentle way of his. But, unfortunately, they have plans tonight.

Still wrapped in his arms, Gert pulls back a little, resting her forehead against his. "Hi."

Though her eyes are closed, Gert can tell Chase is smiling. She can always tell. "Hey."

"I missed you today," Gert says softly, because it's true. Sappy, but true.

Chase huffs a laugh. "Honey, you saw me  _ last night." _

If Gert wasn't blushing before, she is now. Both at Chase calling her  _ honey _ , because god, that's adorable, and at the reminder of what exactly they  _ did _ last night. She won't get into the details of it, but let's just say it involved the backseat of Chase's car, an abundance of hickeys, and very little clothing.

"Hm, yeah," she says, voice low. "Hard to forget that."

"Oh, really?" Chase pulls her even closer than before. He's still gentle about it, though, the way he almost always is. 'Gentle giant' would be so, so, applicable to him...if he was taller than your average upright freezer. But Gert likes his height. Tall enough that his jackets are big and cozy on her, but short enough that she doesn't have to stretch all that much to kiss him (as long as she's wearing the right kind of shoes).

"Yeah...but maybe I've got temporary amnesia, so why don't we sneak off so you can remind me?"

Chase groans, most likely frustrated with the fact they have other engagements tonight, and can't actually do that. Well, they could. Gert wouldn't mind being a few minutes late. Or, like, an hour, but who's counting? "Gert..."

"Aw, come on, who's going to care if we're late?" She plays with the lapel of his jacket, biting her lip and raising an eyebrow in a goading manner.

Chase hesitates, considering, then sighs. "My mom will. This is her first big gala thing without-" he pauses, then clears his throat and continues. "On her own. She needs me."

Her shoulders drop. Right.

Gert presses a quick kiss to his cheek, then steps back, holding out her hand for him to take. Chase does so, and they walk to the car together. As he often does, Chase opens the door for her to get in. If this was anyone other than Chase, Gert's feminist sensibilities would cause her to be at least a little offended. But he's done it so many times now that it just seems like business as usual.

The drive is fine enough, and they get to the gala in only ten minutes or so. Even from outside, Gert can tell it's bustling, people talking and laughing on the front steps, with lights and music pouring out the windows.

"Okay," Chase says, as if psyching himself up for something, "you know we're doing press first, right?"

Her mind goes blank. Huh? "P-press?"

"You know, like the type of stuff we did at those galas our parents forced us to go to when we were younger. Nothing major." Except he's sweating bullets, and as they approach the walkway dotted with camera toting paps, he starts to aggressively fiddle with the bottom of his blazer.

Gert reaches over and grabs his hand, entwining their fingers and squeezing tightly. Chase gives her a grateful look- which turns into one of mild shock as a camera flashes less than a foot away from his face.

Instead of getting pissed, like Gert might've expected, Chase just shakes himself, then says in an even tone, "Jamie, what the fuck. I told you not to do that."

The kid behind the camera, red haired and big eared, just laughs. His ears wiggle when he does so, and Gert can't stop herself from letting out a tiny snort. Jamie, as he is apparently called, says, "Sorry, sorry, couldn't resist. Who's the chick?"

Gert rolls her eyes. "Yo, scarecrow, I have a name."

"Sorry, sorry," he says, sticking out a long, boney hand for her to shake. Gert does so quickly, then lets go. "I'm Jamie."

"Cool. I'm Gert. And don't call me 'chick'."

"Gotcha. Anyway, I gotta get back to business, but nice seein' ya!"

He ambles off, and as soon as he's out of earshot, Gert asks, "Who the hell was that?"

"Old friend from when I was a kid." Chase is clearly distracted, waving and greeting people as they make their way to the door. It's kind of hot, honestly, seeing him in his element like this. Or maybe Gert is just horny. Yeah, probably the latter.

Still, though, seeing him be all charming while  _ wearing a suit,  _ is definitely, definitely hot.

Now that she thinks about it, though, Gert is feeling, like, mega underdressed. What she's wearing is only a few steps up from a sundress, and everybody else is wearing Fancy Attire. Do they think she looks stupid? Shit, she knew she should have dressed up more-

"Babe? You okay?"

Chase's brow is creased, and his arm is around her waist protectively. Gert doesn't know when it got there.

She screws up her mouth, then says, "Um, I just feel kind of underdressed. Everybody here looks so fancy..."

"Gertrude, you look as gorgeous as you always do. Now, come on, we've got to- Gert?"

_ You look as gorgeous as you always do. _

_ You look as gorgeous as you always do. _

_ You look as gorgeous as you always do. _

Gert surges forward and grabs him by the face, kissing him hard. Chase makes a surprised noise, then kisses back, laughing into her mouth at the intensity of it.

He pulls back sooner than she'd like, smirking like a cat with a canary right between its teeth. "You liked that one, huh?"

Gert takes a moment to respond, still recovering. "Sh-shut up."

Chase huffs a laugh, then leans down to press a kiss to her burning cheek. Into her ear, he whispers, "I don't think you want me to, do you?"

Desperately trying not to betray how much she wants to drag him somewhere private and do very, very,  _ very _ bad things, Gert screws her mouth up and says, "You are a menace."

Chase, ever the tease, nips at her earlobe before pulling away, and Gert lets out what has to be the most pathetic whimper known to man.

"Un _ fair." _

"Sounds like a you problem. Oh, here we are!" He leads her inside, completely ignorant to the fact that Gert is about to finally prove that spontaneous combustion is possible, science be damned.

For a moment, Gert's mind goes blank out of sheer bewilderment. So this is a GALA gala?

Wait, did that make sense? Ugh, she is spending  _ way _ too much time on Twitter.

Anyway, Gert kind of feels like she accidentally walked onto the set of Gossip Girl. She wonders if Blake Lively will show up, and if so, can she please be wearing a tux?

They start making the rounds, greeting Chase's mom before uncharacteristically being told to  _ shoo, I'm busy _ . In this case, 'busy' clearly means chatting up a very pretty lady in a blue dress. Lucille Bluth's voice, coming from the depths of her mind like some weird inverted Jiminy Cricket, says,  _ good for her. _

It's when they're talking to an older employee named Margaret (big glasses, plump figure, rosy cheeks, basically everything you'd expect from a woman who introduces herself with  _ call me Maggie, everyone does _ ) that Gert notices a girl across the room giving her boyfriend the eye.

She's thin and poised, with a pouty expression that Gert has no doubt she's spent hours in the mirror perfecting. She looks about their age, hair slicked back in a high pony, and something in the pit of her stomach tells Gert two things. One, that this girl is definitely a cheerleader. Two, that she's into Chase. There's no way that she isn't, with that hungry _ , I get what I want, and I want  _ **_you_ ** look in her eye.

Luckily, Chase hasn't noticed Ms. Super Model, and Gert is going to make sure that he never does.

Nervously, she tugs on his sleeve. Chase turns to her, and in the same moment the woman he was talking to is conveniently called away. "Yeah?"

"Can we get outta here? I need some air."

His mouth purses. "What's wrong?"

_ There's a girl who's a hell of a lot prettier than me staring at you like she wants to have you for lunch.  _ "N-nothing. I just need some air, okay?"

Chase doesn't buy it. "You sure that's it?"

Gert hesitates, weighing the pros and cons, then begrudgingly concedes. "There's a girl over there giving you the eye, and I- I don't want to deal with that tonight."

He raises an eyebrow. "'That'?"

She sighs, crossing her arms and looking away. "...Sometimes, when we're out together, I kind of feel a little invisible, you know? Especially when it's some girl chatting you up. It's annoying- I'll be standing right there, and it's like nobody even sees me."

"Gert, I see you," Chase says seriously.

Gert rolls her eyes at him, a fierce blush staining her cheeks. "Cheeseball."

"Maybe, but you know I mean it, right?"

Somehow, he actually seems kind of worried. Gert gets up on her tiptoes and presses a soft kiss to his cheek. "Of course, sweets."

Chase gives her one of his trademark lovey dovey grins that always make her feel all gooey on the inside. "Good, that's good."

She's about to respond, probably with something cheesy and overly romantic, when she catches the girl looking at them again. Chase must see the change in her demeanor, because he asks, "What is it?"

"It's that girl again. I really don't like how she's looking at you."

Chase swivels around, trying to spot her as subtly as he can. "How's she looking at me?"

Gert crosses her arms uncomfortably. "Ugh, I don't know. Sorta like she thinks this is some eighties romcom and she's going to trick you into giving her your varsity jacket."

Chase is so amused by this mental picture that he turns his attention back to her fully. A smile tugs on the edges of his mouth. "What?"

She shrugs. "You know, like in all those eighties teen movies where the jock gives the girl he's into his Letterman? Because it shows that he likes her so much he'd give her something with his name stitched into it?" Chase blinks at her, confused. "Oh, come on, you must have seen that trope _ somewhere." _

"No, that's not-" he shakes his head a little. "Never mind."

Gert gives him a weird look. "Have you seriously never heard of that? It's on the same level as, like, making somebody a mixtape on the list of romantic shit that happens in movies."

Chase shrugs, wearing a secret kind of smile, like he knows something she doesn't. "Guess we need to have a movie night, then."

"Oh, I'd love that!" Movie nights are  _ so fun _ , especially with Chase.

"I know you would," he says, wearing a cocky smile that's half aggravating, half ridiculously hot. She raises an eyebrow at him, amused by his arrogance. "Come on, you think I don't know what you like?"

"No, I just think you're being annoying about it," she says, not meaning a word of it.

"Babe, I am a connoisseur of Gert Yorkes related trivia. Let me flaunt it just this once, okay?"

Gert throws her head back in a laugh. "You are such a dork!"

"Who's a dork?" Asks an unfamiliar voice, and they both turn. Oh. Cheerleader girl.

Recognition flickers in Chase's expression. "Annelie?"

"Chase! So you  _ do _ remember me!"

Fear starts to seep it's way into the insecure corners of Gert's brain. They know each other?

"Of course! You're hard to forget." Okay, ouch. He turns to Gert, seemingly unaware of how much that hurt to hear. "We went to the same daycare for a while, and she smeared glue in my hair on the first day."

"I still say you deserved it," Annelie says, grinning, and oh, this hurts. Gert knows she's absolutely blowing this out of proportion, but that doesn't mean she can make herself stop. Recognition is not control, and Gert knows this fact  _ intimately _ .

As Chase chats and Annelie flirts, Gert fades out of the conversation, knowing that neither of them will acknowledge her presence for the next ten minutes at  _ least _ . Chase can say all this shit he wants about 'seeing her', but-

"Yeah, Gert was telling me about that, weren't you?"

Gert, thrown back into reality unexpectedly, takes a second to respond. "What was that?"

"We're talking about that new movie that's coming out soon, the Mamma Mia one you're so excited for? Also," he leans down to say this next part, whispering into her ear, "I can tell you're zoning out. Is there something wrong?"

_ God, I love you.  _ She shakes her head, giving him a close mouthed grin. "No, I'm fine. Thank you, though."

Annelie clears her throat. "So, uh, how do you two know each other, anyway?"

Chase gives her a weird look, like it's the dumbest question he's ever heard.  _ Good boy.  _ "Gert is my girlfriend."

Annelie has the nerve to act surprised. "Ah. Well. Anyway, um-"

"Annelie!" Squeals a girl who could be her twin, right down to the style of dress she's wearing. The only difference is that this girl is a brunette to Annelie's dark blonde, and her hair is down instead of tortured into a ponytail. "Where have you  _ been? _ Come on, Josh is here, we've got to _ go!" _

Annelie's expression turns to one of excitement as she lets herself be dragged away without so much as a wave goodbye. Good riddance.

Gert finally relaxes, letting out a relieved sigh. Chase notices, of course. "Hey, do you want to get outta here? I can tell you're not really feeling this anymore."

She laughs softly. "'Feeling this'. You're so Californian."

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, do you-?"

She nods, leaning against him a little. "Yeah, that'd be nice. If you want to stay we can, but-" she interrupts herself to yawn, covering her hand with her mouth, "but I'm kinda tired."

Chase pulls her closer, wrapping a gentle arm around her waist and pressing a kiss to her brow. "Okay, sleepyhead, let's go."

He leads her through the crowd and out the door, cracking jokes here and there at the expense of the questionable outfits the guests are wearing. He's telling her a truly terrible joke about a woman's garish hat when Gert realizes something. She is 100%, inarguably, in love with Chase Stein. She knew before, but there was always that fear behind it. The type of fear that was so instilled inside of her that she truly believed it would never leave her.

But, without her noticing, the fear has flown away, and taken her insecurity with it. She doesn't know when it happened, exactly, just knows that it's true.

Now she just needs to figure out a way to tell him.

~~~~~

"Chaaaaaaaaaaaaase, pay atteeeeeeention to meeeeeeeee," says Victor from his spot on Chase's bed, flopping back dramatically. Both he and Nico decided that today was the perfect time to come bother him, right when he needs some peace and quiet. Typical.

"Viiiictor, I'm in the middle of something." Chase says, not looking up from his laptop. He needs to get this done today, because he told himself he would, and if he doesn't, he'll be mad at himself.

"What are you doing, anyway?" Nico asks, head hanging over the side of the bed. She's gonna end up with a headache, but Chase is annoyed, so he won't warn her.

Actually, he'll feel guilty is he doesn't. "You're gonna give yourself a headache, Neeks."

"Don't care. Answer the question."

Chase sighs, turning around in his chair. "I'm making Gert a playlist."

"Oh my god, you're kidding, that's adorable!" Victor says, and Chase rolls his eyes, blushing.

"I mean, I guess-"

"No, it is," Nico says. "Jesus, Stein, sometimes I think you were plucked straight out of a cheesy romcom."

"Wow, you've found me out," Chase says in a bored tone. He makes sure not to look at the varsity jacket folded up on his wingchair. That'd probably cause even more ribbing.

When Gert mentioned the jacket thing the other night, Chase avoided mentioning that he actually has an old one that he doesn't wear, believing them to be kind of tacky. But it would be pretty fucking adorable to see Gert in his Letterman. And why not make a playlist, too, while he's at it? He's been wanting to make one, anyway- there's a whole bushel of songs that make him think of her- so why not take the opportunity?

"You do kind of look like that Peter Kavinsky kid, though," Victor says, and both he and Nico give him a confused look.

"Who?"

"Oh my god, you guys haven't seen the trailer for To All The Boys I've Loved Before? Alex hasn't stopped talking about it since _ -" Ah. _ Chase and Nico trade a knowing look, aware of Alex and Victor's weird little flirtationship that's been going on lately. Chase doesn't know exactly when it started, just that lately Victor and Alex have been spending quite a lot of time together. "What did I say?"

"Nothing, nothing. Show us the trailer?"

He does so, and aw, this movie looks adorable. Would Gert like this? He thinks she might, so he forwards the trailer to her, asking,  **movie night when this comes out?**

**_Totally!!! I'm so pumped for that_ **

Chase smiles down at his phone, then pockets it, very aware that he's blushing. Logically, he shouldn't be, because she literally sent him one sentence, but still.

"Ooh, what did she say?" Victor asks, clearly expecting something, as he would say, 'spicy'.

"Bet you it wasn't even romantic, and he's just that whipped."

Chase glares at Nico, mostly because he knows she's right. "Nico, I can make you leave."

She gives him a bored look. "You and what army?"

Chase stands, reaching over and picking her up by the back of her shirt before she even knows what's happening. He carries her to the door, ignoring her struggling and Victor's laughter, then deposits her outside his room. Before closing the door, he calls, "HEY, LULU, NICO'S HERE AND SHE WANTS TO PLAY!"

"Nononononononono-"

Chase closes the door as the sound of childish giggling and the patter of tiny feet on hardwood become louder and louder from the end of the hallway. He'll let Nico back in in a minute, but only once Lulu has tortured her to the best of her ability. By tortured, Chase means tugging at every complicated accessory, and asking where she got every last one of them, all while climbing all over her like a tiny goth jungle gym. Nico pretends to hate it, but Chase knows she finds it at least a little cute. It's hard not to, with a kid as adorable as Lulu.

Victor is still cackling like a madman, to which Chase says, "You done?"

"Nope!"

Chase shrugs, then sits back down at the computer. He resolutely tunes him out as he reopens the Spotify playlist tab. He's gonna put this on a CD, too, for when Gert eventually starts driving again, if ever. Since the tragic death of Roberta, Gert hasn't been too keen on getting back behind the wheel. Of course, this is due to more than the loss of her beloved car, but it's the reason she likes to hide behind the most.

Well, he says hide, but maybe that's harsh. Gert has every right to be uncomfortable driving. Sometimes, though, his brain just has a hard time assimilating her discomfort now with the Gert from a few months ago, who had a downright obsession with her car. But that's not even kind of related to him, so maybe he should shut up about it.

Once he's done the playlist, and has burned the disk with it, he pulls out the blank CD case he bought yesterday, along with the markers he borrowed from Nico. Painstakingly, he starts drawing the cover, getting lost in his own little world as he swoops careful lines across the square of cardstock.

An hour later, he looks up, finished, only to realize his friends and both his cousins are deep into a game of Skip-Bo. Oops.

He does this sometimes- gets so focused on a project that everything else fades away. It can be annoying, but, hey, he's super proud of this and Gert will love it, so...advantages?

He joins in on the game, only to be absolutely destroyed by Victor and Charlie's joint skillz (spelled with a z, because this is Victor, and he would never settle for anything less).

After a time, his friends leave, but Charlie and Lulu stay around, most likely out of boredom. It's been rainy all day today, and it's set to bleed into tomorrow, so he gets it.

Even if it means Lulu is currently messily painting his nails while Charlie meticulously goes through every book in Chase's shelf. Well, he says meticulously, but really, he's taking each one off the shelf, opening it, shaking the pages out, then either puts it back or drops it on a teetering pile. Chase can only assume the books in the pile are ones Charlie wants to read, but he could be wrong. Little boys are unpredictable, you know.

He can't wait for tomorrow. Gert is gonna love this so much- he can't wait to see the look on her face.

~~~~~

Someone was in her room. Don't ask Gert how she can tell, she just  _ can _ . There's nothing messed up, or anything, but she just knows, okay?

Cautiously, she looks around, trying to find the intruder's reason for being in her room. Maybe Molly needed to borrow her shoes again? Jeez, she could've just asked, Gert doesn't understand why her sister couldn't have just waited for her to get home from the store- wait. Why is there a giftbox on her bed?

Gert rushes over to it, pulling at the shiny ribbon and ripping off the top before she can even think it through. She's excited, okay?

It's...a varsity jacket. Namely,  _ Chase's  _ varsity jacket, if the name stitched into it means anything. Holy shit. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. When she mentioned the jacket thing at that gala, she didn't think he actually  _ had _ a  _ Letterman jacket _ , holy shit???

Gert tugs it on, delighting in how big and comfy it is. Fuck, she is never, ever,  _ ever _ taking this thing off.

She plops down on the bed, looking into the box to see if there's a note. There is, but it's not the only thing in there.

The note, which says,  _ because I love you- T.B.  _ (GERT IS ABOUT TO CRY, BY THE WAY, THIS IS THE CUTEST SHIT TO EVER HAPPEN TO HER!!!) is attached to a _ CD case _ . Holy shit, holy shit, he made her a playlist??? With a hand-drawn cover depicting the two of them???

Yeah, she's crying now.

God, it's incredibly well drawn, too, who knew Chase was such a good artist? It's based on one of her favourite photos of them- Chase grinning bright, his arm around her waist, with her draped over his shoulder. The only clear difference is the abundance of hearts and stars arcing above them, and the baby blue background in place of the party they were at in the real photo.

Sniffling, she turns it around, finding the handwritten track list, because, yes, her boyfriend is that extra.

_ Songs That Make Me Think Of You _

_ Running..........No Doubt _

_ Self Control..........Frank Ocean _

_ Put Your Head On My Shoulder..........Paul Anka _

_ Friday I'm In Love..........The Cure _

_ Versace On The Floor..........Bruno Mars _

_ Unsteady..........X Ambassadors _

_ Love Me Tender..........Elvis Presley _

_ Yellow..........Coldplay _

_ The Only Exception..........Paramore _

_ Hiding Tonight..........Alex Turner _

_ Ocean Eyes (Blackbear Remix)..........Billie Eilish _

_ I Could Fall In Love..........Selena Quintanilla _

_ Golden Hour..........Kacey Musgraves _

_ Butterflies..........Kacey Musgraves _

_ Every Kind Of Way..........H.E.R. _

_ Don't Worry Baby..........The Beach Boys _

_ Crystal..........Stevie Nicks _

_ Bubbly..........Colbie Caillat _

_ Kiss Me..........Sixpence None The Richer _

_ There She Goes..........The La's _

_ Babe..........Styx _

_ Out Of My League..........Fitz And The Tantrums _

_ I Walk The Line..........Johnny Cash _

_ Radar Detector..........Darwin Deez _

_ Such Great Heights..........Iron & Wine _

Below the track list, there's a Spotify QR code, which Gert follows immediately, pressing  _ shuffle _ as soon as the app opens to the playlist. She only gets through about three songs before she gets the overwhelming feeling that Chase needs to be here right now. Mostly so she can smother him with kisses and tell him she loves him over and over and over and over again. Fuck finding the right moment, this boy made her a goddamn playlist and gave her his varsity jacket. If now's not the right time, when will be?

Not wanting to just blurt it out over the phone, Gert texts him, telling him to come over, asap. He agrees, not saying anything about how soaked he's going to get from the rain.

She waits anxiously, peering out the window every couple seconds. The moment he comes into view, she rushes down the stairs, unable to wait. She steps into her flipflops and throws open the door, slamming it behind her as she starts making her way across the road.

"What are you doing?" Chase calls from his side of the street. "You're going to catch a cold!"

"I don't care!" Gert yells back. She's almost reached him, now.

"Why not?"

As soon as Gert gets within kissing distance, she presses her mouth to his, pulling him in with a hand curled into his shirt. It's a short kiss, but intense all the same, and so, so, perfect, even with the rain coming down on them.

Gert pulls back, resting her forehead against his and saying, with more confidence than she feels, "Because I love you."

Chase's smile is blinding. "Yeah?"

"Of course, sweets. Always, okay?" Gert didn't mean to say it like that, but it's out, now- and it's not like she doesn't mean it. Chase is the only one for her, and that's not ever gonna change. So, yeah. Always.

_ "Always _ . I like the sound of that." His voice is soft, but she can still hear him over the rain. God, they're getting soaked. "You look good in my jacket, by the way."

And then he's kissing her. It's magical, almost, the way his mouth moves against hers, how gently he cups her face in his hands, the rain falling down on them on top of it all. And out of every kiss in the rain that's ever been had, Gert can tell you for a fact that this one wins over them all.

~~~~~

Chase is crammed into a Volkswagen van with seven other people, and weirdly enough, he's having the time of his life.

They're about two hours into the four and a half hour drive to Six Flags, and currently, they're playing a very complicated version of I'm Going On A Picnic. Alex, who's driving, has thus far refused to participate, but he keeps giving Victor hints, which Chase doesn't think is very fair. Just because Victor nabbed shotgun and happens to be the current object of Alex's affections doesn't mean he should get to cheat. But, hey, what does he know?

'Object of his affections'. Gert would probably make fun of him for that. Unfortunately, she's asleep right now, curled up against his shoulder and snoring softly. They  _ had _ left pretty early, so Chase gets it. Even if he wishes she'd wake up and help him already. He's so clueless with these types of games, and he can't for the life of him figure out the pattern. Give him a bag of spare parts, and he (and his 170 IQ) could make a working toy helicopter out of it, with enough time. But road trip games? Nah.

Victor makes a particularly loud noise, as he is wont to do, and Gert jolts awake. In doing so, she knocks her head against his chin, and ouch.

"Jesus, watch it!" Gert says, rubbing at the top of her head.

"I breathed." Still grumpy, she rolls her eyes at him. "No, really, I literally didn't do anything."

"Yeah, I know," she grumbles, pressing her face back into his shoulder. "No one but Victor is capable of being that annoying."

"Hey! Offensive!"

"It's only offensive if it's not true, Vic," Klara says as she paints Molly's thumbnail bright purple. "And I think we all know that it definitely is."

"Will all of you motherfuckers shut your mouths for once in your lives?" Nico asks. She and Karolina are in the very back, and she's using her girlfriend's lap as a pillow.

"Only if you stop whining for once in your life!"

"Oh, buuuuurn, Mancha." Molly says, twisting in her seat to ask Nico, "Yo, you need some aloe vera for that?"

"Fuck o-"

"Not to the kid, babe."

"Karolina, call me a kid one more time and I-" before Molly can jump back two rows to fight Karolina, Klara grabs her by the face and kisses her, clearly trying to surprise her into calming down. It works, shocking no one.

When they don't stop after a few minutes, Alex reaches back and swats at them blindly. "No making out while I'm driving."

Molly makes a face at him. "Okay, homophobe."

"I'm  _ literally _ bi."

"Yes, but you have homophobic energy." Gert snorts at this, and Alex shoots a dirty look in her direction through the rearview.

"Molly, I think that's the most insulting thing you've ever said to me."

"No, remember the time I called you a snot gusher? I think that one was pretty good."

Mostly everyone cracks up, but Gert shifts, asking in a confused tone, "Wait, when was this?"

"Uhhh....." Molly trails off, and suddenly Chase knows exactly when this was. "Right after y'all got into that big fight."

The whole van goes silent. Nobody really likes to talk about the travesty that was Gert and Alex's relationship, and this awkward silence is just more proof to add to the pile.

Chase clears his throat. "Uh, anyway...what are we, uh, what are we most excited for today?"

From there, everyone starts jumping over each other to speak, and it goes on like that until the topic changes again. They never do finish the game of I'm Going On A Picnic, and the line of conversation switches before Chase can say he's most excited to go on the Ferris wheel with Gert at dusk. That's gonna be so beautiful, she's gonna love it. Hopefully. She liked the last cheesy thing he did, anyway.

Well, he says liked, but, let's be real here- Gert loved it. He's actually, like, mega proud of himself for coming up with that.

Although, maybe it's better that Chase didn't get to talk about his sunset related plans. He would've gotten to mocked to high heaven for sure. Not that he would've minded all that much, but still.

They get to Six Flags Magic Mountain, California's least known amusement park, at around 11 o'clock in the morning. Once they've parked and bought tickets, it's around the right time for an early lunch, so they get hotdogs at the first stand they can find.

Molly scarfs hers down as fast as possible, then starts to chug her and Klara's shared bottle of Fanta. Klara snatches it from her, then takes another dainty bite of her mustard slathered hotdog. A woman of taste, in the face of ketchup loving  _ heathens _ . Chase quite honestly doesn't understand society's obsession with ketchup. Unless we're talking fries (and even then it HAS to be mixed with mayo), mustard trumps ketchup in the condiments race, every! Single! Time!

Once they finish eating, they go their separate ways, promising to meet up by Full Throttle at 6 pm. He and Gert team up with Karolina and Nico for a tour of the thrill rides- or, more accurately, Chase and Nico are dragged. They're fun, ish, though he really, really hates the effect Goliath had on his hair. Also, watching Nico puke into a garbage bin afterwards was gross. Like, sure, she stood right back up, wiped her mouth, and insisted they go again, but it was still disgusting.

Once Chase has had all he can take of loop de loops and corkscrews, he and Gert buy a funnel cake to share. They eat it while walking, which of course results in Gert getting powdered sugar all over her mouth. He kisses it off, just because he can.

They pass the Carousel, and, of course, they have to get on. It only lasts a few minutes at most, but Chase still manages to take about two dozen pictures. As per usual, Gert looks good in every single one of them.

Once the ride ends, they head to carnival games. Gert is absolutely determined to win him a teddy bear, and not only that, the  _ biggest _ teddy bear available.

"Babe, come on, you don't have to-"

"Shh! I'm trying to focus." This is the third booth they've been to, and Chase is starting to worry for his girlfriend's wallet.

"Girlie, you might as well spare your bank account and stop now," says the guy running the milk toss booth they're at. He is unbearably smug, and Chase hates him already. "This is the most difficult booth at Carnival! Why not go play the ducky game and win yourself a rubber snake?"

Gert glares at him with the fire of a thousand suns. Chase isn't going to lie- it's kind of hot.

She slaps a five dollar bill into the guy's hand. "Three rings, please."

The guy rolls his eyes, but complies. Gert aims, shoots, scores, aims, shoots, scores, aims, shoots...scores!!! SHE WON THE BEAR!!!

Chase holds his hand up for a high-five, and she slaps it, hard. "HELL YEAH! I DID IT!"

 

"You did?" Asks the guy, turning around. "Oh, you did. Huh. Uhh, what toy do you-"

"Giant blue teddy bear, please and thank you!"

The guy sighs, then takes the bear off the hook and hands it to her. Grinning, she immediately presents it to Chase. "Told you I'd do it!"

Chase slings the bear over his back. "I'm proud of you. Though, with how warm it is, this heat may soon become un _ bear _ able."

She groans, whacking him on the arm. "You're the worst."

"And yet, you won Mr. Snuggles here for me. So I don't know if that's true, is it?"

"Mr. Snuggles?" Gert asks in a mocking tone. "How creative."

"Thanks, I thought so, too. Where to next?"

Turns out, Gert wants to go on the carousel tower. It's so much fun that they go again, and again, and again. Every time, Chase straps Mr. Snuggles into a swing, both for precautions against theft and because he knows it'll make Gert laugh.

Around quarter to six, they make their way to Full Throttle. Everyone is starved, most of all Molly, who has the metabolism of Shaggy Rogers. Chase really doesn't know why she's like that- must be all the running around she does.

They amble around for a while, looking for a place to eat where they can sit down and rest their legs. They end up stopping at a wing place, which is more of a kid friendly sports bar than anything. The food is good, though, and they sit at a giant booth that somehow fits all eight of them, Mr. Snuggles,  _ and _ Molly's blow up flame axe. Klara probably won it for her, if he had to guess, but it's just as likely that she would win it for herself.

Afterward, just as the sun starts to set, he gives a shoddy excuse to the rest of the group and starts dragging Gert to the Ferris wheel. Once they’re close enough that it's in view, he puts his hands over her eyes, wanting to keep the surprise a surprise.

"Chase, did you steal my hand sanitizer again? Your hands smell like watermelons and hospital." She's walking surprisingly steady for someone with their eyes covered-  Chase is impressed.

"That's...besides the point."

"Oh, yeah? And what's the 'point'?" She's making fun of him, now, but Chase doesn't care. Gert can think this is silly all she wants, it's not gonna stop him from doing it.

Once they're within spitting distance, Chase takes his hands away from her eyes, revealing the Ferris wheel. It's already got the twinkly lights turned on, even though the sun hasn't fully set yet. It's gorgeous. "This. This is the point."

"Oh," she says softly. "You want to go on the Ferris wheel."

"Yeah, is that- is that okay?" There's a look on her face that he can't decipher, so Chase feels obligated to ask.

"No, yeah,  _ duh _ , I just...I don't know. Never mind. Let's go." She grabs his hand, pulling him in the direction of the short queue.

Soon enough, it's there turn, and they climb in, Gert gripping his hand tightly as they start to ascend.  _ Oh.  _ "Are you afraid of heights?"

Gert screws her mouth up. "...Only a little?"

"Love, if you were scared, we didn't have to-"

Gert cuts him off with a flustered squeak. Her face is suddenly bright red. "You can't just  _ do _ that!"

His brow furrows, confused. "Do what!"

"C-call me that! It's- it's-"

"Aw, are you flustered,  _ love?" _

Gert makes another squeaking noise, pressing her face into his shoulder. "You have too much power, it's not fair."

"Pfft,  _ power _ . Babe, there's times when you've just  _ looked _ at me a certain way and turned my knees to jelly, don't talk to me about  _ power." _

Gert looks up at him, face as red as strawberries. "Yeah?"

"Duh. This happens literally all the time, it's a wonder you haven't noticed." God, how is she so cute all the time? She's literally the same colour as a tomato right now, but Chase still finds it insufferably adorable.

"O-oh. Really?" He nods. "Hm. Okay."

And then Gert kisses him.

It's softer than usual, more gentle. Gert often kisses very intensely- not that he minds- so the contrast of this is sending his heart racing. Fuck, she's such a good kisser. He would kiss her forever, if he could.

Chase wishes he could freeze this moment in time, so he could do just that. Be here with her, at the top of a Ferris wheel as a perfect day comes to an end, with a dazzling sunset to boot. It's all he's ever wanted in life, really. An oil painting of a sky and sugar in the air, with Gert Yorkes in his arms...nothing could be better.

~~~~~

Gert can't believe she forgot to get a dress for the wedding. To be fair, she was only just invited last week, but still. It's next Tuesday, and she doesn't have a dress! What's wrong with her?

"Dude, literally nothing," Nico says. Oops. She must've been thinking out loud. "Chase just blanked on telling you, which is not your fault. Now, come on, let's go in here."

Did Gert forget to mention that her, Nico, and Molly are at the mall? Because they're at the mall. Oops.

This is their third store, and Gert is starting to lose hope. Sure, they've found shoes- a mossy green pair of kitten heels- but, like, she needs a dress to go with them. That's a pretty important part of the outfit, isn't it?

Her biggest thing is that she doesn't want to look childish. That can happen, sometimes, when your hair is bright purple- but this is a Fancy Adult Wedding. She wants to look  _ hot _ , not just cute. Okay, maybe a little cute.

"How about this one?" Molly asks, holding up a sparkly blue dress. It's pretty, but it's almost too...wintery? Is that a word? Gert shakes her head. "Gert, you're gonna have to pick a dress sometime. I don't have all day, you know."

"I know, I know, I just- I want to look  _ impressive _ . Is that too much to ask?"

"Girl, you literally always look impressive," Nico says, and Gert scoffs. What kind of bullshit is that?

"My dirty jeans and thrift store t-shirt thank you, but seriously."

"I  _ am _ serious, dude. You're hot. Accept it." Nico says it in a blasé tone, as if this is something Gert should have known already.

"Um-"

"Holy shit, Gert, you have to try this on!" The dress Molly is holding up is, suffice to say, absolutely gorgeous. It's a dusty rose colour, with a structured, bustier top and a flowy skirt, all dotted with delicate multicoloured beads. The fabric is almost mesh-like, but not so much so that it looks like a safety vest reincarnated. The waist is tied with a green velvet ribbon that matches her shoes  _ perfectly _ , and the sweetheart neckline is decorated with tiny flowers, leaves, and pearls.

In other words: it's the most beautiful dress she's ever seen, and Gert  _ has _ to try it on.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" She takes the dress from Molly as carefully as her excitement allows, and starts making her way to the dressing room.

As soon as the changing room door closes behind her, Gert strips, then steps into the dress and pulls it on, tugging at the zipper until it's all the way closed.

And then she turns around and faces herself in the mirror.

It's almost a Cinderella moment, with the swish of the dress against her calves, and the way her hair bounces as she turns. It's an appropriate comparison, too- she looks like the prettiest pretty princess in the whole galaxy. And she's hot as fuck, to boot.

Gert steps out of the dressing room with a giant grin on her face, hands behind her back to hide the excited fidgeting. "Well?"

Not only do Nico and Molly approve, but it seems everyone else in this corner of the store does, too. Gert catches more than one appraising looks from middle aged women shopping for their daughters, who also look a little awed. Would it surprise you to learn that she's blushing?

"Wow, Gert...you look amazing," Nico says, once she's managed to pick her jaw up off the floor.

"Really?" Gert asks, because  _ yes, I know _ is just too braggy for her liking, even if it's true.

"Amazing doesn't even begin to cover it." Molly hands her the shoebox as she says it, and Gert takes it from her, pulling on the heels, then turning around to look at herself in the mirror.  _ Wow. _

"Jesus," Nico says appreciatively. "I think this might just kill Chase."

~~~~~

Holy shit, is Gert out to kill him? Because Chase is pretty sure he just died. He can't believe his obituary will read,  _ death by boner, body found on the porch of the Yorkes family home.  _ He thought it would be more interesting.

God, he can't stop staring. He hasn't even, like, said anything yet, and he can tell he's freaking her out, but he's just...speechless.

"Chase? You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I just...how in the hell did I get so lucky?"

She grins, the apples of her cheeks turning rosy. "You're sweet."

"You know it." He extends his arm for her to take, like he's the prince to her fairy tale princess. God, she's gorgeous. "Ready to go?"

She takes his arm, huffing a laugh as she does so. He walks her to the car, opening the door for her as he always does. It's pretty much just habit, now, but Chase still likes to think it's chivalrous.

As they drive, Gert fixes her lip gloss in the mirror. It's a nude pink colour, and Chase has the overwhelming urge to kiss all of it off.

At the stoplight, he reaches over and tugs lightly at one of her violet curls. Fuck, her hair is so soft. "Your hair looks nice."

"Thanks! It took, like, forever." Mock-vainly, she shakes her hair a little.  _ Adorable. _

"Really?"

"Yeah! Rome wasn't built in a day, you know." That's so cute, she's so cute, he loves her  _ so much _ \- wait, he's driving right now. Better keep his mind on the road, even if it's ridiculously easy to get lost in thoughts of his girlfriend.

_ Girlfriend.  _ Jesus, Chase is still so flabbergasted that he managed to swing that. He really is the luckiest guy in the galaxy.

The service is outdoors, which makes him glad it's a nice day. Gert says it's going to rain later-  _ no, babe, I don't have proof, I can just  _ **_tell_ ** _ \-  _ but he doesn't really believe her. The bride, Daisy, looks beautiful in her poufy princess dress, the vows are tear inducing, it's a wonderful ceremony.

And the entire time, Chase is thinking about marrying Gert.

Not, like, right now, or anything. But...yeah.

He can just see it, too. Gert in a flowy gown, probably a pastel colour instead of white, based on that rant she went on a while ago about what white weddings represent. It could be pink. Or maybe...blue. Gert always looks so good in blue.

It'd be a small ceremony, just close friends and family- they'd probably have it in one of their backyard's, and have a potluck afterwards. That sounds like Gert.

And then, in the morning, they'd leave for Paris. Yes, he's still stuck on that. No, he doesn't care that it's cheesy. Once you buy your girlfriend an Eiffel tower charm for her charm bracelet (that, yes, you gave her) there's no really going back on that one.

He's so pumped for it, too. He can just see them strolling down Parisian streets, buying a lock for the lock bridge, kissing below the Arc de Triomphe...okay, so maybe Chase is getting ahead of himself. Maybe.

Doesn't stop him from dreaming about it.

Once the ceremony ends, they're ushered into a grand hall_ because it  _ did  _ rain, after- where, apparently, they're going to have to wait about forty five minutes to eat. Most of the guests are annoyed, but Chase just sees it as an opportunity.

He tugs Gert by the hand into the darkest of dark corners, then presses her up against the wall and kisses her dirty.

She giggles into his mouth, pulling back to say, "Someone's eager."

Chase huffs a laugh, before pressing his mouth to hers once more, his palm cupping her neck as his fingers slide into her hair. Gert makes a soft noise, surprised, maybe, at the intensity. Her hands twist into his jacket, pulling him closer, then slide under the fabric to lay flat against his dress shirt. It's a thin shirt, made for warm, muggy days like this one, and he can practically feel every line in her palm as she does it.

Chase licks into her mouth, tilting up his chin in that way she likes so much, and Gert lets out a moan that is much too loud for their current location. He slides his hand down to her ass, squeezing a little. Chase isn't sure if he's doing it to illicit another moan, or to tell her to quiet down in some backwards way, but the former happens. Even though he knows it could get them caught, Chase can't say he's all too mad about it.

He starts to mouth his way down Gert's neck, delighting in the breathy sounds she's making. One hand moves to his back, her fingers digging in from arousal. The other hand slides to where his rests on her waist and covers it, snaking it up, up, and up to cover her breast. He moans against her neck, squeezing lightly as he starts to suck a hickey into that spot below her ear that always drives her wild.

As Gert lets out a breathy keen, Chase reaches down and starts to hike up her skirt, sliding his free hand under the fabric and up her bare thigh. Gert makes a surprised noise, but doesn't object. In fact, she lets out an affirming hum, basically saying,  _ yes, please, as long as we're careful. _

His hand inches higher and higher on her thigh, nearly there- and then there's an announcement over the loudspeaker that dinner will be starting within the next ten minutes. Fuck.

They pull away from each other, and holy fuck, Gert looks hot right now. Her cheeks are tinged red, and lips are kiss-bruised and a little swollen. Her eyes are dilated, her breathing is heavy, and Jesus Christ, do they really have to go in right now? Can't they just stay here? Or, better yet, can't he just take her home and fuck her? That's literally all Chase (and his raging boner) want to do right now.

Unfortunately, their presence is expected, and Mom will be pissed if they don't show. So, he fixes himself up, helps her do the same, and does his best to think of the most unsexual things he can as they head to the dining area.

_ Puppies, pizza, Grandmas in bikinis,  _ **_Gert_ ** _ in a bikini, holy shit, that would be _ \- wait, wait, start again.  _ Grass, candy corn, stuffed toys,  _ **_other_ ** _ types of toys-  _ NOPE.

Okay, this is hopeless.

Dinner is torture. There's no other way to describe it- from how close she is, to her hand on his knee, and the way she keeps looking at him in that way of hers that says  _ I want you.  _ It's complete and utter torture.

After dinner, they watch the newlyweds have their first dance. It's the cheesiest song possible,  _ I Won't Give Up _ by Jason Mraz, but Chase still spots more than a few teary eyes around the room. He's almost surprised to see Gert tear up as well, but maybe he shouldn't have been.

He wraps an arm around his girlfriend's waist, resting his chin on the top of her head. Gert leans into him, and they just sway to the music from the sidelines.

After that first dance, everyone converges onto the dance floor- and somehow, Chase loses track of her. He weaves through the crowd, trying to avoid bumping into anybody and failing pretty miserably. Chase is a big guy, okay? Him making it through a crowd without bumping into anyone would be like a whale swimming through a school of fish without touching any of them. But, like, a buff whale with good hair.

Eventually, he finds her- he's not sure whether or not this is a good thing, though, as he's about to melt into a pile of lovesick goo.

Gert is holding Charlie in her arms, one of her hands clasped with his tiny one as she bops them around to the music. Charlie is giggling, and Gert seems to be having the time of her life. When she sees Chase, she waves, and Charlie whips around in her arms to see who it is.

As Chase reaches them, his tiny face breaks out into a smile. "Hi!!!"

"Hey, Lee, how you doin'?"

"Good!" Charlie all but shouts it, and it becomes clear to Chase that his cousin has had  _ way _ too much sugar.

"Alright, maybe you should go see Mama, hm?" Charlie's eyes light up, and he starts wiggling, trying to get Gert to put him down. When she does so, he races off in the direction of his mother, who's sitting at one of the tables with the baby.

Gert raises an eyebrow at him, crossing her arms. "Was that really necessary?"

"It was that, or  _ you'd _ be the one dealing with the come-down from a sugar high. Trust me, it is  _ not _ fun." Chase knows this from personal experience. Little kids + sugar = madness. "Do you wanna dance?"

Gert nods, taking the arm he's extended. They walk out onto the dancefloor, people bouncing about around them, and, just as they do, a slow song comes on.

It's  _ Flicker _ by Niall Horan, if Chase is remembering right. It's a nice song, good for swaying to instead of real dancing.

Gert rests her head on his shoulder as they start to rock back and forth. Their hands are clasped together, and Chase really can't get over how lucky he is. In the span of a year, his life has changed so much. One summer ago, if you'd told him that in the next twelve months, his father would be out of his life forever, he'd have friends,  _ and _ he'd get his girl back? Chase never would've believed it. That sad kid, the one who always made the worst choices, the one who hated his life- he didn't have hope. But that kid is gone. And standing in his place is a man with everything he wants in life- friends, love, and a  _ future _ .

"What are you thinking about?" Gert asks softly. "I can almost hear the gears turning."

Chase grins a little. "Just about how lucky I am."

She looks up at him. "What do you mean?"

"Just that...last year, I would've never even dreamed of this happening. My life was such shit, and now- now I have friends. And my Mom is actually acting like a parent, now. And...and I've got my girl back."

Gert grins. "Your girl, huh?"

"My  _ best _ girl."

Gert lets out a lovesick sigh (trust him. Chase  _ knows _ what a lovesick sigh sounds like), then says, "Do you wanna get out of here? Maybe...take advantage of how empty your house is gonna be for the next few hours?"

Chase grins. He's been waiting for her to ask that practically all night. "Absolutely."

~~~~~

Gert can't believe how close they are to summer ending. It feels as though it's flown by, and now school is starting in just a week and a half. Senior year...it feels almost impossible. She's already starting to get her affairs in order for the start of the school year- namely what show they'll be doing, if she's being honest with herself. Fuck school supplies, this is what's  _ really _ important. Even if the more she talks about it, the more Chase pesters her about choosing Mary Poppins for their show this year. Honestly, though, it's a good idea, even if she won't admit it to him. And he'd make an amazing Bert, to boot- especially with that weirdly good British accent of his.

Knowing her friends, they'll probably end up talking about it tonight at the bonfire they're having tonight. It's their one last hurrah before the start of the school year, and Gert is pumped. She's got giant marshmallows, and turkey dogs, and Jiffy Pop, and all the makings for s'mores- she is completely prepared. 

She's also...driving herself. For the first time since the accident. Yeah, she's nervous. But Dad basically insisted she take the car, and she'll only be driving with Molly, so maybe it'll be fine? Probably? Yeah, it'll be fine. It'll totally be fine.

Gert believes this right up until she's behind the wheel. She is completely ready to go, and everybody is waiting for her- but she can't make herself start the car.

"Gert, come on," Molly says, trying to sound comforting and  _ failing _ . "You'll be fine, alright?"

"Yeah, I know, I just- I just can't-"  _ I'm scared _ . "What if something happens?"

Molly reaches over and covers her hand where it's gripped on the steering wheel. "Nothing is gonna happen, Gert.  _ Nothing,  _ okay?"

Gert blows out a breath, then puts the keys into the ignition and turns them. The car roars to life, and they drive all the way to the beach without incident.

She gets out of the car, feeling like she just got off a rollercoaster as she hooks her bag over her shoulder. Her heartbeat was probably going the same speed, anyway.

Her and Molly reach their friends around ten minutes later, and they sit on a log, watching the boys lug stray branches and driftwood to a pile for the bonfire. They should probably be helping, but watching Alex and Victor struggle with less than a pound of wood each is just too funny for them to even think about it. Karolina, ever the sweetheart, is helping, but only because Victor pulled out the puppy dog eyes. Nico and Klara are immune to this, and stay where they are. Gert is pretty sure they're gossiping about something, but she's uninterested. Molly isn't, though, from how she immediately abandons Gert just for some bland gossip. Wait, did Nico just say her name? Okay, now she's interested.

Gert gets up and plops down beside her sister, and, oh, they weren't talking about her. That's good. Apparently they're talking about Ms. Hinchey's disastrous summer vacation, which involves, crabs, poison ivy, and a very, very bad sunburn. Nico tells the story in so much detail that Gert starts to wonder how her friend is so good at snooping. Though, she supposes every friend group has someone like that- and if you don't have a Sherlock friend, you  _ are _ the Sherlock friend. It's akin to having a gay cousin, or a really weird uncle.

By the time the story is finished, it's starting to get dark, and the bonfire is crackling cheerily. Victor even brought a pack of that stuff you put in to make the fire a thousand different colours, and it's as cool as it was when she was a little kid.

Ah, those were the days, weren't they? When their lives were uncomplicated, and the most exciting part of their week was a multicoloured campfire. Now, most of them are about to be seniors. They're about to face new challenges, new people, new struggles. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't worried.

Gert tugs Chase's Letterman on, because it's kind of chilly, and having a cold on the first day of school would suck ass. Once she's buttoned it up, she catches him looking at her. "What?"

"Nothing," he says, pulling her close and hooking his chin over her shoulder. "You just look good in my jacket, is all."

Gert wrinkles her nose, and he huffs a laugh, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.

From across the circle, Molly gags. "Can't I get one night of peace from heterosexuality?"

"We're both bi, so I don't know what you're talking about," Chase says, and she turns to him, surprised. Not by him being bi, obviously, she knew that part. But as far as she knew, nobody else did.

Molly blinks, then says, "Wow, I can't believe everyone in our friend group is some form of gay."

"Typical Gen Zs," Karolina says. "Also, thanks for trusting us, and all that noise."

"Yeah, we're glad you felt confident enough to do that. Good for you, bud." Nico is being uncharacteristically kind, and Gert is very proud of her.

"Welcome to the club?" Alex says, and they all laugh a little.

"Am I a card carrying member, now?" He asks sarcastically, pulling away from her to grab a marshmallow and stuff it in his mouth.  _ Boys _ .

"Yes, but only if you throw out your Crocs," Klara says, and Gert can't stop herself from cracking up. Chase pouts at the both of them, which just makes her laugh harder.

Once she's calmed down, her and Nico get into an intense game of chubby bunny. Gert wins, because she's not a quitter, unlike Nico, who stops after only five marshmallows. Of course, this results in Nico pouting for the next half hour, while Karolina 'comforts' her.

Some time later, they pop the popcorn, passing it around so everyone gets a handful. It's burnt, but who cares, right? The point of tonight isn't good food. It's good friends. Gert can only hope that they'll  _ stay _ friends throughout this year, but, hey, they did it once, right? Why not again?

A while later, the night starts to come to a close. But Gert wants to say one last thing before they all go home to their beds. "Can I make a toast?"

"Only if it's not pretentious," Alex says, which is so hypocritical of him that Gert almost wants to throw something at him. She abstains, but only barely.

"I'll try." She sucks in a breath, then says, "I'm really glad that we're friends, you guys. I don't think I could've ever made it this far without us being together- even if we've had our bumps in the road." Her and Chase share a look. "Some bigger than others. But with all the shit we've been through, somehow, we're going into our last year as friends. So, let's make a toast to keeping the gang together, alright?"

They bang together cans of soda and red Solo cups, and Gert finds herself believing it. They'll stay together. They have to, don't they? They've been through too much to fall apart. They have to come back to each other eventually.

Gert looks over at Chase, who fits the bill for this perfectly, but he's already looking at her. He's got a soft grin on his face, the type that's always been just for her. "Are you scared? For what this year could bring?"

Gert shakes her head. "No."

"Why not?"

She nudges him. "Because I've got you." Chase blushes, and in the glow of the firelight, he's beautiful.

He grabs her hand, entwining their fingers. "And you call me sweet."

"I'm not just being romantic, Chase. Look at everything we've been through!" Gert spreads her arms wide, and he huffs a laugh. "No, seriously," she says, nudging him again. "I think we can get through anything, so long as we're together."

He holds up his hand, sticking up his little finger. "Pinky swear?"

Gert hooks her pinky finger around his, grinning. "You know it, babe."

 


End file.
